I wss seeing a man on and off (3 times) over the last year and a half. I should mention that I am 32 and he is 55. When we first met and started seeing eachother, I was under the impression that this man was available. He told me several months later that he was split up with a woman that he had been together with for 6 years. What he told me was that the door was still open with her, and that down the road, they might explore getting back together. He assured me that they were not together at that point in time, so we continued seeing eachother. Months later, he told me that they had begun speaking again and had decided to try counselling. I respected that and did not want any part of being the other woman. We said our good byes, and left it at that. I would hear from him occasionally, and we would catch up on our lives.
About 4 months later, I received contact from him. He informed me that his relationship was officially over, and that he would like to start spending time with me again. For the last 8 months, I have been with this man. Very abruptly, not even a week ago, he ended things and said it was because of our age difference. It seemed odd to me, as we had had this discussion many times before and yet decided to proceed.
A couple of days later, I had seen on Facebook a "relationship notice" indicating that he was in a relationship with the woman from his past. I was obviously upset by this, as it indicated to me that he had been carrying on with her while still being with me. I phoned him to confront him about his apparent lies. I asked him if he told her the truth about me-he claimed that he did. I told him that I had written her an email disclosing the truth about our relationship. I did not believe him and told him I would send her an email confirming the truth. He became angry and hung up on me. I did not send her an email.
I later saw on Facebook that she had called the relationship off, and said something about his "mistress" of a year and a half.
Thing is, is that I did not think myself to be a mistress at all. He had lied to both of us.
I sent her a brief email to apologize, and to let her know that he had been spinning a web of lies to both of us.
I am now feeling so guilty for involving myself with him, and sending the email. I am sure this woman is devastated.
Was it wrong to send the email? I felt that she deserved to know the truth, as did I.
It was the right thing to do sending her an email and telling her your side of the story, obviously he thought he could have the best of both worlds and get away with it all.
Not only did he play with the both of yous mentally I applaud you for stepping up to the plate and facing the situation, its good to know that another women is willing tohelp another on revealing the guys faults rather than getting away with it & that person taking him back to repeat the cycle.
Don't feel guilty you even said that you were under the impression that he was single & he even told you that he was single despite what he said about trying to work things out with his other half but his actions and the way he told you assured you that he wasn't taken.
You did the right thing so don't 2nd guess yourself or feel that you were the mistress cause you know within yourself that you wouldnt bein this situation if he had been upfront and honest being in a relationship
Thank you so much. I felt it was the right thing to do but was beating myself up over it. Typical womanizing liar- I have not received word from him. A normal person would explain and apologize. At least I have learnt this lesson in my 30's and not my 50's...
Wait a minute - you were WARNED by him that he thought they would be back together eventually, but you went ahead anyway, instead of saying, "When you are TOTALLY free, call me."
So you are co-responsible for all this debacle.
I doubt if you told her anything that she didn't already know or suspect. Guys like this one tend to be stupid in their relationships since they are so self centered, impatient, and needy, they only can relate to what they want. You were never really in the picture anyway, not fully.
You emailed her to tattletale on him; now you feel compassion for her.
Rest assured that it was only a matter of time before everything got revealed.
Be glad you didn't get more involved - and use this as a learning tool. There's a book out with the title Men Who Can't Commit and the Women Who Love Them - or something like that. Read up on how not to make the same mistake. PS - "Single" men in their 50's need extra vetting. They come with extra heavy baggage.