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Relationship advice My boyfriend and I started dating July 2, 2014, and from the first time we met the connection we had was totally amazing, the called our relationship and connection "kindred spirits". Over the first few weeks of our relationship, we were able to talk about things in our past, really bad things, things we have never told anyone, and come to find out our lives, are very much alike. We spent more and more time together, we did everything together, talked about taking vacation together, moving to the mountains the list goes on and one. I have never felt so comfortable and understood by anyone before, and he felt the same. Well, a few weeks ago, he told me he loved me, but wasnt sure in what way and he wasn't ready for a relationship, and he said he didn't want to lose me either. He thought things were moving to fast for him and wanted to slow things down, and wanted to start over as friends.
Now that I have told you how this relationship started and pretty much ended, I need to start at the being again. The first night we met, we had an instant connection, a good vibe. We were talking and he said, I know we just met, but there is something you need to know, just in case this gets serious,..Well, last year he was arrested for selling drugs, and it facing a very very long time in prison,and wasnt really sure what the outcome would/will be. And he said I want to give you the chance to leave before this goes any further. Well I stayed with him, and like I said...everything was awesome. His first court date since we had been together was coming up, in just a week or so, and he started acting more distant, pushing me away, depressed, didnt want to touch me and wanted to spend more time by himself, crying all the time, would have horrible destructive fits, he never hurt anyone or himself, but he would start thinking about the possible outcome of life in prison and would lose it. At this time, he is trying to fix his jeep, and get things in order, so if or when he goes to prison his mother will be set and not have to worry about a vehicle. And this whole time, we are still acting like a couple, holding hands, kissing, going everywhere together, spending the night together, but yet still pushing me away. And I had a feeling deep in my gut, that once he fixed his jeep, he would leave and I would never see him again. Well that dreadful night came, he got the jeep running, and he instantly started crying, overwhelmed because he got it fixed, I'm guessing. About an hour later he left for Kansas City, and I have seen him once for about an hour, and talked to him on the phone once, and his text keep getting less and less everyday.
The crazy thing about all of this is, I know he loves me and he cares for me, he has told me and his mother. He told his mom just a few days ago, that he cant allow me to love him,because it's not fair to either one of us, and he didnt want to break my heart. So, he has left me, to spare my feelings and my heart ache, but it has only made it worse. I miss him so much, and want to be there for him right now, because he is going through so much pain and I cant help him, it is ripping my heart out. I knew I had strong feelings for him, but its much more than that. And he keeps telling me, he doesnt have the same feeling for me as I do, I DONT BELIEVE him. I am totally lost on what to do,I fall asleep crying and when I wake up I roll over to hold him and hes not there, or I dont sleep,I am going crazy...Please help.

What to do?

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You need to make a firm resolve here, do you want to get over him or not? If you want to get over him, then you have to actively work on getting over him -- don't cling on to the "hope" that the two of you might still get back together someday. You have to make it clear (especially to yourself) that you want to get over this guy and that your relationship is over and done with.

Get rid of any reminders that you might have of him. Stop visiting the places that you used to have memories with him. Don't expose yourself to people, places, and objects that constantly remind you of him. If something just seems to be reminding you of him, then expose yourself to whatever that thing is over and over again (a piece of music that you used to listen to for example) to the point that you begin to develop an aversion for it.

This is the course of action that I suggest that you take.

Of course, if you are dead-set on getting together with this guy, then

What to do?

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Well - he's right about not be able to have a quality relationship. He's got some "big boy" stuff to get settled.

Has he left the state to avoid his court dates, etc.? Is he still involved with drug selling or using?

O

has he got a good lawyer, a job and is willing to face consequences?

Watch for signs that he has made changes. Otherwise, running from the law will become YOUR life, too. Want that?

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No I don't want to get over him, this whole drug issue was a one time thing and he just happened to get busted. He doesn't do drug and he doesn't sell them either. Right now he is really struggling with the whole process, and I know once his court date gets closer, he will probably try to push me away again, one, because he is a man, and doesnt want anyone to see him hurting and emotional, trying to be a tough guy. two, he doesn't want me to be hurt if he goes to prison, and I have told him, I will be there no matter, whether we are dating, friends or if we never see each other again. I will be there for him on his court date, and I will help him anyway possible.

He has a great job, loving children and a supportive mother. There are killers and rapist who are looking at a lesser sentence than he is. The thought of him going to prison for 20 years, for selling drugs,...STUPID, but the killers and rapist get 5 years on good behavior. And hopefully his lawyer will find a way to lessen or void his sentence, so he can live his life, whether it be with me or someone else, he deserves a second chance. He has no priors, a clean record, except a ticket or two, so if anyone reading this can help in anyway, please let me know.

And when he moved to Kansas city, he didnt do it to run from the law, he did it for work and he thought it would be easier on me, if he went to jail.

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