It is funny how small things can upset the balance. I have found a great partner.. Monday to Friday after work he is with me and we do various things together. As we both work full time though, we get home it's 6pm - I have 1 son at home who needs my attention and we need to prepare meals, next thing it is 9pm. Bed time is 10-11 and we are back up doing it again the next day. He has children as well, which he sees on the weekend, so come the weekend, he isn't to be seen.
Now, before I'm judged as a clingy girlfriend, let me say I am totally aware he needs to spend time with his children and I support that, what get's me is that when his children aren't around, he STILL isn't interested in grabbing me to do something. That's what irritates me. We literally do not spend any daylight hours together, except for daylight savings time. *grumble*
We have been in this routine for 2 years. His children do not want me around when they are there. Fair enough. We have both agreed to not live in the same house until all our children have moved out. We live next door to each other now which worked out well, at first. He would pop over for a coffee while his son was asleep. Now, I can go all weekend and not see my partner who is literally a stones throw.
Sigh... I mostly feel that I have nothing to complain about as it could be way worse than it is, but, at the same time, I am often left wondering if I am truly loved by this guy. Sure, I feel loved between Monday and Friday but, to get nothing 99% of the weekend, oh, and no, there isn't another woman involved. He just wants time with himself and his children. I even said, on the weekends you don't want to see me fine, but, at least send a text.... Nothing..
Wish I could just not care, however, it is slowly starting to create resentment. The more I ask for love the more needy I look.
I've tried talking to him, but, he doesn't want to know. He doesn't want it complicated. It's effecting my work, myself. I know I should either shut it or leave. Don't want to leave. This is the only issue I have with this guy. I just want some tips on how to get past this....
You mean after TWO YEARS he has not introduced you to his kids and you don't do things together? That's very odd and should be a red flag on your relationship.
He is hiding you from his kids - WHY? (Feeding the fantasy that he might get back together with their mom? Afraid to show his kids he has another life?)
Does your son know about him?
Insist that he introduce you as a 'friend" to his children. Do something together - with all the kids, (movie and popcorn) and then go home.
I understand not introducing every date to your children, but after 2 years, this is quite ridiculous.
You are being left with just the crumbs . . .
At first he was very keen. Thought everything was going to go well. I have met his children and every time I have met them they have always been pleasant. Behind the scenes, his son has made it clear that he doesn't want to spend time with me there. He just wants his dad alone. His father, being very cautious about upsetting his son as he had lost his own father when he was 12, feels it's his responsibility to be there for his son during the weekends. His son has no time for my son, where my son is happy to be friends with anyone. My son gets on well with my partner and we do family things during the week, time pending.
I have no fears of him getting back with his ex-wife. She has her own partner and is engaged and they just talk about their children.
Yes, I do feel I am left with the crumbs. All I ask is for some of the weekend be just our time. His child isn't there 24 hours a day just a coffee, wash the car together, something.