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Friends again or nah??

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Ok so this happened in 2012 so i had a boyfriend and became friends with his ex...then over time he began to contact her and he ended up falling in love with her and moved to be with her they only lasted 1yr...but me and her became good friends from 2009-2011 even though him and her knew each other since they were teens.. me and the girl had a genuine friendship (i believed) but through all of that the boyfriend that i had wanted to be wih her and was using me...so one day i let him see the texts between me abd her and he ended up texting her and she called the next day and told me that the only reason why he was ever with me was because she was in cali and me and the boyfriend were in OHio and i havent spoken to her since...now i felt used by her bcause she seemed like she was jealous of me being with him even though he was with me(which he ended up using me) but after me and the boyfriend broke up he moved to cali days later and was in a relationship with her and she expressed many times that she didnt want him or wasnt man enough to be with her...so now fast forward they only lasted 2011-2012 and now she is married to someone new ans has been married for a year now...but i wanted to make amends for thr past and the boyfriend is not in my life at all either so should i reach out to her over facebook or just keep it moving....i really considered her to be a friend and she did as well with me...so ehat should i do.??

Friends again or nah??

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"Keep your friends close and your enemies closer", goes the saying. Same goes for competitors.

You told that all backwards, anyway...

- She and he had been good cough!-friends (since teens).
- You met and made friends with her (2009-2011). She was either already dating him or had begun to date him at that time (hence you refer to her as being his *ex* whilst you and he were an item).
- You then started dating him, her ex.

When? Once they'd already broken up? Or when they were still 'sort-of' together? Or when they'd only just recently split up?

If he were using you, i.e. still had feelings for someone else, this case her, throughout yours and his relationship, then I'd hazard a guess that they hadn't quite finished or only just/too newly...which would explain why his attachment to her hadn't yet died and thereby proved re-ignitable.

If that's the correct chronology of events, then - she would have seen it that *you* were the competitor rather than friend. Because you started dating her boyfriend/ex/only-just-maybe-not-quite-ex. Which (in women's minds) is supposed to be taboo between genuine women friends.

Enter her revenge dish served cold - in luring him away and telling you it was never you he was truly interested in all along, having welcomed his obvious desire to get back with her despite she didn't actually want *him* back (other than just as a tool with which to stick it to you for having smashed her taboo).

Put more simplisticly (scuse analogy, but that's the picture she brings to mind)...

She was at playgroup playing with a free-for-all toy, but one that she'd been playing with for years. She for whatever reason (boredom, frustration, distracted attention toward another toy) totaly abandoned it on the floor and crawled off. You, another toddler - her playmate but a newbie to this playgroup - came along and started playing with it, clearly very taken with it. You were having more fun than her. "S'not fair, that's MY toy!', thought she, kidding herself.....so wheedled up beside you [got closer to you as a friend], managed to manipulate the toy from you [but with your help, note], you crawled off, crying in defeat, whereupon, once it was safe to, i.e. after having played with it for an acceptably convincing period, she AGAIN discarded the toy.

It's called Dog In Manger syndrome. SHE doesn't want him, but she doesn't want anyone else to have him, either, particularly not a friend (who could learn all the ins and outs of her most private, not-for-public-knowledge self).

You said '...using me. So [one day]...'. Examine your own Freudian Slip. You already knew he wasn't with you in the emotional sense - AND SAME FOR HER. "SO [ONE DAY]" you shoved her in his face to see what he'd do *and* what she'd do... and got proven right on both counts.

So, er... tell me again why you'd want to make amends with this My Little Pony merchant with the false public persona presented even to supposed friends??

Bleugh, I wouldn't! What if you meet the man of your dreams and she - vengeful urges not quite sated - tried to cause trouble? Obviously if it were Mr Right, any such campaign would fail miserably. But why even go there in the first place when you don't have to, why not make new and better friends? Are you trying to tell us the little Machievellian long-con-machinator is exactly your type? :-o Maybe so - because you basically 'stole' your best friend's ex-not-ex, didn't you. And that's not the done thing, is it.

HOWEVER, look at what happened when you gave her ex BACK. How genuinely in-love with him had she all along been? Clearly not a lot. Not at all, in fact. And don't be fooled by the further year; that would have just been her keeping up appearances (including to herself) for just long enough to render her 'theft' looking acceptable and forgiveable. So you didn't 'steal' her boyfriend at all, did you. You merely picked up her discarded, unwanted 'item'. Gosh, how very dare you - crime of the century to take something from someone's (wait for it) *rubbish bin*! ;-p

See how her mind works? She was always your competitor, right from the off...always measuring herself against you and what you had, and left feeling threatened any time you seemed to have more than she did or something she hadn't. You just didn't see it surface to where it was clearly identifiable until this chap came into your joint picture.

Clearly YOU have seen the error of your ways re having transgressed the sisterly taboo. But how do you know she has? Wouldn't an indicator be *her* having tried to make contact with you? Particularly as the ball's in her court because she crashed an even bigger taboo with you than you did her? She hasn't been in contact, has she. She's not learned a thing (aside from the fact she's always the poor wickle victim and sod how *she* behaves). Victim Bully, is another name for these types.

So, if I were you, I wouldn't, I'd definitely keep moving on. And meanwhile tell my still-bruised ego to suck it up. ;-)

Say it with me: with fronds like that, who needs an-nen-nen-nemonies? (- name the pixar film!)

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