PeoplesProblems Logo

Still single at 25 years old....

Default profile image
I'm 25 years old and I have never been in a serious relationship. I have been on dates before and have guy friends but I keep asking myself "what am I doing wrong?" My best friend tells me I'm being too picky, but the guys she is trying to set me up with have no life goals. When I tell guys that I've never been in a serious relationship, I feel that it scares them away. Am I being too picky? (I've also done the whole online dating thing too)

Still single at 25 years old....

Default profile image
You're not unique in this. It seems to be par for the course these days. However, two (similarly common) words did jump out at me so I'm sure it would have jumped out at the guys:

"When I tell guys that I've never been in a *SERIOUS* *RELATIONSHIP*"

What you're doing there is communicating to them that you believe this is already a relationship, AND the start of a serious one.

Says who?

Here's the bloke's POV: How would you feel if someone gave you a heavily giftwrapped present - your only present - which looked and felt highly intriguing, yet before you'd even finished un-tying the bow, the person blurted out: "It's a book on X and a blue & silver necklace like the green one you've already got!"

PEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE-ewwww! Right? [1] They'd have taken all the fun, challenge and excitement out of unwrapping it. [2] They'd have given you the impression they have all the patience of a mousetrap. [3] Same goes for need to be liked and approved of that bit too keenly.

So, yes, it DOES scare them away because when it comes to dating, all the modern Isms go out of the window, especially Feminism. Feminism is fine for the WORKPLACE...or ANY place but the mating ground. Unfortunately/Fortunately, we humans are still operating on primitive wiring that, in the Chasing/Wooing Phase, certainly, says - He Tarzan, you Jane. Jane doesn't make any demands or have any expectations. She just sits there in her hammock like a queen, eating the grapes he's brought her, watching Tarzan do all the work and heavy lifting and prancing around/showing-off. And if ever/whenever impressed with all his chest-thumping, gives him anywhere between a smile of approval or a little round of applause (or anywhere between a frown or turning her attention elsewhere to signal, we'll have none of that thanks). She da boss. She da selector. And Tarzan loves the challenge of MAKING Queen Jane decide he's a king amongst men thus worthy of her time and attention.

The other thing to remember is that finding a mate is not meant to be a conscious decision. Your inner animal and his inner animal are supposed to be running the show. That means, it's usually when your conscious controllers are busy or looking the other way that - BAM! - love strikes.

After all, look at what your conscious controller does when you let it think it's in charge: "I tell guys that I've never been in a serious relationship".

Tell them bloody nothing until they've earned the damn right to know and to ASK, Queen Jane!

Get it? Got it? Good. Stop consciously looking and instead just try to have as much fun as you can as much of the time as possible. It's particularly when you're happily absorbed in whatever you're doing that you appear at your most attractive (i.e. happy and confident), anyway.

Still single at 25 years old....

Default profile image
Hi, I've not got a clue what "soulmate" is talking about!

Personally, I understand your frustrations as I'm a 27yr old guy & have not had a relationship either.

Just focus on what you want to achieve & make sure you're not too harsh on yourself. Stay positive & I'm sure love you come your way. Don't despair as there are lots of people out there in a similar position x

Still single at 25 years old....

Default profile image
LOL. Well, of course you wouldn't. This is about unconscious primal urges as drive your thinking and behaviour from behind the scenes/under your own radar. And you blokes don't LIKE taking the time and trouble to read "boring" user manuals, do you. You've got more important things to be getting on with... like flirting on forums, ROFL!!!

Still single at 25 years old....

Default profile image
As soon as you tell these losers i,e. guys with no life goals, that you have never been in a serious relationship, they will think you are judging them also. (Oh, she's going to pick over my life or she's looking for a husband)

You need to date a higher level of guy. Then, there's no reason to tell them anything; you will KNOW whether or not you could get serious about them.

Don't let your "friend" fix you up any more. Figure out where to find these "higher level" fellas. Then just smile and let nature take its course.


This thread has expired - why not start your own?

B-5