I believe my wife needs counselling
Married 50 years and I have given her a hard life, with various affairs in the 70s into 80s all found out and admitted, one was her best friend. I have not tried any more since early 1980 and she has forgiven me as much as she can. We were happily living and doing everything together although we have some different interests, her gardening and WI and me hobby painting and sport.
We have two adult children with grandchildren living within 3 miles.
I am on the Sex Offenders Register since early 2013 with some images of little girls on my computer. They were low level and not pornographic. It was a big mistake I know and am now in probation and learning things like empathy which I realise I did't have.
I am not a child abuser nor a paedophile and since prostate cancer in 2007, I cannot have any sexual gratification of any sort.
Local newspapers published my details and crime so we have to live with people finding out, including some friends and acquaintances, some of whom we have lost, but others have been marvellous.
I tried to commit suicide in utter remorse and deep shame after the arrest and failed, having to spend many months in hospital recovering. My wife and family have backed and supported me and I have been at home since late 2013 and we are getting by and doing all our interests as normal, except my wife is driving me every where. I recovered from all injuries etc by early this year but two weeks ago I had a mild stroke. Now back at home and she again is being lovely and supporting.
However, she has her own issues with what I have done over the years, quite understandingly. I treat the probation which is tough also as therapy/counselling, although it is not, but I find it good to talk.
Counselling has been suggested to her since my crime and since, with me suggesting it could help, but she refuses outright.
We both love skiing but I can't anymore, but she has booked a very expensive holiday in January with a crowd of our friends. Fter my initial show of displeasure I have retreatd and given her backing and am resigned to her going and the expense and have told her so. I did feel she was punishing me having booked it even when she didn't know I could ski for a year or so.
She mentioned it last night and my reaction, as she is aware, was not to chat about it, just get on with it when the date arrives. My wife stormed off in a huff and refused to let me explain.
In the end, after some TV I broke the ice, made some chat and we went to bed.
This morning we were OK, but I feel that she needs to understand empathy and how I feel and not create a row as it nearly became. She stated during my stroke hospitalisation that she loved me and during my recovering from the suicide attempt she had compassion for me. I am at loss on how we can carry on with her refusing to discuss any issue.
Surely you want your wife to have a good time with friends. Stop sulking . . .
Bring a good book, a big puzzle, go for walks, watch people have a good time on the slopes, visit the local town, do the cooking for the gang, etc. etc.
PS. You two have been through a lot. She has been by your side. Perhaps YOU needed counseling in how to have more empathy for others, but I have a feeling that SHE has had enough to get you two where you are now.
Thank you SusieQ. First of all we can't afford for me to pay nearly 1K just to GO on the trip as I can't ski due the injuries I gave myself in the suicide bid. That is just the package without insurance, spending and food so it will be near to 1.5K total, but yes I do want her to enjoy it.
Secondly, I didn't say that 2 weeks ago I had a stroke and the injuries need surgery and that can't happen for another 6 months now. I am in a lightweight casing on one foot and need crutches.
You're right that we have been through a lot but no family or friends know any of our marital troubles, so we are in ourselves proud and surprised of how long we have remained together, but we are and I want to stay that way and as far as I understand so does she other wise she would have been gone by now.
I have been through the empathy thing and still working on it and have tried conselling with an independant, but didn't feel I was getting anywhere and remain convinced it would benefit her.
You both have been through much and you are lucky to have such an understanding wife by your side!
See you are viewing this trip in the wrong light. You have suggested counseling for her and she has refused. Though on the outside, being the good human being, she has forgiven you but on the inside lots of negative emotions must be running havoc. Daily there must be fights inside her between the negative and positive emotions. Try to understand that.
This vacation that she is demanding is not just a waste of money on entertainment but some kind of natural therapy for her. By going out and enjoying she would be settling a lot negative emotions inside of her.
I also understand you are going through a lot yourself but hang on, this will all be past soon. Look at the positive side, your injuries are not permanent, you still have your family with you and some good friends too. The way ahead is a little tough, so what? The worst is over and this shall soon pass away. The important thing is it has brought with it many realisations and deeper relations. Put your positives together and ignore the negative thoughts.
I think you should just count your blessings that she has stood by you. Let her enjoy her holiday - she deserves it - it is probably money better spent than therapy.
I can't stress this enough, I would be on the same ski trip if I could, so while we are not loaded, we could stretch to it as it is usually our main foreign holiday expenditure. I would not be happy being out there in the Alps with a book etc and to spend that amount of cash just to be there and not join in is daft and I don't think she would be happy, being concerned about my welfare as I know she is day to day.
I want her to enjoy it.
The fact that she marches off and won't discuss my point of view ON ANYTHING is my worry for our future and the reason I am in this forum. I do have a view and an opinion and should be able to voice it. I am most grateful she has stood by me and drives me everywhere. I compliment her wondeful cooking, I help with the housekeeping as much as I can with certain hindrances.
My health and our marriage are now the uppsrmost in my mind as the crime case is gradually easing except for some unpleasant reminders from outside.
A restrained approach is clearly not going to work on you.
Learning empathy HOW? You're NOT having counselling and nor have you (or else you'd have said so). Probation? Please. Do you think we all came down in the last shower?
Not this soldier.
No wonder she refuses to have lone counselling. What are you trying to suggest - that SHE was co-creative in your copious marital, friendship, and sex offenses and/or that it's solely down to HER whether she can get over the last of the effects of all you've subjected her to for non-stop decades?
WHO suggest counselling to her? Someone who didn't dare assist in tackling the problem from the obvious end - you - and tried to fob off themselves and everyone concerned that she was the easier target (fingers crossed)?
She was and still is your VICTIM. The only thing SHE has "done wrong" is to over-tolerate, aka be a martyr (for whatever reasons). Now she wants to for once please herself. About time, too. Yet here you sit, moaning about how the holiday hasn't been chosen with you and your specific needs uppermost in mind and ASSUMING that she'll likely not enjoy herself due to worrying about your needs? Error - Does Not Compute. If your needs were still forefront of her mind to the point of outweighing her own, she'd have booked a beach holiday (think about it).
You know how to use words as a veil, sir, but you clearly still suffer the crux of your root problem because it's coming out like this: Me, Me, ME, poor ME!
No. Poor *her*. It was worse for her than ever for you because she had no say or control that entire time. What are you going to do about it?
*You* need counselling. If she still has residual issues and bitterness over your very long rap sheet and her having had to have put herself constantly second like a mother to some perpetual child, then it stands to reason that you haven't made reparations *enough* - berbom. If you had, then all of your positive, re-wooing and -bonding actions to-date would have overlaid your past transgressions to the point where they'd gone beyond blurry opacity to INVISIBILITY. Berbom. That's how it works.
I imagine a gesture like getting counselling for yourself would go a heck of a long way towards a placement of the remainder of requisite gauze veils. Your tacit suggestion that confession equals any or sufficient remorse and restitution doesn't work on me. It's *actions* that show these things and actions alone.
And please don't spout suicide at me, either, because in this context it's a selfish act fashioned for the purposes of escaping societal and self culpability, so that won't wash either. Or what - you think literally and irreversibly abandoning the rock that had stood by you through thick and thin to yet more grief, not to mention financial penury - was a great way to say 'Thanks for everything' and cap it all off?
My god. DECADES of having to put up with your selfish, self-pitying nonsense and you begrudge the woman you OWE MUCHO her having something HER way for once - to the point where you sulk in her face, bar her from being able to talk excitedly about the holiday, and then come into a public place to tell its occupants that SHE created a row?
Tried counselling once with just one of hundreds of thousands of counsellors and because it didn't work the first time, GAVE UP?
'Stood by you'. She didn't just stand by you, she went numerous times to hell and back for you!
Wow, if only through all those horrid experiences all SHE'D had to do was sit and read books!
ARE YOU EVEN LISTENING TO YOURSELF?
'Discuss, discuss, discuss'. Blah, blah, blah. ENOUGH discussion! £1.5k and a couple of weeks' boredom is a SMALL price to pay for such an unerringly loyal mate! So is a concerted, proactive, timely search to find a counsellor you click with/vice-versa before settling down into their armchair towards finally putting your money where your mouth is.
Change your ways and attitudes while you still have time and opportunity. Start with telling me, What have you DONE and what are you intending still TO DO? And I'm talking *self-sacrifice* here. Tit for Tat. Or your case, TIT 1000 FOR TAT 1000. It's how the world works, not just marriages.
Lecture over (unless you come back with yet more nonsense, of course).
You are so right. I have been selfish, Me Me, cowardly, deceitful and uncaring.
This is not whining, but asking for help.
The probation has been a wonderful aid and there have been many sessions on empathy and mindfullness. I have learned much from them.Not being sure of your knowledge of the profession I can only say they are very learned and helpful and also very stern and putting me through it. I can hear your retort now. This is not about finance, skiing, just a search for help and similar experiences to learn from.
I did say I tried conselling but none seemed to be taking me anywhere, mayb I trying the wrong folk, but getting to their premises is not easy at prenet as I can't drive and I cannot expect my wife to drive somewhere new to try them. time again in the search.
Suicide was cowardly and again I didn't think of the repercussions my fampiy would have to face a public inquest and the further publications of my crime.
She would not have been in financial penury either.
As for doing, I am doing all I can, in helping as much as am able, being attentive, asking for jobs to do which I have never done before and even helping her to find ski insurance on line. I would welcome a lecture on what else I can do.
In our large group of friends and acquaitances there is a female physciatrist who knows there is a problem but not the details of my/our past and offered us her help. My wife is loathe to talk to her but I aim to
Thankyou for the unsympathetic lecture, it hit home and where you meant it to.
I said 'moaning', not whining. Moaning is complaining. And it's not asking for help when not one, not two, but THREE wise individuals give you perfect advice both practical and psychological, only to see you come back with the statement that had me compelled to wade in, to wit - and note the action of the order of prioritisation):
1. "I would not be happy being out there in the Alps with a book etc
2. and to spend that amount of cash just to be there and not join in is daft
3. and I [conveniently for me] don't think she would be happy, being concerned about my welfare as I know she is day to day. I want her to enjoy it".
If you want to fix a psychological problem as keeps impacting on your, I presume, most held-dear emotional life then you're going to have to start daring to take long, hard looks at yourself under the anglepoise called REALITY as includes events in (this precise case) Black & White.
I don't doubt talking is cathartic. But a probation officer is not a psychotherapeutic counsellor. If s/he were, s/he'd be a psychotherapeutic counsellor (or better yet, analyst). For starters, the status and salary is superior. And catharcism is not the same as tackling the root causes of your dis-ease, it's moreover merely a temporary discharging. Never you mind what I do or don't know, I'm not about to go into personal detail on an anonymous forum. You just sit back and let my actions speak for me - *without* presuming to know what my next response will be. Bibbedy-bobbedy-boo. Did you see that one coming as well?
And neither should one be so naiive as to presume finding a partner towards healing is somehow going to be child's play when you remember that finding one within the deeper friendship or even deeper romantic domains is in large part an expedition of *trial and error*.
I advise AGAINST speaking to any psychiatrist whom first and foremost is your FRIEND (not to mention one which actions clearly suggest your wife would be loath to lose). Cognitive dissonance/disconfirmed expectations and confirmation bias are not human-voluntary syndromes.
Cheating is no longer allowed in your life unless the short-cut is legitimate and healthy in terms of desirous, productive result. Cheating is part of your crux problem. *PAST* problem, starting today.
Get on the phone to as many local counsellors with a bona fide psychoanalytical working background as you can find, explain you're more complicated a person than the average, including all your early experiences as led to your run of giant actings-out your whole married life, and would like to get a feel of them (including their precise experiences and successes) over the phone first. Any therapist who's unwilling to expend that minor effort isn't worth their salt and overly likely to be a jobsworth, so that authenticated short-cut makes it easier for you (and your chauffeuring wife), doesn't it.
How come *I* came up with that amazingly ingenious, rocket-science-level idea and not you? Are we making excuses again? Why IS it you chose a virtual-reality environment in place of a counsellor's front room? Because you thought you could hide behind the normal signalling mechanisms impediments/absences, like eye-contact and body language, etc? Legitimate, perfectly reasonable question, so I expect an answer, please.
Don't get me wrong - your attitude has shifted since your second-from-last post and all posts prior, but - do hurry up, Brian, poor Dougall is waiting.
"She would not have been in financial penury either."
"As for doing, I am doing all I can, in helping as much as am able, being attentive, asking for jobs to do which I have never done before and even helping her to find ski insurance on line. I would welcome a lecture on what else I can do."
And the crowd goes WILDZzzzzzzzz...
You want another lesson in rocket-science? For starters, I've just up there TOLD you what to do. I'll play the game just this once but after this you can do your own thinking, Dylan. Deal? (And that includes USING YOUR NODDLE instead of still always asking your wife to point out what if anything needs to be done. Make *suggestions*: "I think this/that could do with fixing - agree?")
You do this - tonight:
"I apologise most sincerely, dearest wife, that I've been such a self-pitying, self-obsessed eejit. Of COURSE I'll come on this holiday with you if that's what you want. It's not like you haven't earned it (- understatement!). I can catch up on my reading, I've got a whole list of books I've been dying to get stuck into, as it happens. If this trip means you're happy, then *I'm* happy" *HUGE SMILE* And then you start asking questions about what aspects she's most looking forward to. Like a gentleman. One who recognises it's HER "point of view" time and that her being happy has a palpable link to YOUR happiness...in a box in a box in a box..., meaning the interactional loop increasingly gathers positivity as it visits you and her in never-ending turn. And then, when she FAILS to 'storm off', your jello will put that 2 and 2 together with a big, fat PING!, won't it? And then you'll come back from that wholly self-sacrificial exercise with an uncharacteristically warm glow at having made a positive difference to someone else's psyche. It's called Pride and Self-Esteem. The healthy variety.
For if you have the strength of mind to long-term repeatedly crash through god knows how many boundaries both personal, interpersonal and societal then you have - fact - what it takes to be *Saint* Moody_One, and all that stands between you and this route to self-like or even -love as demonstrates itself through your actions, is one, piddly, puny...thing: A committed decision.
Coo, MAGIC! And a free, legal, self-manufactured, self-replenishable drugs hit, said Zebedee.
Firstly thank you for your time, effort and advice. It took me a lot of effort to come in here initially and I am glad I did although studying your posts and the previous contributors makes difficult reading for me, but hey! there's a sacrifice I must make to be told the truth about myself.
Once again I want her to ski and I am happy not to be, it was my initial bad and bitter reaction I now know.
She would be concerned about me, as I can't cook and don't clean the house and I know she worry about that. I never had to as a youth being of my generation and from a part of the country it was seen as not the norm. I know my son, and nephew are both brilliant in the kitchen and the house and I am seen as the proverbial old git, with the mickey being taken constantly at my expense. By the way I am used to it and expect it.
However between us we have made plans for her absence while skiing.
I will take your advice and not contact the psychiatrist although I feel sure we would not lose her as a pal.
I am sorry that some of your terms, words and phrases lose me in their intricacy but I will try and answer best I can.
No I didn't choose this place as against personal face to face counselling, I would welcome that, the body language and eye contact.
Why do you assume wrongly she would be financially worse off? Like you I am not prepared to go into personal details on an open forum, except those massively stupid ones I have already chosen to confess.
In my efforts to change I do suggest things, just today in fact, now got the DIY job to do and achieved some Brownie points for it. I told her how I liked some new clothing, she consciously went for something quite different.
DO IT NOW......TONIGHT...
I would like to but she is out enjoying herself, normally I would be running with her alongside several pals, but can't, so in the meantime I will prepare a crib sheet based on your suggestions because my memory is sadly failing and need a prompt or two.
BTW my handle is not my nature I am an extrovert, it comes from a family name with variations.
Thanks and good night
So your actual issue is that she is not giving importance to your view point and words. You are worried if this is an indication of turbulent times in future for your marriage?
I would say, likely not. Like I said she has her own emotions running inside her mind. There will be anger, sadness, lack of trust, a little insecurity and many such negative emotions which she is trying to conquer over with love, empathy, dedication etc. Now there will be times when the negative ones temporarily conquer over her at times. It could be those times that she is ignoring you. But don't worry too much about it. Time is a great healer and your wife probably knows that. Ultimately things will turn around. This time that you are spending with her at home will only strengthen your bonds.
What you need to do? Just continue to give her your unconditional love and support. She only needs to know you are there for her when she needs you. She needs to believe that you want to win back her trust. She needs ground to believe you have changed permanently for the sake of family.
"Firstly thank you for your time, effort and advice. It took me a lot of effort to come in here initially and I am glad I did although studying your posts and the previous contributors makes difficult reading for me, but hey! there's a sacrifice I must make to be told the truth about myself.
Once again I want her to ski and I am happy not to be, it was my initial bad and bitter reaction I now know.
She would be concerned about me, as I can't cook and don't clean the house and I know she worry about that. I never had to as a youth being of my generation and from a part of the country it was seen as not the norm. I know my son, and nephew are both brilliant in the kitchen and the house and I am seen as the proverbial old git, with the mickey being taken constantly at my expense. By the way I am used to it and expect it.
However between us we have made plans for her absence while skiing.
1. Yup, you came straight on here after a silent barnie, didn't you; I could tell. Anyway, I like this new-found "but hey" bounce in your step. Keep it, because it represents your first step onto the road to Contentednessville, a decisive, significant (but surprisingly easy) move away from the LivingHellville you've for too long been busy allowing yourself to drown in. You're going to reinvent yourself and discover how vexingly simple that is and always was.
2. "However between us we have made plans for her absence while skiing."
Tough. She can't get to dictate your entire day if she's getting to put you in a position of solitariness where she's not even going to be around for them, can she. She'll have to pare those plans down because (cough!) you've had some great ideas. Not only that but you're a full-grown, independent man, not her kid (despite you've inadvertently primed her into acting like your mum). Alternatively you can just secretly rebel here and there come the holiday but in such a way as cannot possibly be met with anything but abject approval :
Just as you're glad you One-Two-Three-Jumped onto this forum, so too are you going to be grinning like a Cheshire cat at having tried your hand at cooking using some How To Cook" cookbook (one of many available on the internet) within your stock of holiday reading, because you're going to have found out why even the biggest, hairiest, (mouthiest) men, like Gordon Ramsey, are so obsessively into it and see it as MAN'S work. You're also going to experience how rewarding it is to see the look of amazement and appreciation on your wife's face when you present to her and your friends something honest and simple yet non-basic like scrambled eggs on toast on her return to the lodge/hotel after a hard day's skiing.
Add to that, you getting to see the otherwise ethereal quality known as positivity (a form of mental strength) made tangible - in this case, on a plate, of all things.
Remember, this an opportunity not an ordeal. Again, what stands between the two is something as downright pathetically simple as how you resolve to view it. It's not even straight sacrifice because the unexpected sense of achievement you get out of it will be immense (all from such a simple act - who'd have thought it!).
What you'll be doing through such acts is showing yourself respect, effort and care *through her and your friends*, and hers and their positive reaction is going to hitch a ride on that aforementioned loop right before it comes back around again to YOU (and repeat ad nauseum).
Additionally, you're going to keep the place tidy after they've set off for the day. You do that properly enough and, trust me, you won't want to stop there, you'll be gagging to get the hoover out as the icing on the cake. However, for now the target of challenge is just straightening the furniture and furnishings and keeping surfaces clear. If a woman can do it, so can a man. I mean, you do realise that the majority of woman of your generation kept this work to themselves because they convinced themselves they believed men were too inept at it yet beneath that cover story feared finding themselves usurped and redundant, don't you? Or have I just enlightened you over a well-kept secret?
3. LET her worry. That won't last long, will it. Anyway, she could simply choose NOT to worry, couldn't she, because again, these things are just chosen attitudes activated by a single, firm decision.
Let's see your family try to take the mickey when you get back, shall we? You can run the hoover over their feet or, better yet, attach the suction hose to one of their faces, that'll shut 'em up.
4. "I will take your advice and not contact the psychiatrist although I feel sure we would not lose her as a pal."
You have zero experiential basis for that certainty, meaning it means nothing, is just hopeful imagination talking, but it's not fair on the friendship and has no place in one, so - good decision.
5. "I am sorry that some of your terms, words and phrases lose me in their intricacy but I will try and answer best I can."
Was it Bibbedy-bobbedy-boo that threw you?
6. "No I didn't choose this place as against personal face to face counselling, I would welcome that, the body language and eye contact."
That only tells me what *wasn't* a reason. So now tell me what was?
7. "Why do you assume wrongly she would be financially worse off? Like you I am not prepared to go into personal details on an open forum, except those massively stupid ones I have already chosen to confess."
Just testing. No matter. The psychological devastation, had you succeeded, would have been enough all on its own, and that was my main point.
8. "In my efforts to change I do suggest things, just today in fact, now got the DIY job to do and achieved some Brownie points for it. I told her how I liked some new clothing, she consciously went for something quite different."
Good. Then it was just the way you put it. But, pardon? What's that about new clothing?
9. "DO IT NOW......TONIGHT... I would like to but she is out enjoying herself, normally I would be running with her alongside several pals, but can't, so in the meantime I will prepare a crib sheet based on your suggestions because my memory is sadly failing and need a prompt or two."
("Tick!" to the crib sheet.) And you simply can tell her when she returns, can't you. Easy-peasy.
10. "BTW my handle is not my nature I am an extrovert, it comes from a family name with variations."
The 'Saint' part was my point. (See what I mean about the ether impediments?)
8. "Thanks and good night"
You're welcome, sleep tight.
(Almost a poem, but sadly not quite.) (ha-ha)
No it was quite a while before I tried this method of confession and examination.
Tough? She doesn't dictate my day and our joint plans are fine with both of us.
Please get it in your head that I am not going skiing. It is fully booked.
As for cooking, yes I will be trying it hopefully before she goes and then the surprise and and appreciation will surface I hope.
I will keep the home tidy, that's the way I am, maybe not as frequently but I will and it will be shipshape when she's back. I do vacuum now as we each have chores to do including my sweeping outside.
I chose here to offload, share, experience anonymous counselling to see if helps. It has.
Clothing, what's your point?
I was in bed by then.
I told her this morning, that I was sorry about being an arsehole on the ski trip, I was wrong, it was a bitter reaction, I want her to go and enjoy it and I will join her in talking about it. Initally she didn't want to talk about it feeling another incident/row brewing because I had restarted a sore subject but I managed to dissuade her from that and we ended the conversation with my promises that it won't happen again.
Thank you Shivangi, yes that was the initial worry, but I now realise it was more detailed, deeper and totally mine to understand and deal with. I acknowledge the feelings that she must be harbouring and wrestling with and am trying not upset her with acts and words. I think I have started to succeed with that, but the help and lectures I have received in here are being a great motivator.
You're NOT going skiing? It wasn't that clear so didn't realise it was a done deal. Okay, got it now. So, then, you were feeling abandoned and bitter, particularly because getting around right now without her help is difficult. Correct?
Glad to see you're going to try cooking. Bet you any money you like you'll kick yourself for never having tried it before. Anyone can do it, in fact. It's just practise makes perfect, but as an instantly gratifying and rewarding task/hobby, both during and especially when it's results time, the repetition reinforcement is very strong. It's just one of those things that people are loath to START, probably BECAUSE they correctly sense that it could suck them in, so to speak, and they 'don't have time' atop everything else. Certainly this'll be easier than housework, what with you needing crutches, because you can more or less just stand there and do it all with your dominant hand as you support yourself with the other on the counter (assuming you use a heavy-based pan on the hob that doesn't shift around as you stir the contents, that is).
Do you like cakes? People often find this the most fun introduction to cookery, particularly when it comes to the decorating part. And many cakes keep well in a tin or fridge for a good fortnight.
(Don't worry about the clothing part, I've since worked out what you were saying (it was late last night when I posted).)
"I told her this morning, that I was sorry about being an arsehole on the ski trip, I was wrong, it was a bitter reaction, I want her to go and enjoy it and I will join her in talking about it. Initally she didn't want to talk about it feeling another incident/row brewing because I had restarted a sore subject but I managed to dissuade her from that and we ended the conversation with my promises that it won't happen again."
And THEN what was her reaction and mood from there? Better?
I think you are doing a great job now! It is not easy to set aside all the bitterness and bring in happiness but you are doing it fine! Way to go!
Keep at it. There have been a lot of problems, tensions around you and now is the time to ring in the happiness. Try to bring in happiness in whatever small-small forms you can.
Thank you for the amount of help and wise sometimes puzzling choice of words and phrases, obviously a well educated person.
Yes you are right about the skiing and being bitter, but I thought it was her punishment for my crime and the situation I put her and the family in.
Yes I like cakes but even two of my pals who are smashing cooks stay clear of baking. Might do some.
She seemed pleased but didn't immediately show it, just a sort of grudging acceptance, while eating her breakfast. I was happy with that. Over lunch I opened the ski topic and we chatted about it OK.
I am practising my art work and she is starting to take an interest in it again, which whe used to do. It is physio and therapy for me and takes my mind elsewhere.
Thank you for not bringing up my shameful crime, but it is becoming less of a topic in our life other than the occasional discomfort outside. I am guessing you don't get many sex offenders spilling everyting in here. It was a need to talk and lay everything out if people were going to help me. My big concern on that matter is that a lot of people only have the press release as info and as usual the press used dramatic headers and my case wasn't in that worse or nerly category, but I did wrong. I only wish I could correct them.
I get the impression you are an administrator of this site. If I am right, how is it that I have changed my settings, not to receive email notification and still they come? I still aim to look in here daily.
Thank you Shivangi
"obviously a well educated person."
I was into everything as a kid and managed to swallow a dictionary followed by a thesaurus. "Uuuuuurp!", delicious (tasty / yummy / scrumptious, which is to say, pleasing to the palate)
"Yes you are right about the skiing and being bitter, but I thought it was her punishment for my crime and the situation I put her and the family in."
No, I'd say it was more her decision to look after and treat herself for a change. She's never been selfish before, has she, by the sounds of it. Not even to the degree that's vitally healthy. This trip will do her, and in turn your relationship together, the power of good. Plus, when you're used to someone always being a certain way, any seemingly sudden and drastic shift tends to put your mind on alert. And then, due to not asking the person questions towards your enlightenment, the negative imagination kicks in order to fill that gap in knowledge until you're convinced they're out to get you/get you back in some way. In actual fact, that she feels okay to leave you on your own for a week or so is in my estimation a positive sign of her feeling you've finally managed to find a sense of equilibrium (LOL, sorry - more stable balance).
You obviously need to ask more questions instead of making assumptions. Make that a New Year's resolution and you'll find married life and life in general that much easier.
"even two of my pals who are smashing cooks stay clear of baking"
Not creative enough, huh. Since you DO have a hugely active imagination and are a visual artist - show them how it's done!
Back to your wife: albeit it obviously took her some time to climb down from her rock of indignation, I'm glad you got to see not only the positive results but proof of your psychological power over others, put to good use. I suspect that's what's been missing from your life, due to your early years' training (or lack of it). So now you have a new and productive 'toy', don't you.
PS: I'm not going to bring up a past crime any more than I'd chastise you for as a toddler having wantonly poo-ed your pants. If it's in the past, that's because you left it there through having changed your tune and direction, having wised up. So what would have been the point? But then, I'm not looking for something to hook people's paranoid fears and interests with in order that they'll buy something off me, like a newspaper, am I (money-money-money!). The great thing about papers, though, is that there's soon enough always some or other new dramatic headline just waiting to happen, whereupon you instantly become yesterday's news or today's fish 'n chip wrapping. You just have to be patient and 'do your time'. Fate always rewards those who graciously admit their crimes and help punish themselves by willingly and uncomplainingly doing their (psychological or actual) sentance (seen it a thousand times). You have an amazingly supportive wife and family, anyway, so - intrinsically, what MORE does a man even need, plus what more proof than that gift do you need that you're NOT as rotten and lost cause as you used to think? Well - he needs himself, first and foremost. He's the only person he truly ever has, anyway. But the quality of himself thus his potential 'enjoyment' of himself does rely significantly on involvement with, and the quality of such, with other people. No man is an island, and all that. Finally realising and accepting that is a rite of passage into true adult maturity....[cue Michael Caine voice] - an' not a lotta people know that.
PPS: No, I'm the moderator (I make sure people are behaving themselves befitting a public venue and the owner's and mine shared senses of decorum). Click on Support, as sits two places from the left on the Green strip at the top of the page which opens a little drop-down menu; move your cursor down two places to 'Email (Tech Support)' and send the owner an email to notify him. But I imagine the change you made just needs more time to come into effect, that's all.
Do stick around. You could use your experiences to help others which might well earn you some great Karma points and bring about an 'early parole'. (Again - seen it a thousand times.)
Thanks again, I am realising that your untold wisdom and advice is working. We went to opera last night with great old friends( who don't know about my crime). We had a smashing dinner at a favoured little Italian restrarant in the city and then they had to endure a shortish but slow walk with me on crutches but we did it. On taking our seats I changed with my wife as there was a huge bloke with an enormous head in front of her and immediately I suggested the switch.
Today I complimented her on the new haircut, not new but regular which suits her a lot. I was thanked.
I am on a Prozac generic medication initially for depression over my crime and aftermath, but on checking I am finidng it also helps me being calmer, not argumentative and happier just to accept things as they are. I have always been curious in nature and questioned everything and known for it - why, what, how, where etc etc. It has got me/us into a lot of help and remarkable inroads to places and situations we would never have got to world wide, because I was showing interest. Even last night we ended in the restaurant chatting to about 12 of the opera orchestra because I was curious about their large party in such an off beat place.
She and our friends commented " here he goes again" but they loved the outcome and inside knowledge we gleaned.
In an awkward (wife driving) situation a week ago, she snapped at me for commenting on how to get out of the situation. "Who is driving this car?" I sat back and let her get on with it. Later she apologised, but commented on my lack of argumentative retort, saying the the pills are working, so I am happy for them to do their work on me and sit back and concentrate on the things that matter - her and me.
Yes you are in the right path and frame of mind now!
When we suffer some kind of handicap (temporary or permanent) our whole thought process changes. We focus too much on only ourselves and misconstrue what others say to hurt ourselves more and in the process hurt them too. I am glad you have started looking out and beyond that to spend time outside whether with your art or spending time with buddies etc. That kind of relaxes the mind which helps us gain better control on our bad reactions .
Thank you Shivangi.I feel pleased with my progress kicked into place from in here as I hoped it would but I came in here with the wrong attitude I now realise. It's a tough way and the reading has been difficult but I am grateful.
Well, so are we, Moody, because agony aunt-ing requires TEAMWORK which relies entirely on team spirit coupled with lack of hubris, both of which you obviously have in spades and are rare qualities indeed, as well as are the primary ingredients for any relationship success.
Onwards and upwards (to the Bat mobile)!!
I don't think I understand your wordy comments.
No I am not moody if that is a question.
I am not without hubris -self confidence, in spades, hence my approach to the orchestra last night and is that a rare quality - how??
I have had many superb team experiences in my life.
I watched a superb Chan 4 documentary on Paedophiles lately and can relate very much to the main interviewee, who has never had the slightest idea of abusing a child. It would be an interesting forum for me to go and share my "other" problem. I have been referred to Circles by the probation office and await their call.
1. No, I was simply addressing you by your alias (Moody_One) but abbreviated it to just Moody.
2. Hubris is not the same as self-confidence (which I agree you have). Hubris is false or unfounded confidence and pride to the degree of arrogance.
Still, well done for having checked with me via questions.
My turn now...
1. What was the documentary called?
2. What's Circles? Do you mean the Circles Network?
Anyway - excellent ideas. You certainly don't hang around once you've made any decisions, do you!
Again - another rare quality. See? You're full of them. You just needed to aim them in the right directions.
Good, keep keeping us posted.
You atarted it with "so are we" hence my confusion.
So I have a lack of over self confidence, I think.
