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Relationship advice Its my first post, iam very broken after i cought my boyfriend online chatings with girls he had hiden email adresses and was chating to girls
He had a two years relation with one of them and also in his demanded her for sex chat
It has been 7 years of our relation i didnt imagine that he might cheat on me
I told him about all what he did, he said sorry and told me to forgive him and give him a chance, he says that he has never met that girl only they were chating
Its really hard situation for me im losing myself coz i love him very much, would it be a good decision to give him a last chance? As he admits that he did wrong and
He would compensate it if i give him a first nd last chance, what should i do?

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??

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No, no matter how much it hurts no matter how hard it is for you, you need to end it. I am speaking from experience here. My ex who I was with for 6.5 yrs and had a daughter with at one point I found she was chatting online and naked pictures in her email she gave me a sob story and apologised and what not and I gave her a chance bexuase she never met them and beloved she didnt actually cheat. But she didn't stop even after she said she would and eventually I found out she was meeting so.e of them and sleeping with them the fact that your bf had a relationship with someone else weather its virtual or not means he wasn't committed to you and no matter what he says he's not sorry he knew what he was doing and it might be VERY hard but you're better off leaving this will eat at you and you won't trust him like you should and eventually things will get worse you should cut your losses now.

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I actually think this was worse than having a one night stand cheating! To have another girl on the side for TWO YEARS! it doesn't matter if they never met he talked to her and demand sex chat, I assume cameras are involved in that? He built a relationship with her while with you, which means he didnt give you his all and he will prob tell you all the things you want to hear becuase he's scared you're gonna leave.

I think you need to end it.

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I love him alot nd have never tought my life without him
Im in a situation that i cant leave him also i cant accept him
It kills me day and night

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Okay, so it might be a good idea to talk to him; tell him you're not sure about your relationship. Also, you could check if he still has any contact with this girl. Good luck!

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Was this a situation where he paid for talking dirty with this woman? Or is she a real live person, also bored and with too much time on her hands?

You have a lot of time invested in this man. Do you want to try and work this out? You don't discuss his other attributes (or defects).

He may have an addiction problem. He likes the at-a-distance-excitement; this nasty talk energizes him in some way.

What has he done since your confronted him? What does "compensate" mean?

May I ask your ages?


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Thanks for replies, susiedq asked about our ages he is 25 years and iam 22, he is a close relative of us too
Nd he doesnt have any other addiction even he doesnt smoke,from all other aspects he is very good boy but all what matters for me is his online relation,he swears that he has never meet that girl but how can i trust? I talk to that girl also and told her that since long time he is in relation with me, she was as shoked as i me, then my boyfriend told me that i left her all those things were just for passing time my love is only for u i can leave all things ndall of them to have you again just u give me one chance i will not do this again....
My love for him was true nd very honest still i love him very much but he hutrted me nd broken my heart nd trust i dnt know should i give him a chance or not?

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You can 'love him' as much as you like, but you won't be able to trust him again until he rebuilds the massive portion of trust you've just found out he's shattered. Good Boy is as Good Boy *does*, and I don't call cheating on your romantic partner emotionally for two long years being good. So who cares about the finer details about whether or not they met. Their MINDS met, they were intimate emotionally when that privilege was supposed to be exclusively yours and no-one else's. He had an Emotional Affair, PERIOD!

So that's that established.

Next is him setting about super-gluing that 'broken vase'. Has he started picking up the shattered pieces yet? Has he started to apply any glue to them? Or is he still just going yadder-yadder?

What about you? Do you WANT him to set about gathering and gluing the pieces or are you delaying the process by making him go on and on about the tiniest details? Fair enough if he has yet to SUPPLY those details the first time. So let me change my question: Has he supplied you with all the ins and outs from A to Z and then shut your (understandably) insecure, interrogatory mouth up by *DOING* things to make you start to feel wooed and safe again?

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Yes ur right i love him as much as i like but im asking what should ido?
Im very hurt,
I told him to break up with her infront of me but he said i left her
I have no contact with her
Now we r in touch but as a two strangers
Its getting too hard for me day by day
I wish i could hate him please you guys help to take decision

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Glitch alert! Your profile is stating MY boardname. I'll get that looked into.

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...Or did you deliberately change your boardname to mine? If so, or even if not, can you please change it immediately; it's obviously totally unacceptable. Thanks.

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(Just so's you know: your boardname will be edited anon, back to what it was in your opening post. For future ref, don't type in the name of the person you're directing the message to, type your own alias, NONE24, and address the person at the top of the body of your message box, as in Dear Soulmate or Dear Rukkus.)

