I don't know what to do
So, I met this guy a while ago at a bbq, he is older than me by 4 yrs. We started talking and we went out on a date and stuff and we started to go out. soon after we started going out tho he started to become cold, he changed completely with me, he never txted me as much as he did before and he always left me waiting. He began to have no time for me and when he did have time he will spend it with his friends. I kept telling him how i felt and he will change and then go back to the same soon after. He said its because he didnt have time because he had work and school. I really like him and he said he really liked me, but he stopped showing it and started to become cold. I got tired and finally i broke up with him. We went out for almost 2 months.
So he txted me on my birthday and i told him to stop because i didnt want to talk to him but i was rude. so around a week later i txted him to apologize and thats it. He began to tell me that he missed me and that he really likes me and that he wanted to take me out. He began to show intreste in me again and he seem to actually want to be with me So i said yes and we did and we agreed on taking things slow, but he went back to the same as before. HE stopped showing intrest and yet again it was me trying to keep communication and such. I really like this guy but he keeps doing stuff that makes me feel like he doesnt actually care about me. i dont understand why he will say that he likes me and misses me if he is just gonna stop showing it after a short time. I dont know what to do anymore. I want to talk to him about it but im scared and im not really sure what to say. Im scared that if we stay like this then we r just gonna head the same way as we did when we went out.
Please help! idk how to make him realize that he just keeps hurting me and that he has to change to be with me.
1. Older than WHAT by 4 years?
2. 'And stuff'?
3. okay, stop the press/s*d the above - just got to the next sentance about his sudden backing out behaviour. (Earwigo again...)
1. Friends? Or other dating candidates? Do you have any proof about which?
2. If the former, do you suppose you made him feel too overly sure about having netted you whereupon he felt he could prematurely relax and cease trying to impress and woo you?
3. I'm not even confident about my own Q2 because if you alerted him to your complaint as had him saying he'd change but then sliding back into the undesirable habit, then that SURELY told him he was NOT as safe as houses, right? Or did you just go blah-blah with your mouth whilst failing to change your regular level of interest and ardour?
4. Realise that texting you rather than picking up the phone when phoning was, you'd think, more warranted and appropriate given the then current circumstance, is a glaring symptom all itself. It says either of these: "Not that bothered if she bites or doesn't" / "Too scared in case I get a No, mew-mew". In which case, GOOD that you were 'rude' because he's either an amateur player or a limp lettuce leaf and YOU NEED A *MAN*, not a twat.
5. When he took you basically through the entire A to Z (keen-to-snoozing) rigmerole that second time, had you happened to have started rewarding him too much compared to the effort he put in and thereby acted too keen again?
Whichever/whatever, I think this guy either doesn't hold relationships as much of a priority compared to the rest of his life aspects OR is seeing other women. Based on the latter supposition, that would explain why he can't keep his attentiveness up for very long (someone else re-catches his attention, meaning he starts to put his efforts into her instead). The reason he tries to resnare you with flattering blah-blahs about really liking and missing you is because at that point in time, one of his other 'prey' has herself backed off or wandered away, meaning he suddenly has a place on his love-seat going begging again. Cue him sending a spurt of empty-gestural effort in your direction again.
"idk how to make him realize that he just keeps hurting me and that he has to change to be with me."
Yeah, you do. It's called, 'No! Sorry! I do *not* want to meet up with (and shag) you because you're not up to my standards of a real man and lover - far from it!'
...followed by this:
Oh, and I'm sure he's perfectly well aware that he's confusing and hurting you but does not! give! a! HOOT! Because 'I give a hoot' is as 'I give a hoot' *does* - particularly when having been given chance after chance to prove so.
Next time, don't be so taken in by the blah-blah-blahs including promises about what he will or might do (soon, next time, yeah, I'll think about that, sounds good, bleugh, bleugh, BLEUGH). Wait for the *action* as *proves* the blah-blah as a genuine heralder of impending action/intention in motion. And, if you can't keep your heart out of it whilst your head gives him the thorough test-drive, ESPECIALLY don't sleep with him until you've seen such actions get repeatedly sustained over a certain, revealing period.
You want him to realize that hes hurting you but the thing is he already knows that he is from doing it to you the first time yous got together, wasn't that the reason why you left in the first place?
and cause you gave him that 2nd chance and hes gone and done it again its starting to be a cycle and hell know once you accepted him back the first time hell do it again cause he knows how you feel about him so he def knows how to convince you
I hope you can see that y0ur wasting your time on this guy, if he really loved you and really wanted to be in a relationship with you a guy wouldnt dare to completely do that to you.
I know it's easier to tell someone to drop someone than it is to do it when you're emotionally attached but this guy seems to be showing his true colours once you have been given what you want for what seems like long enough to him and are dating him/haven't dumped him. Don't be fooled by wishful hopes, you can't change him into a nicer boyfriend, you aren't his priority and you deserve someone's attention and time, otherwise why date at all?
Be strong and believe in better, I am with a guy who loves me and enjoys spending time with me and there are more good guys out there, wondering why girls go for the jerks.