The Paedohile next door
yes, Circles Network
I also downloaded a simple lamb stew menu today and got my daughter to do the secret shopping for meas I can't get to the shops. I aim to cook this on Monday when my wife is out in the Forest for several hours as usual on Mondays.I have invited my daughter round to sample it with us atthe right time.
Sorry about that. 'So are we' grateful, is what I was saying.
Yes you have confidence, no you don't have hubris.
Lamb stew? Yum!
My husband cooked me a complicated, serious chef-level Lobster Linguini dish (using fresh, uncooked and un-shelled/-dressed whole lobsters) two years back as part of his Valentine's gift (I adore lobster). The most adventurous thing he'd ever cooked before (which he learned when post-divorcally living alone before meeting me) was grilled chicken breast with salad on the side. The recipe came only in video demonstration format played on YouTube via his laptop, meaning he was constantly having to pause, rewind and replay - not easy with four separate, high-maintenance aspects meanwhile cooking and crying out for constant-constant attention (lobster claws under the grill, a frying pan and two other separate pans of ingredients going on the hob, including the tricky sauce), holding a wooden spoon, hands covered in ingredients and having to use a laptop finger-pad style 'mouse' (whatever that's technically better known as) and trying to gauge exactly how far backwards or forwards to place the cursor in order to replay the bit that had gone too fast for him... made all the harder because he didn't even speak very good English at the time.
I wasn't allowed to help or know what he was cooking. All I knew was, for two long hours there were non-stop, sudden and very loud 'Ah, putains!!' coming from the kitchen (he's French, and that means, oh for f**k's sake) accompanied by lots of crashes and bangs. Finally, out he (and the meal) came, red faced from the heat, dripping in sweat. It was absolutely delicious, looked amazing on the plate and well-set, candle-lit table (plus the kitchen and pans were *not* messed up; plus he insisted on doing all the cleaning up afterwards as well).
Even if it'd tasted like crap, it was all I could do not to burst into uncontrollable sobbing at the incredible gesture because no man had ever, EVER taken that level of trouble over me before. The most I'd ever (rarely) had cooked for me had been along the lines of something bog-standard which had been the one dish the man concerned knew how to cook and had cooked anyway for his own supper, meaning it wasn't done especially for me or my taste and preference in the first place, it was for his own benefit and I was allowed some. But then that stands to reason because none of them had ever loved me so truly, madly, deeply as this man did, before.
This dish my husband chose was something even I would have hesitated over attempting due to its complicatedness so - talk about, it's the thought that counts?!
I'd never been so touched and impressed in my life!
That lobster dish is roughly the equivalent of what you're about to do. I don't know how freely outwardly expressive your wife is, but don't be surprised or take it the wrong way if your wife takes one look and promptly bursts into tears. They'll be tears of JOY.
I'm impressed, 'Moody'.
Evidently, already, so is your daughter.
Yes very grateful
Thank you and I appreciate all you have said. I am aware of the good/bad cooking consequences and prepared. I am actually looking forward to it. However lobsetr against stew in my limited knowledge are miles apart. I glaze over when my wife and her cooking friends discuss how they prepared something, I just like to eat, she is very very good and I think I will remain that way, although maybe a new found interest might change things.
Is the Circle something you know?
I have contacted admin and they have replied satisfactorily, thanks
Ah hah! The French man doing what's best. Good on him. There's no way I am going to attempt that dish, I have only had it once and that must be 30 years back and I am fairly sure my wife hasn't. I am so far not talking about, preferring it to be a secret but it all depends on the timing of whenthe stuff is delivered and how much time I have left, so if she arrives mid "Oh f*c*" I sill haveto reveal and try and keep the sursprise intac as much as possible, but with her very good nose for kithcne stuff ahe will guess but so what?
Did you watch that docu on Chan 4? It was very well thought out and produced and the gut who came out was very brave. I wish there was an online forum, but can't find one to enable the sharing of experience and thoughts.
Our next door neighbour has totally blanked me since the press release and that's all she can know and it sets me up as a danger to their two youngsters and I wish i could explain to her the real truth.
'Ah, putains!!' She knows.... My wife told me last night she is not doing her usual Monday thing, this does happen occasionally, all to do with her pal being unwell, so I had to tell her of my surprise. She was amazad, unbelieving, astonished, surprised and pleased. The test will be today when I cook and she has promised to stay in the garden and not interfere.
'Scuse delay, had a particularly busy weekend.
Well, I think trying lamb stew from a position of never having cooked and trying lobster linguini when you've cooked some of the basics are roughly equivalent when plonking them on a scale. Also, as you've just witnessed, her being home now and knowing what you're up to is the equivalent of you having whipped out a bouquet of flowers from behind your back but just not yet having put them in a vase. Plus, even if you 'putain' it up somewhat, it's the massive thought and effort that counts. *Clearly*
I didn't watch the documentary, no (and I've only heard of Circles, don't know a massive amount about them). But, hey, here's a thought - Supply & Demand: you might meet someone at Circles who could help you START a specialist forum, mightn't you. Food for thought?
Re your neighbour: do you think you could write her a letter? Even if it doesn't work or just not immediately where concerns her dropping her fear and animosity, it would be good Karma to set her mind at ease, right?
No problem, we all have those times. Thanks for your coninued support
It was in the oven about an hour ago and she declared how nice it smells. I enjoyed doint it and will attempt more if is works out OK.
Circles will be some time before they get round to apparently. Yes they might suggest the idea.
Here is a letter to our neighbour I did write after we had the first encounter after the press, which highlighted child porn, when we sensed she was exptremely frosty. I have edited names out. She has not responded and will not even look at the house when passing by which she used to. It is one of my main concerns.
In response to M's visit last evening as requested by me and for which I was very grateful for, he listened to my explanation and made yours very clear.
C and I did not know that you were aware of my sad case when we saw you outside last Saturday, therefore my approach was purely neighbour friendly as it has been for the years you have lived next door. Initially, whilst we are both on edge since the press report appeared, to have skulked past without saying a word, would we have thought, looked extremely odd to H and J. We soon got the atmosphere and later C and I discussed it, hence my note to M. I can only apologise sincerely for upsetting you and no doubt we will have to face other similar situations. It was not as M indicated from you, a brazen, blase statement on my behalf.
All of our immediate family, son J, daughter B and nephew Ia are giving us as much support as they can within the scope of their busy family life.
I can only emphasise my words to M that none of the children are in any risk and hope that over the coming months this sorry episode will fade away. I am not in jail, I had an extremely light fine and the judge's sentence was sensibly aimed at the fact I was not a great danger to society. My probation meetings are regular and I aim to benefit from them,
We don't intend to move houses and I guess you don't, so there will be occasions where we will see each other outside and hope to talk and ackowledge each other without atmosphere.
C and I would like to think and hope that your discresion is such that you do not discuss this outside you and M and one day, I will be able to talk with you again as neighbours.
*If* the recipe doesn't work out okay, then the thing to do is try-try again - practise makes perfect and all that. But if it smells good then that's indication it'll be surprisingly successful.
Regarding your neighbours, that was an *excellent* letter so I can only conclude that you're up against the fact that [a] deep fears aren't rational, meaning trying to reason with these people can't work as long as they're programmed anyway to be parentally anxious and over-cautious, itself meaning that [b] they're not going to take your mere word for it that you're not just one more of all the abounding secret dangers just waiting to strike, and [c] they're too naturally on-eggshells to have the mental wherewithal to consider the ACTIONS and what they say, i.e. the mere rap on the knuckles meted out by the court when they would and could have ruled in favour or some sort of custodial sentence.
I think you're just going to have to respect their non-budge-able fears and realise that you're probably more just a focus for fears that pre-existed as well as would continue existing irrespective of you and your deed, something to make them feel less irrationally paranoid to themselves.
In other words, anxious parents just don't take *any* chances if they don't have to.
"Those that mind don't matter and those that matter don't mind" - Dr Seuss. Life's traumatic events *always* pose as a catalyst towards sorting the wheat from the chaff in terms of which birds are of your feather with whom you should flock for a more enhancing life and sense of self as opposed to which aren't. At least you know where you stand and with whom. That's actually a positive: There are no secret backstabbers in YOUR world just waiting to pounce, eh!
Thanks and you are so right especially in your para 2, where I have also thought they can't be swayed, they are on a different wavelength and extremly protective. I think he would be OK in not too long a time but she is not. Their two delightful children are wonderful even now and give me lovely waves and smiles.
It must be my paranoia about people who know, like our neighbours. I had a dentist appt today with hygiest too. The dentist is pal without being a friend if you undesdtand. Her reception said her child is ill therefore can't see me, but the hygienist can. The last time I was in, I said I would pop round and say hello to her husband who was working from home. He wouldn't see me when I turned up at his door, his housekeeper said he was busy on the phone. I know normally he would have a chat howvere brief and I left thinking that he has either seen the press or his handyman/gardener who is also a mutual although distant pal and is a gossip has told him.
Maybe his wife is acting that way too.My suspicious mind at work and I hope not.
Last night I was thinkn about talking to a woman who has been very quiet with me in recent months, we see her almost weekly, my wife and I can guess why. She is known to very narrow minded and has a close circle of pals. The opportunity didn't arise so maybe next week, if I can approach her - she nearly runs away when I approach which is laughable.
I was wrong, as usual about the dentist.
Our next door neighbours are what can be called simple country folk. I know they are not simple or backward, just from a very tight small rural community with "simple" tastes and very firm attitudes and I think that is the problem. I will have to live with it.
My lamb stew went down a treat last night, no pun intended and the chat was what next. I am keen to try more and the ski absence will provide some tests.
Hey congrats on your new found hobby!
Don't bother about people who wouldn't understand. You have your family with you which is what counts the most.
Moreover time rubs out bad memories. So may be in future things will change.
Agree with Shivangi.
It's normal to feel paranoid and persecuted in your situation but it is indeed bringing into sharp relief all of your blessings and that you should be counting and nurturing them. And now (well done for the Lamb!) you have a new, very real skill to add to your life enhancement tools - so again, proof abounds that 'someone up there' believes you're basically a decent person who just got mis-orientated and needs to gravitate, with the help of a bit of nudging, more towards the right track, *without* any lead weights to hold you back. You've been pared down to the essentials, in other words.
Often, to paraphrase Orsen Welles, the worst of times are actually the best of times in disguise.
Thank you Shivangi and Soulmate. You both have been smashing to talk and bounce off and very sensibly saw my weaknesses and faults and started to get me back on track. Needless to say we have a rather improved domestic situation at present and long may it be. It is remarkable how I accept things and don't bite where I used to, must be the pills and your kind words that are a good combination.
I have felt like writing the above letter to several of the people who are in the same frame of thoughts as my neighbour. Must clear that with my wife first.
I have looked up and stored some more recipes too.
I have finished a troublesome painting today and got kudos for it and I started and finished another one this afternoon, so physiotherapy is doing a lot to my mind also.
Well, we're holistic beings so it makes sense that any treatment should consist of however many more than just the one element, doesn't it. But it's nice to be appreciated so - thanks!
Good idea re writing other letters. More than whether you will or not is the fact it's occurred to you (tick!). It shows you're focusing more outside of yourself now which means the turmoil inside has died down.
I have to say, you're an *incredibly* speedy reactor/learner. Again - that's very rare and something to be very proud of. Too much intelligence and nowhere in the past to channel it, I reckon. Explains a lot. So I recommend that after you've mastered the cooking you think about doing some sort of intellectually challenging academic course (or project, like the pre-mentioned starting up of a specialist support forum). Or maybe if you can churn them out that quickly, try an entry in an art competition?
What other recipes have you got planned?
First of all I do appreciate everything you have pointed out and even your rather harsh comments and judgements which hurt to read. However I came in here to find out, learn and try and rebuild and I am doing so slowly and carefully.
When I join a "group/club/forum" I have never been just a taker, I like to give and have held various committee/officer roles. The art being a big part and I do exhibit and sell my work and many times it's in a competition. I have to relinquish one major role because of my crime and the effect it could have on the group.
This lap top is in my studio so can look in and study and react at ease, hence my speed AND interest.
I am under orders from the management! to make a bolognaise? sauce on Moday. but other ides of mine are Beef Curry cooked in yoghurt, Braised steak au Poivre and Spicy chili with garlic Prawns.
LOL. Reality spanks are what I do best. I was a sergeant major in a previous life.
Beef Curry - YUM! I do a great lamb madras using yoghurt, cream and loads of coriander, mint and fennel seeds. I only tried it for the first time a month back (customised to suit), and son and husband absolutely rave about it and want it every week without fail. My first ever curry (other than cold curried chicken salad)... which is really quite strange since I've been cooking almost everything else my entire adult life.
Well, anyway, I think you have quite a brain on you that's obviously got a strong connection to your hands and eyes, hence you've found another artistic medium that suits you down to the ground (or stomach). Must do if your own 'customers' are placing requests!
Here you go - a really easy weekday evening recipe for you: Honey & Mustard lamb chops:
(Quantities don't matter, just whatever proportions to taste)
- In a bowl, mix a good quantity of wholegrain mustard, set honey and butter and stir until the butter turns paler. (You want the mustard and honey to compete, taste-wise, rather than it being honey with a hint of mustard or vice versa.) Smear it thickly onto both sides of the lamb chops and shove it into the fridge for an hour. (Note: blot the chops well with kitchen paper first if they're bloody or even give them a quick rinse under the tap first.)
- Microwave a couple of large baking potatoes in the microwave on High for roughly 8 minutes (having cut a slit at the top to let the steam out) then finish off in the oven on 200 degrees C for 10 mins (which you do whilst the lamb grills).
- Slam the chops under a medium-high grill in a grilling/roasting pan - 5 mins each side... having meanwhile brought to the boil then simmered for 4 mins some fine green beans, drained until dry and set back into the saucepan with a knob of butter to melt over them (you can do the beans first to save on having to multi-task).
- Plonk the chops and baked pots onto the warmed plates, then turn your hob on medium-high to quickly re-heat the beans, stirring/turning them constantly (which is where the knob of butter helps). Add them to the plate, spoon the honey & mustardy lamb juices over the opened potatoes and beans AND VOILA! If you want it to look particularly fancy you can add a sprig of Flat Leaf Parsley on each chop.
Tastes complicated and sophisticated but, as you can see, is laughably easy. Wait - what am I saying? "It took me HOURS, phewww-eee!".
What was the role you had to relinquish, if you don't my asking? (Say if you don't want to talk about the past, though, I don't mind.)
Thanks for the recipe, already copied and printed. The friends who have always ridiculed me to my happy retorts about cooking or non cooking are now taking note and impressed with only my wife's comments.
The role I stood down from was Honorary President of the local art group, where I had served as a Member, Committee, Vice Chair, Chair and then Pres. I am still in another more distant one just as a member.
I have prepared the letter I might send to some people as mentioned above and just want my wife and daughter to run their eye it. It was another exercise in empathy I suppose.
My wife read the draft of the above mentioned letter yesterday and said she didn't like it and had too much detail, in fact I think it was the latter she took a dislike to and we would chat about it. I realised what she meant without the chat and have altered it today removing a lot of stuff but leaving in the things I wanted to explain.
I tried to bring it up right now, mid afternoon Saturday and she doesn't want to read it, saying she wanted a happy weekend and it would end up as a row. I don't think it would but have left it until Monday. She is obviously still very sensitive about the whole issue, but I feel this letter will settle some of my discomforts, which I want to try.
"She is obviously still very sensitive about the whole issue"
Those aren't the words of a person who lacks empathy, so I haven't a clue who told you you did or why.
As for the art group presidency: someone up there wanted to free you up a bit. Hmm, I wonder what for? Something you can't see yet is looming on your horizon, I'm betting (that seems to be the way these things always work, anyway).
Yes, it appears your wife just wants to put that whole sorry episode behind you both. However, you can't do that until it's completely done and dusted, can you. Perhaps your meant to trust your own, lately-better-resurrected instincts on this one and learn to act independently on them under your own initiative? Or perhaps you're meant to pause and question whether the act would create more harm than good?? In order to find out which, I suggest after completing the final draft you put it in a drawer for a week and then see how you feel. If you can still bring yourself to put it in an envelope, seal it, address it, plonk a stamp on it and finally put it into a postbox, then you're obviously meant to, but if not, if your hands hesitate at any stage (or downright freeze), you're not. Make sense? Ego-based fears tend to dissipate the minute you do something that channels them onto the outside, you see (they're too easily gratified and thereby put back to sleep), whereas good gut instincts regarding true convictions don't - they tend to keep on keeping on until you submit.
Thank you Soulmate. I altered the drat as I could see what she meant and it has been approved over the weekend so today it will be sent out. I could see what my wife meant about too much detail, that was removed, it was un-necessary and we agreed that a last note inviting the secipients to talk to me about the contents would be the right thing to do. I hope it has some impact and will find out in due course.
I am not sure what you mean by the art group position. Crikey! What is waiting for me?
We have had a great full on weekend the number of events and functions, 5 in 4 days and it all was very successful.
"Crikey! What is waiting for me?"
Something good. Particularly because of the snowball effect (this case, positive snowball). Things are just going to get better and better. Obviously, it's a showball that reverses a bit here and there, because that's life for ya, but it'll still keep making forward progress overall.
Put another way: 'when one door closes, another one opens'. I'm betting that however long from now you'll be exceptionally glad you were let go of by the art group.
I've just had a "bleedin' obvious but unobvious" idea: never mind a forum - start an art group of your own!
OK thanks, we will see.
The letter has gone out by mail, wait and see on that too.
If I had won the big lottery and still been Hon Pres my aim always was to buy a property and create our own group HQ. Another group down here would be too many, but nice idea thanks. Am managing to paint a lot at present partly physiotherapy and I like to.
Okay. Fingers crossed!
But at least you know you've done all that's within your power, now, to put things straight. That's the main thing. In fact, that's the ONLY thing.
Yes, thanks. The snail mail won't have reached some of them I guess, but I don't really expect a lot of reaction back. Just live in hope.
Cooking Spag bol today.
We are doing fine at present, my attitude is very different now and she is smiling a bit more now when we talk.
To think it was me that needed therapy!
Got my fingers well and truly rapped this morning in a phone call from the MAPA who deal with me as part of my probation and supervision. One of the above letters I dropped through a neighbours letterbox yesterday. She is a busybody and talker and I forgot she was once the Neighbourhood Watch person. She has obviously got it in for me, as she emailed them a copy of my letter.
Anyway it was a bad move and Mapa gave me a right going over. I was only trying to dissuade people away from the scary news headlines mentioning child porn and I didn't have any.
Wife and I in some despair, but atleast she has gone to a group lunch with her ex colleagues so slightly tipsy as always with them and resigned to it.
Spag Bol, my all-time favourite! When I was a nipper and my mother would ask, 'What would you like for your birthday tea?', the rest of the family would yell, 'BISKETTI BOLOGNAISE AND, AFTERWARDS, ICE-CREAM CAKE!'. I'm a creature of habit, me, LOL.
You needed feedback and re-orientating, that was all. Your wife needed therapy *from you*. There's the difference that makes ALL the difference. Why go to a counsellor to learn to have the magic touch when it was clearly always inside you all along despite you just didn't know it? By this I mean this: "The way to a man's heart is through his stomach". Well, there's a very fine line between genders, and nurturing is nurturing. Plus the proof of the pudding isn't always in the eating, it's in the fact one has been considered worth making a pudding for in the first place. And you're an artist, a painter. That type has their own unique way of understanding the world, hence they take the main incoming stimulus (visual), re-fashion it to a format more to their unique wavelength's liking inside their heads, then feed it back to themselves and others via canvas. "NOW I get it! Do you now get ME?", basically. Most importantly, it's a form of communication that also comes under GIVING. Bona fide paedophiles of the sex predator ilk aren't givers, they're takers. But the painting alone wasn't quite doing it for you. It wasn't challenging enough. Unlike the alchemy known as Cooking.
I read up on the C4 programme you mentioned, by the way. Nuff said - there are types within *any* seeming mass group. Trouble is, people are very broad-brushed and not very good at drawing important distinctions, especially not when the area concerned is one that evokes FEAR. People are *crap* at thinking under the effects of fear. And the less practise they've had in their lives of feeling the fear but doing it anyway, the less capability they have for seeing deeper into the all-distinguishing details of a seemingly threatening situation.
...on which note: on what BASIS did the MAPA rap your knuckles? Does your probation stipulate that you mustn't make contact with your neighbours? Was it actual *official* ticking off or more just pre-emptive dissuasive advisement?
Thank you, I feel you are really my counselling in that you have devoted an extraordinary amount of time and effort on me, for which I can't thank you enough. I do think the painting was challenging enough, always another exhibition another commission and deadline which I liked but there was a sense of being bored, looking for something else that took over, I did and still do have a lot of my own time on my own and hopefully manage to steer it to pastures new.
MAPA said I must take things as they are and everyone doesn't approve in whatever way I intended the letter, like they just don't like sex offenders of any sort. Probation does not sipulate contact with neighbours. It was a ticking off and don't do any more. I am upset with it and of course seeing "her" march past alomst daily doesn't help but I am determined to get over it. My wife and I agree that they are a strange couple.
My wife went to a big party yesterday without me because I know several people who have taken not to be my friend anymore would be there. She received a warm welcome, it was at our daughter's house and we have some nice invitations to gatherings. We feel that these will be other events like yesterday but maybe not as large and without some of them so we will probabl bite the bullet and go. One of the invites was from one of the recipients of my letter and she said to my wife "Shit happens just come along" so that cheered us both up.
Probation tomorrow and I will take a copy of the letter and show her and take the flak if any, as they are connected to MAPA.
At protabtion this morning I got another rap on the wrists, in fact more of a bolloking for me revealing the letter that has upset the neighbour. Tough to say the least - stressing, with the officer who can be quite fearsome, but I know where I went wrong, the empathy thing again.
I saw two other recipients last night at a big party 70 people I know them all and no probelsm even from the two.
Cooked Jamie's Pukka yeollw curry this afternoon, with wife nearby as I didn't know where all the inricate stuff was in the cupbaords, but it smells nice and we eat it thursday.
Told porpation about my entry and leraning from this site and she encouraged and tol me to tell my wife, although I haven't yet, partly in fear of her poo pooing the idea of a stranger able to help.This goes back to my early complaints and the realistaion that's was me who had the problems.
Sorry for the lag, it's that busy time of year.
"MAPA said I must take things as they are and everyone doesn't approve in whatever way I intended the letter, like they just don't like sex offenders of any sort. Probation does not sipulate contact with neighbours. It was a ticking off and don't do any more. I am upset with it and of course seeing "her" march past alomst daily doesn't help but I am determined to get over it. My wife and I agree that they are a strange couple."
Then they're a couple looking for any excuse and, unfortunately, your letter posed as one. Never mind about that bit - at least, as I say, your act has 'identified' them.
I can't say I like MAPA's attitude though. What happened to this latest trend of getting perps and victims to try to communicate; has it not reached your neck of the woods yet? Talked about mixed messaging!? But me, I suspect the REAL message is this: "You're creating extra work for us, meaning less time to take it easy". Bl**dy jobsworths (scuse French).
Anyway, you meant well, that's what counts, and 'someone up there' KNOWS you did. So PTH! to MAPA.
What do you mean about getting further rollocking for having, quote, REVEALED the letter?
Pukka yellow curry? I'll have to look that one up, cheers!
Told WHO about your entry/learning?
Re telling your wife: it's entirely up to you, your call. Again, put it in a drawer for a week and see if you still can. But at the end of the day, it probably wouldn't matter WHO was giving you an ear and platform. You're an artist. This is you getting your thoughts out onto a 'canvas', reading them back + hearing them back in another format, and voila - heightened understanding. That simple. (The process, I mean, not me personally.
Thanks, I expect delays at this very busy time of year. I was tired yesterday after the hour long probation session then going into town partly for the cooking shopping and other stuff but also things for the grandchildren.
I told probation about entering this site, she asked me the names and guess what, I couldn't remember it, that's my memory at present. I told her about learning from it (YOU and Shavangi) and I revealed the letter to her, she didn't see it and didn't ask to but she gave me the rollocking.
I am sleeping on the idea to tell my wife, it worries me that she will get upset but probation suggest the opposite.
I just thought MAPA were doing their thing. I expect to have a visit from them soon, but of course don't know when, they don't make appointment, just turn up unannounced, but thtiming seems about right considering their pevious visits.
"I revealed the letter to her, she didn't see it and didn't ask to but she gave me the rollocking."
Oh, *I* get it! No, she didn't give you a rollocking. Nor did her office. Her *ego* did.
It doesn't take a rocket scientist to put 2 and 2 together regarding where you picked up your initial belief about how a probation officer is just as good as a bona fide analyst, you know. This woman clearly convinced you of this 'fact' - tacitly by how she behaved towards you and treated you over time. She's a 'frustrated therapist', an 'armchair one' and was enjoying getting to feel like the real McCoy, courtesy of you and your openness, without having to switch careers and do the actual work for her qualifications and experience.
She feels pushed out.
See that reflected in the fact she can't possibly have been reacting to the letter - either the mere fact of it or its manner and content - BECAUSE SHE DIDN'T EVEN LOOK AT IT, NEVER MIND *READ* IT! All *she* was concerned about was having a strop under the veil of you having officially transgressed some form of situational/probational etiquette (or perhaps, using that veil to get to have TOO BIG a go at you than warranted).
Put simply, she's jealous of this website and used a negative assumption she hadn't even taken the means to substantiate to act as her excuse to throw a tantrum.
Not exactly professionalism, but, then, you two had dissolved that demarcation and formality long before recently, hadn't you.
Well, I'm very glad you took the effort to explain it all in more detail because it appears your PO wasn't quite content at leaving her vengeance there, and was (at the over-egotistical time) hoping your wife would finish the job on her behalf!
Put paid to that silly little attempt. Explain this newly unearthed angle to your wife if/when you tell her about you having sought a self-therapying mechanism. I'm sure she'll likewise cotton on to what was wholly or overly pure nonsense just fine and *not* react negatively like you fear.
My you do have a downer on POs don't you, from your previous notes too. She is not all that bad and I have basically enjoyed the grillings and the fact that I could get everything off my chest, every raw deatil, back to childhood memories quite frankly, way more than my crime. I got tearful to be honest at times but the raw effect of what I did all came out over several sessions and they were extremely painful to go through and then ruminate on the bus ride home amongst the general public convinced they all knew who I was and what I'd done. I wrote a note titled "The Label on my Forehead"
I named her as my couinsellor in the early days and she went berserk and told me right bluntly that she wasn't. I kid her now and calling her that and she can take the joke but firm in her retort.
I wish I could talk to you face to face, privately somehow but realise that ain't going to happen. So my thought and actions are here for the world to read and judge, but so many have their real problems, so different to mine and as much as important to them as I feel mine is.
Thanks for your continued support and advice.
Soulmate's wisdom and the Fluoretine tablets I take regularly are having a definite effect. My wife and daughter had a minor problem yesterday which upset them both, ( I will say this with rolling eyes - women!!) and they came back in a raging mood and she was still like it for the most part of this morning. Normally I would have made a joke or commented, but I spotted the danger and stayed quiet.
Once the crowd of about 40 we were involved with today found out about it, not from me, and made it public, they have since laughed it off and we have joked about it, but yesterday would not have been the right time. Wow!
"My you do have a downer on POs don't you, from your previous notes too. She is not all that bad"
Nope, not on POs, just people. They're part chimp, part spiritual being, is why. This lady let out her inner chimp (all over you) and it's this that I have a downer on because a serious profession such as hers is a CHIMP-FREE ZONE. Or would you expect a high court judge to give a crim an extra 10 years on his sentance just because his wife and he had a huge argument that same morning and he needed someone to take it out on?
She acted unprofessionally. And one could SAY - as did I, even - that you and she had long blurred the boundaries between PO-client, but that was just me in a rare fit of pliability because, really, the bottom-line difference between her and those of us who strive to be more conscientious is, we never forget that we're charged with executing a job/duty first and foremost. Example: you might think you could get away with breaking some forum rule just because you and I have been chatting *like* pals, meaning special dispensation. (Not suggesting you would, of course - this is just an example.) But you'd end up exceedingly disappointed because, rules are rules and should be set in stone unless any exception were actually *warranted*. Her over-personal response was not warranted, there was no professional extenuating factor/circumstance. She overstepped the mark, Moody, and made you suffer unnecessarily for it. Period.
Think about it: what if (IF) you'd, unbeknownst to her, been at the end of your tether and seriously contemplating suicide that day, and her rollocking had tipped you over that edge? And for what - an ego tantrum out of jealousy that someone/s else were (her perception) playing your rescuer/hero? There you go - case closed.
Other than that, I'm sure on the personal level she's normally a very nice, very well-meaning woman. She apparently just needs to be more consistent with keeping the personal and professional interactions separated.
"( I will say this with rolling eyes - women!!)"
Due to my own experiences, I'd say it like this: "People!!".
(Some of my male exes, friends and acquaintances have been utter drama queens.)
Other than that, glad your trajectory in terms of becoming wiser and more self-aware is still upwards!
That, monsieur, is all the thanks I need because that's the point of all of this. Happy Bunnies cause ripple effects that either make Unhappy Bunnies happier or at least exert an influence strong enough to counteract all the misery in this world.
Here - are you cooking Christmas lunch this year?
When you were going on about breaking forum rules I thought here she goes, thinking you had seen and disagreed with my comments on other peoples problems. I think I just wanted to help and encourage, but don't feel wise or experienced enough to conitinue.
Yes you are right about male drama queens but it wasn't that.
We are going out for Christmas lunch to our daughters and all the family will be there which creates it's own tensions, but we will enjoy it and have booked a taxi back. So no cooking, but I would like to try a Risotto next.
Hey lets you and I sneak away and enjoy a chat over some mulled wine and mince pie. ONLY joking!!! I don't do that sort of thing any more.
If I don't post here to any of your responses before Thursday, please have a lovely Christmas, but I will be looking in because as you know, you have helped me so much thanks.
As I hope you will spot, being so right on with everything I have commented on or said, I am in a slightly better frame of mind, mainly because I think my sordid past, mainly my crime is slowly fading into the distance. The neighbours walk past and now amuse me with the way they do it, and I limped past their place to slot a card through the door of their next door neighbours after dusk, they probably thinking here I go again, but no it was our seasons greeting cards in belated return to a couple with 3 delightful daughters. We live in a small Victorian terrace of 6 cottages.
Last night at a function in a pub with about 40 of our usual crowd, I got no reactions at all from people I had written to - 3 were present. One of them aged 51, I have just found out via our lovely daughter, has prostate cancer and wants to talk privately with me about it because of my history with it, so I called him just now and we had a great man to man talk and my offer to help him whenever remains and he was fine. No mention of my letter.
In the pub last night were a couple, we know he is a gossip, we know he told my dentist and her husband ( go back a few posts) and he pointedly sat as far as away as possible, which pleased me because I was going to move or turn my back on him. Anyway that's his problem.
"When you were going on about breaking forum rules I thought here she goes, thinking you had seen and disagreed with my comments on other peoples problems."
Nope, not at all! I was just using yours and my dynamic on here as an example. In fact, I thought your advice on the other thread was spot-on! Keep it up!
"If I don't post here to any of your responses before Thursday, please have a lovely Christmas, but I will be looking in because as you know, you have helped me so much thanks."
Thank yourself, Moody. Me, I'm just your excuse.
I appreciate the appreciation, though.
Anyway, have a great one yourself...and by the way - excellent news about your male bonding session. That's probably something you lack. A really good male buddy, I mean. Also, I think his wife and his action of approaching you in the first place was their subtle way of showing you that they believed your sincere words and accept them/you. So that's an excellent development. As is the fact that, as I said before, your being a representation of an extreme is serving as a very effective method of identifying the wheat amongst the chaff (your particular brand of wheat, I mean - the type who don't hold grudges and believe it's the Time that matters, not the crime).
Maybe you and the missus should invite this first chap and his wife over to dinner to try your risotto?
