My boyfriend and I have been dating for 4 years, and the topic of open relationships/experimenting/threesomes has come up periodically, mainly his idea but I'm open to it as well under certain conditions that we've discussed. 2 years ago, we both joined a dating site to meet new people who might be interested. My boyfriend ended up telling me that it wasn't a big deal to him and that he wasn't talking to anyone on the site. I later found out that he had been talking to someone and it even got so far that they exchanged numbers. When I confronted him about lying, he immediately apologized and stopped contact with her, saying it wouldn't happen again. I assured him it wasn't the fact that he was talking to someone else (since we were attempting to experiment with that anyway) but the fact that he lied about it. He agreed to not withhold that kind of information from me anymore. Recently, he told me that he joined another dating site just for fun, but that he didn't like it and would stop using it. A few weeks later, I saw that he was talking to people on the site. I asked him how he was liking the site and he said he didn't like it much and made it seem like he wasn't using it. I asked him if he was talking to people and he said no. I asked him if he was lying, and he again said no. He said being in an open relationship doesn't matter to him because he loves me and I'm the only one he truly cares about. How should I confront him this time? This seems like it could become a pattern, and I'm wondering if I should call it quits. Is this just a little white lie that can be gotten over? I'm not sure what to do.
Do you all really love each other? I don't think so if y'all have to bring some one else in the bedroom figure out what y'all want in this life
Yes, you're quite right when you state the problem is his lying and his dishonesty. He is betraying the trust you guys have together. Once that goes, then your relationship will basically go with it.
But if he truly cared about you, he would not need to share you with someone else regardless if you're agreeable to experimenting. You need to understand, that while there are plenty of people who do experiment, there can't be any conditions stipulated on it because, if it is classed as having an 'open relationship' than there are no boundaries to meet or keep, nor do you have any right to stipulate them. In other words, all the respect and loyalty of a normal loving relationship just goes out the window.
Live your life the way you want to, but understand that it's a big responsibility and challenge to share someone you profess to love and therefore, respect, with someone else.
sounds like the only one who is into the whole open relationship is him. I dont hear you getting involved and talking to someone else you seem to stick to him only so are you only keen on the open relationship just to satisfy him?
& if you read your story notice that its a cycle where he says hes not into the site but some how is talking or browsing off there still? hes only telling you things that you want to hear. I feel he only came up with the open relationship idea just so he can have the best of both worlds but still have you.
By the sounds of things I dont think your into the whole open relationship idea cause your only committing yourself to the one guy, your hurting yourself women and stop kidding yourself too
Didn't you BOTH "agree to a threesome" and "both went on dating sites to meet people who were interested"?
Now - YOU don't like it that he is doing the things that you both agreed were once OK.
You are going to have to back track and tell him that you changed your mind, this whole "threesome" thing is NOT something you want to do and ask if he can be OK with that, i.e. be exclusive to you and you alone.
See if he can agree on that now. See if his love is strong enough.
But accept that you played a part in this, in fact are co-responsible; kind of like giving a kid permission to have forbidden candy, and then complaining because he sneaks it on the side.