Should I stay or should I go
Hoping to get some advice as to whether I should stay in this relationship or not altho deep down I think I know. Instead of going into the details, im going to list the issues that we have:
Let me start by saying that I love him so much and I know he loves me. We have such passion in our relationship, a passion I didn't know existed before I was with him.
He was married once before and won't marry me ever. He doesn't seem to appreciate the sacrifice I make.
He splits everything down the middle (money) and makes sure everything is always balanced whereas I think if we're stay together we should share and commit to each other - money shouldn't be such an issue.
He has a 3 yer old daughter. Were talking about buying a house and obviously would need to write a well. He said he would give everything to her including his half of the house if he died and would leavr nothing to me.
He convinced himself I was 'going to cheat on him' one night 2 years ago because I was standing close to a guy and now constantly says he doesnt trust me because of it even tho I did nothing. That guy works with me and now I lost a lot of friends because I stupidly stopped hanging around with him to make my partner happy.
He tells me constantly that he doesn't trust me and he never will.
He tells me that he thinks I had a horrible past and cheated on every guy I was with because when I tell stories, the dates seem to change - I never cheated on anybody before and variances in dates age due to it being so far in the past and nothing else.
We lost a baby and he refuses to try again or give me a time when he thinks hell be ready.
I had medical complications and he didn't come to the hospital with me.
I was almost 5 months pregnant when we lost our baby and I took 2 weeks off work because I was an emotional wreck-he gave out to me and told me I was using the death of our baby as an excuse to get time off work.
There's a girl at work who got pregnant at the same time as me and I see her growing belly everyday - when I told him it makes me sad, he told me that he thinks I'm a horrible person because it's 'obvious I wish her baby was sick like mine so I can feel better'. It's not true, I feel jealous and it's a daily reminder of our loss and it's sad to see where I should be right now. But would I wish harm? No.
We went on holidays with his friend (a girl) and me and her had some issues. Now he is going on holidays with her alone and leaving me at home and says it's my own fault. She told him 'leave the Princess at home' and he said ok no problem. Now I'm banned from the holiday.
He tells me I shouldn't wear makeup and that I'm beautiful without it and when I do wear it he tells me I'm fake.
If I buy anything for myself, he says I'm irresponsible with money even tho if I have the same savings as him.
He said that if the economy where we live goes bad, he'll leave for sure and if I won't go with him, there's no point in being together.
He has a relationship with his ex wife because of the child but I think it's not right (constant emailing, calls) he picks her up from airport after trips etc. He doesn't appreciate that it's difficult for me.
I feel like he doesn't have my back - if I needed him. He wouldn't be there.
I also feel like I have no security in my future... He will love me yes but he will never if something happened, I don't think he'd help me financially
Whenever he fights with me, he gives his daughter way more attention than usual to annoy me and shows me no love... I feel like he punishes Me.
He never ever backs down an argument - he is always right and apparently it's always my fault
He has told me that he thinks I got pregnant on purpose when I clearly didn't - I was on the pill.
He told me that he went through the exact thing as me when we lost the baby - he doesn't acknowledge that I had the baby growing inside me and so had a different connection.
This is what I can think of right now But there is more. Please let me know what ye think. Right now, I'm staying with my parents while I think (I'm 28).i need to decide whether to go there and tell him my concerns and see if he'll agree to improve or just get my bags and never go back.
You're advice would be invaluable to me.
You said: "I love him so much and I know he loves me."
You have not listed ONE thing he has done or said that shows he loves you.
You have passion for this man. That's what holds you to him.
Please re-read you own post and see what kind of man he really is.
Susiedq, thank you. This is what I need to hear.
I feel like I know what to do but keep getting these random feelings of 'maybe I'm over reacting.' I did read back and if I was reading this and somebody else had wrote it, I'm pretty sure I'd have the same opinion as you.
Just so hard especially since I'm still dealing with feelings from the loss of the baby.
I am going through a troubling time in my relationship as well. I am 28 as well. Reading your post makes me realize that other people have it bad and maybe worse then me.
Look... You and I girl, were gonna be okay. You should reread your post. He treats you like GARBAGE. I'm going to be very blunt here and I'm sorry for hurts you.
It sounds like you are a rebound. He does not want a long time future with you it keeps you around so he won't be alone. He is taking all Of his frustrations and insecurities out on You. You are dealing with all the shit he should be putting on his ex and not you. I think he needs therapy. My jaw was Dropped reading this post. Why are you putting up with it?? Do you think you won't find someone else? How is their that much passion when he controls you? Controls every single situation? I think that you have convinced yourself that their is crazy passion. Passion can be a good thing or a horrible detrimental thing in a relationship. It comes out with insecurities, jealousy & anger.
You need to take some time For yourself. Trust me. Being alone is going to suck. You are going to feel like your heart is going to be ripped out of your chest. You are going to cry. A lot. But guess what... I bet you have already done that. Cried... A lot. If you break up with him (which you should) it will be okay. Time heals all.
Be strong. Don't let this man do this to you A N Y M O R E. You have Zero future with him.
Move on girl. Find your friends again. Take up a new hobby. Work out. Watch lots of action movies. Keep your mind preoccupied. But Move On.
If you are on this site... Then in think you already knew the answer before even typing it up.
I wish you the best.
It's so good to talk to somebody who actually seems to understand fully what I'm going through. It's obvious that you do get it going by your answer. I can tell you that today has been the hardest day for me yet...and your message actually made me feel so much better. Thank you for being blunt...I appreciate it and it actually made me feel a lot stronger again which is great...you cheered me up...something that nobody could do today
I know I need to get out of this...it's toxic and its killing me. I'm a strong person...I know I am but I somehow got myself tangled into this thinking stupidly that he would change but I think he never will. You know what the worst thing is? He makes me feel like its my fault by not admitting any fault and I know if I go (when I go) he'll convince himself it was my fault and be at peace with that.
I'm going to 100% take you advice. I'm going to start hanging around with my group at work again and apologise too cos they deserve that, I'm going to go crazy in the gym and I'm going to start a new hobby - any suggestions for a new hobby?
With regards to guys, I've never had any problems getting guys so hopefully it will be the same when I'm single again - I know this guy has aged me significantly in our 2 years together but not too much hopefully
I'm going to read your message when I start feeling like shite again because those are the exact things I need to hear when I start forgetting what a manipulative a** he is and only remember the good.
I hope everything is going ok with you. Sounds like you're going through some stuff too. Feel free to vent if it's what you need... you helped me enough, I owe you.
Thank you so so so much!!! xxx
You have to split up! I don't know why on Earth he's almost cheating on you, but he's going back gradually to his ex and you'll soon be powerless to stop it! Like Shelley says, go back to your proper friends, walk out on him, he doesn't deserve you! Find another guy! JUST DON'T STAY WITH HIM!
Good luck, I hope everything works out!