Thanks, may do that regardless of risotto.
I do have a good close buddy and I intended to come clean with him in the new year hoping that he won't go off me.
Wait until you've got the new bud in place first. That's what I'd do anyway.
Here, I cooked a big turkey roast for us and some visiting family friends last night...with roasted pots, parsnips and carrots, boiled sprouts and all the rest of the trimmings. (We're celebrating Xmas early because son is spending tomorrow onwards with his father. He and my husband have just popped out for half-an-hour to go collect son's repaired i-Pad (which he can't survive Xmas without, LOL) and then we're going to open the pressies.) Anyway, that was my first ever turkey. I've cooked duck, pheasant, chicken, quail...you name the fowl, I've cooked it. Except for turkey. Got a round of applause, though (*blushes*). They even said they don't normally like turkey because it's usually tough and dry. Must have been the marijuana stuffing that did it. (joke) So that's another culinary feather in my bow, then.
Me looking smug --->
Thank you and congrats are on the way across the ether. Smells lovely.
Signing off now as working on big acrylic landscape done only with a palette knife, no brushes, of a snow scene from a photo taken by a pal on our caravan gang on one of his local dog walkies tracks. Probably back on line with all I do on Saturday.
Wishe.s.s.s.s.s.s....because you have made my end of year be so more likeable for those round me
New bud in place??? He's not a new buddy and "in place"?
If we're talking about the geezer in the pub - I got the impression "he" was still in the process of becoming a bud? Or am I referring to the pub bloke and you your established close buddy?
LOL, "WHO'S on first base?"
Long term slightly younger (62) buddy than me who I have confided with in many ways and he with me when his marriage broke up, but not my crime and the rest. Don't think he has been mentioned in here before. I can't see any blokes becoming buddies right now or any more, buddies are made over a long term.
We are going to new year party tomorrow night and fairly certain the bloke who is a gossip and outed me with the dentist will be there and I am not happy with him, but have to get over it. The couple with the prstate cancer is going to be there but I think our bridges have been rebuilt after my letter and his request to talk in private.
LOL, the Abbott & Costello sketch called "Who's on 1st Base". Oh, don't tell me you've never seen it?? Go YouTube it.
Here - every time you pass this he-gossip, hold your face and go, 'OWW, MY TOOOOOTH!!!'
Or better yet - black out one of your front ones with a marker pen and smile widely at him all the time. [evil cackle]
No not to my memory, will take a look.
Probably not tonight, will just ignore him.
Awww. If you can't take the piss on NY Eve when *can* you! Oh, well, maybe this time next year you'll have the necessary chutzpah.
Saying that, people do hate to be ignored so.. you could always pretend you don't even recognise him. Or say Hi if he does but call him by the wrong name.
Oh, go on - have some fun with the idiots, it's very liberating.
I have backed out, sorry I just didn't feel as if I could throw myself into a good new year party, mainly 'cos he will be there and some others. It's the first one I haven't been to in many years being north country, so my wife has gone and will come back before 12 to spend the chimes and bubbly with me. I asked her not to bother, enjoy it and see her in the morning, she wasn't drinking anyway, but no - she is backing me and coming home ten thirty 'ish. She is marvellous.
I have ordered her b/day pressie on line for Jan 6th.
Happy new year when it arrives and aggain many thanks.
Never mind. Baby steps is fine, they're still steps. Trying itself is a baby step.
But why did you ask wife not to bother? Why weren't you prepared at first to LET her be marvellous?
PS: You don't have to keep thanking me. Once is enough if one feels one really has to but anything more for some reason just makes me feel "icky".
PPS: Did, by any chance, wife's offer make you feel icky?
Asking her not to bother about me, was on her surprise at my announcement of not going and I was trying to make sure she would still go and enjoy it as I had been aiming to go for a while and surprised her.
I was not icky and felt gratified that she did what she wanted, but still with thoughts of me on a special night. We enjoyed things when she got back, bubbly and etc and stayed to watch the fireworks on TV and in the area round us.
Today was a special annual event in which a lot of the gang, about 40/50 hit the city ALL in red dresses, quite a sight and then the pub, with good wishes all round, me included and no one of any doubts (about or from me) present.
Been to a couple of great gang do's one a retirement party last night in their house, the other a walk/run (me drinking, moderately) while they were out in the countrysdie)today without any nasty thoghts or awkward people present.
We also belong to another similar gang, a breakaway soem years back, but most of them very insular and introvert who have given clear sings of me being unwelcome. Our daughter is an officer? of the grup, not for long (nothing to do with me), but I get their emails about forthcoming events. I have politely decined the last one but tempted to anser wit feeling, as the other much bigger groups/gangs have shown remarkeable welcomes, even though there are one or two awkward souls which we can now ignore.
I think I will draft it and submit it for appro to wife and daughter.
Have started after some pplanning a suropries for my wife on her return from skiing in mid Jan. It is difficult, a big challege to do, but I know I am capable of doing it. NOT cooking, but that will continue
Waiting for the next visit of MAPA
Wife's birthday today and so far she is very happy. Should be no problems and we going to dinner at Italian tonight with our oldest friends.
Days go past quite well really except for things like today, just back at the house when "she" the awkward neaighbour arrives in her car. Blanks us of course, but so what it's her problem but sets me thinking again about my sordid past.
All of that sounds EXCELLENT! Despite the odd minor niggle from outside quarters, you just keep going up and up, don't you!
You're leaving your past behind. But no-one said it would be 100% instant. Saying that, nor would anyone have expected this incredible amount of progress in just a few short months! So I think you've got you and your strong character to thank for that.
That neighbour probably isn't happy unless she has someone to channel her woes into. Certainly that's the impression *I* get. So in actual fact, you're doing her a public service, LOL. Next Xmas, why don't you, as a gift, drop a pin-cushion fashioned to look like you through her door, with a note saying, 'Knock yerself out with my blessing!'. (only joking)
Yes good one that thanks but as you say rather unlikely. When we see her and her husband walk past he is always steps ahead, his head angled at the ground all the time and she equally miserable. Childless, professionals in their 50s at a guess.
Your help has been invaluable of course and at dinner last night our friends said they noticed a change in me which my wife agreed on. She had a lovely birthday because of that I think.
Another good one is that I have just finished cooking a chili con carne uwsin a part of Jamie's recipe and my wife's who sorted what we had available. It simmering as we speak.
Going to the pub fo lunch later with that pal I mentioned a day or two ago. Still not sure whether to spill the beans but oddly feel I should as he is a good supporter.
Still have the next MAPA visit not to look forward to.
As the 80s BT ad used to say: "It's good to talk". And there's you blokies living most of your lives thinking it's a waste of oxygen, eh? Well, a lot of it is, granted, but once upon a time before drugs, that's all we folk had. Better out than in, and all that. Or in your case, better out then rejiggled then put back in and then out again, than in. LOL.
Shivangi, too, don't forget.
Re your chum: I'd suggest you not spill the beans until he starts to hint about beans or things associative. It's akin to that childrearing rule that says, If the kid starts to ask the questions he's demonstrating he's developmentally ready for the (sensitively framed) answers.
Chilli con carrrrrrrrrrrrne, eh? So you're actually a cook now! Shame this isn't already whatever time in the future when some bright spark has managed to combine Virtual with Actual or we could all sample a taste.
Take MAPA some and insist they try it there and then. But add lots more chilli to their batch.
Yes of course Shivangi too.
SHIVANGI!!!!!!!!!! THANKS, WAY TO GO.
Didn't spill them today, partly because of time available and didn't feel it was right. Yes your point could be the way to go.
Phone call from MAPA this morning, checking to see if we have had any problems since my letter, which he chastised me about previously, although in a better mood today. As the answer was no he has taken off the alert on our address!!!
Will pay usual visit later he said.
Excellente yet again!
I am glad things are going well for you!
Now what you need to do is put all this past you and stop thinking about the past. Without you having to explain yourself, close friends have started noticing the change in you. The word will spread by itself and situations around will further improve with time.
Thanks to you both. I do feel that we are going forward, away from our marital problems and the crime. With the problem of this busy body neighbour around all the time, the past won't disappear of course but I am trying to make it fade.
What's so wrong? OK everywhere and wife going to a late panto with Daughter and Grand daughter plus D in Law and two Gd sons, she had paid for all as treat. I am taking the opportunity to paint the surprise present I have for her return from skiing.
There is an old issue between me and D in Law about her youngest, nearly 8 who has Dispraxia, which her and our son ignored or denied for several years. I commented on this about 3 yrs back and she stormed off in a huff, but of course it has now been recogised, accepted, special teatment, school etc. She has done her best to avoid me since, causing all sorts of ructions etc.The family is very torn on this, in fact all on my side as the child has been diagnosed and subject to treatment, so why can't D i Law now accept this and mend the rift, surely it's down to her.
I suggested to wife before she went out that they ALL come back for tea and biccies and chat. She immediately went into row mode pleading to be able to go out and enjoy her afternoon, claiming she didn't want any issues or new ones.
Honestly with my new found empathy, what's wrong with just asking/inviting them all back here. Issues? We were all together on Christmas day and it was fine.
"in fact all on my side" and "it's down to her"
Sounds like still a power struggle still going on. Wife doesn't want to get in the middle.
Sometimes ya gotta just let people be . . .
Looks like your D in law is a bit on the immature side and highly egoistic. On one side she probably knows that you were right and she was wrong but her ego isn't allowing her to accept it.(Probably the way you phrased your comment must have hurt her deeply.) On the other side subconsciously she is holding you responsible for her child's state (though she probably knows you are not to blame, she is not able to accept that even to herself). Something like "He said it thats why my child got it" kind of thing.
Susie is right. Sometimes you have to just let people be. We can't change the thinking process of others.
Thanks to both SusieDQQQ and Shivangi.
Wife doesn't want to get in the middle, dead right. She has returned and happy except for an issue with the car.We are OK.
DiL I think is immature and easily led we think.Egotistical? Hmm! don't know. Because of my history ref court, she has put the fence up too we believe, using it to add to her reservations about me. All I said to her after she collected him from my one hour babystitting him (long before my court case)was that he had been unusually awkward.That's when she stormed out in tears. The lad had been OK since birth and we bonded well and he seemed to like my company, so was very different. The rest of the family by then had all formed worries and concern about his behaviour and in fact applauded me on saying something. But yes, you just have to let people be.
Back to Square One. Despair, concern, worry, is it really just me, bad night sleep.
All of the above back in front of my mind after last evening.
Following the slight and mended chat/spat above about my innocent family led request about after the panto, all seemed well. This web site has done remarkable things for me and people have mentioned on line and verbally that a change is noticeable to the good - so...........
The scenario is :-
We have two main functions we enjoy attending each week right through the year and it has been difficult but we have managed to get round doubts around attending after my crime pretty well.
There is a 3rd function (CH), this one once a month, they are all sport related, but this gang are of mostly different folk and include several who have shunned me and made it clear I am not welcome. My wife has decided she is unlikely to attend as well.
So last evening while she was preparing dinner after we have had our usual drinks, me two large G&T's and wife two large glasses of white wine, I stated that two functions today are in quite close areas and she said that she had found out during the panto, the whole family were going to the AH one which surprised her and me. The CH rarely clash with the other dates.
The whole family consists of us two, our son and his family (the DiL in question above) and our daughter, partner and their daughter. We are a small family and luckily in some respects live within two miles. Son and family don't do many of these functions any more, hence the surprise. Daughter has a major role, soon to be ended with the CH.
Wife stated she might do the CH as the family were attending, so I asked if she could drop me off at the other one. She stated that would be awkward us not being where the family were and I said our Dil had thrown a spanner in works, taking us by surprise, announcing they would be going to CH. I said it was a pity but we see daughter and child regularly and Dil is a different issue, plus the fact I am not welcome at AH.
Wife went on boil immediately saying this was all about me, I had ruined her day, her thoughts that I had changed were wrong, I was trying to manipulate her days like yesterday before the panto and she was in deep depression. When I managed to get a word in, not easy - trying to remind her that it was purely a request yesterday, just asking - therefore could she not suggest the cup of tea gathering back at our house, not demanding and hopefully trying to gradually resurrect the family togetherness, she snarled and refused to discuss any further.
Over dinner I managed as usual to defrost the atmosphere and the evening went OK.
From a sadly mixed up and confused old git thinking I was on the right route after so much needed help from people in here.
1. Your DIL:
Not sure I agree with letting people be because then you end up slave to their timeline whereas you've got a personal programme underway (moving onwards and upwards).
I can understand how you feel (albeit a bad night's sleep will make everything feel 10 times worse, guaranteed) because here you are, doing your best to put the past behind you, courtesy of lessons learned and enlightenment gained, and here seemingly is yet ANOTHER body refusing to let you move on.
I don't think it's got anything whatsoever to do with you and your past, though. I think it's simply that you showed her up as [a] under-attentive or [b] apt to want to bury her head in the sand, out of the fact that surely a child's mother, not grandfather, would be the first to notice anything developmentally untoward in her child. She probably feels guilty and remiss all over again every single time she clocks your face. However, that's HER ego-based problem to deal with, not yours.
But it doesn't make sense that your wife would be perfectly okay about you all being together for Xmas Day and then not okay on another occasion only weeks later, except for this: unbeknownst to you, your wife secretly found Xmas Day quite tense-making, with her just waiting for something to kick off. That nothing DID kick off was probably put down by her as pure luck, meaning, next time you all might not be so lucky. So this would explain what she meant by, couldn't she just enjoy her afternoon. But I agree with your undertow dislike of elephants in the room not being dealt with so that you ALL can move on - from EVERYTHING past-negative.
So in summary, your wife is displaying a tendency to stick her head in the sand almost as much as daughter-in-law. Ergo, it looks very much like your son married a mini-mum! (Common stuff.)
Now think about how you placated wifey and apply that lesson to mini-wifey - ta-daaa...
All you can do, considering this obviously *isn't* someone you can choose to ignore or walk away from, but all you SHOULD do, is box cleverer and start to make a concerted BUT SUBTLE effort to praise D-I-L's motherly skills and feelings over certain things and perhaps even draw a non-flattering-to-you comparison as you do so (in order to redress the perceived superiority imbalance). E.g., '[laugh] I don't know where you get your patience from. Certainly *I* was never that incredibly patient with [son]'. Stuff like that. Anything true that you can accordingly imbue with sincerity of tone without laying on with a shovel. Feed the monster (her ego) until it goes back to sleepiebye-byes, in other words. It will. Egos always do. And the more easily roused = the more easily lulled.
2. The CH Function:
First off - yet another round of applause over your wife's incredible loyalty! (- to wit: "My wife has decided she is unlikely to attend as well."). HOWEVER, this obviously got marred by social/familial pressure, hence her deciding to show her face at the AH function.
Then throw in the mix your (justfied) desire for a show of rebellion - to 'cock a snoot' at the CH and AH by going to the third function. This then changes the undertow atmosphere amongst the total CH/AH social circle from you being made to feel less than welcome (or awkward), to you shunning THEM (because obviously word is going to leak from the third function crowd into AH and CH crowd that you attended the former).
I think this is what you're wife's getting at - that you should be accepting the low-grade shunning without trying to find ways in which to turn CH/AH lemons into 'third function' lemonade. Understand what I'm saying? Wife thinks you're trying to outwardly-publicly escape a social punishment (this case, an under-the-table one). So, in response, she then mounted an emotional blackmail campaign at you (ruined my day, haven't really changed at all, blah-blah) to bring you back into line.
AGAIN, this all comes under her tendency to want to be passive and accepting of the semi-ostracisation rather than resourcefully, rebelliously ostracisING. Perhaps, also, at times when SHE'S tired or grumpy, wife herself feels you deserve more 'time'?... perhaps for your 'crimes' towards HER all those years past? Or maybe she feels she's had enough of being punished by proxy and is leaving you to do the last of your 'time' on your own without her having to be constantly involved, and - hey-ho! - DIL, in her bid for petty, last-ditch ego revenge, machinated the ideal opportunity? Or perhaps you're progressing TOO well for wife's liking? Could be either or a mixture.
Anyway, then/next, when you reminded her of her primary matriarchal duty ("..that it was purely a request yesterday, just asking - therefore could she not suggest the cup of tea gathering back at our house, not demanding and hopefully trying to ***gradually resurrect the family togetherness***,") this comment represented an Ace card from you which she couldn't effectively argue against - hence her basically having a John McEnroe paddy, throwing down her racquet and walking clean off the court.
You then responded by passifying and placating her over dinner (which was very generous of you), hence her own ego monster went back to sleepybyes.
People are right complicated idiots, aren't they? :-p Unfortunately, they are what they are and you have to rub along with them. It's that or set up tent on some remote Himalayan cliff-face, LOL (although I believe most of the best pitches have already been taken, worst luck!
You ARE on the right route but (and I believe I pointed this out earlier in this thread) progress is NEVER non-stop step after clean non-stop step. There are ruts, exposed tree roots, pebbles, boulders, fallen trees, styles, locked 5-bar gates, wind, rain, ETCETERA along that path as throw you off balance and back or sideways a step, plus wrong turns that lead you seemingly back however-many hundred yards. Or look at it like driving lessons when you were a teen Learner: you'd be doing really well but then suddenly, very next lesson, nothing would go right and you'd appear to have gone BACKWARDS. It's not backwards, it's just a manifest product of your PROGRESS, as in, the more you heighten and progress, the more OTHER PEOPLE'S inadequacies start to strike and affect you in comparison and the more clever in response YOU get, the more non-plussed or discombobulated they become (until they adapt).
Hope all that made sense. In case not, read my analogy of the progress staircase to get a better inkling of what's going on: http://www.peoplesproblems.org/showtopic/6317/Head-Vs-Heart.
Blimey! I thought it was another dose of rapped knuckles but no it wasn't bad reading you words and thankss before I forget. Did read them last evening, with difficuly as you have put so much down and sometimes the phrases and ideas are not clear to an uneducated old chap, as we were back from the function, but time and inclination weren't on my side, having had a pint or two and I felt I should be with my wife as we had had a good day out.
Our feelingtoo about DiL's possible guilt, therefore ref to me as a target. She was never one to contact us, always the other way or our son doing the talking. I don't think but don't know either that my wife's concern about C/Day was hidden or bubbling away. He is very much bury head type and with hectic demanding job, two demanding kids, wife – hmm! How much does she suport him we both worry. Maybe wife is burying her head too and that's where I kicked this off from about counselling.
Placating DiL, very hard as we never see her, so much is she keeping away and the soft approach to her via son, I don't think will work as he will take it on but bury it. I have thought about phoning her and trying to talk with her, still unsure. If I mention that to my wife, I am sure she will tell me not to and there's another blow off.
The CH function, sorry I did put AH by mistake earlier hence your dual title for it.
My wife feels embarrased by some of their attitudes, that's her way and I leave it to her, but loyalty at my side means something too I believe and happy with of course. Yes gossip will leak to CH but I feel they .will be more like we have won. Do I care? No.
They are mostly 50+ except our daughter, but some are old pals (once) yet very old style with feeling about what they consider to be a paedophile.
The big question I can't answer is how would I react if our roles were reversed? I would like to think “ oh well a great pity but lets get on” Simple but do I know?
Our day was fine with so muchrespect and welcoming, I am after all a long term founding member and being my age I do get asked a lot of advice. The mix is aged mid 20s up to my age with the odd youngster. In fact while the gang were out excerising, I had two lovely sisters, one about 50 the otherabout 55 sat in my car with me chatting for an hour. The younger one I think knows my crime situation, she mixes with a well known gossip who fancies her but was utterly charming, as they both were and how do I know the elder didn't know either. It felt like, it's his issue, we enjoy his company. Wife was pleased when back.
I don't like atmosphere in the house and I nearly always try to break it and attempt placating her.
Yes, everything has it's up and downs like your driving analogy and that is probably what it is with me, but I was feeling so good.
Yesterday I did startto hint my problems with CH ton one or two of the folk, one male, one female and they both expressed surprise and wanted more (I sensed) but I didn't spill. The first I will do that ot is the long term buddy I mentioned last week, when I am and feel he is ready.
Something I forgot which affects her much more than me, we have agreed on and backed up by the PO when discussing rows, is to avoid touchy subjects (what are they?) after having our drinks. Booze loosens the tongue and she is consuming much more alcolol itself in two large glasses than me with two double measures,with a can of tonic, ice and lemon. I don't have a problem with the amount we both drink, it's not excessive and maybe 3 nights in all.
Going to PO this morning and will aim to keep away from our marital stuff, after all they are there to stop me reoffending, but she always uses the standard greeting "how are you?" I hate that as it is so insincere and I go into how i feel and the recent tiffs rather than my rehab.
Maybe anyone asking you "How are you?" might cause you to have feelings. Are you seeing a counselor? How about a marriage counselor?
(This PO is not a counselor, she is court-monitoring your behavior and watching for "trigger behaviors" that may cause you to re-offend.)
No, thought about it but wife not inclined. I think we are managing well since you paople have made a big change in me.Just nee to be careful and ooze empathy.
Had probation this morning and she wants me to go over the letter again, not rewrite it, just alter it in terms of where I think I minimalised it, she said I did and discuss it next session in a month. Indicating that I will have last session on about May, hope so.
Sods law rules, the MAPA turned up after lunch. Usual going over old stuff, helped in one or two issues, ref dates, periods and end of things. Wife in a state when she came in to find them here, because she had probs with the debit card at the shops. Sorted now.
Things fairly smooth still, except for her anger about the card chaos plus two things on the car which happened all on the same day. Getting them sorted for her.
She is off skiing very very early on Sunday, but I will get up and bid her good trip. Frantic at present in the house as she prepares for my wellbeing whilst away, but I am OK, the freezer is stocked with some of my cooking too and I am to make a Chorizo and bean casserole during the week, so some serious shopping done.
Made a Pukka Yellow Curry for two close friends last night before a symphony concert and all went well.
I am impressed with you all how you have kept up with me thanks, recording a huge amount of traffic on here but very focussed.
Maybe my needs in here will be less and less, I hope, and you can get on with more troubles.
Moody, sorry, I've just realised I'm not getting email alerts on this thread, hence seemingly ignoring you. I'll go look into it. Meanwhile, I'll have a catch-up read...
G&T...that sounds like a nice idea, I've had a really full-on week!
Right. Got me gee n' tee!
Off wee 'n tee go...
"Do I care? No."
No, clearly you *do* care but will take option B - mentally dismissing - whenever you don't know what option A is or how to go about it, because it's better than being frozen in Nowhere/Don't Know Where I Am Or What To Do Land. And of course it's frustrating and disappointing when you feel you're emerging into a new phase, a new life, and there are people holding you back for whatever reasons of their own (maybe because you're too valuable as a cathartic symbol?). But I repeat, you have to rub along with people in your immediate environments if they have the power to emotionally affect you (which they clearly do), so you'll have to be patient and meanwhile TAKE CHARGE of how they think - which is by how you demonstrate (thus instruct them speechlessly) how YOU feel okay about it (because it's a firmly archived episode), which is you behaving like a normal (but quirky), regular, decent, person...mental snapshots these people's minds get to take of you... again and again and again, as OVERLAYS THEN BLOTS OUT that one past snapshot now sat at the bottom of the heap. Trust is ability to predict, and ability to predict is you being predictable/consistent in how you behave in any manner of scenario under any condition imaginable.
"but she always uses the standard greeting "how are you?" I hate that as it is so insincere and I go into how i feel and the recent tiffs rather than my rehab."
Think about this logically. She's heard you respond like that enough times by now to know you'll do so again next time, has she not? So clearly the fact she's not altered or removed her trigger phrase ('how are you') means she doesn't mind. People don't do something over and over unless they feel they're getting something out of it (psych fact). Plus, how on earth can your recent tiffs not be directly connected with your overall rehab? So obviously, it is NOT insincere at all, it's just a stock phrase.
Try to stay focusing - always - on people's sustained, bottom-line *actions*. They speak the truth, unlike mouths and any expressions of temporary or impulsive emotional states that might spew forth from them (which goes for one-off, superficial actions as well).
But I tell you this: I am so pleased to see you issue this statement: "The big question I can't answer is how would I react if our roles were reversed? I would like to think “ oh well a great pity but lets get on” Simple but do I know?" And for so many positive reasons, for example, it demonstrating that you're no longer one of the multitude of stressed-out animals of this world in vitally selfish mode accordingly thinking of only itself and how IT feels. You see, you don't need empathy. You just need to do, well, THAT - use that artistic imagination of yours to imagine being them and they you including 'move their movements' and 'speak their utterances' then UNDERSTAND how they could or likely do feel because you've 'climbed into them' and thereby FELT it. (Example: if someone scratching their nose in a certain way confused you, you'd only have to imagine scratching YOUR nose in the same manner to remember - NOSE ITCHING!) From there, empathy comes naturally. It works because, remember: as an artist, you go: outside stimulus in = can't relate/empathise = put it outside of yourself again and instinctually jiggle it about to suit how your brain works = THEN put the tweaked version back in your bonce and - "now I get it!" whereupon you respond to it the right way.
Did you ever learn to waltz by standing on your mum or dad's toes as they danced? Almost the same thing. Don't try to think it or remember it, try to FEEL it. Artists don't think, they FEEL-think.
"Had probation this morning and she wants me to go over the letter again, not rewrite it, just alter it in terms of where I think I minimalised it, she said I did and discuss it next session in a month. Indicating that I will have last session on about May, hope so."
There you go then.
It's like transferring (using rubber gloves) a load of wriggly electric eels from one bucket to the adjacent bucket (in which they turn into benign little goldfish). Some are going to slip out of your grasp and drive straight back into the original bucket. And here's a mother of all eels about to be transferred but by TWO pairs of hands, meaning this one won't slip back. How many eels to go now? Not many, right?
"Sods law rules, the MAPA turned up after lunch. Usual going over old stuff, helped in one or two issues, ref dates, periods and end of things. Wife in a state when she came in to find them here, because she had probs with the debit card at the shops. Sorted now."
Naughty, uncooperative eel. But it went into the new bucket in the end, see? And it was just a tiddler.
"Frantic at present in the house as she prepares for my wellbeing whilst away, but I am OK, the freezer is stocked with some of my cooking too and I am to make a Chorizo and bean casserole during the week, so some serious shopping done.
Made a Pukka Yellow Curry for two close friends last night before a symphony concert and all went well."
See - even that - you showing people you've learned a brand new skill that takes certain personal skills and concentration. A paedophile (because that's what they think you were) does NOT master a new skill. He's too busy making manifest his inner conflicts and turmoil in his chosen self-harming and other-harming ways.
A bouquet of flowers and a 'sorry I was a numptie' note. A meal you've made yourself from scratch. What's the difference???
"I am impressed with you all how you have kept up with me thanks, recording a huge amount of traffic on here but very focussed.
Maybe my needs in here will be less and less, I hope, and you can get on with more troubles."
That's alright. A forum with regular members is whatever good thing you want to make from it, e.g., "Dear Diary". And of course you'll bog off once you're flying completely solo again, that's the whole bleedin' point here.
Tell you what, though ("What?") (- excellent question!)... once you're there, at the next existential landmark, you'll have GREAT fun reading this thread back to yourself. "Was that really meeee? Did I reeeally say that and feel that way? Did I reeeeally used to be bothered about that and this and that?" Oh, yes.
And there was you (I'm betting), thinking that at your age you'd pretty much done all the growing and developing there was to do, eh?
I'm 108 doncha know.
What's the next recipe you've got lined up to try?
Wow! will attempt to answer this later with time on my hands. Read it last night after a G&T and half glass of wine and didn't know where to start and even understand half of it.
Here is it early Sunday and I have read your last post 3 times and still very very unsure about a lot of it. How can some one state their thoughts and wisdom insuch a way? I often imagine you with a dictaphone so one of your many minions can transcribe it into here.
Your first paras have confused me but I think I can see some words of encouragment.
Keep working on the empathy
Understand the others “CH” point of view but not bend to it.
Nose scratching and eels – sorry?
Like I said once before, how much easier it would have been (for me anyway)for us to talk face to face.
Reading from the end of yourpost:-
Yes at my age I thought I knew everything or enough Hah!
I told you the next dish is the Chorizo Sausage and Bean casserole, That has develped into a request from my wife to treat her with it on Sunday on her return from skiing, so that's OK. Will cook it Friday as I aim to host an open house Saturday for invited guests to view my artwork, unexhibited for 2 years.
On leaving the forum, I have often thought about it and say I will leave, sometime in the future (near) in a much better frame of mind, leaving you to pass your wisdom to more deserving folk.
At Probation the same old greetin which I avoided, going into tiffs/rows etc well there haven't been any. I told her as requested, she did ask last timethat I had brought the letter to neighbours etc, so we went straight into that once she read and absorned it.bout minmising
Stern words a
I see “How are You” as the word of the season “Absolutely” habits rather than meaningful
(Am sorting the problem with the strange lack of email alerts for this thread, FYI.)
"Here is it early Sunday and I have read your last post 3 times and still very very unsure about a lot of it. How can some one state their thoughts and wisdom insuch a way? I often imagine you with a dictaphone so one of your many minions can transcribe it into here."
Eeeasy like Sun-day ..moor....oor-oor-oor...or-or-or-niiiiiin'. I wanna get HIIIIIGH...- No, I don't have any of that, it'll have to be another G&T.
LOL. Minions. *I* wish. No, I just process at the speed of light combined with having played classical piano since age 2, meaning, Hyperative mind + fast fingers - voila. Stream of consciousness. I also 'paint' in words. I'm half creative, half scientific-minded. Lateral thinker. I'm a bit of a human anomaly. Someone had to be.
Don't worry about you thinking you're not understanding, it's all going in anyway. Something will happen, some experience and resultant associative understanding that will spark your mind into retrospectively newly understanding on the conscious level something I said and meant on here. I call it a PING! (lightbulb moment). Your conscious mind isn't your psychological boss, anyway. It's the rally race commentator, the mere witness and spokesperson. The navigator and driver, in that order, are the true bosses, and they're far more intelligent and skilled than the Commentator (who makes quite a lot of it up - "blah-blah-blah" - whenever the cars are out of sight).
Years back, I read Michio Kaku's "Hyperspace" (about String Theory and parallel universes) three times before it all went clickety-click/PING! Try re-reading me, maybe?
For now - yes, you've got the main gists. Apart from 'not bend'. No, do bend. But not 'over backwards'. Never over backwards. You matter just as equally so the bending has to be equal (unless it's the Queen). But, yes, you can't do that until you've understood, by working out what they're thinking/feeling.
They say, the older you get, the less you know. But I think that's a mis-phraseology which should read: The older you get, the more you question due to the deeper-down level you more closely examine. Plus, life gets harder and harder meaning you're searching around more intently and frequently for directional clues and signposts about where and why we are and where we're ultimately headed.
"I told you the next dish is the Chorizo Sausage and Bean casserole,"
Yeah, alright, luv, don't nag. LOL I meant the one after that?
"I aim to host an open house Saturday for invited guests to view my artwork, unexhibited for 2 years."
Oh, how lovely!!! I adore art exhibitions. Are your pieces up for sale or just for looking? And does the exhibition have a central theme or subject matter or is it a mish-mash of various portraiture and landscape pieces using whatever media? Any abstracts?
Here - have you been watching Portrait Artist Of The Year on Sky Arts 1?
"leaving you to pass your wisdom to more deserving folk."
There aren't any more deserving folk than you, actually. It's not as hard to pull yourself up a staircase by, say, three steps in terms of, say, learning to avoid dating certain types of men that are wrong for you. Whereas you've, from your original starting position, climbed about 5 and, I reckon, are going to achieve another 3 and quite possibly more. To be as multi-skilled as you is a symptom of higher than average intelligence, whether or not you're attuned to mine or anyone else's mere particular communications wavelength. And they say you can't teach an old dog new trick. Rubbish. Some old people want to learn and some don't - same as youngsters. It's about strength of character and determination ...and your size and calibre of Chorizo and meatballs, LOL.
