I'm very shy, not social, lack self-esteem, in-closet bi
This is a site where I can tell my problems, right? I'm a guy, 19 years old. So, I will forget any restrictions, and say everything out loud. Matter of fact, I will even come out that I'm bi..which I've never done before. I'm always, most times shy to meet new people, talk to new people, etc. At college, I have made no friends at all. I tried to communicate with friends I felt comfortable talking to back in highschool through facebook, but I tend to back down, and not actually socialize with them. Sorry if I sound like I'm just going on and on, but I'm typing exactly what my thoughts are saying.. So this is what I think is a problem, I tend to care a lot about what others might think of me, and I also care a lot about others ( in the way that they might be bothered when I talk to them, or ask them stuff, etc, socialize.. ) Like for example, I see someone.. I want to ask them to borrow something, like a cellphone..my first thought would be that he or she would be reluctant to lend me one (for some reason,) but had to still because they wouldn't want to look rude. I think like that, even though possibly some might be willing to do whatever I asked of them, or asked them. Once again, sorry if I'm being confusing, as I'm typing right from my mind.
Also, I have low self-esteem..I used to be fat, so I lost some weight, it was hard..but after I lost weight and looked at my pictures, I kinda looked like a girl, and I felt weird; I didn't feel like myself. Maybe that's not how I look, I don't know, but I have low self esteem and lack self confidence in my physical image. I've been told I have an obsession with anything that reflects my image. I look at mirrors, etc, and sometimes see that I'm looking good, but sometimes I look at other mirrors/windows, and I look bad, so I feel down again. It's very weird, sort of like bipolar, only that it has to do with image. Some days I feel hyper and 'hot,' those days are rare, but some days, when I go to places, college, shopping, etc. I see other guys and compare them with myself..how are they so good-looking, have the great style they have, the friends they have, etc. That gets me feeling sad and depressed. I don't know if this is being paranoid or what, but sometimes, as I'm sitting in public places, such as the classroom, or the bus, and no one sits beside me, I feel that I'm being avoided by people, and that brings me a sense of sadness. For example, as I sit on the bus, and there's an empty seat beside me, and someone tries to find a seat, but there's the seat beside me and he or she doesn't sit there. I don't know if that's just me, or me being avoided. As I'm typing right now, I'm pretty much coming out on most of everything in my mind. I may not sound coherent, and I apologize for that. I know I have interests, things other 19 year olds might be interested in, such as videogames, traveling, making money, movies, etc. I just don't know what's wrong with me, if there's anything wrong with me. I WANT to make friends, but I'm scared to be myself.. I don't know why. I can't make friends that I hang out with. I've never really gone to the movies with friends, like how others do, etc. I've always been lonely, and I want to change. I think this lonliness is taking a big toll in my life, and I want to make myself improve as much as possible. First I lost some weight, that's a good step, I need to lose more, etc. But, I lack social skills, when I'm talking with people, I tend to talk very fast, maybe incoherently, even though I might be understood. Once I was told by someone that I'm way too polite, which might be a barrier between me and my socializing; as I already said, I care too much about what people think, and I have a sense of not wanting to 'bother' people, by socializing. I know it may sound weird, but there, I said it all.
Thank you so much for taking your time to read this long long ..I don't know..issues paragraphs haha. I hope you can help me, and make me IMPROVE, and become a SOCIAL person, FEEL GOOD about myself, etc. Thank you! Reply please, that would be awesome, and might even change my life and the way I live. Criticise me all you want, I want and like constructive criticism, which I think may be necessary for improvement. I will love you so much for replying ( laugh ). Please reply to help me, thanks.
PS : After you've read this and 'heard' my tone. Please honestly tell me if I sound like a girl or guy or weird? That's one of the things I'm also worried about. Like when talking to people in chat, I try to sound like a man, as much as possible, and not let a girl-tone come into the words I type. So what do I sound like? I am brave and ready to accept honest opinion. Thank you.
my reply to your post is short and sweet....i also am typing my thoughts but who cares if i go on and on...come on friend dont be so hard on yourself, something has happened to you to bring in so much negativity, you must not feel you are being judged ..the damage has happened from the inside my friend . its not your weight or sexuality . your confidence broken by thinking what other people may think. forget them ... you are the one that matters ok.. if you want to look in mirrors you do it. its normal i do it all the time. even if you think that you dont look nice lookin today. say lookin good today...stop the worry my friend. remember its how you feel deep inside...anyway hope all goes well for you...be happy you deserve it ,,,,
I know its not easy, I made my first friend when I was 12 and I only have 3 freinds I trust and Im 20. You have to try not to think when you meet new people. Just go and talk to them. If someone har nice shoes then tell them. Or if someone har pink hair and it looks awsome then tell it. Like " Where did you color you hair? It looks awsome!". And so what if you look a bit feminin there are a lot of girls who acctually like that, and since you are bi I can tell you that some guys like it too. To be obsessed with how you look is normal when your between 15 and 30, or everybody is but when you are in that age you are a bit more. And you know what? If people dont like who you truly are, then they are not your friends, and sometimes when you are yourself you will get new friends because they like the one you acctually are. I hope this helped, because Im just saying what I think. Good luck!
hey guest what, i hv the exact same problem here! i dont hv any friends in college and everyone seems like avoiding me. i cant help you because im struggling for help too. but i thought it will be nice to tell you that you are not in this problem alone. but this is 3 years ago, has it change now?
your problem is called social phobia,many people suffer because of it,wherever you go you must know that you are not alone,i want to help you so much,people with social phobia think that everybody looks at them because there is something wrong with them,or they are afraid to ask people something and plus that you havent accepted yourself yet this makes you feel that all feelings,phobia is not the pain you feel,its the fear that you wiil feel the pain.i wish you to understand what im talking about,you can give a solution to this with dirrect approach,the best way to avoid from shyness is to not let people see your weekness,its like to hide something in you,i have understood that brave people mostly feel shy inside and the coolness is a way to hide it.you have alot to do but you must know that you cant have something in this life without doing anything,there can be no smoke without fire.