Friendzoned through the internet?
Now, I don't really like the term, but there's no better way of putting it.
22 yo. Male. Pretty much a shut-in, and of course no experience whatsoever in the romantic department, be it online or face to face. But then this girl happened. We got to know each other via social networks, and hit it off immediately. I instantly felt that it was a "made for each other" sort of thing, and she let me know that she felt similarly. We talked about ourselves a lot and called each other cute nicknames and stuff. Never experienced anything remotely similar, and we even started talking about getting to meet (we don't live that far away). But...
She recently had a breakdown , and after I consoled her and told her I really cared about her, she told me that she wasn't looking for a romantic relationship at the moment. She confessed that she has a hard time relating with males or trusting them because of circumstances of her past, and that she felt insecure about getting into a relationship with one without having a guy friend first. She also said that she still liked me and wanted to keep in touch with me, but as a friend (hence the title of the topic).
I think I managed the situation pretty well, without getting angry or letting her know how much I didn't like the idea. But the truth is, I absolutely want to pursue a relationship with her, and I don't really think that I can manage being "just being friends" with her. I can kinda understand her, she has her baggage (she was very open about her past, gotta give her that), but I honestly wouldn't mind sharing it with her at all. I really like her. I might have been acting a bit rash (we've only known each other for a couple of weeks), but that's how I sincerely feel.
I've decided to continue to try my luck with her (for my mental sanity, the choices were either that or to stop talking to her). I know I have to take things easier, and try to work my way, but I want to know: What chances do I have? Is there anything in particular I should do/avoid doing? Experiences of people that went through similar situations would help too. Thanks in advance to everyone that comments this.
(Also forgive me if my english is a bit weird)
I'm sorry to be blunt, but you're not taking into account her feelings or what she is experiencing right now. She's rejecting you because she is afraid. She is afraid that you will be just like the rest of the men she has experienced, she is afraid that things will just repeat again. You cannot fix this. You cannot solve this. You are the direct cause of the problem.
I would severely discourage your decision to continue pursuing her like that after how she just opened up to you. Its obvious she really cares about you, no-ones really open about a past that severely affects their lives. By telling you, she trusted you that much. Now its your turn to trust her.
I would suggest taking a step back. Tell her you understand, tell her that you truly love her, explain this to her. I mean REALLY explain this to her, get your emotions across.
You will keep in touch, but you can't be friends with her. She means too much to you for you to accept that. Then tell her you will give her time.
Let her think things over, if she ends up deciding to reject you then you will have to accept that. You cannot change her decision, nor should you.
So things got this way when you started talking to her about meeting. And she said she just wanted to remain "friends" and just "keep in touch."?
Look - is this where you want to be with her?
Wouldn't you have liked this to evolve into at least meeting her in person?
Apparently, she can't or won't do that. So this relationship is not going to GROW into anything. Is that good enough for you?
PS _I'm not even going to go into the idea that "she" may not even exist the way she presents herself and she is panicking about actually meeting you. Have you at least skyped with her?
I just wonder why a woman who didn't want to actually date someone would have led someone else into believing she did in the FIRST place - going so far as to echo your own sentiments.
And then suddenly she's - within MERE WEEKS - suffered a breakdown? Pff, come off it (her)!
It takes more than a couple of weeks to arrive at the point of emotional or nervous breakdown. So that's rot as far as I'm concerned. Not that it negates the possibility of sudden cold feet, of course...the question there, being, WHY.
Is she a lot younger than you (you admit you're inexperienced AND seemed to subconsciously want to omit her age, so..?) and was just playing at cultivating a relationship?
I don't think so, I think were that her aim she'd have bailed out or given an Amber light far sooner than she did.
I think she made up the story about a breakdown because she thought that's all it would take to make you slow down. But you didn't take the hint, took it as a Green light to state your feelings in black & white. Hence - seeing it hadn't worked - she THEN spilled the truth (but exaggerated for effect).
I mean, TELLING a man you're a poor, wee, vulnerable thing is not going to put him off, is it. It's going to present as a real CHALLENGE - not least because it makes you, the inexperienced male, feel bolder in comparison than you otherwise might.
So clearly her aim was NOT to send you packing - merely to make you slow right down.
Again - it's not a Red light; neither is it a Green. It's an Amber.
The question now is, why does she wish you to slow down? Is that because she's alarmed at the pace you were trying to take things or because she has her finger in other pies of potential?
You could only find out via TIME and more chatting/getting to know whilst showing her you've put on the brakes but have the engine still running. If you really can't manage that, then, what you've got her, situationally, is how the cookie tends to crumble: Right Person, Right Place, WRONG TIME... meaning you'll have to search elsewhere for a woman who's as completely ready and raring to go as you.