Just finish up when you feel genuinely ready. That's the only time *to* leave, isn't it.
"At Probation the same old greetin which I avoided, going into tiffs/rows etc well there haven't been any. I told her as requested, she did ask last timethat I had brought the letter to neighbours etc, so we went straight into that once she read and absorned it.bout minmising
Stern words a"
Excellent, excellent. But what came after 'a' ? Is this a game of Hangman? Let's see, then...
Umm.. Is the answer:
[a] STERN WORDS A GO GO?
[b] STERN WORDS AND "A PARTRI-IDGE IN A PEAR TREEEEE"?
I don't know, I give up!
Thanks for this and the many sometimes difficult phrases but I am getting there.
Strange about you email notifications, I deliberately asked for none when I kicked this off, hope that doesn't affect you.
I am pleased I am on the right track and thanks again.
Haven't a clue after the casserole, there's enough to think about with preparing and cooking it, that and the thoughts that go with it. Aiming to do it Friday, as it takes me ages and I need Saturday to prepare the house and the paintings.
Come on down and see but yes they will all be for sale and some are a new venture for me into abstract although finding my realist brain doesn't quite want to free up totally but getting decent reviews from some people that know, on the art websites I play on. I don't have Sky so can't watch that, but would like to.
I do realise the huge number of responses on this thread, mostly you and I, but with Shivangi and SusieQDDD input has spelt out as you say a mammoth climb for me and available for all to see. If it helps, good.
I have done the review of my letter for the PO and sorry, I don't know what happened about the last bulletin, but never mind you get the picture................and you called me luv.......Awwwwh
Absolutely it helps, thanks!
You turning off email alerts would only affect your own, not mine. Don't worry, the Wizard of Tech has the issue sat in his in-tray as we speak.
I won't be able to "come on down", Brucie (LOL), even if "the price *is* right", but I will wish you excessively well with it.
Don't have Sky? DON'T HAVE SKY? Well, you're missing out, certainly when it comes to programmes like that one. Not to fear, though, because there's a book that accompanied the annual series. Have a link: http://www.amazon.co.uk/Portrait-Artist-Year-Little-Portraits/dp/1849495769
(and, before you ask - no, I don't get commission, LOL). I also imagine they'll release a series of DVDs at some point. The 2013 and 14 presenters were Frank Skinner (don't ask, but actually he was superb at it, particularly whenever he oh-so-subtly took the mickey out of the judges if ever they got hoity-toity) and Joan Bakewell, the sitters all various media and sports celebrities, including a Paraolympian, and the panel of three judges Tai Shan Schierenberg, Kathleen Soriano and Kate Bryan. You get to see each contestants' previous work and then to watch them all work on their portraits, step by step from scratch (some being professional artists, some gifted amateurs). Some used highly off-the-wall, innovative techniques and media, including almost mediaeval viewing/perspective aids. One even 'painted' her portrait using cross-stitch (needle and thread) while another painted onto wood! Plus the unexpected 'ingredients' they added to their paint was often baffling, until you saw the result... Amazing talent, very gripping series. A bit like an artist's version of Britain's Got Talent. What was the most interesting aspect for me (obviously) was how well some pieces started off and looked like being destined to be the winning portrait but then, suddenly, at some point in the proceedings, the artist would quit too soon, or lose their nerve or focus, or despite a fast start be unfinished when the time deadline was up, or wouldn't know when to stop, meaning they'd ruin the portrait by overworking it.
No, the stock phrase 'yeah, alright, luv, don't nag' called you luv. But nice try, LOL!
Jeez, you're such a Flirty Bertie, aren't you, LOL. DOWN, boy. For starters, you aren't even sure I'm a WOMAN. Ha-ha - the vomit bucket's that way --->
(Cheers for the giggle, I needed that on such a grey and freezing cold day.)
Flirty, exactly or should that be abolutely, that's what got me in trouble from the start.
I would love to see that prog, but Sky to me is another rip off although I love sports of many kind. Maybe I can see it on another channel or link.Never heard of those judges??? But do like Skinner. His mate Baddiel was a confessed porn lover too.
Just had a great lunch with snooker pal, pub round the corner and come in to modify ie scratch, daub and blob the current abstract. Looks better already.
Cheer up - I am
I've never actually found Baddiel funny. Newman, his original sidekick, yes. Baddiel, no. He's funnier when acting as Skinner's semi-straight man, probably because Frank's superbly quick wit rubs off on him.
I'm alright, I'm just beeping FREEZING, where's Spring already?! I was born in the wrong country, (I'm a celebrity) GET ME OUT OF HEEEERE! LOL
Oh ho something naughty, post removed?
Two large G&Ts soon followed by my chili, then football not Sky thanksfully on telly. Cooked the sausage/chorizo and bean jobby this morning, smell and tastes good, have it on Sunday when wife returs. Pleased with myself and only 90 mins.
Just havug a drink ot two havig sold a few paintings today. felling good and it all seems to be slipping off the rader, which is good yes?
Probably spam. Don't know yet. I'm not the only moderator here, see, it's just that only two of us are overtly visibly 'on the beat'.
Talking of spam... sounds yummyio, tu chorizo y frijoles! And BL**DY WELL DONE for the painting sales!
It's *all* good, mush!
Whoops too many last night, unfettered as wife still away, but OK and cleared the place this morning, glasses etc.
Yummy tonight hopefully.
Thanks for explanation about spam or maybe sick troll.
The meal was yummy and she much appreciated the effort and not having to cook a sunday roast. Loads of chat of course about her trip and I listened avidly, something I didn't do in the past.
An international orchestra we support regularly wants my paintings on their website, so I am chuffed too.Glitch in their system won't allow it atpresent, but soon to be sorted.
Feeling good and my sordid past creeps further into the distance.
Up, up, up, up, up.... Crikey, makes me wonder what Step Number you're destined for!
Seriously - note all the improvements that have happened down on paper and count them and then tell me what they total?
To count them? Hmm! I think a lot roll into each other and I am not clever enough to separate them individually, but to list what I think and *not necessarily* in the right order :-
.....and Richard's kind help
Ah, yes, indeed. On this particular planet in this here ether universe, Richard is God. (No pressure, Richard, LOL.)
Good list! Understanding and sympathy as the doorway to empathy all go hand in hand. So that's one step. Patience is what underpins thus allows those as well as the ability to listen/concentrate/focus. That's another step. Love, including towards yourself whereby you cater to your needs (Helpfulness) in such a way as where everyone else you touch gets to benefit, is another. So that's three whole steps. But you forgot proof - of the pudding (and the painting) - which counts as the consequences of APPLYING those new talents. That's the fourth.
Four steps up the self-betterment/enlightenments staircase.
You must have very long legs, mate, to go at such a pace. Maybe that's why you were originally tied to a chair? After all, you don't bind and gag an easy, docile, obedient, dependent-minded, i.e. middle-of-the-road kid, do you. Where would be the need?
(That thought was a slab of Bird's toffee, meaning, don't try to reply too prematurely without having chewed and swallowed or you'll either lose a tooth or come out sounding totally garbled.
I think I have reached the point where I will gracefully dip out of this thread and thank everyone for their help.
I know I have seen a difference and also from in here hopefully and I think my wife does too, as long as I keep things smooth. I am seriously working on that and it seems to be going well, I notice from her reactions and manner.
Oddly I was at the dentist yesterday, thankfully not too much of a problem - a mere ageing thing.
Back early in December Soulmate suggested good things were on the way for me. Maybe unconnected but in the last two weeks I have been approached in emails from two august bodies (in my mind) wanting to feature my artwork on their websites. This means my work will be shown on a much wider scale and in once case to a completely new different audience.
Thanks to all again, I will look in occasionally and also at other problems where I think my experience both good and bad will help others.
I was going to add that today I will be cooking tomorrow's meal which is a braised steak au poivre, wife out shopping for stuff now.
"in the last two weeks I have been approached in emails from two august bodies (in my mind) wanting to feature my artwork on their websites. This means my work will be shown on a much wider scale and in once case to a completely new different audience."
There we go, then!
(Nope, not unconnected. I *am* that annoying, LOL, it's what makes me such a human anomaly.)
Yes, feel free to pop your head round the door and say Hi, if ever you feel like it. And don't be shy about contributing to the threads if you have a few moments.
Hasta lluego, amigo!
Thanks doesn't seem enough, but it's heartfelt.
Funnily- I couldn't or wouldn't have said that months ago.
The two arty boosts to my ego look like failing.
One website is having probs with their image downloading system and the other one rests with a couple who I know are not very friendly with me because of my history and therefore uninclined to help - I think.
The 1st one should be resolved I hope,we'll see
Yes, of course the first one would get resolved because it's not just YOUR stuff they need to be capable of downloading, is it. Re the second one: what do you mean, 'you think'?
That couple have their garden and houskeeping done by friends of ours, more my wife, and are known gossipers, in fact he has since stopped contact because "we know they know". She has been reasonable.
On a slightly brighter then duller side, I sold a few of my paintings the other week and using that to pay for a little improvement in my studio, only £100. At breakfast this morning, we have a slight electrical ongoing prob which gets her narked so I said I will call a contractor we have used before and she shuddered, snarled and said what about the money going out. It has been one of thos periods when everything seems to fail or run out of steam in the house. You know appliances etc.
I colud have retorted about her expense skiing which was a lot, but I bit tongue and stayed cool. Annoying though.
Trying to live your life day-in-day-out with another human being? Annoying? Well, that's news to me! LOL
One of those 'periods', you say? (LOL - quick, leg-it!)
No, but seriously, I imagine when the thought of the cost of fixing the problem crossed her mind, she DID feel guilty about the expense of the trip. That would explain her reaction nicely.
Well, you're obviously a good artist so if this other couple wish to mix personal feelings with business aims, that's their loss. In the meantime: slowly, slowly, catchee monkeys...
Yes bait taken and digested.
No, thank YOU.
(No, you / no, YOU / NO, YOU! / Shutchya face / No, you shutchya face...
Rough tough prob session today. There was a young mute trainee in and maybe PO was trying to be tough.
I was quite combatitive for a change, why I don't know, but determined not to be submissive as I usually am with these sessions.
For instance indecent pictures was one of the subjects. I argued that they were purely nude photos, available in many places on the net like nudist sites and not in my mind indecent. We never agreed on that.
I'm sure PO was indeed trying to show of-I mean be tough. Maybe (partly) you simply played along to cue?
You're an artist.. only just foraying into abstract, which meant landscapes and portraits. Course it did, almost everyone starts out that way. That includes nudes. Damn right you should defend your corner. Better late than never. But then, weighted down is as weighted down fails to do (rear up).
Maybe it was the fact that some new and 'untainted' person was present which tipped you into new & improved standing up for yourself? It's one thing to have to clear up a past mess but it hardly feels fair if someone from the future is newly informed, does it, because what it suggests is that you changing to any degree, let alone this one, makes diddly squat difference to how the world gets to view you in the future.
Still, if this trainee has any brains, and if s/he knows you're a portrait artist, I'm sure s/he could make that connection. I know I did. I had the suspicion right from the start, and - without wanting to sound like the summing-up copper from Scooby Doo - then you (aim, fire, bullseye) went and failed to correct me when I said 'portraiture' (go look again) whereas you're not a 'fail to correct' type.
Ain't rocket science, is it. Unfortunately, as I keep hinting, the universe is as equally full of black holes as it is stars. You've been stretched into spaghetti and only now are regaining your proper shape (fusilli).
Sorry, not about you, just a joke for a joke's sake, me 'n my comedy sluttery. Just ignore me, I can do the gaffawing for both of us.
PO was quite impatient with me, preggers too, but I was not subservient as usual. Told her I had opininions, old school, hated PC world (not the IT store). Argued on several issues, the problem neighbour, empathy,what is child porn and not, my letter shredded in words mostly hers but she was right in many ways.
Am trying to help a guy in here with wife, music trainee probs you are playigna big part in here. That OK?
Spam Alert! Nobody use that email address unless you want to risk corrupting your computer.
"PO was quite impatient with me, preggers too, but I was not subservient as usual. Told her I had opininions, old school, hated PC world (not the IT store). Argued on several issues, the problem neighbour, empathy,what is child porn and not, my letter shredded in words mostly hers but she was right in many ways.
Am trying to help a guy in here with wife, music trainee probs you are playigna big part in here. That OK?"
She's pregnant? Oh, so this newbie is about to become her permanent or maternity-leave replacement?
"hated PC world (not the IT store)"
OH, FANTASTIC! I'm going to remember that one!
Me, too, by the way!...as if you hadn't guessed, LOL.
You persevere with him if you want to, Moody, but count me out. I'm done with trying to get through to passive-aggressives and know at which point in any situation walking away becomes a show of strength rather than weakness. Think about it: all that explaining and illustrating and STILL refusing to drop the so-easily drop-able, 'so unimportant', offending item. Nah. Save your energies for those that need it, mate.
(Spam deleted, everyone exhale, LOL.)
Not sure if the trainee will be on my case, wasn't told.
i will look in on him but gradually ease away thanks.
The orchestra have got their website fixed and I'm on.
Yesterday I cooked Kegeree, with wife's help, bit a bit more than I could chew, as they say. Very good though.
Are you allowed to phone your current PO and ask?
You don't have to ease away on my account, Moodster, I'm just telling you what my own decision is (assuming he doesn't relent). I gave you a good sergeant-majoring and it did the trick. Same with Stumped (he went and organised the counselling session when most men leave it to their wives to arrange). And plenty of others (not just on here). It works if the recipient does actually himself want to improve his relationship(s) but has for too long sunk increasingly towards helpless inertia and doesn't have a 'boss' in his life. This one seems to want permission only, to assert the unfair, unhealthy, NON-productive, under-the-table way. PA erodes marriages and is a serious condition. But I guess we'll see...?
Hurrah with lashings of Ginger Beer re the website fix! Ker-ching, ker-chingg! Where will you be taking us all? LOL
I was sure I had responded on this but again -
No not allowed to call the PO and discuss.
I won't ease away but will look in, although have a feeling he will, thanks
yes the picures look good. did another one yesterday after concert on Thursday.
So the music inspired you, then? What was it of or was it an abstract?
Meant, he will ease away.
Not abstract, the view from my seat. It's on my site.
Come on England......."swing low........."
Good win and the Irish.
Quite apprehensive about today, not usually on Sunday as I enjoy what we take part in, but today has added stuff in that it's the grandson with problems birthday and we are invited there. Not sure if it's just us, but of course DIL will be there and she's OK to a point we both can stand, her and I, but have they invited others who are now not keen on me anymore?
I hate this uncertainty, but just have to get on, enjoy what I can prior to then and see what comes. Won't take it up with wife as she could go into row mode as in the past when I have mentioned anything to do with DIL.
That's right, you won't know until you go.
I expect you're there already. Let us know how it went?
Not good, the little one difficult as usual because of his dyspraxia, our daughter's partner there who doesn't speak, then DIL's parents showed up. We haven't seen them for 2 years and he was very off and blanked me, but she was Ok. DIL gave me a welcome peck on cheek. Both older than me, really really country folk with small holding, animals etc, but not wealthy, but he and I are always full of good jokey banter, no way today.
The young lad is getting a kitten as a present. They all know I hate cats, can't stand them near or on me, so I saw this as a direct slight against me, but the young one loves animals and because of his serious and disturbing problem they are helping him and I truly hope it will do, but the visits round there are even more unlikely now.
When we got home the full family of next door were out front unloading logs as is often from their truck to the store piled against the front wall, not pretty in the neighbourhood. I spoke, she blanked as usual, he glared, the two kids grinned and giggled. I haven't raised any issues here as I know it will create atmosphere.
Am not in pleasant mood but will pass after a couple G&Ts and dinner soon.
Sounds like DIL passed (offloaded) the griping baton on to her dad, doesn't it. What are you planning on doing if he's like that again next time?
I wouldn't have thought the idea of getting a cat had been fashioned solely with insulting you in mind. Be honest, there are far easier and more convenient ways than that, LOL. Probably, DIL just didn't remember you can't tolerate cats, or did but just didn't let it stop her in her need for extra 'therapy' for her son.
Why do you hate cats? And would you really let it stop you from going round to your own son and grandson's house?
As for the NDN's, we already know they're tw*ts so why are you even surprised that they behaved accordingly? You don't know, though, she and he might have had an almighty bicker in the car or earlier on in the day and were still bristling generally. Ignore, ignore, ignore. And I mean it. Because if people use a certain weapon to throw at you, you can be sure it's because they themselves would hate having it thrown at *them*. Next time you're outside at the same time as them - give them a taste of their own medicine! And make it obvious. He likes glaring? She likes blanking? Let's see, shall we?
They say two wrongs don't make a right, but the unmentioned golden rule with all these idioms is "SOMETIMES". So if/when you've consistently tried a right and it hasn't worked, then is the time to do 'own medicine'.
Thanks - maybe she did conciously, although I was assured by our son that her parents didn't know, at least not from them. Yet her Mum was as nice as always. DIL and her dad have never been close, always bickering and not sure she would confide in him anyway. He is extremely busy and certainly not IT aware.
Maybe it has come from a mutual acquaintance who long since abandoned me, maybe from DIL's switched on bro who may have seen the newspaper. They live some miles away and we never saw her family a lot apart from family occasions like yesterday, although on god terms with them.
You are probably right about the cat issue. I just don't like them. Our little GD wanted one but our daughter said no because the knows my feelings, they got her rabbits. Can't actaully say if I would not visit, probably would and hope they made allowances like most of our cat loving friends(not many) do.
Ref the NDNs we don't see them apart from when we coincide like that with cars or coming and going. I know what you mean and try, it's just that feeling inside every time. It's my guilt, remorse and shame which won't go away.
If you knew, probably not in your leafy upmarket road of huge detached (soon to be ultra taxed mansions!!!!! Tongue somewhere else how close we are from NDNs I can't avoid moments like that and trying to ignore it is a major thought process for me.
My wife informed me this morning that she has again booked her place on the next ski trip, yes this early. When I suggested she hold and see if I can ski next winter assuming legs are OK therefore she and I could take a chance on a late booking and go together just the two of us, not our first time, she immediately bridled and said if I couldn't go, then she would miss out on a trip she wants to do. I said another year won't make a difference, but she said her age makes it difficult. She is extremely fit, so what, then so was I and brought bad things on myslf. I am 5 yrs older.
Oh well, hopefully good craic and a few pints tonight will help.
I get that skiing holidays tend to get booked up well in advance, but I'd have thought the solution would be to book now but have a willing friend at the ready as a possible stand-in in case nearer the time your legs still aren't ticketyboo enough that you can go? I mean, it's true she'd 'earned' the right this year to go without you, especially with you having been bodily incapacitated at the time, but I don't think her making this "holidaying like a singleton" an actual annual *habit* is acceptable because  you *are* married and should act like it (holidays together being a meaty demonstration),  nobody forced her to stand by you through that nadir, let's be honest (she had choices, meaning, she did what she wanted to do), and  you *are* making huge strides to make it up to her in various ways, now including trying to increase your artistic output and income, so - "HMM..", is what I say to that. I think she's pushing it a bit and I think you need to put your foot down on that one.
Guilt, shame and remorse is one thing but if it ends up making you actually hairshirt yourself or even lay in the middle of the road where you can get steamrollered, you're taking self-improvement too far to where it ends up becoming self-HARM. Self-harm directly, self-harm through others - what's the difference? They still go against Nature's script. Nature's objective is *everybody* wins, nobody long-term suffers needlessly.
Nope, sorry, it's time to self-assert as your next challenge on the recovery schedule. "Oy, wifey. NAO! I want to come with; you can't say I won't be capable of it come a whole year from now, the likelihood is that I will be; it's half my wealth as well, not just yours; you've seen for yourself how I've made the sorts of changes most people can't even manage in 10 years, let alone one, and that deserves recognition and encouragement; why *wouldn't* you want your husband along if there's every chance he could?".
[insert Mission Impossible music]
...not verbatim, obviously (or you might get a frying pan over the head, LOL).
I'm shaking not with anger, just annoyance, despair and concern, that she just won't discuss it and went immediately into row mode. She wants to do it and will and has paid deposits. I said we know the organiser well enough and it was only paid a few days back and could refund it, but wow!!! I argued the case as you put it in my own words, but no way would she discuss in a temperate tone. I was accused of resenting it and did so last time, which I did to start with and admitted so, and got over it with help from in here, but I pleaded on the grounds of being together, marriage etc. Pouf! She will be too old - she wants to do it and will do regardless.
She argued that how will I be able to ski, look at the state I am in, I argued care, reahab, physio which was all Ok to t=get me where I am now, - no, it was ridulaous to think about it. Do things togwerther, we do came back the retort and she got angrier and angreier. I tried to stop her once so not again came the accusation, I couldn't sway her with the opposite that I have changed.
If I am able to ski next winter we will spend on another ski trip, her words, but to me thats daft but I s'pose I have to go with that.
I heonestly feel like giving up.
"I'm shaking not with anger, just annoyance, despair and concern, that she just won't discuss it and went immediately into row mode. She wants to do it and will and has paid deposits. I said we know the organiser well enough and it was only paid a few days back and could refund it, but wow!!! I argued the case as you put it in my own words, but no way would she discuss in a temperate tone. I was accused of resenting it and did so last time, which I did to start with and admitted so, and got over it with help from in here, but I pleaded on the grounds of being together, marriage etc. Pouf! She will be too old - she wants to do it and will do regardless."
Hmmmmmm....! She's utterly dead set on going alone a second time, isn't she. She obviously thinks she's justified.
Okay, let's investigate deeper based on and around her 'will be too old' comment:
1. Hand on heart, answer honestly: Does she still have 'put-upon-wife credits' yet to be cashed in?
2a. Do you tend to be - in a holiday context - a tad high maintenance in terms of her having to look after your needs?
2b. If not, is it simply that she tends to find it impossible to switch off as wifey and stop herself from automatically fussing over you even when you're on holiday?
3. Did she miss out on a large chunk of her more youthful, active and carefree years because of all the crap she stood by you through plus all the non-stop compromising over her own needs (including because of the kids)?
Oh God, you touched a raw spot again! See for men its this moment issue, discussed, argued, decided and its gone from mind. For women the issue broods in mind waiting to come up on instigation. What you just did was instigated her. It was a raw spot since you refused her last time. This time all your arguments were taken as an attempt to keep her back from the trip.
Suggestion : Ask your doc about chances of your recovery by then. If you get a green signal make your booking also. If nothing it could provide the motivation to get well by then!
I will think and compose an answer today thank you.
Thanks Soulmate and Shivangi
Soulmate first :-
No as far as I can recall from my old git's memory, there no further credits to be cashed.
On holiday – no, not high maintenance needs. We have fun together and do all the things she or I or both of us want to do. We sorted any home issues there were, when she went last month – easy!
She doesn't fuss over me at home or on holiday.
She didn't miss out anything that she told me. A big chunk (6 yrs) of our two growing, she was at home while I was in Saudi earning big cash which amply paid bills, car, nice home, spending, holidays and savings. I was home every 3 months.
I did not stop her last time, initially resented but then came to senses as you suggested in here and it all went exceedingly well. You are right in that she thinks I am trying to stop her this time and I am not. She won't let me explain.
Today I got a new date for more surgery to repair the cockup from last time. I will of course ask what the chances of skiing again, but seeing as they said I won't run again and walk about 100yds and I proved them wrong, I intend to do that again. This will be some time before I have their opinion.
I think I will compose a letter to her trying to set out what I want to say, as talking doesn't have any effect because she closes up on me in a rage and is adamant.
Yes, I agree your request for her to get the deposit back could have made it feel like you were trying to stop her from going despite your attempts to explain your aim of ensuring you'd get to go with her. Why DID you? Surely it would have been easy enough to have spoken to this friend-organiser about reserving you an additional place?
LOL, was literally just about to advise you to put it in a note so that there couldn't be any more misunderstanding but then read your final sentence! There you go, look - you're flying solo!
Let us know what her reaction is when she's read it?
Do you want to read it not given it yet as she is out at hairdresser? Can post it here.
Organiser has enough problems with it, she is a pain in the whatsit anyway and would be forever banging on at me and wife when full payment is due, and of course there is the chance I can't make it and they have to find substitutes and the hassle with changing. Honestly neither of us would choose to got with that crowd, other reasons, but she feels it's the only chance she will get.
The extremely good news is that as from today I have a surgery date and of course all hopes of it being good.
On a different spubject -
Dinner here for 6 good friends, 2 of them going to Channel Islands for 2 yrs, on the provision I cook one of the courses. I have suggested G&Ts with nibbles.
Painting between checking on here
Yes, sure! I mean, I doubt you'll need any advice or pointers because you seem to be very eloquent and articulate in your letters, but - go ahead anyway, let's see.
From today you have a surgery date? Is that a spooky coincidence OR WHAT! Clearly Fate has your back.
G&T with 'nibbles'? To me, that means ice and a slice, LOL. I have to eat the lemon because I'm too sweet otherwise (hur-hur).
By the way, meant to say: WHAT IF... if the missus goes skiing, you took the opportunity to go on one of those artists' holidays? Could this situation be yet another blessing in disguise, peut-etre? Food for thought?
You and Shivangi have spent an extraordinary amount of time on my case, I hope the boss does'nt smack your wrists, but of course I am grateful. There are lots of folk in here who are equally deserving with their own personal problems. Thank you again.
OK here it is:-
Another letter, it doesn't seem possible that we can have a talk without you immediately put the shutters up and then angrily dismiss everything I try to say. Therefore I must resort to writing to you. I was dreading that outcome all day, knowing it would end like that.
My thoughts about skiing were to do it together, not to prevent you from going. Being family/married to me means doing things together and should remain that way. Yes, I have disregarded family issue in a big way and make no apologies, you know, I know, but let's try it again and go as a cpouple, never mind that you will possibily miss a year, that's the easy part.
Your disdainful derogatory and hurtful response with gestures “ I think it's a waste if time, look at the state of you” was your ending to the discussion placing yourself as an expert Orthopaedic. How on earth can you say that without knowing? Surely you understand I will give it my best shot and was making great strides until we got the bad news on the plate breaking. You have again performed wonders in catering for my limited movement
The argument from me that with successful surgery now we have a date, rehab and physio coupled with my good powers of recovery, expressed by many, may well prove successful and if they didn't, you could delay your skiing until another year. Your response about your age fell on my deaf ears this time, you can ski, you won't forget how to and I remember feeling the joy in your heart when you text me on your first day ' I can still do it'. Age is not a problem. I still want to ski and I am 75.
Your suggestion that if I can ski next winter, we spend more money and have another week away, came only a week after you had discounted my thought that we should find an electrician to check our home. My thinking is that this possibly is an important factor to the safety of our home.
I won't repeat all of my thoughts, confessions and remorse from my last letter, but nothing has changed, apart from one recent good point - my attempts at cooking.
My feelings for you remain.
Never been afraid of surgery and hopefully it goes well.
Took ankle biter swimming today, pool rammed it's half term and raining, but she loves it. I will be in there with her in my rehab.
Pity, you would love my G&Ts. We have decided I am doing the lamb stew. This time for 8 people and no leftovers to freeze.
For me going on a painting holiday if I can't go skiing and she does, is perfectly possible.
"Soz" for the delay...
I honestly think you need to rewrite it. I think you wrote it in anger, still, which makes the letter come across as over-confrontational. You also keep saying how she can miss a year if need be, which counts as disincentive of any cooperation on her part. Try, also, to turn black & white-sounding opinions into questions. Example: 'Is it really possibly we can't have a talk without you seeming to x, y, z'? And, 'Can you really be worried that ageing might be a problem when you texted me on your first day with 'I can still do it'?
If you ask questions, you force someone to have to think, whereas if you make statements that tell them how they feel, they react with closing their minds.
Try to think of yourself as a third-party, friendly interrogator before you start writing.
No prob for delay. I have been rethinking anyway about cutting and curving it. Will do and post here thanks
OK here it is again and to be handed over this morning. Using some of you important alterations.
Is it really possible we can't have a talk without you seeming to put the shutters up and then angrily dismiss everything I try to say. Therefore I must resort to writing to you. I was dreading that outcome all day, knowing it would end like that.
My thoughts about skiing were to do it together, not to prevent you from going. Being married, means doing things we love together, to me and should remain that way. Yes, I have disregarded family issues in a big way and you have had my apologies, but let's try it again and go as a couple.
Your disdainful and hurtful response with gestures “ I think it's a waste if time, look at the state of you” was your ending to the discussion placing yourself as an expert Orthopaedic. How on earth can you say that without knowing? Surely you understand I will give it my best shot and was making great progress until we got the bad news on the plate breaking. You have again performed wonders in catering for my limited movement.
The argument from me that with successful surgery now we have a date, then rehab and physio coupled with my good powers of recovery, expressed to both of us by many, will prove successful and if they didn't, we would have to wait another year. You can ski, you won't forget how to. Can you really be worried that ageing might be a problem when I remember feeling the joy in your heart when you text me on your first day ' I can still do it'. Age is not a problem. I still want to ski and I am 75. You are running 3 times a week and amaze me and many others.
Your suggestion that if I can ski next winter, we spend more money and have another week away, came only a week after you had discounted my thought that we should find an electrician to check our home. My thinking is that this possibly is an importantfactor to the safety of our home.
I won't repeat all of my thoughts, confessions and remorse from my last letter, but nothing has changed, apart from one recent good point - my attempts at cooking.
My feelings for you remain.
Ach, NO! You're STILL telling her she'd have to wait another year! That's not a given. She could quite easily find a late booking and go without if it came to your being unable to go with her (whereupon you could do likewise with a painting holiday). You're not Bagpuss, it's not 'When Bagpuss can't ski, none of his friends can ski', is it.
If you've given her the letter already, I strongly suggest you correct that sentiment to her face.
Yes given at lunchtime, left on the dressing table whlie she shopped. Don't see what the problem is, she is very unliekly to find a late booking, especially on her own.
Long silence when she came in and read it and she went to the garden, something she has been dying to do for ages, she loves it. Broke the ice as I do with friendly comments and OK then a super afternoon and evening and no problems and she is now drugging out to the Voice which I wan't stand and doing this. Still on the dressing table.
All sorted this morning. I asked her what is the chalet they are going to. Her answer challenged my agreement she was going. I replied if I'd asked I would be agreeing. Our words in order:-
A funny letter didn't look like it.
Was it funny
I am going
I know that and will not resent that
Certainly looks like it.
I wasn't trying to stop you
You don't realise how difficut getting around in sno and ice can be
If I am fully fit I will hanedle it
But you don;t know
I WENT FOR A SHOWER AND THINK
I have made my decision, no more words/arguments, I realise it is stupid to think I will be 100%
You don't realise how difficult it is for me, you may get 100% and that's something to aim for. There are other things we want to do.
You are right, no more about it.
I did not get an apology about her derisory attitude ref my mobility, but then didn't expect it, she bottles up too. Must admit I still haven't a clue how the female mind works, you have helped enormously but your last post totally confused me, maybe it was your wording, you're too clever.
I only wish we cpould have had our “chats” face to face and the last few months would have been easier.
Thanks again and on on to other things, like me cooking my 'signature dish' of lam stew this w/end for 8 of to eat on Feb 6th.
My last post? What, all four lines of it?
Was it the Bagpuss comment? Come now, you're not telling me you never watched Bagpuss?.... "And when Bagpuss goes to sleep, all his FRIENDS go to sleep.... Yes? No? Don't know?
Here you go, this'll bring it all back: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=045Hxh7IfCU
The female mind works almost exactly the same as the male mind. It's how each react to and DEAL with their feelings that provides the most difference. Not that I'm denying the difference in nature, but nurture, nature's marital partner, has a lot more to do with it than you realise. But that doesn't explain how homosexuals experience the exact same relationship difficulties and sense of exasperation. It's communication, isn't it, being as much as possible on each other's wavelengths.
