Hi, i was in a relationship with my best friend and work colleague (well we never officially classified it as a relationship) over 8 mnths last year. I spent all my free time with him and we were sleeping together. I then found out he went on a date with someone at work. My whole world crashed. He knew how i felt about him as i declared my feelings for him. He said he cared a great deal for me but we cant be together but gave me no reason why. He thought i could still hang out with him just without the sex but i told him its not something i can do because i have too many feelings. Basically i tried cutting him out but its hard when he works on the same floor as me. I hadnt spoken to him for 3 months then out of the blue he says he misses me a great deal as he realises how much i do for him. He starts paying me soo much attention that i begin to believe he has feelings for me. We then start hanging out and sleeping together. I spent practically every weekend with him over the last 9 months, even went on holiday with him. All of a sudden out of the blue just 2 weeks ago he was very off and moody with me, finally revealing he's seeing another woman. He said hes been moody because he knows it would hurt me and doesnt want to upset me. He has said he still wants to hang out and do things together and be normal. My world has crashed yet again! Ive told him my feelings are too great to just carry on as normal and i cant bear the idea of him with another woman. Ive told him the only way i can attempt to get over him is by cutting him out for good. It does sadden me because we have so much in common, he so comfortable to be around and just gets me. Am i right to feel that ive been wronged by him? Or am i being silly? as he makes me feel like i should just be able to carry on as normal. Am i right to cut him out? The other thing that bothers me is that he has never been clear in why we cant be together. He even called me his soul mate at one point! Is it ok for me to ask him why not me? I just cant make sense of it all and am full of self hate right now. Any advice is much appreciated.
You asked: "Am i right to feel that ive been wronged by him?"
well, hell yeah-h-h-h, lady!
This guy used you as a "filler" in between his other lovers.
He won't explain himself because it's so shameful on his part.
Sorry you are hurting so much.
(He "gets you" just enough to be able to have used you all this time.)
Is it still wrong of me wanting to find out why we can't be together. I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me. I feel like a disease - yep am excelling in self loathing at the moment. Should I ask him?
You could pressure him for an answer but deep down inside you know that nothing he says will be enough. You self worth is something that you get from within. If he makes you feel negative about yourself then he is not the one for you. If he ever comes back around again make him commit. If he doesn't want to commit then he's wasting your time. Trust me, your time is more valuable than his. Good luck with everything. Just remember that your opinion of you matters more than his opinion of you.