Please tell me, what should I do?
MADDY - Oct 27 2014 at 09:52
Hi there, I honestly don't know what to do. My boyfriend and I have been dating for almost a year now. Our relationship hasn't been perfect. We struggled to communicate and at one point we almost ended. But we worked through it :) in many cases in the past couple months, our relationship has flourished. But what can you know at the age 18? For the past month I have been attending college 4 hours away from our hometown (he's a senior in high school) and we have been doing long distance. Every two weeks, I head home for the weekend to see him. But we talk, video chat and text everyday. He's so sweet! But last week I got a call from my best friend, saying two girls had been flirty with him. One at a party(gave him her number) and the other at his school. She questioned him asking why. He said, "Well maddy is in college. If she's going to do something, I'll do it first." Wut? -.- So obviously I questioned him. He didn't deny, but said that one girl had gave her number so that he could remind her about a movie :/ (which he did mention to me in passing) and the other girl made a pass but he turned he down. As for the quote, the night he said that he was mad at me (I went out drinking, we have a promise to tell each other but I forgot that night)and that he didn't mean it. But still I can't help but think something's up. I went and visited him yesterday and it was the same as usual. He was sweet and kind :/ normal. But I couldn't help but feel weird. What if he's not telling the truth? This has made me feel odd towards him, I didn't even want to see him. What do I do? Not only is it long distance but now there's this. I'm beginning to feel like our relationship is doomed. But he's my first love. I don't want to give up after all this. Please help me :( and sorry for the long message!
Sounds like for whatever reason, he feels his relationship with you is no longer as secure as it once was, and, as opposed to jumping into a new relationship with someone else (albeit he would if he had to), would rather frighten you to make you cling tighter (or to see if you even will as a way to test out your feelings). I say this because he obviously either took this girl's number deliberately in front of your best friend or knew (or ensured) she'd sooner or later get wind of it and tell you. Actions speak loudest. "Reassure me or the puppy [our relationship] gets it!", is what's being 'said' here.
You obviously do feel remiss because you tried to place an appeal for clemency with your undertow point about what barriers stand in your way when it comes to how much time you spend with him. There are no hard and fast rules, here. It boils down to matching attitudes or not. Would he, were it entirely up to him, and he in your position, be coming home to see you only every second weekend? Or would he be there EVERY weekend and to hell with the tiresomeness of the journey? Then, of course, comes you 'forgetting' courtesies that once you always without-fail did as used to demonstrate to him the importance he held in your mind.
Men note actions more than words, you see.
So you're going to have to sort yourself out in terms of getting clearer in your mind about whether you want this relationship as full-on as practicalities allow and whether even THEN, yours and his expectations over attentiveness and level of relationship-maintenance/cultivation would still match. There's no such thing as HALF a relationship, you see. Doesn't work. You're either in (again, as much as *possible/practicable*) or you're out.
Only REAL barriers stand in the way of love, you see, not choices and preferences.
Either that or it's simply that you've relaxed out of Honeymoon before he has. But even that suggests something's not right because as lovers you're three-legged-race partners, meaning you're supposed to be level every step of the way along that bonding path. So how is he still at X point whilst you're at Y, how is that possible?
Or are you NOT, suddenly, thanks to believing other women could take him off you?
Well, in that case, Game, Set & Match to him! ;-) Don't react by getting bitter about it, though, because if he's woken you up, you obviously had to have been somewhat asleep in the first place, right?
I call that evil for the power of good. Bloke style, obviously. Because were it us women, we'd probably just BLOODY SAY SOMETHING, NICELY! [and breeathe...]. So you're obviously going to have to train him into being more open and honest with you in future where concerns his doubts and fears, aren't you. And the way to do that is - as Emotions Maintenance Manager - to set the tone (you start, he'll follow).