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I still love my ex but don't know what to do. Advice please

Posted by
on Oct 9 2009 at 15:24
Member since: 09 October 2009
Relationship advice Hi there, I dont have the problem of finding a man as the man I want is my Ex. We where together for 5 years and for the most of that time things where great we were like soul mates to begin with, however for the last 12-18 months of the relationship things started to go stale and it was clear that I wasnt happy and neither was my ex. We had a lot of debt and there had been arguments for a long time about the choice of work which he did, he was quite a budding business man and was always trying new ventures usually with my money backing him. Prior to us meeting he had done a year of graphic design at college and for a long time I had tried to persuade him to go back to college or university to complete the course and I would have been happy to support him and not have much money for a while. There was also a 4 year age difference between us (when we split i was 26, he was 22) and I really wanted children, we both did. we were engaged and my partner had said that he wanted children but it was never the 'right time'. I also lived away from all of my family to be with him and had lived away from home since I was 18 so i was feeling home sick because of the situation we were in and the unhappiness i felt.

Anyway, it was 'the situation' that we had gotten ourselves into that caused us to split and i moved back home 70 miles away, I feel that at the time we HAD to split and I still feel that at the time it was the right thing to do. We kept in touch at first but it was obviously too hard for him (he really did not want to split up and was devastated by it, but I insisited that it had to be so) we fell out about a year later over something stupid and didnt speak for 18 months. we have been split up for 2 and a half years now and about 4 months ago I got back in touch with My Ex through a mutual friend, we have been texting, mainly me to him but he always replies and about 3 weeks ago he agreed to meet up with me and we went out for something to eat. For me it was like nothing had changed, we got on really well, had a laugh together and I am still very phyisically attracted to him. I wont say that it was slightly arkward to begin with but only for a minute or so for me, when I was leaving he said it had been nice to see me 'but wierd' when I said 'good wierd or bad wierd' he said 'good wierd'

It is my intention to try to rebuild our relationship and not pick up where we left off but start again. He is now at university doing the course that I had tried to get him to do all those years ago so the 'situation' has totally changed. He admitted that had we not split up he probably would not have gone back to college/university and i believe that he is now everything I wanted him to be when we where together.

I did not make my intentions known to him, partly because I did not have the bottle to say anything to him through fear of rejection ect ect, but also because I dont want to scare him off, I realise that his defences will be up as he was so badly hurt when we split. Friends have said that he would not have agreed to meet me if he did not have any feelings for me but I dont know what to think, what he is likely to be thinking? what to say or how to act around him and go about things so i dont blow things before they get going. He said he is coming to where i live at christmas to see an old friend of his and also to see me.

HELP please I really need some advice on this its hard to ask friends as they went through it all with me so have their own views and opinions I could do with some impartial views and advice

I still love my ex but don't know what to do. Advice please
Reply from
on Oct 12 2009 at 16:04
Member since: 14 August 2009
What made you get back in touch in the first place? I only ask because the answer depends quite a lot on whether it was accidental or intentional.

He was very young when you split and as you say has now gone back to finish his course, so it sounds like he's certainly growing up a bit.

My worry is that you think he's now the perfect guy for you, but he's still the same person really.

Have you seen anyone else since you split? How do you know he isn't with someone now. YOu say he was quite badly hurt, so I doubt he'll be in a hurry to risk that again.

Having said that, if he's replying to your texts and said meeting up was 'good weird', then I don't see why it shouldnt be possible to work things out and gt back together again.

You're right to tread carefully, continue texting, maybe even a little flirting with him and see how he responds. Hopefully, he'll be willing to start afresh just as you are.

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