I am so confused by his actions... what does he want from me?
First off, I'm 18 and just 2 months into uni and never been in a relationship or kissed anyone.
He's good looking and probably get attention from girls, When we met he doesn't have a girlfriend. He was very obviously flirting, walked me home several times and held me in his arms while we walked. He is generally very caring and considerate; he knows that i've never dated anyone nor kissed anyone and doesn't push me into anything im not comfortable with. He also repeatedly tells me that i'm pretty and hot and have a good personality.. things like that.
One day he told me he got a girlfriend. to be honest i was okay with that since it was just flirting really. i took it as a good reason to withdraw.
Things were really platonic between us after that. however he did start texting me more than before.. but nothing flirty so i reckon he just wanted to remain friends,
last night he called me up and asked me to join him for a night out. I got pretty drunk and we danced for two hours straight. He kept pulling me into his arms, playing with my hair, holding my waist and back. and repeatedly asked me how it is possible for me to have never dated.
we went back to his flat and i stayed the night. we did not have sex, didn't even kiss, he didn't attempt any of that. He did pull me very close to him and spoon me to sleep, laced fingers and warmed my feet with his. he hugged and laced fingers with me when we woke up in the morning as well. I also vaguely remember him saying my name a lot before falling asleep.
at some point he told me all his friends likes me more than they like his girlfriend, but i was too drunk to ask why i was compared to his girlfriend in the first place.
The next day after I left, he texted me later in the day to ask how my day was and such. For the next few days we also texted on and off. he usually asks me questions and doesnt let the conversation die off easily.
Usually guys who just want sex back off when I tell them ive never dated, but he didnt. If he isnt in a relationship, i would be almost certain he likes me more than a friend and might want something more than friendship with me. however if he does, he wouldnt have started dating his girlfriend in the first place right? But all his actions are so misleading and confusing!
So thats pretty much the story.. what on earth does this guy want from me? what is he thinking? i'm very confused. any help will be appreciated!
I'm confused. Does he or does he not have a girlfriend?
When i met him they havent started dating yet.. now theyve been dating for around 2 weeks already. Which is exactly why i am confused since 2 weeks into dating should be the time they are crazy about each other.. yet he still cuddled with me? and he didnt even attempt to kiss me or have sex... which means he's probably not after the sex.
"However if he does, he wouldn't have started dating his girlfriend in the first place right? But all his actions are so misleading and confusing!"
You are correct. If he did want you in a romantic way, he would not have started dating his girlfriend in the first place.
His actions are misleading and confusing because is is not a good person. Thank goodness you did not have sex with him.
Now, stop being friends with him, stop all contact with him, and go out there and find the good person that a good person like you deserves!
We go to the same university club so I see him once in a while. I feel like when it comes to him I cross my own moral standards... i would have never been this close with someone who's taken. but somehow it just happened and it frustrates me so much!
Any advice would be much appreciated(:
that boy is pretty confused too. looks like he isn't sure about his girlfriend, but hasn't got the guts to face his feelings. He is depending more on his friends to decide about his love life. So he sent the ball in your court. Yes, he is sending mixed signals to you.
I say keep the relationship with him strictly formal (if your meeting with him is inevitable) , you don't deserve to be someone's second choice.
Does anyone think its possible that he only sees me as a friend and nothing more? Is it possible that I've been over reacting?
I think he's playing u and keeping you as a side-chick, if he really did care abt u he wouldn't had gotten a gf while flirting with u and sending u the wrong signals.If he really wants u he will have to choose between being with u or his gf.
I'm thinking the so-called gf is a decoy. He met you first, clearly was interested (despite treading carefully and patiently). You didn't bite and then, hey-ho, suddenly he grabs a woman and immediately TELLS you (whilst with his actions telling you he's not that into her). If he'd wanted to cheat on her he'd have kept the fact of her quiet. If he'd wanted you to cheat with him, he'd have kept the fact of her quiet. What he did was this: "Hurry, hurry, whilst stocks last (some other woman's about to take my heart off the shop shelf)!"
Pulling in another woman/man is a common ploy used to force someone's romantic hand. You're supposed to think of him as yours, ergo feel that the new woman is somehow trespassing on your patch, trying to steal your man from you, and react accordingly - which is to increase (or in your case, more fully reveal) your level of interest in order to compete and out-do her from a distance using him as the racetrack. However, he clearly didn't bank on your strength of morals' ability to hold you back, meaning now his plan's totally backfired...because here you are, dithering BECAUSE he has a so-called girlfriend.
Do you even know this woman exists rather than is a complete fabrication? Have you met her or know from mutual friends that she and he are definitely an item?
Even if she does - in summary, my opinion is that he's trying to force you to finally step up and agree to become his gf. If you do feel like entering into a relationship with him, tell him you would IF ONLY HE DIDN'T ALREADY HAVE A GIRLFRIEND. If he instantly chucks her (or pretend chucks pretend her) you can know he got with her (or pretended to) only to hurry you into stepping up. If he doesn't, then you have your answer: cake and eat it merchant aka lazy, cheating basstud.
I have seen his girlfriend, she does exist haha
I've spent a lot of time thinking about this and now I think my brain has sorted everything out, I'm moving on! I figured if he really did like me enough, he wouldn't have kept me confused and doubting everything.
Maybe he was somewhat attracted to me, but afterall he has a girlfriend and I should and will respect that.
Hopefully I will come across someone who likes me enough to make me a first choice one day(:
Thank you for all those who replied, it helped a lot!
Someone who has the bravery to ask you out straight instead of playing silly games, you mean. Yep, can't argue with that, who needs a coward with a fragile ego.