PeoplesProblems Logo

Frustrated

Default profile image
Emotional advice So about 3 weeks ago, my Dad won an annual trip at his work to go to on a vacation to the Caribbeans in a couple months. The trip is originally for 2 but you can add more people, it'll just cost a bit; and right of the bat I said that I would stay at home. Not only because I don't want them to spend too much money on me, but because I really just don't feel like going and it's been a stressful year for my family...my Mom and Dad are really excited for this trip and I want them to go and have a good time. (I'm in my 20's, I can handle being at home by myself for a week; hell, that'd be awesome).

For the past 3 weeks now my parents have been asking me if I'm sure that I don't want to go with them and every single time I've told them, "yes, I'm sure. I don't want to go." Well, tonight my Dad came to me and said, "I've been thinking, and I made the executive order. I signed you up for the trip." Now my parents are all happy and talking about what a great time we're going to have. My Dad was even like, "don't lie, you wanted to come the entire time didn't you?"

No! I don't want to go, and I've been saying that the entire time. Every time I've been asked, expected to change my mind, I've said no. And now I'm just upset, not mainly because I'm going on the trip, but because my parents have completely ignored what I've been saying for the past couple of weeks; they just made they decision and expect me to be thankful. And the decision can't be changed now.

I think the worst part though is that they are genuinely excited that I'm going with them now. And I understand that; but now they're happy and talking about all the things we can do and I'm just sitting there not saying anything. I just can't bring myself to get excited about the trip because all I can think is, "I never wanted to go in the first place!" So now I'm going to give myself a huge guilt trip because I'm being a huge downer.

I know this all sounds silly and I'm sorry about the long post; but is it wrong that I feel this way? Yes, I get to go on this big trip, but I've been saying the whole time that I didn't want to go and my parents just ignored everything I said. That's the biggest thing that I'm upset about. Hopefully I'll have a fun time, but every time they're going to mention the trip I know I'm just going to feel spiteful.

Frustrated

Default profile image
Hey, I've been through exactly what you've been through; same age, same situation, everything. My parents asked me for months if I wanted to go on this two week trip to Alaska with them, and each time I've said no. I go to college states away and have a limited amount of time with my friends and boyfriend; I didn't want to go across the country to sightsee on a travel-trip, which would include being in some sort of vehicle near constantly. I get motion sick. But nooooo; my parents signed me up for it against my wishes, acting like it was the last time I would ever see them. And then the entire time they're surprised why I'm not feeling well and asking why I have to be such a downer. Seriously? Seriously?! Planes, trains, ships, buses.... Ugh... It ended up being more stressful than relaxing (being on the go for about 16 hours a day will do that to a person, we barely got 6 hours of sleep as per the travel guide's schedule...)

Not to say I didn't appreciate the money, effort, and experience. That's totally different. But the fact remains I was not listened to, nor respected as an adult. What would they have done if I flat out refused to budge? That's something they need to consider. You won't always be at their beck and call your entire life.

Frustrated

Default profile image
Reikami is right, this is a common problem among parents. The progressive change from childhood to adulthood, for their kids, doesn't include a progressive change of their parenthood. That is, to say, most parents will treat you like a kid no matter what age you are.

To them, they know better then you. They believe that you want to go to this trip, and are just denying it out of respect/courtesy for them. That's why they won't listen to you. The fact that they circumvented you, deciding that you go without talking about it with you (asking is different), suggests they are still looking at you as a kid; instead of a fully-fledged adult.

When I say kid, I don't mean behaviorally. They just haven't progressed, so they still make decisions without your permission (when it involves you) among other things.

You should sit down with them, and have a talk. Explain to them that while you were thinking of them, you made the decision as an adult to not go on this trip and they violated your trust by ignoring you. Something along those lines at least.

The point you want to try and get across to them is that while you will always be their kid, you are no longer a kid. They can't decide to take you on this trip without your permission, and it was quite rude of them to do so (well, don't be so harsh).

Of course, since they've already paid, you should go. But explaining this to them now should help any potential problems in the future, and if they understand and accept what you're saying then you can go on the trip feeling much happier about it.

Frustrated

Default profile image
Wow - you are going to pass up this vacation in the Caribbean? With all those hot people in bathing suits, the fantastic music, food and places to see?

See if you can get your own room there so you can be more independent on the trip. Tell your parents you need to be on your own there, so you can do some exploring.

Don't pass up this trip! You'll have fun sharing the stories with your friends when you get back.

PS - Is it possible to also take a friend of your along?

Frustrated

Default profile image
I'm with Susie (including about asking them to compromise via an own room). You've clearly never been to the Caribbean before, otherwise you'd be GAGGING! Trust me - once you clap eyes on those amazingly awe-inspiringly beautiful beaches, you'll be saying what I said: "OH, MY EFFING GOD, THERE REALLY *IS* AN EFFING GOD!".

As to the principle of your beef: Maybe it's because your parents *do* recognise (thanks to your declinations, as well as the assertiveness of their issue) that you're no longer their little kiddie, and, simply knowing better than you - from experience, not some sense of superiority/ownership - how the Caribbean is *not* an experience to be missed (in case you never again get the chance), decided to 'railroad' you [1] for your own good and adult experience under your belt, and [2] BECAUSE it's clear this might be the very last time they'll be in a position where getting to out-vote you is even possible?

No, of course it's not wrong to feel aggrieved over having had what you see as rank pulled on you. (Plus the fact they claim they suspect you wanted to go all along is probably just guilty conscience talking, begging to be let off.) But since those lemons are already in your lap, I too suggest you make Lemonade out of them this time, whilst re-asserting your stance (at the END of the trip, and in a calm, reasonable, ADULT fashion) to get to make your own such major decisions in future.

PS: You wait til you taste the fruit. It's like bloody SWEETIES!

(Basically, I'm so Green with envy I could climb through my monitor, wallop you out cold then steal your ticket! LOL)

This thread has expired - why not start your own?

B-0