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Don't know when or whether to believe my husband

Posted by
on Nov 12 2014 at 00:54
Member since: 11 November 2014
Emotional advice Hi, i feel like my life has become a complicated mess over the past several years, and it's not sorting itself out. Here we go - my husband has always been a big drinker, but for some time now - about 4 or 5 years his drinking has become progressively worse, and with this his lying has become progressively worse as well. He makes up stories about how sick he is, several times telling me, his parents and friends that he's be diagnosed with various forms of cancer! a year or so ago, he rang me to tell me that the hospital had rung him while he was playing golf to tell him he had stomach cancer. I couldnt believe that anyone would ring him with that information, so when i got home, i went through his phone and there hadnt been any calls from private numbers or any hospital or any other number i didnt recognise! A friend came to visit me and ask me what was going on with him, i said i didnt really know, then he (friend) tells me that several years ago he had people crying after telling them he had some other cancer! a couple weeks ago he went to the doctor with sore testicles, and they actually booked some scans and blood tests, which I made sure I took him to. That night i get a phone call from another friend telling me to hurry home cause andrew had called him saying he was bleeding from his bum and penis. I rush home, first thing i do is check the toilet - no sign of any blood! the ambulance took him to hospital - no sign of any blood. Now he's just rung me to say he's been back to the doctor and they've told him he has to completely give up alcohol for six months as there is cancer in his kidneys and they do anything about it unless he gives up alcohol completely, so he's booked into ATODS i guess i'll believe him if he actually follows up - time will tell. Mean time, he's not working, we have an emormous tax debt to pay as because of his drinking and ill health our business has been failing with loss of important contracts and too many staff that he's insisted on keeping for too long - they've now left the business, so we have machinery still being paid off, no income from that business and taxes that have become overdue and unpaid as i've had to scrimp and save to keep the payments up on the machines and have nothing left over to pay off debts. I dont think anyone can help me. think i'm fucked!

Don't know when or whether to believe my husband

Reply from
SOULMATE (moderator)
on Nov 12 2014 at 01:55
Member since: 19 August 2014
Now he's just rung you to *SAY* there is cancer in his kidneys. Yes, but he's "SAID" before today, hasn't he. I think you need to ring and get his doctor to verify this.

Sure, it could be that he's extremely mentally in-tune with his body, SENSED cancer had or was about to form, and hence was trying to alert people to this fact (and trying to lend it credibility with his lies about official diagnoses) without knowing either for sure or where exactly in his body it was developing. Stranger things have happened. But, still... why am I sat here thinking it's either just an exaggeration of real or imminent kidney damage, not cancer, or another outright lie? Could it be because it presents a cop-out, at least for a while?

After all... Six months... That *joint* debt will have to be sorted well within 6 months, won't it. Plus, I wouldn't have thought any oncologist would feel it safe or sensible to leave an established, growing tumour for six very long months before administering any treatment, especially when there are shorter-term rehabilitation stays on offer.

Sounds like where the company's concerned, you'll have to go into voluntary receivership if you want to avoid liquidation. Google 'voluntary company administration'.

You're not f*cked. The way you've been used to living your life is f*cked...because it wasn't working but you kept on with it regardless. Here's the attitude that helped get you into this mess, Stanley:

"and it's not sorting itself out"

It.. can not sort ITSELF out. *People* sort things out.

You were hating it, anyway, admit it. Time to begin clearing the decks-sorry, for the decks to start clearing themselves out ;-) in order to set sail on a different course. Trust me, the minute that happens- beg pardon, the minute YOU MAKE THAT HAPPEN you'll not only find yourself astonished at how deeply you breathe a sigh of relief and feel liberated, but will want to kick yourself for not having waved the white flag a lot earlier. What determines whether walking away represents success or failure is WHEN it's done. Too early = failure/lightweight quitter. Too late = failure/control-freak-masochist. Something in between represents success/intelligent survivor.

Best make that move NOW then, eh.

Do that and then you can deal with your (er) husband/partner.

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