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S-e-x advice My man looked at me in the eyes and ask me or said I have been having sex with someone else and he asked me like 2 time in a role and all of them I respond no and he told me to tell the truth and I said no I have not slept with any one else and asked me ic i love him i said yes strength away after I said yes he told me he is coming and asked me if he could come inside me and I responded yes again I want to know if this is nomaly am 21 years old and he is 29

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Who knows what's "normal" during sex talk?

Apparently he likes this kind of interaction, so enjoy it with him if you like it too. (He wants to be told he's the only one, he's the best, you love him, blah, blah, blah, during sex.It turns him on)

Now - if he needs all that reassurance outside of the bedroom, that's another issue.

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He does it outside the bed room too always asking and saying am still seeing my ex fanice but am not sometimes he alway give me the impression of not wanting me is almost like he is in only for the sex he does not really express him self that much either I dump him for a few weeks and told him is over cos am tried of the attitudes he gives me but after I said that and left he called me and begged me for us to meet and talk over it I did meet him but still the insecurity is still there he still just can't stop talking about my ex all because I spend 6 years of my life with him and is not easy to let go like that but then again he will turn run and tell me he loves me and want me to change . Honestly am confuse and I do not want this guy to take me for a ride

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Trust your own instincts on this. He sounds like he will NEVER get over your past and will bring it up anytime he can. He likes this kind of sick excitement in his relationship.

It's boring and tiring for you. It will only get worse as his need for details about your past will escalate, even if he has to create them.

Decide if you want to live like this. You know what you must do.

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This is a simple, subjective, preferences versus capability issue.

"My man looked at me in the eyes and ask me or said I have been having sex with someone else and he asked me like 2 time in a role and all of them I respond no and he told me to tell the truth and I said no I have not slept with any one else and asked me ic i love him i said yes strength away after I said yes he told me he is coming and asked me if he could come inside me and I responded yes again I want to know if this is nomaly am 21 years old and he is 29"

"He does it outside the bed room too always asking and saying am still seeing my ex fanice but am not sometimes he alway give me the impression of not wanting me is almost like he is in only for the sex he does not really express him self that much either I dump him for a few weeks and told him is over cos am tried of the attitudes he gives me but after I said that and left he called me and begged me for us to meet and talk over it I did meet him but still the insecurity is still there he still just can't stop talking about my ex all because I spend 6 years of my life with him and is not easy to let go like that but then again he will turn run and tell me he loves me and want me to change . Honestly am confuse and I do not want this guy to take me for a ride"

Sounds to me like [1] he's the type for whom sex is not merely recreational (his case - not one iota) but is him giving himself, handing over his heart, as results ('dangerously') in increasing his sense of attachment to the woman (as makes him wonder and ask whether it's the same for you), and [2] he's been cheated on before. Or/and [3] he wants to give you more trust than is strictly natural or do-able at this early point and therefore is looking for reasons to feel the fear and do it anyway... find/solicit guarantees that he's safe to without fear of harm (yet again).

I imagine the person whom in the past cheated on him said no they weren't cheating, too, a number of times. Hence why hearing it once isn't enough for him.

Similarly:

"sometimes he alway give me the impression of not wanting me is almost like he is in only for the sex he does not really express him self that much either".

This is him at times trying to protect his heart and ego from further damage by way of convincing you can't relax (take him for granted) yet. If you did, you could become less sensitive in terms of being extra careful about what you say and how you act (like you would with a brand new partner), as otherwise could have him panicking and acting stupid.

He's unsure these days about his capability of spotting, reading, understanding and reacting correctly to any warning signs (because he got caught off guard the last time), yet doesn't have quite the same level of problem when it comes to reading how much a woman is into him and whether her intentions towards him are good during how she behaves towards him during the sex act.

He's got baggage and hasn't properly dealt with it all yet...probably has jumped into this relationship with you a tad too early...is still scared and 'jumpy', just waiting for more 'missiles', hence is acting brave one minute but then giving into his fears and wobbling the next.

You have these choices: [1] You can show him you have his number (which itself is very reassuring because only a woman in empathy with him would/could work him out so easily) by, next time he acts-out, saying very matter-of-factly, 'Are you having another wobble? You are, aren't you - I know you. Shall we talk about it?', or you can decide that you're not patient and sensitive enough, not to that degree, to date a still-wounded and still-scared-to-100%-trust soldier, and end it in favour of searching for one in as full health as you.

Now that you've chucked him but taken him back, you'll have (not your fault) exacerbated both 'fronts': the brave side of him will have taken reassurance from the fact you couldn't let him go and STAY having let him go (tick!), but the cowardly side of him, whenever it next emerges, will probably over-focus and whittle over the fact you could bear to leave him in the first place.

Your third choice is to do my fave move, which is Foie Gras the bugger with reassurance. However, you don't want to set this dynamic where you're always bending over backwards to keep him feeling safe and happy - or whereby the bloke is the type that believes there are only two relationship positions on offer - Servant or Master - thus gets so power crazed he becomes permanent Master - so you have to find a way to make it clear that you're bending *temporarily* out of an understanding of how he naturally still feels given whatever he's been through, and that once he's back to fuller trust in you/your genuine intentions, himself/his powers of judgement, and in life (that it isn't out to get him), you expect him to calm the eff down and show more consistent confidence as well as do more of his share of giving.

In other words: he's temporarily in a wheelchair and you're taking it upon yourself to push him around in it, but if once his legs are better he *still* expects to be sit in that chair being pushed around by muggins, you'll unceremoniously tip him out onto the pavement!

You can say it tacitly: "All better now, wobble gone again? Good. You won't always feel like this, you know."

It's entirely up to you and how worth this effort you think he is.

This thread has expired - why not start your own?

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