I am not a type of a person who would share my problems with the people I don't know.But I'm just looking for a professional advice as I think my family got to the stage where they can't deal with the effect the end of this relationship had on me.
I have been in a relationship for 6yrs before starting a new relationship last year.My 6yr relationship ended because it has not been working for some time before that.We have not been spending time together,sex life was almost non existing and there were trust issues-I was almost certain he cheated me,the past 3yrs we lived together,he has been working night shifts.By the end of the relationship, he was going out with friends,coming home at 5-6am,on the only days we could spend together.I was finding condoms in his bag,even though I have been on implant.Constantly on the phone, Whatsapp, twitter, BBM.And his ex was in the picture as well,calling me and txting me.
This new relationship started shortly after I finished the previous relationship.At first,we were taking it as fun.I wasn't looking for another commitment, he wasn't looking for it either.I was aware that he is this fine looking man,women are crazy about him.After a couple of months,I caught feelings for him.I have told him and we have agreed that the best thing for us to do is to stop seeing each other, as he wasn't ready to commit to a relationship.However we couldn't keep our distance for long,not even couple of days
We made an agreement that we won't speak to other people that could have an effect on the 'relationship'. Including my ex,as this was the major issue,from the beginning.he has told me,that he can't really be in a relationship with me if I'm still in touch with my ex.I agreed.I will stop all the contact with ex,but the problem was.When we broke up,I haven't taken my stuff from my ex's flat.He has offered me that he will come with me,to take all my stuff.but I said no, I will leave my stuff there.i don't want to see my ex. And then few problems arose. I still have had bills on my name at the old address,so now n then I would receive a msg,you have mail at the flat,or I would get an invite for my ex brother's bday. So, I was still kind of in touch with my ex.Our convo didn't include anything abt loving each other,or wanting to go back, sexting. Any of that, innocent convo.however, my new partner made it clear,that in order for our relationship to work,I have to put an END to it.And I did.We officially got together on the 1st of January,whilst watching a movie at the cinema,he has asked me to be his gf
I was excited, like a lil girl.This guy has made me happy again,he made me feel like I'm the only woman,complimenting me all the time,I was confident,he would hold my hand when we were out,he introduced me to his friends as his girl when we went out.It might seem normal,that's what people do in a relationship.But that's not what I got iny previous relationship.No holding hands,always being compared,the way you walk,the way you dress etc.I was told,he is telling me this only to toughen me up.Anyway,this new guy.We had the best time ever.Spending all the free time together,if we couldn't see each other,we would txt until 3-4am eventhough we had to be up for work at 6am.The sex life was amazing,he thought me new things, we could go for long walks,cinema,cook together.it was just too good.I was a new person,always smile on my face.Then one day,we had this massive argument in the middle of the city,he was asking me, it's make or break.cos I have told him I still keep in touch with my ex.Even though it means nothing to me.He asked me to delete and block his number,eventually I did it and deleted and blocked his number in front of him.after a while,I added the number again.dont know why I added it,I knew it by heart.after a while,he asked me if I'm still in touch with him.i couldn't lie.cos I have been 100% with him.he broke up with me in June.he refused to speak to me,answer my txts,somehow we sorted the things out,however we never got back together.he said he needs time to regain my trust.i knew that he loves me.i would get a random txts,after I haven't heard from him for a while:"I love you so much,you don't even understand" or "no woman made me feel the way you do".we worked on the things,having good times together,until abt 3weeks ago.the same question came.and again,I couldn't lie.the contact I kept with my ex,was about some loan I gave him last year.however,I haven't told abt this to my new partner.i regret more than anything,cos I have lost him forever now.at first,I couldn't understand.you say you love me,3 days later you can't be with me.i love this man with all my heart,I would do anything for him.i have asked for another chance, there is no going back for him.
I don't know how to deal with this. His rejection is breaking my heart.I have made a mistake,but I have moved on from my past relationship,my ex moved on.no going back.how else could I love someone?
You should ask yourself WHY you keep going back and re-touching that relationship. Are you not over it, completely? Be honest. There seems to be something there pulling you back.
Do you have financial issues with your former BF? Then settle them ASAP or you will lose this wonderful man.
It's hard to give up a bad habit. You seem stuck there.
Thank you for reply.
I am over my previous relationship, otherwise I would not be able to feel the way I do Abt this guy. At first, the reason we kept in touch was because I still had my stuff at my ex's house, my bills were still posted to the old address, some utility bills were on my name, then all this was sorted. I do not want to go back to my ex boyfriend , eventhough he has been a part of my life for 6yrs. There is no going back. I have explained all this to my recent partner, I do love him. And his recent rejection its Sth that I can't really deal with. He seems like he is still not sure about his decision, he is saying I have got his heart, but he already gave me another chance .. And I have messed up again. The recent issue arose after he has asked me again whether I speak to my ex. I could have just deny, but I have never hid anything from him. I have told him, I keep in touch with my ex, but it's just innocent convo, he drops money into my account whenever he is able to.
I spent the past 3weeks trying to explain to him the situation , expressed my feelings. Yet he still says he doesnt want to be with me. When we met last time, 2 days ago. He said he can't asked me to wait around and hope that he will trust me again, cos it might not happen. But I'm willing to do it, cow it's worth it. I know he loves me, the way he looked at me, touched my hair, kissed my forehead, the hugs.. I think he is scared of being hurt again.
I really don't know what else to do, how to make him believe that he can trust me.
I would agree, it sounds like you are not over your ex. You should settle all bills get all of your things and 're block his number delete Facebook and his brothers end all contact before trying for another relationship.
Once trust is broken its very hard to get back and when it does come back its not 100.
The only option I see is to sever all ties to your ex and then maybe try for an outting with the new guy in a friend type of environment. There really is no way to prove you've severed all ties as you did that before then reconnected. If you want to make it work you need to make sure you're truly over your ex and then start a new with this guy.
Just my 2cents