A girl I like misses her ex and said we should stay friends.. please help me?
This girl that i like, we have been talking for 2 months. We've seen each other a few times and every time was good. Most recently saw her last week and things were perfect, she held my arm etc and we hugged each other. When we first started talking she said she liked me and if she didn't she wouldn't speak to me. i was aware of her previous relationship, she went out with the guy for a very long time, i have no idea if they still speak, but i know he broke up with her and she still misses him, they've been broken up for more than 10 months now. me personally this is the first girl i have liked in a long time, i have been single for over four years
So the problem i have is that we had a little petty argument a few days ago, but since then she became distant and we would talk less. before we would always talk. Yesterday night i was trying to talk to her but she basically friend zoned me. hr exact words: "you didn't misread anything coz i like you too, but yeah i just think it's better we're friends coz i like you and i don't wanna end up hurting you
.. i enjoyed spending time you and i know its not what you wanna hear but i obviously have feelings for my ex still and would be unfair on you to be anything more than friends".
i am just so confused, feel used.. i've told her how i feel, and thats all she said that she dont wanna hurt me. Does she genuinely mean it when she says she don't wanna hurt me? .. does she even like me? .. can i still end up being with her if so what can i do? please help me..
YOU might have thought it was petty, but if she were still raw from her last relationship and how it ended, with her feeling rejected thus still rejectable, then even a TINY flick to her skin would feel mightily painful.
She's not ready for a relationship, she's still walking wounded and still too attached to her ex to be capable of forming any new attachment - to you or anyone. At least she's being honest about that fact. Kkudos to her, what a gentlewoman! And what a credit to you and how much she likes and respects you!
There's no need to feel USED, though. Obviously you were tempting enough to make her want to - prematurely/against her more sensible judgment - give a relationship with you a TRY. So that's flattering, right? But now she's accepting defeat on that score.
You COULD end up dating her again at whatever point in the future, yes. But there are three vital criteria that have to be ticked before a relationship can work, which is, Right Person (tick!), Right Place (tick!), Right Time (BIG FAT CROSS!).
What if you wait around for another 6 months or even longer, only to find that by then she decides you AREN'T enough of her particular cup of tea AFTER all due to the fact you appealed lately only because she was in a certain, fairly post-traumatic mindset, meaning upon recovery she views things very differently/back to how she used to before she got wounded, taste recalibrated to suit? Wouldn't you have wasted all that precious opportunity for getting it together with someone else - possibly someone even MORE fanciable, FAR prettier (in your mind), and BETTER suited to you? How are you going to feel then? Answer: wounded and resentful... in other words, infected by her OWN 'ailment'.
The better thing to do is to wait without waiting to see if she 'comes back'. Push her to the back-burner and find something or someone new to be getting on with. That way you haven't put your life or love-life on hold, possibly for no reason. You might even find that come the day she decides she's ready to get back on that horse, and with you, YOU feel differently.
Unfortunately, that's the way the RP, RP, RT cookie crumbles. The upside, however, is that it's a definite SIGN... a sign that you're OOOH, SO CLOSE to crossing paths with someone who not only majorly lights your candle (and you hers) but is AVAILABLE. So it's all good. Just doesn't feel like it at the time, that's all.
Hi there, i think she really does like you and at the same time she don't want to hurt you.. please don't think that she just used you cause if she just did, then she probably won't tell you that you two would be better off as friends or "friend zoned" you.. I mean, if she's just using you, then why do you think she needs to be honest with you? Why she did not remain using you and let you just hope for whatever you are hoping for the two of you?
Yeah, you might be hurt, feel used, but it just a matter of time that you'll realized she really just cared for you that much that she just told you how she really feel towards you...she don't want you to hope for more... and it's not that because she likes you, she doesn't feel anything to her ex... it just so happen that her likes for you didn't go further than her feelings for her ex...
I hope this would help you..