I want to leave my partner
Hi...I'm new to all this but desperately need advice...last July I found out I was pregnant by my currant partner..I've already 2 kids from a previous marriage aged 12 and 9..we were only together 6 weeks when I got pregnant...I had a coil fitted but it failed so the pregnancy was a complete shock..I went ahead with the pregnancy and we have a beautiful daughter...my problem is I don't love my partner and want out...everything has happened too quick and I'm completely miserable...hes a great dad and a lovely man but I just don't love or fancy him...I don't want him touching me and know I'm only with him because of our child...I've told him only last week that I'm not happy and hes not happy either but thinks we can fix it...I honestly don't want to fix things and to think of spending the rest of my life with him fills me with such sadness..
what's stopping me telling him to go is what my family will say--how I would cope financially..and how can I break up a family again..I'm soooo tired of it all and just want me and my kids to live on our own...PS..I would never stop him seeing his daughter..myself and my ex husband get on great and the eldest kids see him just as much as me so I would do the same for my partner...god what do I do
So many questions: Are you living together? You refer to a "family." You say he's a great dad and lovely person, so what happened?
What do you do? You try to figure out what happened to this relationship. There are kids involved. If it can be salvaged, then work on it.
What does he mean that he "thinks we can fix it."? Why would he say that if he's not happy either?
yeah we live together...he moved in when I got very sick when pregnant...I think what happened was I was just out of a relationship when I met him and he had just split from his wife about 2 weeks before we hooked up...I wasn't looking for anything serious..
far from it...but its all happened so quick and now I'm resenting him because I never wanted to be in a relationship but felt like I had to be...he says we have three options..either we just get on with and accept this life...we fix it or we break up...I know what I want to do
..I'm scared off not coping financially on my own. and disappointing my parents again..
I've been through a breakup with kids involved and I don't know if I'm strong enough to do it again
I get that he slid in through the side door because he perhaps didn't want to face the full force of being divorced and alone, and was ensconced before you knew it, because I've seen that done many a time (by either gender). But if you never wanted a relationship with him then I'm wondering why on earth you decided to CEMENT the relationship with him by going ahead with the pregnancy? Did he work hard at persuading you to keep it against your better judgement whilst still reeling, or are you Catholic, or - what ...was another baby something you knew you definitely DID want the minute you found out you were pregnant?
I mean - to proceed despite the relationship was so incredibly new.. didn't that strike you as somewhat irresponsible and sort-sighted? Or were you equally trying to hook him as he was you back then? Or, perhaps, were you too focused on what your parents would think of you having a termination? What?
"I'm scared off not coping financially on my own. and disappointing my parents again.."
Shouldn't there somewhere in there be this: "...and denying our child a more regular family life and upbringing"??
I cudnt have an abortion..it was never an option in my eyes...denying my child a 'normal' family life is of course a big issue but my older kids are from a split family and they are well adjusted children who in no way have been short on love or support from me or their dad..should I stay in a relationship that is loveless mainly because of me??? is that fair on any off us?? I can't change how I feel..I really wish I could...I dream of being on my own and raising my kids the best I can...my partner tells me he loves me but I can't pretend for much longer...its killing me and don't k ow where to turn
I repeat my question:
You say he's a great dad and lovely person, so what happened?
what happened?? I don't love him and only see him as a friend...we were only together a short time before the pregnancy and it wasn't meant to be serious..I've tried so hard to make it work but it hasn't and I just want him to leave before we end up hating each other
Noodles, I'm so sorry that I've only just realised you were left hanging with no resolution.
Assuming you're still getting email alerts...
If despite you fell pregnant you don't see this man as lifelong romantic partner material then you'll have to do the decent thing and confess so that he can cease wasting his time on that score and find his true life mate, and never MIND what your parents think or don't think (because you're these days an adult with full and exclusive responsibility for your own life and consequences, however 'negative').
I presume you'd give him as much custody access as he and, even more importantly, his child would need, and that by the same token you can trust him to financially support his child to the fullest extent possible?