I was diagnosed with depression about a month ago, and am currently trying different medications.
My boyfriend also has depression, although his is undiagnosed. He refuses to go see a doctor or therapist about it for a variety of reason. If I bring it up, he gets angry, and we fight.
He says he can handle his depression, but then nights like last night occur. We had a great day out shopping for new hunting stuff, spending time together, etc. We were both happy and care free.
I dropped him off at his house for the night and about three hours later, he gets depressed. This has happened before, but last night was terrible. He kept sending me all of these quote pictures from the internet saying things like "if you could hear my thoughts you'd be in tears", "am i a bad person for wanting to die?", "just let me die", "death seems more inviting than life", etc.
I stayed up for almost another three hours texting him, telling him how much i love and care about him, explaining i'm always there for him and I understand. He just kept saying and sending these scary things and I was really afraid he was going to hurt himself.
He asked me if I knew his pin numbers and such, and at that moment I didn't so i said no. He said if something happened to him, he wanted me to have his info because "it'd make everything easier"…
He also told me he's never talked to anyone that much about his depression (he didn't talk about it, he just kept saying he wanted to kill himself and didn't want to try living anymore), and I thanked him for sharing because it'd helped me too.
He, all of a sudden, became moody and upset and told me to just go to sleep. He kept saying all night "I'm going away from the phone" to end up sending another text. I said okay, told him I loved him, and wished him a goodnight.
During the night he sent me a lot more quote pictures. My medicine is not letting me sleep much anyway, but between what had happened, and all the pictures he kept sending, I really couldn't sleep.
I knew he wouldn't do anything last night, but it still hurt me.
I feel like he wants attention about his depression, except normally he just closes me out and refuses to see me, like he did all last week. I'm trying to deal with getting my own under control, and I feel like he expects me to somehow help him also, but doesn't want me to know anything at the same time. He wants me to worry about him, but he doesn't want me to make suggestions, etc, just feel bad…
I don't understand why he's acting like this or how I stop it. It's becoming a larger influence on our lives and relationship, and I feed it's starting to hinder our communication, moods, time we spend together, everything.
Your Bf needs to go where you are and that's where you have gone and sought help for your depression. You don't need him to hinder you after you have done the right thing for your own sake.
His attention seeking texts and threats to kill himself are him reaching out but you can't help him even if you weren't suffering from depression. He has to help himself. It's plainly obvious that he is incapable of handling his own depression himself but he has to know this.
You need to understand that when you can state in your post that his attitude is complicating your relationship..your everything, then you have reached a stage where either he 'mans up' and gets assistance or you make a decision to walk away to keep yourself sane and safe.
Why sacrifice yourself for someone who doesn't have the need or the mindset to recognize their own issue which is slowly destroying your strength and determination? Why step DOWN to their negative level when you have already stepped UP to another positive level to help yourself?
If you are suffering from depression, I recommend the http://destroydepression.com
Written by a former sufferer of depression, it teaches a simple 7-step process to eliminate depression from your life.