Not sure where my relationship stands
I've been dating a man for almost eight months. Up until a few days ago he spent every night at my house. For a couple of weeks he has seemed distant, but still told me loved me and still spent the night. We have always texted and called one another and the past week or so he hasn't hardly texted at all. This past weekend he said he had been tired and grouchy for a few weeks and he thought it was because he had stopped using snuff. Tuesday he said he was going to sleep at his house to see if it would help his back. He told me this in a text. I called him and he was rude. He said did you just call to bitch...I finally just said I don't deserve to be treated or talked to like this...you can call or text me when you want to. He said goodnight. We haven't spoken
I guess my question is....should I assume our relationship is over? He is so stubborn so I'm pretty sure he won't call/text me. I've always heard people say if he wants to talk to you, he will. So if that is true, I'm assuming he doesn't want to talk to me. I guess its hard to accept that someone's feelings can change so fast. I don't understand how someone can say that they love you and still spend time with you every day and then just stop. Just like that. So he isn't into me anymore...just like that!
Should I contact him? I love him and I miss him like crazy, but I don't want to look desperate and lose respect for myself by contacting him.
Sure. How about "Hi honey. How are you? I miss you. What's up? How are you feeling? Want to get together?"
You will know by his answer.
When men have decided you're *not* someone they wish to any longer remain or get serious with, some are gentlemen and are honest about it (ending the relationship) whereas some more selfish types like the idea of keeping you available to them on the side whilst they recommence cruising for some "better" woman. They feel it helps them not to come across desperate and needy if they've always got you as back-up gal. Additionally, they fail to act desperate to anyone they attempt to chat up if they've recently had sex and know it's ongoingly available... stops them putting the new woman off by coming over insincere or pressuring her to sleep with him.
This is what your "boyfriend's" movements smack of to me... one excuse after the other for why they can't spend as much time as you're used to with you. And usually the excuses are such that you'd feel like a total COW to even question them over them, let alone allow yourself to feel suspicious... like 'bad back' or some form of ailment (including, this case, snuff withdrawal).
BECAUSE they've secretly in their mind, without having told you, gone off you and/or no longer need to keep you sweet to ensure continued longevity of relationship - if you push and pressure them, they have no qualms about turning nasty. This is especially the case if they've FOUND some woman they believe is better suited to them or whom they like and fancy more.
Obviously, because you've been cleverly kept totally in the dark, this comes as a complete shock and is HIGHLY upsetting.
Yes, your relationship is over. And it ended well before this upsetting point in the proceedings.
He's a git who pretended convincingly that he was a nice guy only when and whilst he still believed it was in his sole interests to. Basically.
The only other scenario is where the guy didn't ever want an equal relationship but a master-servant one (you, the little woman - yes, sir, no, sir, three bags full, sir) and, having found that you're far too self-assertive and confident to toe his line, employs this sudden withdrawal - with or without added nastiness deliberately intended to angst you and make you feel desperate (for him and to find out where you stand and why). It's called, treat her mean to make her keen, and is the remit of the childish chauvenist who likes what women *provide* but doesn't actually like the fact that those provisions have to be supplied by an - ugh - woman.
Please don't call him. Ever again.
I know it's painful and I know you'd rather NOT have to get over him and the relationship, but... how can you even be CONSIDERING what ways might exist to get back a man who even COULD treat the one he supposedly loved so nastily and cruelly?! Surely you're worth a man who treats you like THE most precious person/thing in the universe and would rather gouge out his own eyeballs than ever abuse you like that, let alone risk losing you forever through it??
Me, I think I'd rather 2-4 short, sharp months of detachment heartache than remain suffering the agony of injury AND insult for whatever indeterminate period.
Say it with me: "Ugh, what a nasty, nasty GIT! Good luck to the next poor woman because she'll *need* it!"