Holiday romance / current girlfriend
Hi all, this problem im sure will seem trivial compared to some that other people encounter, i would however really appreciate any replies.
Basically i have been with this girl for over a year. I cant say its been terrible, but its been very testing and there has been violence on her part (the odd slap, kicking etc) and it never been to much bliss before we were at each others throats again. I pretty much have woke up every morning wondering why we are together but never really having the courage to finish it, often making excuses for us both and this relationship.That is until this weekend. I went away to a festival and met this amazing girl, we spent all our time together and i think we are both crazy about each other, she lives about 3hours away but i kind of think we could make it last ( you will prob think thats naive and i kind of agree). Anyway we slept together. In honesty this isnt the first time i have cheated on my girlfriend, i know its really wrong and im not making excuses as i know there is none. I am at university though and the pressures of such an intense relationship with someone at times i cant stand really does get to me. The main problem with all this is that if whenever i have cheated on her i just wanted to keep it a secret and carry on. this time is different, this other girl has made me realise things dont have to be so hard, that i can just be happy and not always be so stressed. Even if things dont work out with this other girl i still kind of think i shouldnt be with my current girlfriend.
Id just love anybodies insights, advice and anything else. tell me im a dickhead if you want i just want an honest opinion. Should i stay with my gf? Am i naive thinking me and this new girl are anything other than an infactuational holiday romance? Could it ever work? And any other comments would be really appreciated
You've pretty much come to the right conclusion on your own - you shouldn't be with your current gf. Your lack of courage to finish it with her is probably because of the reaction you are expecting to get, but seriously, you need to get out of this relationship so that you can chill out and get your life back, instead of having to worry about what she is thinking or going to say next.
Whilst you've only just met someone else at the festival this weekend, you've seen that things can be different, and that you'd be a lot happier if you didn't have a violent woman on your hands.
No-one would say you're being a dickhead here, as these types of choices never come easy, but you know what needs to be done deep down, and you just need to find a way to break the news to her (I'd recommend not mentioning what happened at the weekend by the way).
If you're having second thoughts every morning now, and you don't get out of this relationship, what happens if you are still with her in 12 months? You'll have wasted both your time, and it will be even more difficult to pull away from her. Last but not least, the stress of this is going to affect your performance at Uni, especially at times when you're getting ready to take exams and having to deal with emotional bullshit.
Hope my comments help you get your head straight, write back if you want to chat some more.
Thanks that has really helped cement things in my mind. I must stress thought the violence is not exactly all the time, its more we would have blazing arguments and sometimes she would lash out. But after defend the fact that she would slap or kick me. I dont know if thats why i have the instant instinct to defend her actions (like im kind of doing now). I suppose all this time i have been scared of being alone, and scared i she would find someone else.
Basically i still dont want to hurt her, even after all she has put me through because at the end of the day im no saint. As if to further mess my head up, this girl from the festival has said she wants me and her to try and make it work, whilst at the same time confessing that she is a year younger than she said! i just want to be happy but have no idea how to.
Thanks for the reply Adrian, i really appreciate it
Don't worry about her confessing that she's a year younger unless there are legal implications. She probably lied to you about her age to make sure that you weren't put off her in the first place. I know someone who's now married to a girl who lied about her age when he met her, only to discover this from her passport when they went on holiday together - they don't appear to have any trust issues in their relationship after many years of being together, so it is a little white lie, nothing more.
i say go for it, you've not been happy for a while. Yor only stringin the relationship out. i think you should both move on!