I think it's fair to say your wife is just a bit of a moody moo. But then, could you hand-on-heart say you're not? The upside of this, though, is that you obviously do both trust each other and feel comfortable enough with each other to express it out in the open. Every silver lining has a cloud, eh.
"I only wish we cpould have had our “chats” face to face and the last few months would have been easier."
I don't. Because the last few months would have been a lot easier. Capiche?
(Don't say lamb stew, I'm starving! But I've got a bit of a dodgy tum, hence was off yesterday. Squit City.) (LOL... "Who let HER in!")
Bagpuss, never ever seen it, not likely to and won't thanks look at the link, as I have a dodgy painting I must work on to correct, so it must have been that.
Moody hmm! not really, but defintely much more aggressive, assertive since I fouled up ending in hospital leaving her to do everything on her own. I s'pose I am, but not so I'd notice LOL. It is ALWAYS me that instigates any makeup/apology/whatever after a disagreement.
We have a lot to look forward to even at our young oldness, so we should work it out.
Yeah you would have had an easier life without me and more time to give to other troubled folk.
Sorry to hear about your temporary visit to the city, hope you're Ok very soon firing from all cylinders
(Tsk...it's only a 5 second video. Yep, tum's all better, ta. But it's not for you to keep telling me where to dedicate my time and energies; you're a 'project' and I always finish my projects, so - "mleugh!" ;-p)
I presumed these negative bouts of hers were just that - bouts. And rare ones at that. But now you're telling me she's anywhere between assertive and aggressive MOST of the time? And that's because she got too used to thinking and operating as an independent? Did her wedding band drop off during that whole episode?
It is not appropriate according to the laws of healthy romantic relationships to holiday like a singleton unless your partner 100% sanctions it or is forced to sanction it through circumstances of nobody's doing (i.e. by Fate). The reason it's inappropriate is because in this modern world couples direly need those kinds of shared experiences as include holidays (non-reality) as place them back into the love bubble where normal life's sh*t can't encroach or interfere with the re-meshing process of the mental and physical chemistry. It's called re-connecting. If she wants to holiday like a singleton to the point where she'd try to enforce it onto you, she can damn well be single. You do not get to keep a job that you're not doing your utmost to task-execute, and she's no exception there. No work, No perk. ...Unless you (or Fate) sanction it.
I GET that you still 'owe' her. How could you not? But you've switched the situation from one in which she has to TAKE BACK what's owed, to starting-to-be GIVEN what's 'owed' (which now puts her in the waiting-to-receive position). So what's the issue behind all of this holidaying alone nonsense, then? She doesn't trust you to clear that 'overdraft' eventually hence still feels she has to help herself to the funds in your 'bank'? Why? Is it because you began repaying too late in the day by her reckoning? Is she suddenly impatient for payback?
Skiing is the only fruit? Oh, really? There is no other holiday on this planet that she could enjoy doing except skiing?
You've got some thinking to do. Is this is a portent or an opportunity? Might you enjoy a painting holiday far more than a skiing one, even without your wife there? Indeed, might YOU need to exercise that independence muscle for your own good as well as the relationship's? How much chemical re-meshing/re-calibrating has been taking place lately? Has it been enough that you can in this way afford to both holiday separately (and can you get her to agree expressly that this is a second-off, meaning next year you and she holiday together come what may)? Will absence make the heart grow fonder and a brief, 'unreal' period of independence make you a better husband as a result?
Lots of considerations to ponder...... followed by then watching how your feet 'automatically' decide. For if you've done all the considering there is to be had, you can be sure your feet have all the data they need, meaning, any moves they go on to make 'without your input' are definitely based on instinct mixed with knowledge rather than mere fears and paranoias. How this applies in reality, is this: Having done all the thinking, gone through all the what ifs and what's (long-term) bests, see what you find yourself chomping at the bit to do - whether nearer the time that's having another go at putting your foot down or surfing the web for info about painting (or whatever else you'd fancy) holidays. Either of these (or whatever else action), have to be seen to be done during a calm, happy moment in order to know it's not post-bickering resentment in action on your part.
Why I'm saying all of this despite you two have seemingly reached an agreement this time? Easy: *seemingly*. The holiday was not the real issue, repeat, WAS NOT THE REAL ISSUE. The holiday was just a medium, a vehicle via which to express an issue. You don't want it endlessly resurfacing as something else next time or the next. She wants Me Time (that's okay, that bit's warranted). She wants that Me Time to double up as a 'take that, ya basstud!' message vehicle. Why now all of a sudden? Well, here's the good news: BECAUSE AT THIS NEW POINT SHE FINALLY RE-TRUSTS YOU...feels she can afford to give you a kick in the shins for past demeanours WITHOUT it being enough to see her or the relationshp 'killed' or damaged and put back in terms of progress. If she didn't trust you more these days, she wouldn't DARE deal that little kick (think about it). HOWEVER!... she's picking on the wrong tool... you don't mess around with Back In The Bubble episodes if you can help it. So this holidaying like a singleton for the second time running HAS to be a one-off. Next year you - YOU - have to ensure you and she go wherever together. That's how to very quickly recoup the remainder of a woman's lost trust... you let her witness you FORCING onto she and you a situation that can do nothing but long-term enhance yours and her relationship.
... a bit like when you force your toddler to swallow a spoonful of medicine: it taste fleetingly vile but soon enough makes him/her all better. Exit fleeting resentment. Enter gratitude. Enter respect. Enter admiration. Or a refreshing of such.
"It is ALWAYS me that instigates any makeup/apology/whatever after a disagreement."
Yup, just like it was (I presume) you who all those years ago caught her eye and asked her out, as well. It's funny how that whole boss-dibbing thing works, isn't it. LOL
Wow! Again so many words, that's why I echo my previious wish to have talked rather thanposted on line, and I honestly have'nt a clue but I think I can see stuff in there to ponder as you put it, I would too and act on.
I don't think the holidays apart are the main issue and we have plans for this year if I am mobile enough. Next year again we have ideas but skiing is out for me. I will swallow that, accept and be sensible as she is saying.
I have been on two painting holidays, one of them as a "big b/day" present from her. Meanwhile she has had her weeks/weekends/2 or 3 days away with the girls, 60' stuff at Butlins, Shopping and sightseeing in Bath, shows in London with our daughter and friends. There were never any issues about those or my trips.Sanctioning has never been necessary, we just wanted those things and did them.
Must admit I do sometimes wonder after all the above, I should re-ignite my initial arrival in here and say 'I believe my wife needs counselling'
Having entered here and stated all my woes and troubles, it has been worth it. No doubt many people read my first post and shuddered for different reasons, but at least I don't get flak for the crime element.
Pleased to hear you're feeling better, I can tell you're back at fighting weight.
Am busy painting nearly all day and refreshing my web page which needed doing. Might redesign it.
"Must admit I do sometimes wonder after all the above, I should re-ignite my initial arrival in here and say 'I believe my wife needs counselling'"
Yes, but at that point you weren't qualified to say it. First you have to eliminate YOURSELF from the enquiry. Which you've now done. Now you can claim that statement to be true. Because the simple fact of the underlying matter was, you BOTH needed counselling. "But you started it."
Now define 'counselling'. What do you think people did before counsellors existed?
For all you know, your wife is as we speak trying to self-counsel. That doesn't mean she's doing it in such a way where no more harm can be wrought to the relationship in the process. But maybe she's trying anyway. So - with you now the 'washed' one - it falls to YOU to supervise her self-counselling like I supervised yours. And to do so, you're going to have to be respectful, cautious, subtle, CLEVER about it. Tip: you can manipulate for the power of good using incentives and flattery.
This is your next step up that self-improvements staircase (DAH-DAH-DAAAAH!).
It's called, 'pay it forward' or 'pass it on'. And it brings HUGE dividends!
Don't do it exactly like I did it, though. You're a blokie, you guys LOVE a good slapping.
She's a woman. It's kid gloves time.
Maybe counselling was the wrong term, but it's on many lips and articles.
I thought it would benefit her by talking to someone as I have done and yes in my case all to you but I did venture into a pros domain and have done previosuly, not to much advantage. I like to talkabout problems, she does'nt.
She always cliamed there were no people she could offload to.
I am doing all these already and this has been a big aspect of my concious change - respectful, cautious, subtle and she is noticing, apart from the cockup with that last letter which wasn't received well. Her words “ You should read it again”.
My flattery and ideas are almost non stop and I mean them, her cooking, baking, home ideas, choice of venues for dinner etc.
Yes you have slapped me hard and it hurt but I got some where near to the right shape.
How do I get rid of that stuff on the post before you please?
"I like to talkabout problems, she does'nt."
Interesting! It's usually the other way around.
Are you one of those couples with hidden half-and-half genders, mentally? It's actually a heck of a lot more common than you'd think, yet not half as obvious as you'd expect. It tends to show in myriad subtle ways. Like this who likes to talk one.
Well, anyway. Verbal communication is only 7% of the entire communications media. Guess which one is the most effective, go on?
Did you answer, actions?
So that's how you 'talk' to her - in actions. Certainly where words fail.
Remember how the action of you starting to take over the cooking and doing it really well affected her? Now turn it around to suit 'punishment'. Ever gone quiet and cool on her?
PS: WHAT stuff on the post before me? (heh-heh-heh)
Oh it's gone thanks, am sure you had a part in the deletion.
No 'hidden agendas', not here. Must admit very ante homosexuals of both types, but have accepted that's the way of the world. One of our friend's bros has just died, emphasemia??? and he was very that way "" but he was likeable, talented and good fun.
Yes quiet and cool often but both of us.
Only 7%? Maybe before the dreaded mobiles, pads and tablets.
I wasn't asking if the pair of you were homosexual, ya 'nana. Every human has a male and female side to their mental nature, regardless of more obvious biological gender. In some, their opposite gender side is far more dominant and prevalent than it is in others, hence you get 'men's women' or 'women's women', and 'women's men' or 'men's men' - or, put another way, whatever degree of masculine women and feminine men... only, as I say, it doesn't show bodily, just in how they think and approach things, how sensitive and emotional versus pragmatic and stoic they are, etc. Obviously rearing has a lot to do with it... albeit saying that, how can one know for sure whether a tomboy was originally encouraged to be boyish by a father who'd always wanted a boy or whether the girl came out that way and the father simply embraced it (chicken versus egg), and same for boys and mothers.
You seem to be more emotional than coldly logical, and clearly see talking vocally or in writing as the most important communication method, and enjoy it (female), whereas, from what you've just said, the opposite seems to be true of your wife. Conversely, at the same time, your hobby centres on gesturing (with a paintbrush) - which is about communicating through action (male). So you have that female-male mixture (which is a good thing). Your wife, on the other hand, if what you say is true about her not being talkative emotionally, would appear to approach these things like a typical male... like a poorly or troubled cat who, as opposed to a dog, would rather be alone behind the potting shed than fussed over. Correct?
Maybe this has never occurred to you before and you'd have to sit and have a think and replay a lot of memories to see it?
Just askin'... Nature versus Nurture including the gender split is one of my pet [scuse pun] subjects. Homosexuality does have to be in the nature, granted, but it also requires early imprinting, otherwise it can remain dormant. So unless you'd been subjected to early imprinting, you'd be straight... which you are. So this is just about mentality, not sexuality.
Making any sense? If not, I'll shut up.
1st para, of course I got what you were on about...hey that's a step forward for me. Sense yes!
2nd para, Yes
I am old school as I keep reminding you and with a broad Northern brush stroke through me, that's just the way I have been on the homo thing.
Must admit I thought I was in danger of becoming fem when my tits started to gro with the hormone pills I was on for after treatment of prostate cancer. I was not happy in swimming pools when taking grand daughter, but got over that now. I could have the tissue removed surgiically but probably live with them, as my mates say, gives me something to play with.
Well, then, in accordance with your new-found life attitudes, you might want to throw off that borrowed thinking or brainwashing and come to your own, better-thought-out conclusions? For example, you see homosexuality occurring naturally amongst many other mammals, that's a fact, yes? Does this or does this not suggest to you that homosexuality is a natural state amongst some humans if not others? Also, try to think of one or more ways in which homosexuals provide a kind of service to mankind, either direct or indirect, and tell me what that/those might be? (Just a little mind-stretching exercise for you.
Oh, yes, the 'moobs', as they're fondly called. LOL to 'something to play with'. You're reminding me of Joey from Friends in that beachhouse episode. Well, as long as your mates aren't hinting they want a go, I suppose that's okay, LOL.
I have accepted the homo thing as part of life's rich pattern and let it pass now, so I am not going to bother my small but tortured brain with mind stretching on the subject thank you.
The last thing my pals or I want to do is allow them into?? my private parts!!! Didn't see the Friends thing, never watched it, your tastes in telly are very different to mine and so be it. My current argumnets are with other artist on the new BBC painting challenge. We're all having a go and rightly so, different strokes and all that. It's fun.
I now look forward to going out on a Sunday lunchtime and Monday evening with my wife (something we have done for 30yrs)for exercise and cameraderie, where after my case I avoided it because of what people would think. Now well back in the fold only non mobile at present and just having a pint or three and great chat. One or two of them still avoid me, but I do the same, some look a bit askance at me but do chat and the majority are fine. Haven't a clue of them who "know" but I get on with it and enjoy.
Husband likes it (Friends) so we're (having to) watch re-runs. Nah, the early episodes were definitely very witty, to be fair.
Damn, have I missed the new painting programme? What day/time is it?
"Haven't a clue of them who "know" but I get on with it and enjoy."
But, HEY... isn't that the product of you having recently newly stretched your 'poor, small, tortured brain'? I think you'll find that's a "gotcha!", Mister Cop-a-feel (
Was sure I responded to this earlier but maybe didn't click the right buttons.
I know some of the actors as they appear in chat shows.
Sunday BBC1 6pm, catch it on IPlayer, only two shown at present. Una Stubbs GGGGrrrrrr!
Yes I had the dubious pleasure on Monday evening, for me that is, I don't like being impolite, of turning my back on a woman while she was chatting to a bloke and he wanted to talk to me.
'Una Stubbs GGGGrrrr!'? Are you bonkers or do you need to get to SpecSavers?! LOL
Never mind your dubious pleasure, Mr Slippery. My point was it's already way too late in the day to claim you have a poor, small, tortured brain, in which case you have no excuse for not answering my brain-stretching questions.
And those answers aaaare...???
Not bonkers........yet, but she does rile me with her simpering cooing cloying ways when there is no need for that on this prog. Just catch upon it and you will see.
OK Homos, What I see and know of them which is very little but I do observe, that's my nature, they seem to be very clean, hold down jobs in or run catering outlets very well and have an acceptable design flair. The good thing about the lesbians is that they don't seem to adopt men's speech as their oppos do. Not saying that's the only good thing, just my observation.
My pleasure was in ignoring the woman who blanks me as you recommended some time back in a way of getting rid of the feeling of stigma.
OH! I thought you meant Grr as in fancy her! Oh, well in that case - count me in! (And yes, I knew what the dubious pleasure referred to. Give it a bit of practise and the 'dubious' bit will exit.)
"OK Homos, What I see and know of them which is very little but I do observe, that's my nature, they seem to be very clean, hold down jobs in or run catering outlets very well and have an acceptable design flair. The good thing about the lesbians is that they don't seem to adopt men's speech as their oppos do. Not saying that's the only good thing, just my observation."
Excellent start, although I meant on a deeper, more worldly-meaningful and -USEFUL level rather than behaviourally, like... Wasps are the refuse collectors of the insect world because they eat dead flies AND eat aphids, which, if they didn't do, would have us literally knee-deep the world over in aphids in under a year.
Deeper?? You're asking me to go deeper. Sorry, I am not a deep thinker, never have been and maybe I should have been, so what wasps and homos have in common if that is what you mean or with other stuff is beyond me. They do what they do, attract each other and not me, therfore keeping them out of my way. You have lost me again I'm sorry to say.
I have just had a call from my PO to say she wants to visit me at home next Tuesday instead of me going into the city as usual. It helps in that my wife doesn't have to drive me in and then sit for an hour in the car waiting but the probation sessions are still quite painful, lots of failed deep thinking from me which annoys her but I can't explain a lot of stuff, so hope that isn't the case here, it would be twice as painful if she wants my wife present. It seems to me she is way off the traack of helping me to to reoffend and I told her last session. We were locked into minimising the letter I sent out, where does that help me?
Aww. Never mind, worth a try. And no, I wasn't comparing homosexuals directly to wasps, LOL, especially as you'd never catch any self-respecting one wearing a yellow & black jumper, LOL. But they are in fact highly useful (isn't everyone), not least because with the aid of media, they've bit-by-bit stretched the boundaries for straight men where being more in-touch and expressive with their feelings is concerned. But you are a deep thinker. It's just you're visual first and foremost. Seriously - you couldn't have made such immense progress in record time if you weren't.
Anyhoo... I think it sounds very positive, your PO coming to your patch, because it demonstrates a departure from the official to the friendly and informal in recognition of your impending 'graduation', i.e. a removing of that prior need for strict demarcation. But since she IS coming onto your territory, the ball is firmly in your court about whether your wife is present or not. Not even your wife can insist on sitting in if you don't want it that way.
I think with this new development having emerged, it places her treatment of your letter into a new light. It now says to me that rather than minimising its importance, what she was minimising was its necessity. In other words, she probably viewed it as a backwards step in rekindling people's feelings as opposed to letting them forget courtesy of new developments in their personal lives taking over. Maybe *she's* the one who isn't very good at explaining stuff? You're definitely very sponge-like when it comes to absorbing other people's issues and states of mind, so it's quite possible that if her visits leave you feeling inarticulate it's because she's communicating that state through her vibe and how she says what she says. Sense?
I understand that point about straight men being in more touch and feelings, yes and thanks but it's down to your expertise - you're damn good.
The PO has visited once before, she met my wife and I think left the room then. Yes I can rule the situation and will try to if necessary. She is preggers and coming towards her maternity so is aiming at finshing me off so to speak. And yes Sense.
I snapped at our oldest dearest friend C, one of the couple, last night and got told off by my wife late at home. Four of us went to a symphony concert as we have done for years and there had been an alteration, then altercation with getting in. Elf and it's mate to the fore and she was so fussy and worried as C always always is about everything, but she means well, about it and used my temp disability as an excuse, which I hated. I had a go at her and the security bloke and will be writing to the guildhall management today.
I am really tired of C' ways, known her and of course them for years and my wife is too, but we get on so well with them and have like interests, but snapped at her. O her old man did comment but not forcefully and not to her defence, we think he just bottles C's ways up and lives with it and her. Worry? Here's an example. O was driving to Dover, the 4 of us going skiing few years back and on the M25 she asked from the back "Are we going the right way?" I mean!
No doubt as project manager you will give me chapter and verse where I was wrong.
I'm damn good at this malarchy, yes. I couldn't put up a set of shelves, though. (Shelves? What are shelves? They're those things you vlisten to the svound of the sea through, aren't they? LOL) Each to their own.
Yes, basically homosexuals have set lumberjacks free. And not JUST that.
I like rebels, movers and shakers, Sam-I-Am. If no-one gets hurt in the process - their case, au contraire - then, bring it awwnnn!
Yes, I remember you said she was preggers. I expect you therefore got to say Hi to some of her hormones during the recent past sessions.
I suppose C should have asked you if she could use you as an excuse but I guess there wasn't time in the moment.
""Are we going the right way?" I mean!"
It's called, control-freak worry-wort. LOL I'd have said, 'No, we're not...that was just a ruse to get you into the car...we're actually selling you into sexual slavery and are headed for the pick-up point. I hope you put on your *nice* knickers?'.
I don't think the incident was about her being right or wrong, just her having an irritating side as includes taking liberties. But if it's not just you, she's got to learn to tone herself down a bit. That's the point of social feedback, innit.
Ah, tso...Do not tly to second-guess me, Glasshopper, or ilonicarry, that wirr be der thing dat make you wong.
Hormones, yes thought abput those after I left her.
C wouldn't have asked if she hadall day. She's not a control freak either. Just a very polite, introvert, well brought up, often out of her depth, married into a class act, dragged herself up, lovely lady, my wife's oldset friend. She wouldn't recognise a liberty to take if it was writ large on her specs. We know he is often exasperated by her and it shows. Thanks goodness for my argumentative, assertive lady!!!
I did and do often retort back at C and did that day, not with your choice and charming words, just mickey taking and I knew my wife was quietly seething about C sat next to her. him too and he joined in the michael.
Big test tonight, my lamb stew for 8 is on. Lashings of wine, good friends, "none know", my drinking buddy is one I will tell one day, I have discussed him earlier.
Smashing dinner party, my stew much appreciated, 11 bottles of wine between 8 of us. I was well trollied but so was everyone, luckily using our excellent bus service after midnight. One of the ladies fell over aftrer she left us, laddered her tights and little bruise on knee but she's fine.
PO visitied this morning and went on about I still need to undertsand and embrace empathy. I was more at ease being on own patch and put up a reasonable argument and we never got to an agreement but I think we understaood each other. One more session with her and her replacement, a week before my surgery, then 2 after that and that's it. I will be pleased, they are not very pleasant sessions, wife stayed out of the room while PO here.
Just been to bookies to place 2 E/W bets after hot tips last night from a chap in the know?? We are calling Securicor to escort us there tomorrow.
Next time you can try stirring in some Madras paste, fennel seeds and dried mint to the cubed lamb right after you've fried it and just before you pour in the stock, and then at the end, sprinkling it all over with chopped, fresh coriander and stirring in some greek yoghurt or double cream and voila - lamb curry (serve with rice)!
11 bottles? Jeez....two glasses and I'm anybody's, three and I'm NOBODY'S, LOL.
What does your PO ***MEAN*** you need more empathy? With WHAT/WHO?? Didn't you ask her to explain? I mean, she does understand you're a MAN, I take it? You lot naturally have less empathy (until you get a taste of your own empathy), so what IS she talking about?
You should show her this thread, that'd shut her up. ..although, now I've just typed that, you probably shouldn't, LOL.
What are E/W bets?
Tsk. Meant, taste of your own medicine (of course).
[clicks fingers right in front of own face..."wakey-wakeyyyyy!"]
Thanks for the tips on the stew. Have copied above as I won't remember them.
I did argue that I have learned empathy and use it regualarly. She was still banging on about my letter to friends and 1 neighbour and I was going on about what does all this have to do with her preventing me re-offending. I gave her twoexamples of recent things with good friends, the one I mentioned earlier with C at the concert and one with my drinking buddy. Too long to give details in here about the 2nd, but I argued I did the right thing with C and had no regrest. We're old friends and if we can't say things directly and meaningful and maybe cruel to them what's the point? With me I told PO WYSIWYG and she rolled her eyes. I told her I had no regrets about that.
An Each/Way bet is on a win or a place. If the horse is second or third you get a ratio of your stake according to the starting price and I got 2nd and 3rd so winnings collected tomorrow. I can't work it out but it will be nice little earner.
What Moody said: "An Each/Way bet is on a win or a place. If the horse is second or third you get a ratio of your stake according to the starting price and I got 2nd and 3rd so winnings collected tomorrow. I can't work it out but it will be nice little earner."
What Soulmate heard: "An Each/Way beg is on a win or flimflam flimflam flim. If the horse is second or third you flimflam flimflam flimflam flimflam flim winnings collected tomorrow. I can't work it out but it will be a nice little earner."
So, yeah, cheers for that clarification. LOL
"She was still banging on about my letter to friends and 1 neighbour and I was going on about what does all this have to do with her preventing me re-offending."
Yeah, move on from it already, lady!
Try this: "Yes, dear. No, dear. Whatever you say, dear" or, better yet, "Have you got a scan photo of your baby, I'd love to see it?".
PS: Thread title change:
"I believe my PO needs counselling".
(I know. I am, indeed.)
Well you did ask.
She really upset me and I pondered on it all day and during the night when the best ideas come I composed a letter to her stating my thoughts which I couldn't transmit to her at the time of interview.
What has the Probation system done to upset you so? I must admit to finding their, her systems strange, how is it likely to influence me in not reoffending, which I won't.
If you clarified and memorised your thoughts via a letter beforehand then, worry not. Those thought will have got transmitted, just not in mere wordage or not exclusively so.
The probation system hasn't done a thing to upset me. This woman keeps upsetting you. She's like a big rosy apple with a little wiggly maggot sticking out of it. I take issue with that because I haven't sat here for months on end for the benefit of my stunning good looks. I have Olay for that. It's not a biggie but I would like to give her a giant lecture, certainly, because she has gone from semi-unprofessional to, rather obviously now, downright de-mob happy. Don't own her issues. I'm coming down on her errors for YOUR benefit, helping you to put her back into her proper perspectives box in your mind so that you can quickly file her mistakes away (in the ROUND filing cabinet).
If you were busy painting a landscape that you and I were jointly painting (taking it in turns) and someone I knew and had access to but you didn't kept coming up from time to time with a paintbrush and daubing Black blobs of Gouache on your Blue sky and Green grass.... you tell ME if you'd be irked? You tell ME if you'd want you or I to paint over them or leave them as is?
...unlike the world of betting, LOL.
Here, have another mind-expander: the odds on any bet, including the lottery, are NOT, for example, "14 million to 1" (or whatever the terminology). When a human places a bet, they either win or don't win. That makes the chance ONE IN TWO. Or otherwise, explain all those prior lottery winners who won despite that "1 in 14 million" ollocks. Those odds affected their chance at that moment in time NOT ONE IOTA. It was win versus not win. "Odds" are a mere human-contrived concept as makes the control freak specie feel like it has CONTROL over things that its members have zero control over.
[wiggles stunningly good-looking eyebrows challengingly in anticipation of a goldfish-impression response]
Goldfish here ??????
I have taken part in joint painting exercises and they were fun except most MOST knew what they were doing, but some irked me and the others with either their ineptitude or were just peeing about for the sake of a laugh. I'd want you to paint over them anyway, your pal you do it.
The best fun was when I organised a 36 part painting session of a Van Gogh clssic al la R*o* H*r*i* when he did it on telly. I like to talk about him when a subject come up relevant but no one else will join in, daft! Lots of laughs but serious and it was an amazing result, people can work to the same end and I don't me and the PO are.
Don't wiggle any of that stunning stuff in my direction. Once you would have been in trouble with my charming smile and ways with words but now I would ignore and you'd be upset.
These fiendishly difficult codes jrny5 are a sad but necessary action.
Not peeing about literally, I hope? And especially not onto the canvas? ("Tracy Emin or Damian Hurst, anyone?") LOL
I probably WOULD paint *over them*...starting with their hair.
But, yes, you'd encourage me to. That was me method in me seeming madness, aye!
Thirty-six??? And why are you blanking out Rolf? Are you concerned about my delicate disposition? [swoons onto a chair...then decides it's not comfy enough, gets up and swoons onto another] If you want to talk about ("ah-hoo-ah-hah-ah-hoo") Rolf, let's talk about Rolf. Don't talk about Rolf with PO, though, ooh, no, missus, NOT a good idea.
No, I wouldn't have been in trouble with your charming smile and ways with words because I'm an ex player of players. I had the uggers proposing to me left, right and centre, kid you not. And I always, OLWEZ, said, Nyo...I dyon't thyink syo. And nor would I have minded if you'd ignored me because  I'm impossible to ignore, and  most of the time I'm happiest amusing myself, with those yucky things called human beings oft being an irritating distraction. But you keep dreaming, son.
Oh, yeah, and there's also the fact I might be a homosexual male.
MWA-HA-HA-HA-HAAAAAAAAAAAAA.....FIRST YOU, AND THEN THE WOOOOORLD, MY EVIL PLAN IS COMING TO FRUITION!!!
Are you still smiling charmingly? Or is that proving fiendishly difficult, 'n all?
But that's NOT an admission and neither is it a denial. So you'll have to sit and wonder and try to work it out.
(I'm a right b*gger, aren't I? But you'll have to catch me first.)
36 members of our art group all given an A4 piece of paper and an A4 section of a large print. They copied it and then we put them all togerther. Easy.
The Rolf thing happened after I wrote to another completely seperate and unconnected forum and the name had to be blanked and I left the blank on as it happened as I was using a similar text. I actually wrote to a Sunday Times journo some months back in a response to an article he publiahsed about the way Harris's work was being torn down or disowned. Got a pleasant reply.
Once upon a time, are you sitting down? you would be hard put to ignore my cunning and brillant charms and smile. Homo male, I would have not have been near you to try.
There was a good article last w/end, again the ST, about the way people are publicly shamed and disowned, often viciously in the social media. I was thinking about writing to the journo, different one, about the way the local press published my name and address with the heading CHILD PORN and I didn't have any. Hence neighbour trouble etc and the label on my forehead when I leave the house.
Have a good weekend.
(Just moving you up, ready for tomorrow.)
Sorry to hear about your home problems. Happened to stumble on them when trying to help other people in here. Gave you a good write up and saw the response. Sincere.
Good weekend and in fact mentioned to my wife today that generally issues round my crime and repercussions are gradually fading apart from the odd sudden reminder when noticing two of the neighbours and their reactions. She agreed and apart from one or two difficult times for her, she is feeling the same thing.
Got a good deal on Gumdrop not Ebay and collected a Bose sound system for the studio. Super Friday lunch at Cote, new in the city with her old friends, then theatre to see one of the best shows I have ever seen, with a small gang and then Caribbean meal after. Good pub on Sunday plus visits from family and all the kids, Mothers day.
Took caravan to be serviced yesterday and got ove minor problem before we left the house, then an oldies meal at 5pm. 2 hrs before we ever eat, but smashing fish and chips.
Had hearing test today and may need an aid but being referred, it's this new recording of TV dramas that messes me up.
Had a good chat with a more slightly distant ( 6 houses the other way) neighbour today for the 1st time and then surpised the paper girl at letterbox and a lovely friendly new girl for a chat. Made me feel real good.
Sorry if this is turning onto a facebook type of post, but that is better than sorrow, whine and moan eys?
(Last one for tonight - t'is very late.)
Huh? Home problems? Moi? What are you talking about?
Yes, I've noticed from your descriptions that your past is becoming old news, as well. Won't be long now...
LOL, I've also noticed how heavily food seems to feature in your world. Stop at it once, you're making my hungry!
New recording? Do you mean bad sound production?
No, I wouldn't call this a facebook type of thread, I'd call it more, Dear Diary. But that's okay, it's GOOD if people can see the farthest end results because it gives them more definite hope about there always being light at the end of any tunnel.
I read a post from you to another troubled soul about the problem your husband had, that's all. Nothing sinister.Gave you kudos.
Yesterday I cooked a sausage, chorizo and bean casserole for 4 of us to eat tonight before going to a BSO concert. Yummy yummy LOL
Yes you're right bad sound production.
The distancing of stuff together with looking forward to Apr 15th when I go under the knife, should be the last time hopefully, does make the world a slightly brighter place even as I write while a dull effect eclipse is in action.
Also that I have been asked to contibute an art article with progress photos to a major art magazine helps. Nearly finished it.
OHHHH, his back trouble. Well, that's the thing I was trying to get across to that chap: When he's happy and worry-free, either his back doesn't give him gyp in the first place OR, if he wakes up sore and stiff (oy-oy!), he just slaps on the TENS machine and pops an ibuprofen without batting an eyelid whereas I used to have to give him a (oy-oy again!) firm massage. Being miz or troubled exacerbates these things. Course it does - stands to reason: your mind has X amount of strength and resilience, so if it's already whatever percentage engaged, you're going to have LESS with which to tolerate any other pain, be it physical or mental...innit. And he's been an exceptionally happy bunny these last few years, hence his back is becoming less and less of an issue.
Mind over matter..... which is exactly what you yourself have been doing whilst you've been on here. ..although, in your case, to be more specific, it's been more, 'I don't mind and you (, grumpy neighbours) don't matter'.
