My confused and depressed friend
i am writing for my friend and i worry about her very much so if you guys can help, it will be great.
its pretty complicated.
about 6-7 years ago, there was a boy in my friend's neighborhood (i am calling him A )who had crush on my friend. but she didn't go out with the boy as she was seeing someone then, but she maintained a steady friendship with A. somehow, my friend's relationship didn't work and then she wanted to reciprocate A's feelings for her. but that boy moved on, so she could do nothing. then both my friend and he got busy with college applications, freshman year so didnt catch up.
my friend meanwhile was seeing her classmate but still had feelings for A. she used to talk with A. A was then seeing a girl and the girl cheated with A twice and A wanted my friend's advice. My friend told A to forgive his girlfriend because he loves her (omg what was my friend thinking?) And my friend broke up with her classmate.
A, on the other hand, didn't contact my friend for a while but suddenly she saw A's wedding photos on facebook with his ex-girlfriend (who cheated on him twice). after that she is depressed like hell. she cries all the time, hooks up with random guys which is totally not like her.
i can't see her in this state. how can i pacify her? does she need therapy?
So A, a person she cared for quite a long time, went out of contact after her advice and then suddenly showed up on Facebook married with the very women she told him to reconcile with .
She is undoubtedly very hurt, why would A completely ignore her after she helped him EVEN THOUGH SHE HAD FEELINGS FOR HIM (which means she really cared about him and wanted him to be happy), never mention that they get married, no invitation to the wedding and then she finds this out through Facebook.
let me put this in a different perspective. She gave up a life she could've had with him so that he would be happy, with the women he loved, and she got completely brushed aside and ignored. Then she finds these pictures of him with his new wife, the women she helped him reconcile with. And yet not a mention from A himself, not even a small text saying 'I married her', let alone anything else.
That aside, doesn't it seem odd? he has no reason to avoid contact with her, nor any reason to not talk to her. Not to mention while undoubtedly this would cause her to be very upset, and i wager angry, falling into depression suggests a more severe circumstance. I don't believe she told you the truth, or rather she probably only told you part of the truth.
I wouldn't suggest asking her about it though, if she kept something from you its for a reason. Finding out what may satiate your curiosity, but it'll also definitely ruin your relationship.
So, to the core of the problem, she definitely needs therapy. More specifically, she needs someone to talk to who won't, or cannot, reveal what she says and has no direct correlation to her life. A third party so to speak. Unfortunately there is no real way to make a person see a therapist, which I find laughable because most of the time the person is not in their right mind and undoubtedly has no desire to see a therapist whether they need one or not.
You're going to have to spend time talking to her about it, convincing her its a good idea. I'd suggest being with her every step of the way, so that she is reassured and reaffirmed with the decision. Let her know that whatever she says is in the strictest confidence, tell her that the therapist can help her through her emotions, that talking to someone really helps. It'd also help to have some understanding of therapists so that she trusts what you say. I don't know what you can do beyond that. Just tread carefully and hope she ends up taking your advice.
I doubt if A went back to his GF totally on the advice of your friend. They must have healed over all their issues because they got married. (Wonder why he didn't tell your friend at some time during their contacts?)
Was she really that surprised about the wedding? Does she really think she had that much power to make or break that relationship?
Help your friend dry her tears and remind her that everything's the way it should be, including her being free and able to find another love.
Thank you very much regrowth and susie, your advices are really helpful. yes she was really surprised after hearing about wedding. but now she seems okay and focused on future. we are doing courses together, maybe that can take her mind off the past. thanks again