Love, family and wrongdoings
Recently, i broke up with my girlfriend after a 2 and half year relationship. Biggest mistake i've ever made. This girl i love as my everything. i should've stayed back and worked things out. 5 days later, one of my female friends tried to jokingly flirt with me. "I'm gonna go take a shower and brb. unless you wanna join me" my reply: "you can't handle me in a shower" such was the conversation for around 4 lines. i replied in such a way because i was trying to get over my girl who i still had feelings for. meanwhile, my girl was doing everything possible to get me back. and as i had realized how much i loved her, i quit having contact with the flirt and went back to work things out. we were together for a day, before she found out about this conversation and became furious. she abused me with very harsh words and quit all contact. later she calmed down and came back to talk to me around 3 weeks later. but then, she just started drifting away, stopped having contact. one day i tried to get her to talk and she just told me she didn't love me anymore and that she was happier now. it killed me to hear this from her because we both loved each other sincerely and never gave up no matter what in our years. at the same time, my family which had very deep problems since years. some horrible incident happened which made my depression worse. being given up on by the love of my life and also my family, i gave up on myself, life, studies, and everything. i'd spend 90% of the day sulking in bed wanting to get into bad habits to rid myself of the memories and all the pain. i became extremely weak as i have horrible anxiety issues. i lost sanity. meanwhile her friends chose this exact moment to test whether i would do this again. they tried to sext me from a fake account. at first i immediately said no and unfriended her. i told my friend about it casually and knowing my state he forced/convinced me that i needed to do this in order to get over my girl. that girl tried again and i gave in, sexted her occasionally over a period of 4 days. meanwhile, i was literally losing stability and i was made to go to a psychiatrist. that is when i found out it was her friends testing me and also that she still had feelings for me. i told my friend what had happened and he felt so guilty for putting me in such a situation that he decided that he had to go take blame and responsibility. but it didn't work out, her friends went and showed her. she is furious over what i did. she feels I'm a liar and a cheat now. i spent the last one month away from her changing myself with this psychiatrist. i feel so guilty and full of regret, i feel like i was blinded. didn't know what i was doing due to depression. now, Im ready to do anything in order to get her back. there are other guys who are trying to get on her good side, trying to get her attention and using our situation as their advantage. apparently wanting to beat me up and stuff. this girl is my life. suggestions or comments on this situation please? i don't want to give up on this girl. she is family.
Suggest you need to go back being her friend first and win back her trust. This is not easy and will take a long time. But just be her friend and keep confiding in her. Over a period of time she will come to trusting you again.
At the moment, she is extremely pissed. to the extent that she doesn't want to see my face ever again. loyalty is apparently the question. getting to be her friend by itself is a hard step now. As i am a musician, I've written a song for her and getting it studio recorded to dedicate to her, but yet i don't know if it will be enough to calm her down. i feel like i need to do something extremely unexpected and drastic to show she really does mean what she does to me. How do i go about making her give me a chance to be at least just a friend to her and placate her?
See its natural for her to be mad at you which I am sure you also understand. But emotions are not dependent on words. Even when you break off the emotions depend on how deep you have connected to each other. Clearly in your case, you both have connected very deep (though you realised it late). She is mad at you which is why she says she has broken up. But my feeling is she is still fighting with herself to convince herself about the break up.
What you need to do is call her up (keep calling and texting till she picks up and speaks to you). Tell her that you know you have messed up and are extremely sorry for it. Tell her, you know that she might never be able to trust you again and you are not asking her for a relation. Tell her that you know you have lost the right for asking her that. Atleast for the sake of past connection you both shared ask her to be your friend. Tell her you are in desperate need for a friend. Keep trying to convince her for friendship.
If she agrees for friendship then half your problem is solved. Trust will come but will take a long time (may be some months or for some can take a year too).
You got in trouble for sexting a friend of hers; she found out and got mad. Then her friends sexted you and you responded AGAIN.
Perhaps your ex set this up as a "test" to see if you would respond to someone sexting you AGAIN.
Can you see how you are a responsible participant in what happened?
She says she does not "trust" you. You have not shown you can be trusted.
I don't know how you will get yourself back into her good graces. There's a lot on your plate, now. Try to get your health back, THEN deal with her.
well, the first time i replied on purpose, and i didn't sext. i was trying to get over her by just flirting back and making myself believe she isn't the only one; but i was wrong. second time she told me she was happier without me, that she doesn't love me anymore and made sure i understood it. i didn't know what was the point even trying to fix things. thats when her friends came to sext me. i had given up on her as well. but yes, i made a huge mistake, and now, i have got my health back. i am working on getting her to be my friend. any suggestion on how i should go about getting her to feel that i have changed. i would never cheat. it was wrong to take this direction.
Communication is the only way Aaron. Ensure that there is no communication gap between you both. If some girl sends you a request, ensure that you tell her. All the little things ...keep sharing with her. Be transparent with her and she will soon see that you have changed.
Constantly reaching for another woman as if that would be a total panacea to your sense of heartache and rejection is your downfall. You should wait until The Fat Lady has sung before this type of act can have any effect of comfort. If not, as you've now seen, it just makes the original problem that much worse.
To your ex-not-ex it would come across as if the relationship had meant so little to you that it was that easily, instantly replaceable. Obviously this is not the sort of way SHE would react under that circumstance so she wouldn't be able to understand that it was your MacMethod for salving your wound, meaning the girl concerned meant nothing beyond some tool... an elastoplast. From her point of view and experience, what does it say to her if not only could you bear to let go of her in the first place as carries the very real, giant risk of losing her from your life forever-Amen, but that you then got seemingly so speedily over her as had you ready to start a brand new relationship?
You 'shot' her very quickly with the big gun so you're going to have to UN-shoot her very quickly with a big gun.
This is what you have to explain to her IN A HANDWRITTEN LETTER, including a full apology for the mere negative impression you gave as runs WHOLLY COUNTER to the truth of the matter, as well as promising that if she could see her way to forgiving your ignorance and idiocy, you won't ever again choose such a selfish, self-centred act for the sake of getting to AVOID the need for a post-fight/"break-up" debrief just because you were unaware due to her superbly convincing acting skills married with your gullibility that the break-up wasn't full and final. Tell her that next time you'll come to her to sort things out - the minute she's ready and lets you - NOT *seemingly* run into the arms of another woman, one that doesn't even hold a candle to her.
The action of going to the trouble of writing her a formal letter (- revealing considerateness, thoughtfulness, sincerity and intense conviction), thereby simultaneously demonstrating that not even the fear of her possibly showing it to a third party can outweigh your fear of losing her from you life (- bravery and extent of love & desire), should have the desired impact.
DON'T make the letter more like a short note. Go into emotional detail about all the qualities of hers and the relationship that you badly miss.
Actions, you see, particularly ones that are really hard for a man to do, speak loudest. They certainly drown out any idiots with their own agendas trying to sway her beliefs and opinions, that's for sure.
Buy a sweetly romantic chain necklace to include in the envelope, if you like. Spray the letter with your usual or her favourite cologne of yours.
Deliver the letter by hand along with a single red rose. If she lives with one of these aforementioned melodramatically meddling idiots then you'll have to ensure you hand the letter directly into her hands and hers alone. But say nothing aside from, 'Please would you read this when you get a moment? Thanks', smile sweetly or sadly, and turn and leave.
"Feint heart never won fair maiden". Particularly one that wants to whack you full in the face with a frying-pan.
If she's got a heart and a braincell, that ought to do it or at least pave the way.