Wtf is wrong with my world??
Im a mother of 4,married with a whole world full of issues.My life feels like sh*t,i feel mad ranting and raving,not caring about life on the home front.My husband and I always argue he's a pathological lier!I can never get the truth out of him.Ive been physically abused by him but still stay with him.I feel like a sitting duck waiting for something to change,waiting to be lied to or cheated on.I don't even know if I have been cheated on,I feel like I have been.When we fight my kids go behind my back and tell him everything that Ive been doing or saying.I haven't said anything mean to them.I show them I love them give them hugs and kisses.They hide things for him and conspire with him on everything.I feel like the only reason they talk to me is to find out new information for him,otherwise they wouldn't talk to me at all.I tell him to leave and he always comes back sits here or squats, and acts like he's a vitim,I tell him if its so bad why do you come back to this?He has family who act like they care ,and he tells me they don't care.when we do break up that's the first place he runs to is his family.I want him to take 2 of his kids and I look like the bad guy.When I know all he wants to do is ditch me with all the kids so he can return back into the world act single and like he has no kids.He has an ex who lives 10 houses away from our house.who he has a kid with.He talked bad about his daughter to his family so now they don't bother with her,hes now doing that to our oldest daughter.He used to say it was the drugs we were doing,then he convinced everyone I was an alcoholic, I quit all of it now that hes got nothing to be mad about its me being angry.I get mad because he always lies, or I find something out about him that he hasn't told me.Not that I try,cause I don't I can be around the house cleaning and come across something that belongs to him and I don't know how or where he got it from.Then I ask him about it he'll turn around and get mad cause I'm asking. Saying I'm getting mad.All I want is a normal life,my kids on a schedule,my home clean,me going to work and providing for my kids with the things other kids have.My kids not being shown how to be manipulative, how to lie, or steal, and to take responsibility for their actions.
My 13 year old daughter is pregnant.I do camp jobs to get away from the sh*t going on at home.I didn't even know she was sexually active! She always takes off for days at a time. Id go out and look for her then she'd leave in the middle of the night.I tried taking her shoes,her cloths,and the things she loved, but it all didn't help.So now baby daddy is under our roof.15 years old!I don't even know how to tell him to leave, Im not mad at her just disappointed!I don't know if she should abort,I made the appointment cause she cried to me saying she couldn't take care of a kid.I agree she cant.but if she does go for it then that just gives her the ok to do it again.I wouldn't want her to deal with a kid at her age,shes so young.She stole my truck twice and got my mobile home,and truck impounded.I had to go to work the next morning and she smiled about it.she put me out of a job.now I'm at home,no money to feed them.The husband finally found a job after 1 year of sitting on his ass,while I was being used.
My oldest son has his girlfriend staying with us on and off,she got pregnant and she aborted.I was determind for my kids not to have kids cause I wanted better for them,I wanted them to experience life.I had days off when she got the procedure done,i don't even think she told her mother yet!I never allowed her to stay or to live here,I always got mad that she was trying to stay.So my son started being disrespectful to me,breaking stuff and throwing things .now that shes here it still happens,just a bit more quieter.They all tell me it was better when I wasn't here,and that I should just go back where I came from.
I totally agree it was better when I wasn't around.I had nobody to answer to,it was just get up go to work,back to camp sleep,and do it all over again.My days were full of people who gave a sh*t about me and how I was feeling.when it came time to go home they noticed a change in me I became more withdrawn,so they'd ask if I was ok.I got told to just leave so many times let him take care of the kids,but I just don't want to give up on my family.I look at it thinking if I do my kids will be flops,quitters.
When I did get off work we couldn't even talk or look at eachother,or be in the same room.I feel like he never contributes to the household with food or money or paying bills.Being with him as long as I have Ive gone 20,000$ in debt.I totalled 4500 for him.I feel used and abused.He knows every year theres x-mas,birthdays,special occasions and he does nothing.I just feel unappreciated for all I do for this family.I cook,they don't eat,I clean they throw things allover the floor.I get paid they want things,cant put money to what I owe cause then I'm just being selfish and thinking of myself is what they say behind my back, so I spend every dollar on them.I spent 300$ on soccer stuff for my kids so they could go to soccer and look like the rest of the kids,with cleats jersys,shorts.So they wouldn't be embarrassed to be there.It turned out to be a 1 day event,disappointing!!my husband didn't care he smiled the whole way through picking out what HE thought they needed!I feel like just throwing everything away cause they're happy with nothing,except when they want something.Thats how I get treated...what do I do or say.It just never seems to end.everyday is something new.
My heart goes out to you Dear Sister. Please be encouraged and don't give up on yourself or your kids. I know it is overwhelming for you and I can totally understand you finding peace outside of the house because there is so much turmoil going on in the house. I would do the same thing if I was faced with the same situation. This is too much for you to go through on your own. Is it possible for you to find someone to talk to? Maybe a social worker may be helpful. In order for things to change you have to have a made up mind. To me I see that you are the light of your family and you are the driving force that can make a huge difference in their lives. You are strong! Everyone is feeding off of your energy and it may be time for a shift. I know a lot of people may not agree with me but I agree your daughter is too young to have a baby and abortion or adoption may be the best option for her. Once that is out of the way then you can concentrate on healing yourself. Again you cannot do this alone. The change has to start with you so seek help for yourself and the family. Reach out to people who are able to help you so begin to look to those who love you...don't hold this in anymore. Confide in a friend and get someone to step in and help you. All this might be stemming from your past and you have to address it or it will eventually consume you. You deserve to live the best life possible. I know it seems impossible to believe but things can change but you must begin to be the change you wish to see. It's about changing your thought process, changing your habits, and becoming strong. I know you can do it. You are a woman...gurrrl that means you got it going on. You are fierce, strong, and all that and a bag of chips BUT you have to begin to believe this. I am so happy people at work are concerned about you and that is a blessing. May you please ask someone you trust to go out with you and tell them that you need help? It's not about bashing them but about finding a solution to the problem. The more negative you experience then the more you will get because nothing is changing. Take a two week break from cooking, cleaning, or anything for that matter. Allow them to experience what it would be like without you. Maybe I am wrong for encouraging this but find a place to be after work...maybe you can stay with a friend for about two weeks to center yourself. You need to know what its like to have peace of mind. While you are away from the chaos let a family member you trust know what your plans are. Write a letter to your kids and husband. Not an accusing letter or angry letter but something that will show them that you want things to get better. Tell them you will be away for a short while and that you need time and space to think. You can address your daughter's pregnancy but then you have to get away for a while to begin a game plan. It wont get if you don't have time to think and seek help for your family. I am going to keep you and your family in prayer...it wont be easy to change but I believe it will happen. You are going to get the victory. I don't care what you do but find peace of mind first. I don't care if you have to chant, go to church, speak to a priest, pastor, nun, monk, or therapist but the time has come for better days. Peace and love to you.
You say you dream of a normal life. Well, don't forget, it's your life! Walk out on this man! And, before you write a reply saying " What about my kids," take them with you! Tell a friend! Teach them not to steal, lie or suck up to their father. And, like Rays says, it should be easy for a you to find a well-payed job; and an amazing man. Good luck!
Have you set ANY boundaries for what you will accept and what you do for other people to make them love you?
You are in the "enabling/victim" role and now are dumbfounded about how you got there.
Please re-read your own post and see how you have created to this mess.
Then, and only then, can you begin to get a plan.