Help, I'm stuck between my parents and my boyfriend
First off, I'm an 18 yr old girl and my boyfriend, whom I've been with for 3 years and 7 months, is just a year older than me, 19. We love each other deeply and have been planning our future together. My parents don't hate him, but they don't love him either. My parents are very controlling, to what you can call "helicopter parents", very clingy and control every aspect of my life. This started at the beginning of 7th grade, since then I was not able to go out with friends at all. I was always at home and I still am. I can't even go out to just hangout with friends without having them accuse me of being with my boyfriend. To be able to hangout, I would lie about going to work and we're able to hangout just for a few hours, because that is the only way I'm able to be with him and finally get out of the house. Apparently, my boyfriend is dealing with the same thing, but he's still able to go out. One night my graveyard shift was cancelled and told my boyfriend if I could sleep over at their house but his parents were all against it. It did not make any sense because I've slept at their house before but it was during the day. Me and my boyfriend both know that his mom is very against it because she is jealous of me being with her son. It makes me mad, but I'm not mad that they said no since it really is their house and I have no say in that whatsoever. They already know we're sexually active but we practice safe sex and most importantly, we do not have sex every time we hangout. I feel that our relationship is healthy because we don't have too much sex. We know the consequences and we don't think about sex all the time, as our parents would think we would do. Well we both are trying to move out of our parents' house because they are very controlling. "It's my house, it's my rules" is what they would always say. They threaten us with their money, like how they pay for our education and the house we live in. There is always no compromise whatsoever and I just feel like that isn't fair. I've always been dependent on my parents and is very scared to move out. It's not really a worry about money but it's actually more about what they'll think of me if i move out with him. I already know that they'd turn the whole family on me and I'm just not quiet ready for that since I have a very close-nit family. I just want advice on what I should do? I feel like their minds are more corrupt with sex and money than me and my boyfriend. We have an open mind about possibilities that can happen but we always know to think before we do something stupid. I don't know what I should feel. I feel guilty and at the same time I feel like I deserve to do what I want because I'm already clear with the consequences because my parents have always been lecturing me. I get it. Please help.
Ok so I kind of know what it's like to be between them like that, except my boyfriend is actually 7 years older than me. I'm still finishing high school and my boyfriend is well into college and with a job. Also, he was always used to a longer leash than I was. When I had to tell my parents, they freaked. They hated me, wouldn't talk to me, and made sure I wouldn't leave the house. On the bright side, after about 2 weeks, I told my boyfriend to come over and we would have to force my parents to deal with him. It's been over 6 months now and my parents are finally coming around. They're divorced but they managed to try to give my future with him a chance. What I'm trying to say is that yes, your parents love you very much and only want the best for you. The fact that they don't like someone is because they believe you deserve so much more. To get around them, your boyfriend needs to make a huge effort to win them over, that's all it takes. If your be is the best for you, he'll be more than willing to help with your parents. And while moving out does seem to solve the problems, it only makes it sound like you're just running away from the problem. If your family loved you, which I'm sure they do, they would eventually understand your choice and support you. I'm not saying it will be quick, but you need to fight them because it's your life, not theirs. I hope this helps.
Parents struggle with this dilemma all the time: what to do about their sexually active teens in the home. It's just too hard for them to accept, so give them a break and respect their "under my roof" rule. (I know you don't want to hear this, but you are not going to understand until you have a child of your own)
You have spent a lot of your growing up time with him - from age 15 until now. Your parents are also struggling with your decision to be so serious at such a young age - when there are so many things you must face in the future: college, finding a career, financial stability, housing, cars, etc. There's a lot of life work ahead of you. Are you prepared?
You say you two are "making plans" for a future together. What are those "plans"?