I'll give YOU 'yummy-yummy', chummy: Last night I cooked Cod Fillets wrapped in Parma Ham (smattered with olive oil, thyme and lemon juice) with al dente Asparagus and Crispy-Roasted Baby New Potatoes, drizzled with the cooking jus. (15-All, new balls please).
Sorry - WHAT production? Say again? I didn't hear that.
Has the eclipse happened already??? Cor, when MY boat comes in, I'll be at the airport!
But - what's this, what's THIS? Art article? Major mag? Woah! Definitely 'upwards' as well as onwards!! Is the payment in Pounds or just kudos (i.e. pounds later down the line)? Again, where are you taking us all???
You do wonders for me, earlier today and now just back from collecting our caravan from servicing and looking forward to using it. How soon don't know but live in hope.
No wonder your old man is much brighter with your permanent gentle administrations. The good thing here is that I don't have any pain, not physical anyway.
My wife also said the other day that one of her bleak moments ref my crime was that we can't have the ankle bitere to stay overnight and I can't babysit alone, but we'll get through that as well in time.
Did you eat ALL of that? Jus...smothered... get you.
Will finish the painting then photos this weekend and it's a wrap....Ooo get me.
I wish Soulmate2 and I had a caravan. Or a winnebago (sp?). I always fancied being a snail (without the trail). They cost bucketloads, though, don't they?... you rich basstud, LOL.
My permanent gentle administrations? Hee-hee, was that a deliberate double-entendre? Because you're not wrong. ;;;;
(ow, my eye!)
Here, listen, count your blessings! That you can't babysit, especially all night long (- cheers, Lionel), is not necessarily a bind... know what I mean? No? Let me put it this way: WHAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH, BUT ME WANT MILK IN MY SIPPY CUP, WHAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH!!!!! (and repeat ad nauseum). Haaaaah, fond memories.
I said to son the other week, 'Here, instead of a Saturday job, why don't you go round the neighbourhood offering babysitting services?'. He replied, 'Yeah... or how's about I *don't*?!'. Now't wrong with *his* memory, either, LOL. These days, it's this: WHAAAAAAAAAAAH, WHY CAN'T I HAVE ONE OF YOUR LAGERS?, WHAAAAAAAAAAAAH!!!!
No. Not 'jus', 'smothered', 'get me'. More, 'gentle administrations' and 'I don't have any pain, not physical anyway'. Thought Association, anyone?
...and I *still* note your convincement (on the other thread) that I'm a woman/she/her. Oooh, I am *so* tempted to burst your little bubble, ROFL!!!
Anyway, cheers for the banter, Santa. It's been all serious stuff at this here ranch today (plus missing the solar eclipse, as in, DID IT?). My left hemisphere definitely needed to hand duty over to my right for a bit.
PS: Don't say, 'Bit of what?'.
Those wahwah days are long gone, but I can't remember too much of that hassle anyway. The two boys (bros) are 8 and 10 and the girl is 8, two families, and they are good as gold generally. Plaqued (we are) by their affinity with tablets and screens etc.
Our van only cost us £8k secondhand, with 2 yrs use, 5 yrs back and it's a little gem.
You mentioned your husband and his accident of 2 decades ago, now if there were gay marriages in those days, I never heard about them. not that I was interested. Anyway who cares,if I have been put on the right path by "ONE OF THOSE" I don't mind, it worked.
Whoops! She'll be biting back.
Biting? Bit of what?
Yeah - 'generally'. One night on THEIR territory with no mam or dad around and/or you telling them it was time to put the gadget down, and THEN you'd remember all about it! LOL
Really? Only £8k? Ooh. You've got me thinking... But, tell me, is it mandatory to sit at a fold-away picnic table, eating your fish-paste sandwiches on the left-hand verge of the M4?
As to the other, Clouseau: Ah-hah-haaah...That's for me to know and you to fail to work out, LOL, which includes my deliberately *not* biting back or otherwise (ah-hah, see, yoi'll haffter get up oilier to catch *this* birdie out!). What's your next trick? Offering me a Havana cigar?
..wish I could say the same for the weather. :-p
England not quite disciplined emough, but well done Paddy.
The little girl is doing a 2k funrun today and will win, she is so competitive.
Look up Eriba, but probably not enough upmarket (bring your own microwave) and spacious for you. Brand new only £17k.
It is also not manadatory like fish paste on the M4 to create a corral with winbreaks and vehicles, but they do.
Gerrorf moy larnd.
Am I bovvered Kato?
Gorgeous down here. Chair outside plus drinkypoos alongside
Oh, I see. Your next trick is to try to encourage out my interest in footie (or do I mean rugby??, LOL) and knowing all the comedy series' dialogue off-pat. LOL. As I said, you'll haffter get up oilier...
I'd have preferred the cigar. OR WOULD I???
It's "Geart ORF mey lyeand" round my way, air, yairs!
Yes, it's gorgeous here, too. Brilliantly sunny day. Summer's 'a comin [pant-pant!!].
Airhellair, you started it.
Never had a fag, in the UK vernacular, in my life, but love the smell of a good Cuban CIGAR.
Still railing about Una Stubbs role on the art prog and written several letters. No response.
Expected a sharp word from my wife after I posted a jokey comment on our caravan forum, but seems not and she has seen the humour.Seems I am forging the right sort of path these days and no moans from me.
Am I in danger of becoming a project that was for you? I will retreat ungracefully if you wish and leave you my time to deal with other issues in here, you must be busy.
AIR, HELLAIR! NIGH YOU'RE TORKING MEY LENGUAGE! LOVE-LEH!
I've had a fag. Never had a cigar, though. Oh, wait - yes I did. At a wedding reception. But I was only 13 so I turned Green and declined a second puff.
Turns out *everyone* is taking the pee out of poor Una, now. Do you watch Gogglebox? One of the 'viewers' on there calls her and her co-presenter 'Little & Large' LOL. But... you wrote the Beeb a letter? No! What did you SAY???
You're already a project that was. Now you're my comedy sluttery partner and "R&R room". The pay's shite. But the kudos more than makes up for it. In other words, you're now my bicz. Is that alright with you?
Thanks mesdame/monsewer, up watching late night telly again?.
I wrote to a telly comment page in the Sunday Times not the Beeb. It might get published. Don't watch Gogglebox.
I could donate a picture to your truly deserving state of affairs to auction at one of your posh charidee thingys'
What's bicz please?
Gd bimbled around the youngster's course talking - women! Her mate is not let's say, built for speed.
I didn't see you yesterday when you must have been ogling all those beefy/curvy US marines on the ship that's too big to dock.
This morning's chat, I think related to the title of my foray in here:-
Background.............My wife C regularly lunches or coffs with a bunch, maybe 6 of her ex work mates, all retired now. C is particularly pals with Z who has had more than her fair share of family tragedy and is the one who usually picks her up on the way to pub or coffee shop, for ease of travel distances. Very outgoing lady, my fave of the bunch too.
I was told many months ago that they all “know”.
Me.. Seeing the girls at all this week?
Yes going to Z's for coffee
She doesn't come here, won't she?
I haven't asked her so she doesn't have to say no........End of chat, didn't want a row.
It shows to me that C once again hasn't discussed my situation with any of them, to defend me? Embarrassed, Z's life very sad (sympathy), ashamed or brush it under the carpet?
Am I wrong again?
Saw one of the bunch last week as she walked past twice and totally blanked me, but she's that way normally and I haven't seen her for months.
Basically it's just the 2 neighbours that rile me, just parking their cars, walking past or chatting to people on the pavement.
Really pissed of after pre-op meeting and 3 hours of tests, questions and scenarios before surgery on Apr 15th. Because a med I started after the stroke needs 6 months before thay can operate, I won't be under the knife now until end of May. C and I very very despondent. Plans altered, cancelled and new ideas failed to cheer us up. Not easy.
Now I am on your back burner, I realise I won't get your full attention, you're just in here for a larf aren't you. I understand sweetie
This forum *is* my "charidee" work, in actual fact; but mercury buckets, anyway - tres generous offer very much appreciated.
And bicz is ...say John Malcovicz and you're halfway to getting it. LOL
And now it's my turn: What? and What? to your first two paragraphs. ("Interpretor?" LOL)
"Embarrassed, Z's life very sad (sympathy), ashamed or brush it under the carpet?"
The latter both PLUS the fact Z has enough of her own problems to be getting on with. No, you're not wrong, but neither is wife because they're her friends thus its her prerogative what she wants them to know or understand. Just one of those things you can't control.
There could be a fourth and fifth motivation, however:  why bother dissecting the issue when it's on its way out already, and  it could be her way of keeping this group of women all to herself (girlie club, no men allowed)?
"Poo and bum" about the op delay. But that explains why you've got your negative-tinted glasses on at the mo. Switch your thinking: maybe Fate's trying to get you out of the way of an oncoming juggernaut, so to speak, and can do so only by delaying the op?
I trust Fate and operate my life by it IMPLICITLY and - aren't I one of the the happiest, smuggest bunnies you've ever 'met'? Well, there you go, then, take a tip and always trust that Fate knows exactly what it's doing...always for the power of good (even if it feels rotten at the precise time).
Re your final sentance: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=sFacWGBJ_cs
Our grand daughter didn't take the kids fun run as seriouslyas we thought. Oh well she's only 7 and 7/8ths and we're not pushy oldies nor her parents.
At Portsmouth there is the USA Roosevelt moored in the ocean outside the harbour until tomorrow I think. Huge is not the word, that's the vessel I'm talking about - be there.
I do feel for Z, she is a smashing lady and good pal to C. Yes they are a girls only group anyway, thankfully, there are 3 hubs I can't take to, neither can C when we used to have office Xmas dos.
Juggernaut, bloody hell, what next? We are sorted really its such a shock initially. New plans are perking us up. The annoyance is I can't really have a go at anyone for the cockup. It is the much revered, in my mind NHS, but too big, too many chiefs Hmmm?
Must get on with an international painting challenge.
did you delete that advert for lie detectors? Thanks
Yes, I agree the National Health Shambles is hobbled by red tape, but - do you even *need* to 'have a go at anyone' given said slo-mo rescue from the metaphorical juggernaut?
Allow me to let you in on another little female secret: They're called sofa throw cushions and they absolutely *adore* being punched- I mean, plumped.
Now you know why women are so fond of them as to need them in such high quantities! LOL
Can't get daan Saarf to Pompey ("dooo wo(t)?/oy-oy ma(t)eyyyyy/yo'r guurn 'ome in an amberlance" (etc.)).  I've only just now read your message,  it's a "butt" (yawn),  Hub and I have been at B&Q and Homebase buying tiling grout, paint, etc., and after lunch, son wants taking to the hairdresser's. (Oh, the excitement, argh, I can't take itzzzzzzzz....!)
...But at least it was blazingly sunny again.
What's the international painting challenge (and does it include bathrooms)?
It's always been my nature to have a go if something wrong or messed up that affects me or my family. Daughter very similar, son and C not.
Cushions can't repond though.
Never mind bathroom decorating, you are missing eye candy - so I have heard; allegedly and all that.
It's on a big art website called - I an hear a giggle forming - WetCanvas, that's all. Have done mine, it's on my website, no response yet as too early.No prizes just valued and considered kudos on the site. Also been published in an art magazine that arrived yesterday snail mail. I'm almost bloody famous mate.
Er, no. It *used to be* in your nature. That was the *old* you, remember?
Here - have you ever tried painting whilst angry? If not - do. You'd be surprised at the result. Take those angry lemons and turn them into de-luxe lemonade. Then you could make MONEY out of your aggression - coo, picture that?!
And then I can take a commission.
Otherwise, stick a squeaky rubber toddler toy/duck inside the cushion cover first. There you go, there's your 'response'. Do try to keep a straight face, though, woncha.
WetCanvas? ROFL!!!! Who thought that one up!?
(Wait up, though... You haven't just clearly identified yourself, have you? If you have, I'll have to delete that particular post. RSvP.)
Anyway. Good. When you're famous you can.....um........ actually, forget it. I can't think of anything worse than celebrity, BLEUGH. I know what I'm talking about because I tried it. Ah larks me privacy, Ah does.
(..."Tried it once, didn't like it / How many kids did you have with the ex? / Just the one." Mwa-ha!)
Weather's crap today. And hub's got a migraine (probably linked). Oh, well. Lollop About day it is, then..
So I can paint if angry but not have a go?
In blank spot with the art at present, no ideas etc, happens time to time. Done a lot lately so happy with that.
Everybody sniggers at that Wet title.
Identified? don't think so, hope not. Oh maybe I have. Delete please.
Will be famous but will shun the sleb circus. It's like that bloody Una programmes, would I have gone on it if asked.
Crap here too and lounging around with papers, books and maybe some footer on telly if it's on terrestial channels.
Not if having a go is you kicking the innocent cat, no. It's VERY bad kharma which will subtract from all those credits you've been racking up. If you need help sorting your mind or mood out, you have to ask nicely for it, not force/trick/manipulate the person into the ring against their own volition. And anyway - angry art is as valid as happy art. Art is about conveying emotions and in what myriad, multitudinous ways it shapes and colours individual perceptions (this case, yours, your personality type), ultimately. Call it passionate art, it you like, because anger at someone you love is still love but with temporary anger in the mix... another side of love joining in... a cocktail. Cocktails are WAY more interesting and intruiging than single spirits.
Try it, Sam-I-Am, you might like it!
It's alright, I've meanwhile followed the trail. You have to join up as a member before you can view the gallery and, since no-one here knows your real name, you're just a "one in howevertoomany". But be more mindful in future ("yes, mum/dad", LOL).
"Sleb" - love it!
You couldn't have taken Una's place, you'd look crap in a dress. Or maybe you don't???
Sun's just started to come out! I'll go out and furiously flap my arms to help speed the clouds along their trajectory. Works for butterflies, anyway. My pecs need the exercise anyway so - no charge.
Hub's watching Discovery...something about UFO sightings. Seems daft, really, when he could just crane his neck and take a look at *me*.
No - wait - just checked... he's asleep. Good ol' Discovery, LOL.
Son to father: "Dad, dad, I've done it, I've got a part in the new play!"
Father: "Well done, lad, what is it?"
Son: "I play an old man who's been married for 35 years."
Father: "That's a promising start. Next time you might get a speaking part."
Having a go – complaining to someone in my beloved NHS about their lack of comms, that's all.
Got pretty crap (oxomoron) Stereophonics CD on at present trying to inspire something angry.
I wear a red dress on New Years Day like everyone M & F in a particular event, great fun and lots of beer. Have done drag and all sorts in a dress, latest red dress from Oxfam.
Oh dear you got er...something wings?
Thanks for tracing back.
Discovery channel don't have it, but aim to catch up on a Royalty skit programme from last week with Liz Hurley in it. Hang on - my image of you is nothing like a UFO more a twinkling little star.
Oh, you can have a go at the someone/something concerned that deserves it, yes... including the makers of that dire series!
A twinkling little star? I'm not that unobtrusive (or cute), mate, but cheers, anyway. Were you wearing the red dress when you said that? If so, p'raps best you take it off pdq. LOL
Oh I wish, but know it won't happpen and I'm not pushing it, we could meet, so good to talk to.
Now best of U2 and not in the bcakground, hope naughtily, it disturbs her next door. If you knew the noise we have had to put up with over 18 months improvement work next door.
No red dress, it's in the fancy dress trunk. But I'd be nekkid if I did take it orf
Don't have that channel and E4 doesn't do catchup as far as I know, not a lot..
I don't mind you pushing. Won't work, though, heh-heh-heh. You can push in the rain, on a train, in a box with a fox, in a red dress, with Hitler and Hess... (what was the question again?)
E4 doesn't do catch-up? Doesn't it? You sure? Tsk.. I'm going to have to go check now...
'Ere'y'are, Eyeore - play THIS at top volume!
This must be the longest you have spent with a sex offender, grateful thanks and that is firmly behind me although certian things keep cropping up to remind me and put me into depression, neighbours etc.
I checked and couldn't find catch up on E channels, but I'm no experet with the remotes.
Sonny Terry and Brownie McGhee now at full voloume.
Something wings? I queried ref your biceps, meant bingo wings I think, but so what? we all get them, but maybe refined ladeees wish they didn't
You don't have to get my attention by calling yourself a sex offender when we've already - merely outwardly, I should again add -ascertained you're not. Yesterday I was quiet because a root canal treatment went horribly wrong and I was in screaming agony until about 4 hours ago (I look like Desperate Dan right now, chin-wise, kid you not), not because I couldn't be a*sed. Alright, Numptie-features? ;-p Have we got that established, finally? I hope so, because I'll probably be logged off tomorrow when I have to go back for the rest of the procedure ("Eek, mummy!!!!").
I don't have bingo wings. But if I did, I'd probably have slapped my dentist's face with them!
Who are Sonny Terry and Brownie McGhee?
Awww! Genuine sorrow for your discomfort, been there etc but not chin wise thankfully, I care about my appearance as I am sure you do. Ihope ot settles down for you, best wishes.
They are wonderful US Blues singers and guitarists. Probably long dead now. I think they wrote "On the road again" if that means anything.
I wasn't seeking attention and am I the numptie featured amongst us?
My main thing is when I look over the fence, or see her next door parking and walking with her kids or friends, immediately I think of her attitude and it saddens me.
Take it easy and rest your jaw, in the nicest possible way
Didn't have any treatment, PHEW! Practise owner just wanted to take a look and put in a temporary medicated filling (can't finish it until the massive swelling has gone down in 2-3 weeks). Also offered me the rest of my dental treatment, by him personally, for free, "because you've been through enough".... which basically translates to, Eek, please don't take us to court! I don't mind, considering there's no permanent nerve damage (although there could have been) and he's hell-bent in making it up to me for his employee's error. That's the main thing. Plus, we're talking hundreds of quid for what was lined up. Every cloud... I'll just tell everyone husband and I had a punch-up but that you should see the state of *him*, LOL. I know... what am I like, eh?
Basically, what happened was.. Because there was still infection in the root canal and the antibiotics hadn't dealt with it effectively enough, there was a hole at the bottom of the root sac, meaning, the powerful disinfectant that they try to zap the infection with got through the bottom of my tooth and into the inside of my jaw and face! It's not supposed to go inside, other than the root sac, BECAUSE of the damage it's known to be capable of causing to facial nerves and tissue, and ALLEGEDLY x-rays don't reveal if there's a hole. However, it doesn't take a genius to work out that in that case, a patch test should have been done before a whole bucketload was poured in!
I can't talk very well, anyway. I sound like Marlon Brando in the Godfather without the Italian accent, i.e. like I've got two plums stuffed in my cheek. Plus it hurts (albeit a darn sight less than on Tues and Tues night; that was pure agony!) Damn good job I can still type! Me? The Queen of Verbal Diarrhoea, stay schtum?? Yuh, right! LOL
Anyway, yes you are a numptie; you and the rest of the population, but I can appreciate, now, why the trigger response of getting your hair shirt back on. Listen - really... SOD THEM. You're still taking it too personally when you know you're just an excuse of a target for those people. Trust me - I know. My next door neighbours hates mine and hubby's guts! Why? Because...she has an hugely overgrown oak tree - of a size that makes it have no business being in a residential garden (according to my estate agent friend). She doesn't want to keep it under control but neither does she want anyone else to, and - despite I did consult with her at the time - lopped the overhanging branches (yes, considerately and prudently). Excuse to have a go, anyone? This woman will have a go with her mouth or a tree, basically...whatever she can find. Then, not long after he'd moved in, hubby dared ask (then had to insist) she give our bin back when she sneakily tried to swap it over with her broken one, and stood there denying it because the silly bint hadn't noticed it had our housename written on it and hers had an envelope featuring her address stuck to its inside side...so, in response to something rudely snippy from her, he said, 'You eez cheap people!'. He meant, petty. It's quite simple, according to the rest of the neighbours: she's not a happy bunny, or rather, isn't happy unless she's constantly got things or people to whinge at and about (apparently she was the same towards the previous owner of this house), and thinks she has the right to make other people's lives difficult OR (my theory) she's jealous because, mew-mew, our house is nicer than hers and makes hers look tatty. Course, she could get off her own arse and tart hers up a bit. But, nope. What then would she have to moan and feel hard-done-by about? So she's generally and overall not a happy bunny but doesn't want to correctly identify the root source, so desperately scrabbles around for anyone or anything to kid herself with instead. BERBOM.
Negative Nellies and Whinging Winnies, I call them. Ignore them and leave them to it. But, thinking about it - is your house nicer than theirs by any chance??
Otherwise, it's very simple: don't look over the fence.
("Don't go down to the cellar, girlie!...."EEE!-EEE!-EEE!"
I know... This world would be quite a pleasant place if it weren't for other people, eh. LOL
PS: Yep, I know them (but I'm crap with names). Their music featured on The Jerk with Steve Martin.
I am pleased you're getting recompense denstist wise, take it easy, don't talk. Keep typing, I will miss you madly.
Your neighbours and you have the gripes yes, but I think my case is more aggressive with my history. I do understand your thoughts and feelings though.The lady in next door beforehand was an awkward old cuss, older than us, but we sorted her out, nicely. Our place had been empty for a while and I think she just developed habits.
I do try to ignore HER especially, but when they are a few feet from the front window when I am reading or with telly it's difficult. Equally my "studio" is on the first floor at the back so my window looks over their back garden, so that can't be helped unless I erect an enormous - wait for it - hedge/fence, or take over another room (C wouldn't let me, quite rightly) or put blackout blinds up.
The only way ours is better is because we have a driveway and a garage and they have 2 vehicles sometimes 3 which have to be parked on a road/lane that used to have horses and carts at rush hour.
I did see that film yonks ago and remember the theme, not the music. Now it's Leadbelly and Midnight Special.
Alright, John-Boy Walton, don't get all mushy on me.
My point was, whether you've 'done anything' or are squeaky clean, neighbours clashing with you (one/anyone) purely because they are hell-bent on finding someone to clash *with*, is nothing new. They're usually lonely with no partner or peer (or sofa cushions) to take their moodies out on (thank god).
Have you seen the film Bad Neighbours yet? If not, *do*. (It's in the same hysterical, 'real'-yet-exaggeratedly-so league as Fun With Dick & Jane.) Puts it all into perspective (as well as solves the so-called mystery).
Have you not thought of getting slatted wooden blinds for the front window? You're not powerless, is my second point. It's no good regularly moaning about getting evils, etc. What will that achieve? Even *feeling* like moaning about it... You do that and you're in danger of becoming one of them! Yeah, that's right - you think about that....That's precisely the pass-the-rotten-parcel game I'm talking about! DON'T ACCEPT THAT PARCEL. Either put your hands behind your back or actually stand up and leave the circle... Block them... Your case, literally... Slatted wooden blinds, when the blind is down but with the slats open horizontally, make looking out easy but looking in nigh-on impossible. You can even order them over the net if your windows are of whatever standard size.
...Failing that, a huge erection might be just the ticket! LOL Whether yours would fit through the open slats is another matter and one I'm not prepared to dicsuss.
[spot the deliberate typo]
Back to seriousness. Here's a question for ya: Do your neighbours *really* bother you or are they these days *indeed* just a focus and channeling mechanism for whatever at the time or from the past is irking you?
Never seen the Waltons either but knew about them.
Think Bad Neighbours is new. Not a film C would go see so I need a driver at present.
Those blinds, not in our Victorian windows thanks, but we don't want them. I just have to get over the thoughts. Not going to be easy.
No they don't bother us, next door and the others have been fine up to "then" apart from his continuous activity, does he ever sit and ponder? Non stop action trots everywhere, always a job somewhere. Yes a channeling mechanism sounds right.
The others four doors down are less occasional,I do have a little grin and laugh to myself when they go past as their selfrightuousness is so evident and not smothered. Smug bastards I mutter and that's it. He's a regular at the local 200yds away between 5 and 6 everyday. Might have gossiped about me, but I haven't a clue who his mates are, I'm only in about once a fortnight at lunchtime. Again not bothered really.
He is in IT isn't everyone and she's a practice nurse and a gossip.
Got a genuine worry at present. C complained Friday evening of a stomach pain. She is rarely ill so both our warning were lit. On questioning she revealed it wasn't stomach but deep inside her vagina. A sharp pain whenever she walked, but went as soon as she sat or lay down. She then told me, not at the time, she had had it before only 6 weeks ago approx. Pain killers were useless she told me, guessing she didn't try any. She managed through the evening under pain at times, slept on it and much better Sat morning. I said if it's that frequent again it's the doctors - she agreed.
I anwered a call from our daughter B during the evening. How are you etc? I told her about C and passed the phone. They chatted and phrases like “down below” and “inside my bits” were heard. She can't discuss her genitals with our daughter, never has been that easy to talk about them with anyone for some reason, maybe her upbringing. B and now our little GD call it their *minnie* On closing B spoke to me again and told me to keep an eye on C because “mum doesn't do sickness/ill”
It was bad enough to stop C going running with the gang that night and I know she had been looking forward to it.
Later that evening she was sobbing and I asked her the problem. She was thinking about the phone call B made which was basically to ask us there for dinner Sunday at 5pm. The whole family will be there, so that includes DIL L who has an issue with me and also B's partner who also has. C was emotional about us all getting together, hence the sobbing. She apologised which wasn't necessary and OK afterwards. Us all getting together doesn't happen very often these days and our son J is at heard of it, mainly as he has two boys, one with a dispraxia problem the other hyper active, Dad's/Mum's taxi etc and is in a high pressure job, very rarely gets in touch with us or answers any queries about L or the boys, plus loads of village activities and a very demanding opinionated wife. These are all C's thoughts to me.
Saturday I cooked a Paella, some chicken, prawns, Chorizo and stuff left over. It's basically another Jamie recipe, had it that night so that's a newbie from making it in a casserole and keeping it. C mentioned how nice it was to have it cooked and laid out for her, even the unusual sight of me sprinkling Parsley on as I served. Genuinely touched both of us.
Back to blinds, it's not them looking in, none of them do - very studiously too, it's me looking out into the great outdoors normally.
Must look this up. You know how people can talk to you with their eyes closed for a long time before opening them, C does this, has for years.
Going for run/walk now as usual with the gang. Back to normal hopefully and see what transpires at B's later.
(Scoozie the huge delay.)
"No they don't bother us, next door and the others have been fine up to "then" apart from his continuous activity, does he ever sit and ponder? Non stop action trots everywhere, always a job somewhere. Yes a channeling mechanism sounds right."
EXCELLENT insight! That's right. He's a doer, not a thinker. He leaves his emotional-style thinking to his primitive, inner animal (and then wonders why it doesn't quite work in the modern-day jungle). No wonder his wife needs a cat to kick, eh.
Also pleased to see you analysing *as* you talk.
Re your genuine worry. Sounds like your wife could have polyps or endometriosis? Or it could be dread suppressed and now coming out physically? What happened after she spilled her guts to you? Did, out of interest, her pains abate a little? (Unbridled spillage action + appreciative praise and what both actions say, likewise noted, btw!
What about Victorian indoor shutters?
Talking of shutters (and you clearly again cleverly noted the link): that's what closing your eyes as you talk means, it's to shut out thus lessen incoming stimulus so that you can better focus on your internal stimulus without an overloaded mind. Next time she does it, quickly but gently biro Smiley faces onto her eyelids, LOL.
Anyhoo... Wife is starting to lean on you more. Why do you suppose that is?
With the gang Monday night and the po faced presbeterien scottish woman as usual as far way as poss from me in the pub with her BF shhhh! He's a strict christian church senior.
Whoops clicked wrong
Blimey! You have got your hands full with a lady in here with the daughter who committed suicide because she was tortured by being unloved and beaten by parents. I admire your tenacity (several 100 percent with me) and explaining to her. That is a sad case. I need no apologies for your long delay. You are the head honho in relationships and have far worse cases than my gradually dimishing one.
Dinner at B's was fine with all the family. Little R as usual in his own world. L and A fine, I sat at opposite end to him therefore face to face and we managed Ok and chatted. The 3 kids locked into TV, he put it on against B's preference but that's him. Adults played a silly game. I was crap, but I know it's my age.
With the gang Monday night and the po faced presbeterien? scottish woman, who “knows” and was one of the recipients of my contentious letter, as usual as far way as poss from me in the pub with her BF shhhh! He's a strict christian church senior. Couldn't give a toss.
Felt really good Tuesday although had penultimate probation meeting. This was the last with she who is preggers. It went Ok, not too distressing or painful, we only touched on bits and pieces and she explained her successor's no show due to timetable and workload. So I only have one more meet, with the new girl and that's it. My risk assessment is done and she indicated it's OK apart for some further work by me on empathy.
She left me at the lift and said our byes with no hugs and kisses thankfully. I asked her materinity leave period and she answered a year. That's where empathy failed me as I replied 'another year off with your feet up' She just smiled.
We got darling GD 3 days this week and some next week as it's school hols, and C took her to visit L our DIL by arrangement and felt really uncomfortable. She had forgotten they were going, having invited them last night, then stayed forever in the kitchen and lunch as promised didn't arrive. L has always been an issue with us, B and others who know them. Very judgmental, quite high strung, several ticks and prone to depession and takes some pills apparently, all that before having two boisterous boys. We think little R's problem is starting to get to her and drag her down. It's bound to really, her own little baby boy, now 7 - Great pity, J our son has more of a real battle ahead.
Spilled her guts? Do you mean told me of her pain? They eased after sleep and taking it easy the next day.
Yes leaning - asking more about help, advice and opinion and we haven't had sharp words for a few weeks now. Maybe it's me – and you.
Back to painting tomorrow, Lidl and Halfords today.
LOL, everyone admires my tenacity until the day they experience being on the negative end of it, and then I get called dogged or obsessed. I don't mind compliments OR criticism, because either basically translate to: "What you're up to suits me so I like you / What you're up to is impeding me so I don't like you". My answer to that is usually, 'I don't like you *whatever* you do, simply because you're human, so fair's fair'.
...on which note, am liking your 'couldn't give a toss' comment. Absolutely. Why should you when they're denying you any reason to?
'Worse' is entirely relative, though, isn't it. No such thing, anyway, just 'different' considering absolutely everything has its pluses and minuses... unless you're talking about that Far Side cartoon where the sailor in a bar with the wooden leg points to it whilst saying to the sailor with a wooden head, 'Interesting story... but now let me tell you how I got THIS!'. ROFL, I love that. It sums up so many people's attitude (me-me-ME!).
You do love your acronyms, don't you (she said, head still spinning). Try this one: LOLOAQICI82QB4IP. Anyway, glad there was no new drama at Southfort, Bobby. PS: What was the game - Twister?
Propreggation Officer.... Empathy BL**DY *HOW*?!?! Does she not ever think to substantiate that claim?
"and said our byes with no hugs and kisses thankfully"
PISS MYSELF LAUGHING!!! Surely at 9 months, you couldn't have got near her face anyway?
"That's where empathy failed me as I replied 'another year off with your feet up' She just smiled."
That's not lack of empathy, that's called ribbing sense of humour. You're too complicated for most people, that's your trouble. Did I say 'your'?.... Here, have one of me ditties (take it 3 times per day with water):
[all rights reserved copyright "Soulmate", scary solicitor, blah-blah, don't be idiots unless you're very rich idiots]
A Problem Halved
"The trouble with me" takes various forms
Depending upon your mood
But I have surmised
After serious thought
That the trouble with me
(That's for your irresponsible DIL... not offering a little kiddie, at least, any lunch, BOO, HISS! Or does she forget to feed her own kids? I'm betting, not.)
"Spilled her guts? Do you mean told me of her pain? They eased after sleep and taking it easy the next day."
Yes, I did, and - AH-HAH! There you go. But you should take a bit more of the credit.
...Talking of which: it's both. This is always about teamwork and team-spirit and the ability to relate and understand in order TO apply the measures. (No empathy, my arse. Yeah, my dad lacked empathy. Must have...He wouldn't up my pocket money whenever I asked to on a whim and said no to my getting a moped. [rolls eyes] For starters, you can't HAVE a sense of humour without empathy - *fact*. So now we've cracked the mystery, haven't we: Humour on the dry side.)
