BUT I feel whoever it is maybe only telling you now to start trouble between you & your husband, you guys are adults yous can talk things out & if you want to get past this itll work. Yous have a lifetime history together. Dont throw it all away because of a heresay issue.
yous both have brought children into this world who probably look upto yous as a perfect couple you have grandchildren who are cherishing & making their memories they have with yous while yous are still here..
Don't let this affect you too much as theyre only trying to reck a happy family who knows thats probly their motive only cause they dont have what you have a strong & long relationship with a man who yous both have created. live life to the fullest while you have it, enjoy your loved ones company especially to the man that devoted himself to you & make memories of how you want your grandchildrens to remember yous by
dont let this person distract you from negativity & waste your precious time on unnecessary drama
Has he been a good husband?
It sounds like you have a long, loving relationship. Don't throw this away without a lot of thought.
This woman TEXTED you? What a coward!!
The thing is - it's all well and good for people to say - forgive him / forget it but that's not easy to do. The seed of doubt has been planted and if you sweep it under the carpet it's liable to take root and disrupt the foundations of the relationship.
You say you have an instinct that it's true and he did cheat. Can you pinpoint anything at all that is making you lean towards that conclusion rather than the conclusion that this woman could be lying?
If it were me I would speak to the woman who sent the accusation text, face to face if possible or by phone at a minimum. I would be asking her all sorts of questions. When/ where/ why / how / who/ how long for? The more info you can get the easier it should be to work out who is lying.
What does this woman have to gain by bringing this to your attention years after the event?
Get your detective hat on - I'm sure we can get to the bottom of this.
Liars always slip up eventually and the truth will out.
If you can show he without reasonable doubt has cheated then at least you know exactly what you are dealing with and then you can make a totally informed decision on whether you and he can survive something like that or whether you even want to.
I agree , divorce is no one's ideal choice but believe me when I say - in some circumstances it is far better than the alternative.
Your husband may swear nothing happened, but, then, what has he said by way of plausible, rational-sounding, wholly satisfactory explanation as to why on EARTH some female friend of the widow who 2 years ago sought him out to meet her major emotional needs, has seen fit to take the time and trouble to text you (AND with such a message)?
And whilst I'm at it: This woman was YOUR friend yet decided she'd rather talk to your husband - a man? About emotionally difficult stuff? Pff, yeah...when given the choice, women *always do* pick a man to confide in rather than another familiar woman, don't they just..and, equally, men LOVE regularly dealing with womens' traumas when it's not even their responsibility to [rolls eyes]. So WHY didn't her wanting to speak to him instead of you strike you as odd?
Or is the truth that it DID but because you and he weren't on good terms at the time, you weren't capable of caring enough or paying proper attention?
You've already SAID this texter could only have got your number from this widow. So what possible reason could this widow have had for giving YOUR number to one of her friends? *I* can't think of one, can you?
It's called, 'I'm sick of his months/years of promises-promises to leave his wife 'once this and once that' and now want to force him out of desperation to leave her by making HER DECIDE TO LEAVE *HIM*, but I daren't ..so can YOU do it for me, oh best friend of mine who wants to keep or curry favour with me?' and is one of the oldest mistress tricks in the book. It makes it appear that the friend is tittle-tattling outside of the mistress's awareness and say-so so as to avoid looking bad and getting into trouble with her married man. Whereas it's no skin off the friend's nose, thanks to the fact she'll wholly likely never ever have to meet or speak to the pair of you.
Granted, however - with reference to the fact you say you and he had a falling out last year - it could equally be that he had a thing with her or nearly did, which left her feeling used or her attempted advances rejected, and, still being in an emotionally and mentally reduced state thanks to her grief, now wants to get revenge on him by trying to ruin his marriage.
A third option is that this widow and once-friend have had a falling out, and it's the FRIEND who wants to get revenge - on the widow. But why was it that this particular accusation managed to occur to her?
I doubt it's the last one because one doesn't tend to give a friend with whom one is in the midst of a row, the mobile phone number of "some woman" she doesn't know. So it's the first or second.
Who KNOWS which of the two at this point. But I imagine you could get some sort of idea by, as I say, examining his 'simple explanation' as to what's behind this nasty (but possibly helpfully enlightening) deed.
So. WHAT WAS HIS PERFECTLY REASONABLE EXPLANATION?
PS: To give you the benefit of a BALANCED view-poll, here: I'm divorced, and, despite it was hard work at the time, not only was it the best decision I ever made, but my son completely agrees and did so remarkably quickly following my serving of the petition. I also have divorced friends (both sexes) with kids who all agree. And know of plenty of others who came out smelling of roses, as well. I also know and know of women who stayed married afterwards (few *men* tend to stay after being cheated on, however, *notably*).
NOTHING is as soul-destroying as feeling trapped in a loveless, respect-less, dishonest relationship or trying to forevermore kid yourself that you are superhuman enough to mentally move completely past that everlasting blot on the marital landscape. So what dictates whether the marriage can be fixed and that huge blot overlayed until largely obscured from hindsighted view, is whether the man is TRULY repentant and takes real and precedent-setting strides to prove it and KEEP proving it (until the *betrayed spouse* is satisfied and capable of trusting him again, not just whenever *he* says so). In other words, the cheater has to completely move on from it - towards you - before you can do likewise.
Furthermore, what dictates whether kids get through it largely unscathed and well-adjusted or even making lemonade out of that large and impactful lemon relies on how predominantly YOU, their mother, deal with it all (and deal with them meanwhile). You reap what you sow in this life. Hard work equals big perk, whether it be staying and flourishing or moving on and rising like a pheonix out of the ashes.
Guns don't kill people, PEOPLE kill people using guns. Likewise, divorce doesn't make people miserable and worse off, PEOPLE make people miserable and worse off using divorce. Never blame the mere tool.
But you're not even AT that point yet. First comes deciding what's truly happened or not.
Discussion closed - why not create your own thread?