***********

"Yes ur right i love him as much as i like but im asking what should ido?
Im very hurt,
I told him to break up with her infront of me but he said i left her
I have no contact with her
Now we r in touch but as a two strangers
Its getting too hard for me day by day
I wish i could hate him please you guys help to take decision"
***********

Regarding the details you report.

1. You asked him for PROOF of breaking up with her by doing it in front of you. He basically refused, using the excuse of having already, quote, left her.

2. Notice those words: left her. Clearly in his mind this was (is) NOT just chatting. You don't phrase it in those terms when talking of having ceased all further contact with someone with whom you'd 'just been chatting'. You'd SAY you'd 'just stopped talking' to her or had 'stopped all contact'. You only LEAVE a woman you're in a relationship with.

Conclusion: He's lying. He's not ended it. And that should be your belief unless and until he proves otherwise by showing you [1] proof in the form of a sent email or whatever wherein he tells her in no uncertain terms that he is cutting all further contact forever and Amen, in any shape or form, along with [2] a return email from her not only acknowledging his decision but sounding *genuinely* bothered or upset. Step 2 would be to eliminate the possibility of him and her having merely used another contact medium (e.g. phone) for agreeing put on a false show, merely for your benefit (to get you off the scent), of having ended it.

3. What do you mean, in touch but as two strangers?

4. WHAT is getting too hard day by day? Getting over the knowledge that he cheated on you, or continuing the relationship unconvinced that it's over (or both)?

5. Unless he begins asap to make concrete reparations (which it doesn't sound like he's doing if he's doing the OPPOSITE by having lessened his daily interactions or ardour of such with you), you WILL resent him too much. But your erstwhile feelings for him aren't switch-off-able like a tap. The water has to be stopped from the MAINS PIPE, whereafter the water coming through the tap will increasingly lessen on a daily basis. I'm afraid to say that this decision to end your relationship with him based on his behaviour representing a total deal-breaker, is going to have be done BY ROTE...which means ignoring your now pointless and obsolete attachment-based emotions and doing it anyway... one, two, three, JUMP! No thinking, just big breath and jump.

Leap of faith. Life/fate demands quite a few of those in ones lifetime, and, now here's yours.

If he's not making amends based on the situation at hand, let's see if he finds the motivation for doing so when in a situation of having lost you seemingly for good. Emphasis on seemingly for good. You must say 'it's over because' and then literally go non-contactable: block his number from your mobile phone/delete his number and switch it to voicemail if ever you see his number against an incoming call; switch your ansaphone on permanently in order to screen calls or tell all friends and family to let the phone ring twice just before dialling again so that you know it's them; and block/ignore all emails.

No cowardly contact methods for THIS situation, THIS woman (you), oh, no. He needs to put his money where his mouth is. After all, I take it you do have a front door and that a big boy like him knows how to use a doorbell or knocker? Along with the timing of such, i.e. how soon and firmly and/or persistently he tries to get a face-to-face audience with you, that attempt and strength of would certainly be an action to well indicate he was serious about keeping you in his life, would it not.

This is a diet. How's your willpower? He is a cream cake that gave you a serious dose of Salmonella poisoning. No more cream cake for YOU, oh, no. The cream cake could float up right in front of your nose and you still wouldn't bite. Not until it agrees to undergo stringent lab testing and approval-stamped as now being contagion-free.

That's what you do if unconvinced he's doing ALL that is within his power to convince you his affair is dead and buried AND that he cannot face a future devoid of you. If you find you can't manage this self-respecting strategy, you'll be showing yourself up as lacking self-worth, strength of character and conviction, self-belief in that he's NOT the only guy on the planet who'd see himself as lucky to have someone such as you, and that you don't actually value your relationship (at its optimum) with him and that by continuing the melodramatic games, you merely want to get to say Adieu in the minutest baby-steps fashion there is (meaning you lack courage and belief in yourself and the fact that the world/fate will see you right). Berbom.

It's a test. These things always are. And you're given these tests to highlight your adult inadequacies and make you try harder for life's rewards. Fail it and you'll remain down in that deep, dark, muddy pit with him and his dis-ease, likewise infected and suffering agony of self-doubt and life-doubt for so much longer than necessary. Pass it and you'll be rewarded...whether that reward will come in the form of a new and improved him/relationship with him or at some point soon an even better relationship with A. N. Other. That's how it works. Trust me, I've seen it too many times to doubt it. In fact, doubting it would render me an idiot.

How good are you at doing the right thing no matter (short-term) WHAT? Can you think of anything challenging and faith-testing in your past?

This thread has expired - why not start your own?

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