"Lidl and Halfords today."
Never been to a Lidl. We don't have one near to us. We're too posh (heh-heh). It's Marks 'n Sparks, Waitrose or Sainbury's and that's that. Oh, and a tiny Budgens. Don't even have a PoundLand. (Who do I complain to?) Anyway, I'll leave it there before we start sounding like two housewives nattering over the garden fence.
PS: When are you going to start helping out more on the threads (whinge-whinge, nag-nag)?
Keep up the good work, you don't need to try harder next time
The game? Can't remember that either, but it involved cards, drawing one and then making the tune ot the Tv/Film with a Kazoo. Do you know what that is?
PO preg did say once that she liked sarcasm, so I scored there
DIL is sort of scatterbrian too in a way, but her boys always have a snack to hand, too easily most of us think and they have very bad teeth.
I look in Lidl as they often have bargain stull for men and gardens and garages and sheds. I did buy a waterpistol to scare the bloodt pigeons from the birdseed bu it.s crap.
I always look at the threads and help where I feel fit to offer, but some way beyond me and the young'uns – well, but a lot of troubled souls out there. Do you reckon the're all genuine?
Acronyms? I am definitely not exservice who love them. I know weverl of them, including the PO faced scots lady's bloke. If his equally Po faced wife knew listen to the *&*()*&%*
LOL, no I *don't* know what that game's called but it sounds very convoluted.
'Sarcasm is the lowest form of wit'...unless one knows how to do it right ("noo, really?!").
Don't talk to me about bad teeth! Dentist gave me a toothbrush that's so soft it's more like a miniature feather duster, because apparently the root of all my problems is that I brush too vigorously. So now I know what exbf meant whenever he and I were at the sink: "Yeah, alright, that'll do!?" (I thought he was just impatient to get me into bed, LOL!) Husband says nothing because he's as bad as me on that score.
I've heard Lidl do dirt-cheap lobster, as well. But what have you got against pigeons? Mine are as fat as houses, the pair of them. I've heard they eat slugs, snails and other pests. Should have thought at the time to set them on exbf, eh.
Seen your input - Ta!
Do I reckon they're all genuine? Not 100%, no, but that won't stop lurkers who are genuine following the advice, so it's all good.
Ref your last sentance: Can I have that in text talk, please (might be clearer). LOL!
...Reminds me of that childhood rhyme (uh-oh, 'ere she goes again):
Down in the jungle in the green, green grass,
I saw an elephant, sitting on his
ASK no questions, tell no lies,
I saw a policeman doing up his
FLIES are a nuisance, wasps are worse,
That is the end of my naughty little verse.
Should be 'crappy little verse'. Sounded good at the time, though. There again, I was only 28.
Know any rugby songs and sayings? I've forgotten them all, including 'She was only fishmonger's daughter but...'. Can't remember the rest, can you?
It wasn't complex, just irritating when playing with a younger generation, something I've got used to.
I think I'm good at Sarco. She said so too.
All our family go to same dentist these days. DIL is too slack with the boys and doesn't seem to take note.
Pigeons fatter than yours I'll bet, pinching the small birds food and trampling every flower C has planted.
Input it not easy, so kudos to you and your international teams of counsellors and reseachers and you do a stirling job, but so highly paid and in with the site owner as you probably are, ah your husband or much mentioned exBF, that's it of course.
Joking aside, you do spend an extraordinarily amount of time and words on deserving soulmates. How long you bin doin' it – in the nicest possible way?
I would say I could help more if face to face as the words don't come easy and fluent when trying to type and think at the same time, but FtoF is not going to happen as it isn't with you. Equally I don't have the time so there, I am painting more and more. Keep up if you have the time with my website.
Funny verse thanks. No rugby songs apart for that of yours, can't finish it either and the well known which I can't remember, is that dementia or alhzeimers? I am concerned genuinely as other things tend to signal, both to me and to C.
Never a rugby player but love watching the big games on TV, although haven't a clue on the rules.
Trampling the flowers? You sure that's the pigeons? I can't say I've noticed mine doing that?
No, the owner isn't my husband (LOL!) and nor do I have an international team of counsellors and researchers. So, ha-ha, yes, tres drole, Mr Fisher Button-Pusher. But I really can't answer your further questions on an anonymous forum, "soz", apart from sufficing it to say: a looooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo [wait]ooooooooooooooooooooong ...time. I'm 108, remember (, sonny)?
But what I can tell you is that exbf makes a superb exemplar in the way of a teaching tool (how not to). Plus, I have to admit, the deeper and deeper in-love I and hubby become and the better and better reciprocal treatment we extend and expend (or/and vice versa), the more 'pants' my most recent exes (and his) are getting revealed as. In fact, only last night did we yet again lament the fact of our not having met when we were younger so that we'd get to have a whole lifetime together rather than half to three-quarters (the latter assuming my dental programme doesn't kill me in the meantime, LOL).
Forgetfulness is just part and parcel of old age. It's if you can't remember what year it is or wonder how the washing got done when you don't have any memory of having loaded it that you're in trouble. But then I expect you wondering how the washing got done is par for your daily course, LOL. (Psst - it's the housework fairy again.
PS: ...but she lay on the slab and said fillet.
I understand you thoughts on memory etc thanks. I know C is worried about it (me) too.
I do all the washing up, machine and manual. Loading, unloading machine and even switching it on and off then....................stacking it all away in more or less the right places.
The washing is not my role in life but C even cleaned my hospital boot yesterday, worn for 6 months and getting stinky. I was geared up to do it, but she went into cleaning mode and just did it, wonderfully too, so fresh and dry for today. Howfully get rid of it soon.
And there I was thinking of your cushy life not looking forward to the mansion tax and running your team like cuckoo clock drones.
Going for bus in a minute, piss up in a wine bar then curry as farewell to my drinking buddy and his partner who pushing off abroad but only for 2 yrs. About 12 of us tonight in the party.
I said washing-machine, not dishwasher...but, hey - kudos anyway!
And all I can say to the fact C cleaned your stinky boot is, WOAH, that's what you CALL true love!
PS: You don't need a mansion to have a cushy life (or as my dear ol' dad used to say, 'Being rich doesn't make you happy. It just makes being miserable that bit more comfortable.'
) Actually, what you need is exactly what your friends are doing, LOL. Only 2 years, though? Yeah, we'll see, won't we...
Thanks o'wise one.
Had a dust up with the Po faced scots woman last night in the pub. All a misunderstanding by the very sweet and attractive barmaid, but Po really went for me, with no humour (she hasn't got a smile in her) as I was trying to inject, just Po facedness. All around scowled at her thankfully. Left her and her ex serviceman, married, high churh dalliance alone as last to leave.. wonder why.
Had a delightful and exceeedingly inventive wedding invite last night from the son of my drinking buddy (not to be for a very certain and definite 2 years BTW). Already booked the campsite in Summerzett.
Yeah 2 years abroad would do nicely but I don't think C would agree, family, grand kids etc. Haven't mooted the idea, I did 6 years in ME in the 80s. It would get us away from all this me imposed crap that surrounds us for a while.
Have a nice day as our friends across the pond say.
Crikey, what happened? You didn't make her spill her pint, did you? LOL Am picturing a wild west bar... piano music suddenly stopping dead, all eyes turning, some diving under tables, etc... LOL
Go-wen to Summer-zett, arr ya? Arr... Hopes ya loiks cheese 'n real ale ('n mud)?
PS: Is it just me or is this thread now taking a full minute to load?
A misunderstanding by the barmaid who took my drinks round order, then PO face got involved as she was also buying for her ex service, high church dalliance.
Love cheese and real ale.
No too slow but hmmm! not sure, am going to sit of the fence.
Lovely day at beach yesterday with darling GD and C plus another pair of wrinklies, their daughter and two ankle biters.
He is an old buddy and we adore the kids of course and he asked if she had stayed the night. I was extremely embarrassed as he doesn't "know"and I had to fudge round the answer because due to my sentance and being on the SOR she is isn't allowed to stay with us. Uncomfortable which slightly marred the day but we got on with things.
Got her today as well and swimming pool in the schedule.
Yes extremely slow now, taking ages after every click
(I literally could have made a cup of tea in the time it just took to load! It's obviously too long, now. I'll see if there's anything can be done... If not, you might have to consider starting a new thread, headed with a paste-in of the link to this one, and call it "I believe my wife needs counselling - Part 2". Don't do that yet, though; I'll get back to you anon.)
Po-face got your real ale and you got her sweet sherry, you mean? And it was the barmaid's fault but Hyacinth Bucket took it out on you?
Yes, I like a bit of cheese, too, Grommit [understatement]. Do you want a quick and cheerful, ad-hoc type of recipe for Steak with Blue Cheese Sauce? And have you tried making Cauliflower/Broccoli & Macaroni Cheese yet?
Hubster's in Frrrrrrrance for a couple of weeks (custody visit, left today) (sob!), meaning, a break from the normal meat 'n two veg. So this week's supper menu for myself and kiddo (who's as weird as me when it comes to eating habits, given half the chance) is going to look something like this:
Monday: toast with crab and Brussels pates & cucumber (and a couple of whole red jalepeno chilli peppers on the side for asbestos-mouthed kid);
Tuesday: cold shell-on prawns (oceanic, not freshwater) eaten with fingers (sucking brains out loudly and revoltingly, mandatory), and a side bowl of creamed spinach;
Wed: whole carrots and slices of apple and pear munched with mouthfuls of cheddar and Roquefort, with small bacon buttie on the side.
Thurs: toasted w/meal pitta bread 'soldiers', celery & carrot sticks, all dipped in houmous and sour cream 'n chive dip, followed by salted, buttered popcorn;
Fri: Wholemeal Peanut Butter, Mayo & (lashings of) Watercress sandwiches on w/meal bread (do *not* knock this combo until you've tried it!).
Talking of chewing...Seeing the dental practise owner tomorrow to check on the swelling (mostly gone, no longer doing Desperate Dan-stroke-Godfather impressions) and agree a date for finishing the root canal (- how's about the 12th of Never?
(Changes subject rapidly...) Aren't we supremely lucky with the weather lately!
Hopefully, we'll get to do some beach jaunts ourselves this time round because last year the pattern was totally weird. It'd be in the high 20s here yet stuck down at 18/19 degrees all along the coast, save for Essex and far Kent (too far), meaning, we got to the beach last year only ONCE out of the entire season! However, at least we didn't have to shell out on a foreign holiday...we just installed a family-sized paddling pool out on our deck beside the summerhouse (which has a convincingly Med/Caribbean feel), put on a Spanish guitar CD, and voila!
Yes, bloomin' awkward situation you had there re the overnight stay biz. What on earth excuse did you manage to come up with?
Anyway, other than those niggles you're sounding like a very happy and together bunny lately. Good stuff! And how's C's "box" pain? All gone?
Ref thread OK see what you can influence, thanks. It is now taking a long time between clicks for something to happen.
It was a mixup about half of bitter I had in my round which cost £15 and she bagged it, but the daft but tasty barmaid didn't intercept, hence the misunderstanding, when I saw her with the beer I had bought for C. Of course Grrrrrrrrr! But she started it.
No I'm not a veggie and don't do that sort of weird stuff thanks but that menu sounds interesting – in an odd way.Not sure what my next menu will be, it's getting past the casserole weather. I do a very good tuna salad, usual but enhanced with cold baked beans + cheddar cheese. There you go cheese again.
Custody visit??? Is he visiting someone in Froggy Porridge or being locked away for 2 weeks for marrying a non stop caring person?
Good luck at the denties, hope it turns out not to be Root canal.
People like you with a lozenge shaped pool, sauna and hot tub. What a waste when kiddy could have the paddling pool.
I just said the idea of little'un staying over didn't really take off because of homesickness and that seems to stick OK. She is a dream really and after swimming forever today with C who obviously loved having her to herself, we had a lunch back here and then it was non stop activity in the garden, me rooted to the chair with one gammy leg in a stiff boot but she was activity central and very good natured.
Yes thanks to you I am much more settled and happier. I was going to mention that in my next bulletin but as usual you beat me to it. Do you want to ditch me now you have done your bit?
C's problem all gone thanks and hope it doesn't return, she just doesn't do sick and unhealthy and told her she must tell me next time – if.
Specialist today and get full low down hopefully and a date for surgery.
Got published in a major broadsheet this week and also in a magazine. Both on the same arty subject I have been banging on about for 6 weeks.
It's a little better, speed-wise, but apparently (techie duh-brain that I am) it's got nothing to do with thread length. (It'll be those forum gremlins again.
'Interesting in an odd way'.. That about sums me up, actually.
The mad bint stole your pint? Hhhhh, sacrilegious!!!
No, KID custody, ya 'nana. And yes, it is/was root canal, but it had to be stopped and patched-up halfway through, as explained above (pay attention at the back there, please ;-p). Dentist says it'll be fit enough to be finished in about 2 weeks. Got to ring and make the actual appointment... I forgot...whoops, how did that happen, I've nooo idea! ()
Kid does use the paddly pool; it's genuinely family sized, chlorinated and filtered as well. Takes a lot of blowing to get it up, though (oy-oy).
I say! Excellent on-your-feet excuse re the overnighter, I'm impressed! Also, it does indeed sound as if the missus's pain was banked-up tension and stress, doesn't it.
I can't help but note (like a brick in the face) you keep asking if I want to ditch you/this thread, despite I keep saying it's up to you entirely (Nooo, you / No, YOU / No / ...Oy, that's my pint! LOL). Soz, but I'm not the initiator, so it's entirely your decision [insert Countdown music]. After all, you can just as easily resurrect this thread any time you need to, yes? Alternatively, we could agree on a 'posting' day if you want to keep it alive and kicking and easily-retrievable? Me, I'm easy (in a 'Sunday morning' way, not the actress and bishop way) (well, not in this particular instance re this particular topic, anyway, LOL).
Ooh, surgery date *and* mag and big rag, eh? (He's a celebrity, get him out of heeeere!!!
Yes there is an improvement and an apology from them on high, will live with the speed. Web speed of course.
It was half a pint.
Make that appointment it's for your sake, comfort and keeping that smile.
Yes the stress could have caused her discomfort.
I am suggesting only that you will have more important and desiring souls to be mates with than me.Yes it is my decision I know, but I like talking to you thanks. Don't relish a fixed date it is an impulse thing with me, the way my life has been. It also gives me a chance to look at others with problems and possibly help.
Great BSO concert last night. Another date with specialist on Monday to review and decide on XRays and some exceedingly hopeful progress - hopefully. Will cheer us up a hell of a lot if he says the right thing.
Half a pint after you spilled it, you mean?
Yes (, dad), I will, promise. Although, I must say, I rather fancy falsies, especially now they've made such huge strides on the denture-glue side (or so say the adverts...as always do tell the whole truth and nothing but). Anyway, knowing me, having only gums to flash wouldn't stop me. And who knows, maybe husband would prefer that (cough!) look?
I didn't just say that, we had a crossed line ("Hello, operator?"...Kkkkkkkkkk!...)
(Oh, stop it! LOL)
Well, I like the diversion, too, Jim-Bob, now that you're back to even fuller cylindry and we can discard the coach-pupil demarcation, so... [roll credits + Waltons themetune]. Saying that, sometimes, as you've already seen, I don't always have time to keep on top of your posts so you'll have to bear with me on that score (and obviously vice versa). There *will* come a time, though, when you naturally 'amble off' over the sunset to pastures new - which is fine and as it should be - ....especially when you start to rise up the celeb ranks. I mean - who knows? - you could be on your way to becoming the next Tony Hart! ...at which point: "Lend us a Pony, Tony?"
"...one that *hasn't* been doodled all over?"
Yep, tentacles crossed! Here - how did you injure your leg in the first place (don't think I ever asked you that, did I?)?
I never spill beer.
Will no doubt cross her sword again tonight, will report if anything untoward happens.
Wow falsies on you and after what I have fantasied through your careful and nurturing mothering is those big blossomy comfy ones ---- in your teeth.
I am still on the Uns Stubbs trail in newspapers and see what is published next week.
When my online demo is published I will try and let you know the link.
I have done some demos with painting, but unlikely now but thamks.
Speiclaist needs a scan now, to establish how much my tibia has knitted since wearing this damn boot, so apppointment will arrive and then final decision.
In the meantime he says leave the boot off for periods, no specific times, but if pain arrives but the boot in....on.It's a sort of yippee relief.
I failed suicide 2 years back when arrested. The damage was 3 skull fractures, punctured lung, multi fractures both lower legs, twp fractrured fingers, my painting users. Plates and pins scaffold in both limbs.
I do appreciate how busy you are but will continue toseek you out.
Thanks a bunch
Me neither. But I can only drink in halves, anyway (I'm such a lightweight, cuh!).
Cheers, yes.. looking forward to the next instalment (me telly's on the blink).
Oy, I'm not Esther Rantzen or HRH Princess Ann, you know!
Oh, I see, the injuries came from that whole incident. YOUCH, what does a punctured lung feel like? (Be as graphic as you like.) And I bet you're fun for airport security checkpoints, aren't you, LOL. More beeps than the Roadrunner.
Aren't you glad your attempt failed now?
Sorry for delay in writing, have been away in our caravan since Thursday, back yesterday.
Went to Stratford on Avon amongst a crowd of 30 odd likeminded folk and had a great time and not bad weather in the whole compared to what we expected.
Things to do on van and repair thankfully not major.
Been and had optical test as slight probs with one eye, feared worse and nothing really wrong but drink more water, dehydrated eyes. Got eye drops, tiny cataract too little to worry about, 20 20 vision, so just dry eyes.
Absolutely fine with C and I. No rows or bad words. She went off and walked the city and area as I couldn't but I sketched and talked.
Haven't a clue to the efects of punctured lung as I was in an induced coma for a long time apparently.
Have a letter from the consultant declaring the scaffolding in my legs, for the airport.
Suicide wise or unwise I think the latter for trying when I think what effect it would have on our family and the repercussions like inquest and the publicity that develops leaving them with all the difficult questions from friends, which we haven't had to deal with about why suicide and of course the press would haven arrest given details.
Still waiting for scan date, alternate no boot and boot days, but no pain and gradually learning to walk proper. Managed all with the van and hitching etc and only found decreased dexterity and strength in fingers and hands the only drawback. C much more will to take on jobs and chores I can't do or have difficulty with. I still empty the caravan bog – men's work.
Sorry for delay in writing, have been glued at the hip and lips to returning hubbie since Wed night. LOL
Not drinking enough, eh? Typical man.
New question: what's it like coming out of an induced long-ish-term coma?
('Hooray!' and 'Excellent!' to all the rest (bog emptying excepted)
Glad to have him back in the fold I bet, pun intended.
Beer fest on Sat and only 2 pints, good for me.
I can't recall coming out of the coma, didn't realise I had been in one. Frankly I feel like I have been an another world for the last 2 years, but gradually coming to.
Our son's scout leader, years back, 55 but we think that's a typo and should be 65, got done for the same as me but boy pics. Big surprise fo C and I. He was a major player in scouts, young theatre(excellent shows) etc etc and with his wife in the guides and brownies. Feel like I want to chat with him, what I needed the other way when I was arrested and shamed in press. At least they didn't publish my ugly mush as the local press did. You think I should contact him?
Looking forward to the w/ned for a big camping event with 100 there, just one night. We know most of them and some “know” but are OK with me. Lots won't know. I feel fine now at our weekly event/gatherings as it has sorted the knows from the don'ts, the old very true adage about your real friends.
C out with daughter and little loved one who rushed up to me and cuddled then sat on my knee...awwww!
I will leave you resume your snogging.
Bye and thanks
Not sure where the pun is, though. ()
There must, surely, have been a point where you did realise you'd been in one?
Re the scout master. Unless he too was an artist whose repertoire included nudes then I fail to see how he could justify having pictures of young boys, so the less said about him the better, meaning, no, I don't think you should contact him. He's a different kettle of fish entirely.
You and granddaughter have upped your bond recently, then? Yet another step.
LOL...Never any need for you to 'leave me' to resume my snogging. I fit you in. (And there's no pun there, either, LOL.)
Back into your fold(s) soft, curvy and sweet smelling.
Coma, no honestly
Scouting for me, OK no.
GD and I have always had the strongest and most reassuring bond, never a problem- I am her best friend. Her mum my beloved daughter backs me to the hilt too.
"Back into your fold(s) soft, curvy and sweet smelling."
Oh, you mean the duvet and its cover and the fact I use a Bounce sheet in the tumble drier? In that case - absolutely, spot on! There again, hardly surprising when by your own earlier admission you're a dab-hand with the washing machine. (Heh-heh.)
Oh, come, now, "Sah" - you're seriously telling me that at no stage whilst you were hospitalised and regaining full consciousness did a consultant enter your ward (steady!) to enlighten and debrief you, and that instead these powers that be plus your wife simply let it dawn on you in '6 does not equal 2 + 2' fashion that however many months of your life had somehow just gone for a Burton? And that said dawning never occurred? Or are we talking at cross purposes?
I cannot remember coming round and the cosultants talking about it - honestlty. I would have been told by C I guess too, but it's gone from my crap memory. Anyway why is it ofr such interest?
Few words and apology on Monday. Slight disagreement about something in the kitchen, freezer door maybe and C went for me, so I left saying we both have forgetfulness. Later she came into my studio where the laptop is and apologised, saying she was grumpy for some reason, not me. That's something.
Couple of weeks back on arriving home after our caravan event, after we tidied stuff away and cleaned up I was on the laptop checking emails, messages, art stuff and processing photos, she came in and said " no sooner than back here you are locked away on this and I worry that you are back into your old ways," She was worried about my trawling sites, which was part of my computer time, but I did an awful lot of emails, organising, messages, art stuff and photo stuff back then. I did have committee stuff, exhibiting and posting my work on art sites as well as updating my own.
I assured her nothing going on and explained how she could look at history etc, I am not allowed to delete anything in there as MAPPa check me now and then. I went through a portion of history going back months and I think she was assured.
I explained about our good old friend who have been locked togerther for years without a computer. She never had a hobby, they did absloutley everything together, even shopping. Now they have a pooter and she is very not literate on it(not interested) and gets dischuffed that he spends a lot of time on it, disturbing their old way of married bliss.
He is a fantastice birdwathcer, photographer and has the camera all the time. Therefore he spends a lot of time editing etc.
I haven't a clue what else he gets up to and don't care butit seemed to explain things to C.
Penultimate probation today and only 20 mins. New woman and trainee but just recapping really and no in depth stuff or bother. One last meet in a month and that's it.
The day started out badly and I knew it had to happen one day.
Went out to the car at 7.30 and came face to face with the neighbour from No4, him walking his dog. I said good morning S and he retorted “don't speak to me D” I countered with “your problem” as he skulked off. It prayed on my mind for a long time.
I was on the way to hearing clinic to get aids fitted for a try out. On the way back I got some stuff for the caravan as we away for one night at weekend. Felt better as the morning wore on the aids seem OK as a starter and will see in time.
Had a laugh in the camping shop with the chaps there and felt better, then at home we got on with chores in the van and two odd jobs.
Gradually coming round, but expecting other encounters. I see them both as well as next door couple outside of course but not so in your face as today.
Did some painting yesterday and mean to have another try now as just voted and clear for the day.
I do try and look into other problems in here and try to help even if it's just comforting words and also suggest they read you twice as it's done me good.
In answer to your initial question: because the whole idea of consciousness fascinates me (always has) and "Iy...am a veriy nosiy nighbour" (-name the sketch show and character!). I didn't realise you meant it HAD happened but you couldn't remember it any more. Shame but fairenoughski.
Re the apology and it being something: isn't it just.
Is that because you self-asserted more than you used to or because she's feeling more positive and generous-minded towards you these days? Or a bit of both?
I'm thinking it's you or predominantly you. To wit:
" I said good morning S and he retorted “don't speak to me D” I countered with “your problem” as he skulked off. It prayed on my mind for a long time."
GOOD FOR YOU!!! And it's true. You show him he can't upset you any more and gone will be his attempts to upset you (using your past conviction as his EXCUSE to have someone-anyone to have a go at). You are no longer his convenient, at-arm's-length kicking-cat. He'll have to find ANOTHER source, won't he, awwwww...
Again, I still see only a steady yet significant upwards trajectory with zero lapsing.
When I am next in a coma I'll try to let you know. Maybe but unlikely for any contact this weekend as will be at a drinking event.
I believe it's a bit of both as you suggest.
I do feel a lot more positive about that neighbour now after thinking more on it, and your comments. F*c* him he really must have his own problems. When he walks past we are always amused that he stares at the pavement no futher than half a yard ahead of his boots, must get a hell of a crick in his neck and that's all the time, long before I got into his radar and he isn's locked into a Samsung or whatever. She walks behind him as do all of his pals who come to stay with him and they skulk off to the pub. Then coming back it's the same - weird, gives me a chuckle so things are brighter.
That's also because I got a date for a CT scan later this month.
Really? He commonly walks however many paces ahead of his poor wife? In that case...
...New name for your neighbour: Mustafa Nishue.
Fingers crossed for the scan result!
Super w/end, no rain, sunny and great fun. No coma, just happy besides the presence of the Scot Po faced Presbyterian. It's amazing how sour she looks all the time even when “he” is with her.
Good name for him thanks.
Scan next Wed. Boot on and off whilst camping over two days. Good laughs about that too.
Was staggered (and extremely grateful) about the time you gave me in here and even morre so at the shit you have to take, like Guilty Mom for instance. I don't read all of it but hey. I tend to stay clear of the teens and their strife, they are in a different world to teens of my generation and I don't feel qualified. Those that speak in Text mode are a pain ao don't bother with them either
Nah. I'm used to far bigger sh*t than that, Gunga Din; this place is a walk in the park. But don't get me started about text speak, grrr...
Definately instead of definitely; Your instead of You're (or vice versa), there's another one...two...three... Oh, and the good ol' American classic, 'I could care less' ...which even 'Diane Chambers' (Shelley Wotserface), the character who's supposed to be a bona fide intellectual, was filmed saying on Cheers in one of the later series. (NO, DEARS, IT'S, I *COULDN'T* CARE LESS, WORK IT OUT, AARGH!)
Do you mean this Wednesday, as in, not tomorrow but the next day?
I can take my leg dressing off tomorrow and then the stitches get taken out on Friday, whereafter I've got some prescribed oil to daily, gently massage it with to try to minimise the scarring (it's a big ol wound RIGHT on the face of my calf, "snaffa-raffa!"). Am just ignoring the post-op dental pain because I'm getting used to having a sore jaw by now. But that entire (very deep) root canal and fillings that were done at the same time last time should, the specialist/practise owner told me, have cost £700 but instead I got it completely and utterly for free!
See? It pays to make a fuss, LOL.
SHIN! That was the word, not 'front of calf'.
Am now gaffawing at my own hypocracy!!!
Still, at least I noticed it pretty quickly (heh).
Is that text speak as well as crap grammar.It all annoys me.
Hang on have I missed something? Leg dressing, for a bad little ole' toothypeg? Shin and jaw are not quite in the right areas. A lot of my lady friends would suffer jaw tiredness I am sure.
Didn't sell three paintings, but the staff said they were sure my big horse race would have gone, deeming it beautiful work. Anyway been invited into their open summer ex.
Had a worrying moment on arriving home about midnight Friday night after dinner at friends. Near to our front door on the drive, where the caravan is parked, there was a black doggy bag or part of one and nearby a piece of white notepaper. We both ignored it although C did mention that she had picked up one and binned it a week or so ago.
I went out quietly this moring before she was up and collected them, but luckily it was a torn piece of black bag and a receipt from the Pound shop. Thouroughly washed hands of course.
The bin men had been earlier and there was a bit of a breeze so I think this was only blown debris. Phew! I had visions of the neighbour from No 4 getting rough.
Scan on 20th then appointment with Surgeon on 29th for him to decide on further surgery or not.
We are booking places to go in the meantime, in hope.
Have you looked at my web page lately?
Offy day weekend so far, mostly my sad mind and thoughts.
Was duty driver for daughter and her chap to and from a pub as we were babysitting the delight that is our 8 yr old GD. On arrival at pub arranged fo 11pm was met at the door by the po faced scotish prebyterian and her husband who both blanked me. Funny to hear that a lovely lady at the event didn't know there was a scot hubby at home and queried who he was. Not the PO faced usual beau.
Had to wait 5 mins inside and there were two people who have also blanked me totally so avoided them.
Dropping D and chap home my wife had discussion about a half term coming up and a clash of days available. I said let me do it and they both said, as expected, not allowed because of my sentence. That upset me on the ground that who would know and they don't worry about me with the child.
Then this morning I had a giggle to brighten me up. Awkward neighbour at No 4, who goes to extremes to avoid me outside, just happened to pull out of his parking spot as I was doing same. I made him crawl all the way to main road, that is a neccesity on our lane due to bends, parking and oncoming nutters. At the junction he was right up me bum and I gave him a wave and waited extra long before pulling out, he want other way.
Added to his extreme struggle to get his reluctant dog to cross the lane long before he reached our front yesterday was an added source of amusement.
Am I sad?
No, separate problems concurrently - mouth then leg.
Laugh Out Loud to the fact you thought someone had deposited a baggied dog poo with an offensive note and turns out all it was was the work of today's typically lax bin-men?
And again to your secret fantasies of having a bout of fistie-cuffs with the next door "Nay Bores". (We can but dream.)
No I haven't looked and you know why, Mr Pushy from Pushyville (
). A quick foray around the gallery just that once was one thing, but I'm not supposed to fraternise, even at arms-length or by proxy, with "the customers", be they current or in the past. Sorry about that. But from having witnessed what a very talented artist you are, I can well imagine why the staff would have been so enthusiastic and how and why your upwards trajectory would have started to spill beneficially into your workmanship.
It'll take time to cease being bothered by the Po Faced duo. But you can meantime console yourself with the fact that those two aren't behaving anything LIKE Presbyterians given how one of its fundamentals principles is, "the necessity of ***grace*** through faith in Christ". Time (and distance) is a great healer, though, so you COULD, if you wanted to make lemonade out of lemons, always use it as your excuse to check out other pubs in your area that you'd yet to sample or that have changed hands since last you visited them? As for the sentance embargo, No, they don't worry about you, but not everyone is as socially brave as you to the point of going against a court order, so you'll have to make an allowance for your daughter and husband on that score.
As for Nay Bore, no you're not sad, you're understandably a bit bitter and frustrated. But even Mother Theresa can't please all of the people all of the time. Remember, they're perversely doing YOU a favour by giving you a wide berth. These types of people would bore the pants off of you, I guarantee it. So THEN where would you be without that brilliant excuse? Every cloud...
Don't worry. They'll get theirs....right when they're neither expecting it nor geared towards dealing with it. But it's not your job to be the origin, it's Fate's. It PATENTLY OBVIOUSLY has your back because you have the ongoing 'harvest' to prove it. Which means, logically it can't have theirs. Sense?
Hope everything is healing and eyup! That could be one of my terms from my past.
Our bin men are fanstastic on litter etc but there was wind in the nicest possible way.
The idea of fisticuffs with him is right out and I can't imagine him starting anything. I could see him leaving debris or messing up our stuff outside though. I have never indulged in fighting.
With him and her, it's that I see them daily, sometimes several times and it plays on my tiny mind. They have to pass by my window to go anywhere, by foot or in their cars. You're right they will be boring. I remember they turned down our invite to a party 5/6 years ago on the grounds that he is shy, according to her who can talk for the UK and more.
I understand your rules and apologise, not pushy, just that I am doing very different stuff. I haven't a clue how you manage so much sensible, if sometimes confusing input, so clever and intellectual and stay anon, but you're very good at it.
Might see Po face again tonight but not him, that occurs about once every 2 yrs when she has to bring him out, or more likely the other way, keen golfer and he can't stand her crowd.
