Work / family balance
Help, please... I am at my wits' end with the current situation and need some serious advice. I am also undertaking counselling, however finding it extremely difficult to cope.
My husband and I have been married for only two years. We have recently started working together, as this arrangement gives us more flexibility regarding holidays and time off together. We are a "blended" family - he has four children, divorced parents who both have new partners, two grandchildren.
We have had our ups and downs - the biggest down was his cheating during a rather difficult period in our relationship, where he chose to take another woman on a holiday, then lied to me afterwards.
Since we have been working together, we do nothing but argue. He has never taken the time to really manage this relationship and I tend to find out about his social engagements by looking into his diary. To make matters worse, he has also recently employed a hotshot lawyer with whom he exchanges very loving messages full of mutual admiration, whilst I am being completely left out. Even if we decided that something is my responsibility, the lawyer takes over and negates everything that I have done. She is a nice person, but I am starting to feel more and more resentful.
My husband and I have recently discussed separating as things are really difficult - I am becoming more and more resentful. Help!
let's look at the details here. he cheated on you once, he doesn't discuss his social circle with you, he hired a lawyer to negotiate between you two. looks like he is way over heels to oust you from your life. it seems the relationship is way past its expiry date. even you realized it too. i think its time to act, otherwise you will be the one who is left with nothing.
There are lots of things going on here, but at work . . . Is he the BOSS or are you equal partners? (You said HE hired the lawyer)
How is it that you seeing these "mutually admiration" messages?
What would be the worst thing to happen if you got another job?
You need to ask yourself if there is anything that you love about your relationship with your husband. If you can't find anything then you know what to do.
While you enable him to keep doing what he is, then small wonder you are becoming more and more resentful. You need to give yourself some peace and to do that, you have find a place where you are respected as you deserve to be.
If you need to separate to achieve this, then the sooner the better.
Thank you all so much - this is helping me see things clearly! To answer some of the questions, he is the boss - he offered me the position of his Executive Assistant, however I have pretty much become an office junior. We have no strategies or processes in the office and I am left to try and figure things out by myself most of the time.
The mutual admiration messages sometimes cross my desk in the form of forwarded e-mails, or if we are at home, I can see what he is typing on his phone. I also overhear a lot of conversations which are full of their praise for each other.
Regarding getting another job, I have to wait until our Office Manager returns from her maternity leave - once that happens, I am free to go.
We have always had a difficult relationship due to different beliefs, culture, upbringing and more, and we just don't see things the same way. His family is also very different to mine. We managed to bridge this with love we used to have, however now things are different.Perhaps I have just been worn down...
He cannot understand what I am talking about and claims we are basically the same. I have tried to talk to him, however this is having little effect and he is now saying that he is not sure whether we have a future (as if I have done him wrong).
There are things that I used to love about him and us, however he has turned from a considerate, honest, caring family man into someone who is determined to grow his business no mater what the personal cost, and who takes little notice of people around him, thinks only of money (and things money can buy).
I admit I enjoy the travel and toys, but nothing would compare to feeling loved and cherished. Does this make sense?