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Torn and hurt

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Relationship advice Jim and John ( not the real names at all). I was dating jim for almost three years but I broke up with him because I started to crush over my freind, John. I have been friends with John for 7 years and he told me that he's been wanting to date me for that amount of time but I never gave him the chance. Things with Jim weren't going too well but he's realized the mistakes and is begging for me to come back to him. Jim knows I like John yet he still wants to pursue a relationship again because he does not want to lose me because it will break him completely. John says the same thing and says that it hurts to see the girl he's liked for ages to be with another man.

I am the toy in the middle that has to make the choice of who to date :'( and it is incredibly difficult! All three of us are always crying and feeling empty because of this whole trio love thing and I really need some help on what to do :'( I want both but I cant have both :'( but I have stronger feelings for John but i can't destroy Jim like that because I need Jim :'(

Thank you

Torn and hurt

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"I am the toy in the middle"

Do you realise what you've just confessed there?

You've admitted your true suspicion, that this battle isn't even ABOUT you and who gets you, but, rather, is a competition between two men who identify with each other as being the same type but where they wish to each prove they are the superior model... using you as their boxing ring.

Here are the facts:

Jim had you but allowed himself to behave in ways that ultimately put you off him until you felt forced to actually resign.

If as a man you don't know what you've got until *after* it's gone, then this simply means it never lit your candle sufficiently to the point where you'd rather gouge out your own eyeballs than ever risk losing wonderful her in the first place, let alone actually letting her walk out of the door and out of your life. So that relationship ended because IT WASN'T RIGHT ENOUGH TO SURVIVE.

If I asked you whether the timing of Jim's request for you to take him back happened to coincide that bit too patly with word getting out about John's sudden hearts & flowers confession, I'm betting you'd say yes.

Jim has Dog In Manger syndrome. He doesn't want you but neither wants anyone ELSE to have you. That's not love, it's fleeting, meaningless ego urge. If you got back with him I'm betting that once John had been sent from the scene, Jim would appreciate you less all over again (down, round, SPLAT!).

That doesn't, however, mean that you should immediately jump into the arms of John. Attraction enough to make a relationship out of requires BOTH of you feeling enough chemical click. If there's enough chemistry this click happens SIMULTANEOUSLY. In 7 whole years that did not happen from your side. You failed to feel that level of attraction FOR A REASON. You have a sudden crush on John only because you hope he'll rescue you (in the form of distraction) from heartache, grief and deprivation. That would mean you were going into a relationship with John for the wrong reasons (down, round, SPLAT!).

Furthermore, if you want TWO MEN EQUALLY then it proves that in terms of what lights your candle, each man manages to light it only HALF. Put them both together (were it acceptable) and only NOW do you have one whole man (made up of two halves) who lights your candle 100%. That logically then proves to you how if you chose EITHER ONE of them, the most percentage you'd end up satisfied and happy would be ...(yawn)..50%zzzzz....

Is that the kind of insipid relationship you want? A half-decent, half-crap one? Is that all you're worth in your eyes?

If you want a worthwhile, full-on relationship, I suggest you suggest to John and Jim that they finally cease messing around and just strip off all of their clothes before having a damn good hug-I mean wrestle. ;-) ...but to leave you OUT OF IT so that you're free to recover from your relationship with Jim (the event and era part) to where you're back to full fitness enough to go find yourself/be found by your nigh-on perfect mate. Mr 90%. Mr 100% *ready* to be Mr 90%.


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