Pain and pleasure
i have this weird idea that the amount of pain people endure is equal to the amount of pleasure they experience in their entire lifetime....and quite often ive hurt myself on purpose.....and im not able to stop cos i actually believe that pain and pleasure go hand in hand....u might think im crazy or something....but seriously i need help...
You do need to talk to someone about this, for whatever reason you have this idea, it is not crazy just incorrect. Going to a counsellor or therapist doesn't mean you are crazy, its a simple admission, like you just made, that you need help and that shows you have the courage to seek it.
If you aren't sure where to go, look for helpline about self harm to talk to someone who understands. If you are young enough to still be in school tell someone there. Help is out there, many people self harm and get help, dont carry on in silence. I hope you find someone you feel you can tell and find peace in this situation.
You do need to talk to somebody. You can't go around hurting yourself. Think about your future. What do you want to end up doing?