It was not bravery, just a practical suggestion. I could easily be there with the littl'un, we wouldn't be at our place and there is no way MAPPA are likely to turn up at daughter's house, but understood at the time and now. It was C and daughter who said no anyway, not him, he never says a word about anything, a boring bloke really even amongst blokes.
He's not "too shy" to have attended your party and you weren't ever some giant threat to them and their kiddies. You just discombobulate them, and I'm betting, always have, for not fitting into any of their pigeonholes, which makes you a target.
You'd think, given the impression they try to create of your being a huge persona non gratis and supposed constant threat, they'd have been GAGGING to move house long before now, wouldn't you? Stands to reason. So how exceedingly odd that they haven't, eh? What a glaring contradiction on their part as well as validation of my original, overriding point. But unless you and your wife decide to be the ones to move, there's not a lot you can do to avoid seeing them passing by - save for the aforementioned window blind (or window decals?) to pose as a constant commentary over what objectionable types you find *them*. That's why it's important that you disempower them through realising what unhappy people they are and how you just provide a focus and channel, in order that you can ignore them or keep a sense of humour about it all.
(Ta for the compliment, kaind Sah.)
They don't have kids, maybe that's their problem. Trying hard to activate your sound advice on them and other stuff of course, that worked, so hopefully No 4 will become vacant.
Sincerely meant. I do try and check some problems in here (you are to say again smashing at it) but find most of them way beyond an old fogies understanding of modern life especially the young ones. For instance we had a shock last week within the gang we mix with. We all set up a mock fairy tale wedding April last year in lovely local woods for a young couple, complete with dress, vows, lights, bubbly and a limo plus a goodly crowd. The couple threw themselves into it and the party afterwards and married in Aug. Last week after some concern about their non apperance for a few weeks, she disclosed they had split up. Then on Saturday night a couple of the gang saw the chap with a new woman in a pub. What a shame. I know I have given C a very hard time over 50 yrs, but the young ones don't seem to give it a try.
C was away on a coach trip yesterday, so I cooked dinner. Steak Au Poivre, mashed spuds, cauli and courgettes. She was dead chuffed I can tell you, after a long day. Browny points galore.
Had scan this morning, results with surgeon next Friday.
I do enjoy talking to you as therapy, counselling and friendly.
"but the young ones don't seem to give it a try."
They give it a *Mac*Try like they've been MacPrimed to do. Instant this, instant that, no waiting or working for it, "you wannit? you gottit!", if it has a fault, just throw it away and get a new one (cheap at half the price). And not just the young. (Don't get me started, LOL.)
Tell me honestly: is your cooking now equalling or perhaps getting even better than C's?
No by along way. I think I get it, No - I know I get it right as far as taste etc, but C works out of her head and thinks of stuff to make or we are guinea pigs sometimed, wheras I must, must use a writting recipe. She also has a great knowledge of just where every ingredient and item is located and if not she has an alternative.
Yes, I meant as far as taste. I didn't think you'd turned into an actual woman, LOL.
Yes the taste is 1st class according to C so am happy without a transition down below.
Big party last night, 25th wedding anni of couple we know well. Over 100 there. DJ, all booze and food provided wow! and I was part deading going knowing there would be folk who don't want to know me. I was duty driver for us and couple of pals, so one pint of beer and one of water.
It was OK. I ignored them as they did me. The Po faced presby was there with her hubby, as was her secret bloke with his very frail wife only late 60s we think. Not a word or contact between Po and him all evening, strange that.
Quite a lot knew C and I have nearly 51 under our belt this year and commented on it and how well we are and doing.
Daughter and bloke there too but she is so loving and thoughtful with me and protective.
Sorry, what, do WHAT - this Mrs Po-face Presby is an active, long-term adulterer? Oh, well, enough bloody said about her gross hypocracy and lack of fitness to judge!
Daughter, on the other hand, sounds like a diamond.
Thanks for your sustained responses.
There have been rumours about PO face and her secret bloke for many years, yet she claims it is platonic. That could well be but they have been seen cuddling in the back of her car in what they thought an empty car park at a pub. They attend many things, not together as such but always huddle and drink and talk afterwards and she buys his one beer.
Daughter is as you say, less so is her bloke but like I have said totally boring and never says a word, even to the chaps. Tell you about him.
I won 4 tickets in a charity draw to Wembley to see a big international game. He is a sporty bloke, cricket, hockey, rugger, Formula 1 etc and included him, my son and my drinking soccer mad buddy. During the game, he spent it gazing around, never once uttering an Oooh and an Ahhh like everyone around. He quietly confessed later to my buddy that he didn't like soccer, so why did he accept my free gift. Tosser!
The next and in fact last Probation meeting she gave me clashes with a day we want to travel. I have phoned 5 times and left messages. Not a response, so I wrote to her last week giving her the reason for my attempt to change the date (bringing it a day early). May get a reply today.
However – this morning-
C “have you done anything about that appointment”?
Me “ left 5 messages with reception explaining reason and no reply, so have written”
C “ That is not the way to talk to them, call them”
Me” No way, they have the messages and letter it's up to them to reply”
C “ You can't mess with those people”
Me “ In that sense, I am not messing, have not been stroppy as I would have done in the past. I am changed, the Prozac does that. Please stop jumping on me accusing me of doing everything the wrong way. I don't now and have changed.”
Off she went into her huff shell and I walked out.
Waiting further reactions. Maybe Iam being too sensitive and she is watching out for me – a maybe.
"There have been rumours about PO face and her secret bloke for many years, yet she claims it is platonic. That could well be but they have been seen cuddling in the back of her car in what they thought an empty car park at a pub. They attend many things, not together as such but always huddle and drink and talk afterwards and she buys his one beer."
Yes, her relationship with him is so patently platonic (and cows produce honey).
"Daughter is as you say, less so is her bloke but like I have said totally boring and never says a word, even to the chaps. Tell you about him."
I know. But I always deliberately repeat myself over certain things just to be sure it sinks into whichever new, higher wavelength you've lately progressed to.
PS: I know. But I always deliberately repeat myself over certain things just to be sure it sinks into whichever new, higher wavelength you've lately progressed to.
But on a more serious note...
"He quietly confessed later to my buddy that he didn't like soccer, so why did he accept my free gift."
Because he so badly wanted dad-in-law to like and accept him (you 'nana). He and you not getting on could have jeopardised his precious, priceless relationship with your daughter ("Eeek!"). He obviously loves her a great deal and vice versa.
Or maybe it's the nighttime you'd need to experience with him to really appreciate his qualities?
Sorry. I'm obviously stuck in comedy mode. I blame my son. Earlier on he showed me THE most hysterical footage I've ever seen (and I *still* can't stop laughing every time I think of it)! Here... as it's yer birthday:
Apologies if anyone laughed so hard they suffered a wee accident [pun intentional].
Back to seriousness...
I can see both sides of yours and C's argument; it's one of those Grey areas. I reckon she thinks you should sacrifice your principles as a way to show her that you care more about getting to holiday with her than meting out punishment over modern ill manners (added to her own dire wish not to have her hol jeopardised). Meanwhile, you obviously have a good work ethic that says, 'work first, THEN play', where 'work' includes, taking a moral stand.
You BOTH are coming from well-intentioned places yet aren't recognising it in the other. Is it different styles of communication or might you have made so much self progress that you've even overtaken your wife?!
If you were a single man, I'd say, 'You're utterly right!'. And, 'True, making a stand for good morals and etiquette *is* non-stop hard work". But context is always the decider:
You're not single, you're married and supposedly still in-love, meaning, supposedly being automatically predisposed by this mindset to put your relationship and any/all of its enhancement tools above *everything* - including principles! (Uh-oh.)
I myself always say it's principles first, people second. Because then you ensure to attract towards you to begin with only mentally hard-working types such as yourself. And birds of a feather that flock together are the happiest or most hassle-free. But chemistry as high as belongs on the romantic level and the behavioural psychology it produces should, not trump but COMPETE with moral core values and urges to act on them... certainly enough to make a body have to stop and think. That you so IMMEDIATELY reacted on the side of principles is the problem here; you should have been demonstrating/proving 'on the outside' an internal struggle with making your choice between the two.
See what I'm getting at? C sees it that there was no hesitation thus there can't have been any struggle going on inside your head, ergo, maybe you don't love her any more or as much as you used to/should?
To have impressed her with your mental and moral strength, you should have demonstrated you'd gone that bit FURTHER with the mental work to where you'd had some clever compromise occur to you. Example, 'If they still haven't rung me back by tomorrow, I'll try again'. Or perhaps even, 'Unless you want to try them? You are much better than me at these sorts of things?'. Anything to indicate that you were as anxious as her to want to benefit from one of the greatest bonding exercises, known as Holiday.
You MIGHT (not saying you are) be going a bit OTT with your new-found sense of social power? This can be a natural downside in the initial stages, but once the novelty wears off you usually find yourself settling back down to a more balanced place, thus capable of knowing what battles are worth taking on and which aren't. I'd have thought hounding the uggers would be most sensible and relationship-protective tack to tack, and then writing a letter of complaint once you got back from your holiday. Cunning Baldrick Plan?
Thanks and sorry I shouldn't be bothering such a learned, helpful and important moderator with trivia like above after all the lectures, advice and nurturing you have provided me. I should and hopefully will attempt to sort it within myself and home. However it is so good for me to be able to talk to you.
The Po face maybe at a 50th b/day party tonight and her “platolover” might be, or could well be. Doubtful his frail wife will be there.
No you're wrong WOW! about D's partner and father of the delightful little M. We were doing fine until my crime, although he was always boring, ask his ex who is visiting the gang next month from her home in Sarasota and new diving business in Indonesia. I believe it's the lurid news headlines about me that scared him off regardless of her understanding and explanations. He is an ordinary country bloke, not simple but basic who loves gadgets, crap TV and gaming.
The prob office apologetically called me this week in return to my polite call after C's thing above to say she is on holiday and will get back to me on Monday. C heard me making the call and all was and is well now.
So?? four of my phone messages were left before she went off. My letter is to her so presumably not opened yet. I think a verbal complaint when I see probugger will be in order, leaving her for the last time.
Great fun watching neighbour pointedly and sometimes dangerously crossing the road.
Scan results OK and he says get on with life and be careful. Follow up early Sept.
Planning trips now, caravan and across the water by those noisy Flybe thingies(not with caravan!)
"I shouldn't be bothering such a [blah-blah-blah] moderator with trivia like above after all the lectures, advice and nurturing you have provided me."
It's fine - I don't have a problem with it.
Trust me, if ever you are bothering me, I'd tell you. I'm not backwards in coming forwards (in case you hadn't (even just now) noticed).
Wrong about what? You asked, why did he accept your gift, and I explained why he'd have done that. And now you're saying it was because of your crime, YET HE WAS *ALWAYS* BORING [like that]. So his not 'getting down with the lads' PRECEDED your (so-called) crime, didn't it? (- "hello, operator???"). Maybe your 'crime' just happened to coincide with his deciding not to keep bothering to try to be one of the lads and you took it too personally as him having been scared rather than bored off? Or maybe even used your issue as his brilliant excuse to self (because it's easier than finally admitting the fact he's an odd-man-out)?
Glad you made that further call and that C is a happy bunny again, anyway. Sounds like that new prob officer, not yet having got to grips with the new promotion, didn't get to check her messages before she left. Or did but couldn't be arsed? Well, in a way that's good because despite in this case her disinterest proved inconvenient, it's still a sign that you're no longer a big deal to them. But (ref that letter) it's still good to see you more confident thus behaving more like an equal, now, in demanding to be shown some respect.
LOL to the neighbour comment. Yes, he's the Green, Cross man (- 5p for that one, I think).
Hurrah to the scan results! That means not only are you back to being capable of kicking arses psychologically but also physically!
When you say 'across the water' do you mean La France?
Thanks - noticed that long time ago, but that's just me being nice.
Loads 'a money in mail.
Po face and her Playtonic were at the party on Sat night and they would have been together for hours yesterday preparing for an event this evening. Her old man, who blanks me, was at the party too, so they didn't mix.
Another ex pal was there and I purposely ignored and blanked him, as he has done to me, when he this time tried contact. He gossiped about my crime to our dentist and her hubby months ago and upset me creating a barrier as they have reacted coldly, when once they part of the gang and not any more. .His wife is good pal of C's and tries to be friendly with me, which is OK and she has said she is doing that for C, but I have never liked her, nosey, full of herself and inveigles her way into friendships she will benefit from. Two of my keen friends and drinking buddies feel the same way about her.
Probation still haven't called me and it is late morning Monday. Assume she is back from her hols. You are no doubt correct that I am now low profile on their list.
I was standing at the front window this morning as I often do, just surveying the local scene and the neighbour emerged from the lane across the road with his dog, hurrying as it was raining. He glanced at our house as I am sure he does everytime he goes by and lifts his chin off his chest. He had to see me and with a very exagerrated look in completely the wrong direction went past and dragged his sniffing dog from our frontage.
I kept surveying and smiling.
Talking of Tonics, we had some friends stay for two nights and the G&Ts were flowing and each night we demolished 4 bottles of exceedingly good wine as he is a wine buff so we chose good stuff on top of he brought.
No more surgery so chuffed and getting on with things, off in the caravan on Frid till Thursday, have informed MAPPA about it. Booking flights today when C gets back in, not to France but near.
Can't quite swing the legs at arses yet but aim to.
55p, great...look forward to that! I think I'll buy a pinch of Auld Kendall and a Cadbury's Creme Egg...or maybe a Walnut Whip instead seeing as how the barstools at Kraft have changed Creme Egg's recipe..., she said out-loud on a public forum for no particular reason at all. ()
Sounds like the one he should be blanking is his so-called wife, doesn't it. There you go (yet again), see? Person with problem looks for cat to kick, someone to pass it on via or pour it into. (PS: Could it be you need a haircut?)
I must say, though - you do paint an hysterical picture what with A blanking B whom in turn is blanking C and (quite possibly) so on, LOL ....like some perverted parlour game is getting played,.... including Mr Grumpy Neighbour,.... talking of which: "I kept surveying and smiling."
OH, WELL DONE!!!
In fact I'm so proud I'm going to pay you-... (guess how much, go on?
Have you tried any of those new-fangled flavoured Gins yet? I'd like Gin with hint of Creme Egg..., she said, again for no particular reason.
So ou, roughly, are you headed avec le camper van cette weekend? Seaside or M4 verge?
PS: Near to France. What - Spaghetti Country?
Here, I've just had a brilliant and very infantile-ly mischievous thought. Wouldn't it be hilarious if before you left you stuck a self-painted self-portrait to said overlooking window so that you could 'keep surveying and smiling' in your absence? Ha-ha, just made meself laff!!
Similar tastes to me, great minds etc.
My hair - what's left of it is very short all the time thank you.
Plymouth or London Gin for me, don't like new flavours in drinks.
Devon only and later near la France is Channel Isles.
That selfie of me is a good idea, but I ain't got time, but he will sweat on our return no doublt and I'll take him by surprise again.
Notified MAPPA about trip away on Friday as said and they phoned today saying as it's a week I must re-register, so just back from Police station having done all that again. It took ages for them to enter every bloody detail instead of looking up old record and asking if anything changed. To avoid it next trip away must only go for 6 days and not 7.
It is a pain having to do it, C gets on edge when it has to be done and I feel horrible with just the thought and recalling dates etc, but it was my silly arse that did it so the penalty lingers on for 4 more years and hopefully they can cancel it then.
Arr, doen t' West C'nt'ree again, ezzzet? Bring me back some Parma Voilets (and whatever produce the Channel Isles are famous for) (but not a cow)?
"That selfie of me is a good idea, but I ain't got time, but he will sweat on our return no doublt and I'll take him by surprise again."
LOL! Shoe's on the other foot, now, isn't it.
Not quite sure what you're saying about MAPPA and the penalty lingering. What does that actually mean in real terms? That you have to keep 'signing on' for another 4 years? Just because you want to be absent for that one signing-on day but haven't even gone away yet? Que?
Clotted cream on list for you and only part of a cow, saves postage.
Yes sign on for 5 yrs from sentence, but if leaving the house over 7 days means sign on each time. If I hadn't signed on and Mappa had turned up I would breach my rules and trouple happens.
Prob girl phoned me yesterdayblaming her reception for not telling her and saying they could have accessed her diary. She hadn't opened my letter yet either. Arranged an earlier time on Friday, she can't make Thursday.
Shan't ask 'which part?', LOL.
Cheers for the clarification, and it's good that she at least felt responsible enough to phone and explain.
Great week away - missed you madly. Didn't take laptop.
Nasty row the night we arrived about something as trivial as stars and a satellite. It was the booze talking that flamed C up. She had drunk a good half bottle of white wine then half of red, as is normal and she flared, something really silly. Bed in a huff, me with sleepless worried night and at brekky she asked if we were going to talk about it. I said forget it and apologised, although knowing it wasn't anything I said. She agreed and apoligised and was mystified what it was about.
Fab week from then on.
Planning further travels now and aim to book flights today plus camp sites in UK. Got to try and plan for 6 days away to avoid me having to sign on at Police each time.
Hope you not too stressed with duties on this site and coping well as always. Will have a read in a minute. Some artwork from last week to compile and post on websites.
Missed me madly. LOL - what am I - Teddy? Trust me, I'm not that cuddly. (Or cute.) (Or mute, LOL.)
So, Christopher Robin: Glad you had a good hol but, how the eff do you have a row about stars and a satellite?...and, what - as in, 'It's a star / No, it's a satellite', over and over? Oh, I suppose you've answered that with your 'half bottle x 2'. But - 'as is normal'? Per what? You trying to tell me something or is that just what happens after a long drive with you playing non-stop Bluegrass CDs? LOL
What a right royal pain in the donkey, this 6 week limit business. Can that not be extended at this late stage?
PS: Nope, all is ticketyboo at my end, ta. Although the changeable weather at this point of what should be BLOODYSUMMER!!! is making me a tad disconcerted, I have to say. I mean, for crying out loud - it's mid June already, where are the long, non-stop-hot days? Haven't even had the opportunity to get me paddly-pool out yet (meh!).
I see you as a cross between Linda Bellingham (now sadly departed) and Sophia Loren, therefore not a Teddy. Mothering character and beauty, so live with it, don't give me grief, you should be chuffed.
First night, in fact every night, we had a great meal after our aperitifs and nibbles which are C had her usual two very large glasses of white wine, my double G&Ts then shared a bottle of wine with the meal. Both went off to loo and back inside, while I made the beds and she removed as I call it Polyfilla she asked about the stars and a satellite. I responded saying I hadn't noticed, was very tired and wasn't interested. Wow! off she went and it wasn't the Polyfilla ref, never mentioned it, she has lived happily with that for many years.
Sleepless anxious night for me. In the morning she asked if we were going to talk about it. I apologised for whatever I did and she did the same stating not remembering why we had had words. Perfect day and week from then on.
The drive was fine although towing of course, played Chris Rea and Van Morrison and some Radio 4 and not bluegrass!!
The rules for me are anything 7 days and over must report to the police station with all docs and details, including credit/debit cards, DVLA stuff, Nat Ins stuff etc etc. Hence next trips aiming for 6 days which only means notitying MAPPA by email. Hope to get it lifted at end of 5 years.
Lovely hot day and a pint in the pub and back in garedn with sunday papers now.
This put together over this week on grounds I don't want to bottle up your time. I am trying to dabble in the hot topics where I feel I can help.
I used to enjoy coming home after a trip away, no matter how long. In fact I would start to plan the leaving day well ahead and still do, regardless of the distance or location, mode of travel, home or abroad. When I get off the motorway and only have ¼ mile to go my heart sinks as I will be back amongst people who don't like me and memories swell up. You know my defence strategy and it works, but just to see them gives me bad thoughts.
Superb day Tuesday for instance, collected unsold pictures from a gallery, not the best feeling but then we went to coast, with picnic and sat on bench like a good old couple of wrinklies while I sketched and got two good ones. Then picked up darling GD and took her to swimming class and did some swimming myself, then her home and caught up with daughter, then a bit of shopping, then home to lovely meal and some telly. Like I said above, nearing our place sets me off again and bed time is good when I crash out.
Planning some trips for the near future and trying to avoid the 7 day rule.
Done the planning and 5 trips sorted some with caravan others not. Although in one case it will mean two signings on at police, once 7 days before I go and then when I arrive.
TV series Syndicate has a character on the SOR and I managed to watch it, but always plants bad stuff in my mind.
Revisited an old haunt last night, haven't been able to get there due to driving, legs and also impetus. It was OK but I felt a distinct sense of unease with some blokes who were always full on friendly with me. Maybe gossip has widened during my absence of about a year. Unpleasant thoughts but I managed.
Make me despair over all this IS stuff on news.
Disharged from prostate clinic this morning, so will have an extra drink while in the garden in the sun and celebrate. Legs feeling lot better too oddly.
C and I in good spirits and moods and getting on OK.
You have a good weekend.
Aye, I'm REET chuffed, LOL, although close friends tend to describe me as a cross between Judge Judy and Jeremy Kyle. Not looks-wise, though (good grief, pass me a cliff-edge if I did!).
"I responded saying I hadn't noticed, was very tired and wasn't interested."
Did you? And what would the rude version have sounded like? :-p
Dunlike Chris Rea. Dunlike Van Morrison. Not in the car, anyway. Do like Radio 4, Robert Palmer, Elkie Brookes, Joan 'Armourplating' and Fleetwood Mac, however, kid in recent years has got me back into driving to Capital Radio...although, if I hear ONE MORE song with the lazy lyric of 'Put your hands in the air like you just don't care', I'm going to scream!
Five years, eh? Oh, well... If you remember 5 years ago you'll appreciate just how short a time it is, actually.... helped by the fact that in this country we have only 2 seasons (Spring and Winter). That hot day you mention was Summer. Glad you didn't blink.
"When I get off the motorway and only have ¼ mile to go my heart sinks as I will be back amongst people who don't like me and memories swell up. You know my defence strategy and it works, but just to see them gives me bad thoughts."
Listen, tell me again why you and the missus wouldn't want to consider moving house for a fresh start on that score?
I'll have to google Syndicate, never seen it. Don't really watch that much TV (never get the bloody time!).
Ref that pub crowd: Maybe the gossip has OR it's simply that you've been away for so long and they could sense the huge change in you, meaning, you don't come across as the same bloke any more, meaning, they weren't quite sure how to relate to you?
Glad you recognise your lookalikes I/you wish, but I do love them both.
There wasn't a rude version, she just went off on one blaming me for bad mood and she saying we should go home. I hadn't glanced at the stars or the sky and was just knackered and wanting bed.
I like your music so there. Even had Neil Diamond on for a while yesterday when painting. Quite like Florence and The Machine in smallish doses.
The 5 years will drag longer now having found out from MAPPA I have to sign on at departure and on arrival each time abroad.
The idea of us moving is out of the question in both our minds. C doesn't even entertain the idea, not that I have raised it. We love it hear and and will have to adjust to the others, not easy but it will be attainable. Of the 6 residents in the terrace, we are longest here over 16 yrs, hopefully the troubled ones will move.
You're probably right about that club crowd, me being over sensitive these days and yes their way of looking at things even not knowing my situation, they're all old gits like me, so that explains much.
No, ya great 'nana - that version *was* rude. "She's a lay-dee!", remember? I'm not, but even I would have thought, Well, stuff ya, then!, and flounced off. Because - where were you both? ALONE, UNDER THE NIGHT STARS!
Under the stars is tres romantique. Your reply showed you weren't affected. After all, romance activates ENERGY RESERVES. (So - "Mwack-mwack-OOPS!")
Neil Diamond! Yup, count me in. Florence and The Machine? Yes and No.
Here - try your jello around this: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=owNWgBnye5g
(and focus on the guitar)
("Chuh-ained" - love it!)
And then this: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=x6m-pwWCDKU
My number 1 favourite band ever. *Ever*. *EVER*. (But don't ask, LOL).
And then, if you've got the patience (and canvas size) for it, this: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JOKn33-q4Ao
That should make the 5 years fly by, LOL.
"hopefully the troubled ones will move"
Absolutely, you never know! Fate has a habit of surprising us just when we think there's nothing can be done.
It's perfectly understandable that you'd be over-sensitive over this at times (IF that's what it was), but it's good to always take it into consideration as it'll help you to move PAST the, what I call "MacStation" in your trains of thought. The MacStation is the first stop on any line, and it's all too easy to disembark there rather than stay ON that train to see what the next stops look like and where you should get off.
We weren't under the stars, in the caravan and up to my armpits literally in juggling 3 duvets (I use two singles).
Sorry didn't get that noise you sent, not music. Looking forward to the new film about The Beach Boys and Brian Wilson's troubles.
They should move, especially No 4 who never look happy, are always ten paces apart, she stalks past very nose up in the air haughty. Right next door, attached, through the walls etc, she hates me but they're OK in the sense that their two kids are so quiet in or out of the house, he's eternally busy bizzy.
As you can tell because I can, things are not bad between C and I, I have to be ultra careful but that's part of my empathy work and caring for her in more ways I used to. I heard on Tv someone on about Mindfulness and kids being taught this. How daft. This was one of the probation woman's subjects with me, must be part of their inhouse programme to lump on criminals and quite frankly went over my head but I feigned trying and understanding. Bad? Can't do yoga either.
C out pick your own Strawberries at present. Will take her absence to look at troubled beings in here and try to help.
Aiming to cook a Mary Berry lamb dakhsan?? curry at the weekend. C checking spice stocks later. We planning a dinner party soon subject to diaries for some pals we haven't entertained before, but they have for us. Aged late 40s to late 60s
Had a great phone chat with a pro artist yesterday at his invitation after I conacted him ref a mag feature about him as he paints in very similar way to me. Very useful, helpful and encouraging, not condescending or patronising. I am into Urban decay scenes at present.
Will possibly go to the club again this week and face up to what atmosphere I find, which is not bad really just different after my 50 yers of membership and will try to stay on the train.
Oh, I see. Well, maybe she worried that that reaction of yours was a sign of things to come, whole tone-wise (plus was tired herself)? It was still an over-brusque retort, though. You're a proper blokie with big clumpy, clumsy hands to match. So, yes, you need to keep remembering that she's more sensitive and fragile and modify your behaviour to suit. I take it you're gentle with granddaughter?
Noise. Ha-ha. Yes, I thought it very 'dischord-y' first time I listened (I'm classically trained) but with repetition and getting used to their unique style, I found the uniquely complicated and pleasing melodies coming more to the fore (that's why I said to focus on the guitar). They are an acquired taste, though. But VERY well respected by the rest of the music industry. Try two more times at least and see if it suddenly hooks you like it did me (and them). Does your brain good to try exotic food of the non-tangible variety once in a while.
"Will take her absence to look at troubled beings in here and try to help."
New pals/firmer pals: likewise! And, "re-speck!" for giving the club another bash.
All's well at the ranch, then.
Yes maybe but I was busy inside and all thoughts of romance had long gone in the cool air etc etc etc etc etc.
That's blokes for you. Gentle isn't good enough the word with GD but she likes a boyish rough house now and then.
Will give that noise another try, when C is out as she would be curious what I was into in music.........noise. You classical, contralto I'll bet.
Some of those in here are way beyond me and the young ones are difficult when my age and also the way kind of the way they like speak, know what I mean?
Deaf clinic this morning with moan about free aids. Mainly TV stuff diction and recording that is the problem so they ain't going to put that right.
Taken up swimming again, both of us for some sort of exercise mainly to get my legs back to something near
strength. Can accompany waterbaby GD too when she has her lessons but must take C with me as per MAPPA rules.
Yes all pretty good at present, but always wary thanks
- Peearno, actually, LOL. But I can sing along to Ol' Man River and mimic the Heineken ad or video voiceover man if you'd like to hear either of them?
- Yeah, bro, knaa'ya mean, innit!
- Then it's a good job Terry Wogan doesn't DJ for Radio 2 or present for the Beeb any more. Used to drive me barmy, he did. He'd start off loud, meaning I'd have to turn down my car radio volume, but then tail off into a nigh-on whisper, meaning I'd have to turn it straight back up again, whereupon he'd suddenly switch to all shouty again and nearly make me veer off into a ditch!
- 'Must take C with you'. LOL - "Cheers, MAPPA!"
Here - stop press! - have you seen the weather forecast for next week and the week after? They're saying highs of nearly 40 degrees! So - talking of swimming (or floating) - Mr Soulmate's filled the giant paddly pool in readiness. Can't wait! Summer at last!
Just got a printout of next season classical concerts and will book them all. That instrument features of cours, but thankfully no singers.
Woges gave me the wotsits too but not for that reason as it's a long time ago when I listened to him. The current TV recording for drama is crap, I have comlained but no responses. Jenny Murray on Womans Hour drops her disction and volume as she finishes a sentence.
I have an outstanding query with MAPPA about travelling abroad or what the UK deems abroad and they haven't answered yet. It's some time afore we go so will give them more time.
Love this hot weather, bring it on and are you giving guided tours round your OCCUPIED BY YOU pool, sign me and the lads up. Cor! Linda and Sophia all in one.
Will never get the neighbour thing out of my head I know. Next door is working full time on building a buggy for his kids and making a damn good job of it too, he is bound to, that sort of fussy bloke. His wife doesn't seem to be bothered, but probably running a stall at the event tomorrow, then the drilling, screeching, sawing, banging and his infernal, tuneless whistilng will cease.
What do you think of The Sixteen? Don't suppose you've got tickets for them, too, have you? If you have I'm supremely jealous and should just get on with booking tickets...but there's always to do much to do, too much to do, too much to do...
You're right, she does. The Mint must have modelled herself on the Woge, LOL. But what you doing listening to Womans' Hour, eh, eh, eh? Summat you wanna tell me?
I see Mappa are still treating you like you're yesterday's news. That's good on the one hand but obviously irritating on the other. Everything positive has a flipside... talking of which...
...I'm badly burnt. Went to the beach with a mate yesterday (day off for us both)....windy thus deceptively cool....yadder-yadder-yadder, OMG, you're looking very red / so are you / ow / OW, time to go!.... Too little, too late. I now have to stay indoors and eschew the paddly pool.
No, YOU said Linda and Sophia and I just let you carry on with that little fantasy delusion. But now it would be Linda, Sophia and Mr Tomato Head.
Building a buggy? What do you mean, buggy?
If his whistling is tuneless, you should do him a favour and help him out by opening your window and whistling the 'Neighbours' themetune.
(I'm dying for you to dare sing that at him - does it show? LOL)
Never heard of them, what are you like??????? I know you are very busy things to do, things to do in here for example, god knows with what else.
When I was roaming this land in my proper job many years ago, WH was always a good listen in the car, learn so many things and the trouble I have had at home regarding C I should have learned more.
Spoke to MAPPA where we are going in Sept, don't want to reveal the place in here. Local plods gave me a name and although sympathetic I still have to report there of course so we will have to sort ourselves, just me to do the deed but he says it won't need all the stuff I give to the locals each time I travel so hopefully quite quick.
Lecture – you are of an age, I think, when you should know better ref sunburn. No further comment.
It was a self propelled cart, very clever designs from all sorts of ideas, waiting for newspaper pics, road closed for an hour and ending at the rec.
He whistles in an ad hoc way, not exactly tuneless, you know the working man's way. At the moment I have Beethoven's 5th on high volume with many windows open. He's not there but often is at odd times of the day, but it's also my response through the adjoining wall and the garden to the sounds of tools every day, buggy or not, inside or out, non stop bloody activity!
That tune would be good though.
Sorry too wrapped up in the Mappa thing I forgot to report on something stupid.
I was a little pissed on Monday night when we got home. That's often the case and C drives. I only wanted a sarnie for supper and while she made it, I went to the loo. I broke the innards by being impatient, annoyed, inebriated, partly with the worry about Mappa having been contacted that day.
Water ran constantly and she went bananas. Yes my fault and I tried to calm it all down and it took ages but managed. Water off overnight and on/off the next day until plumber arrived and repaired it but we need a new one any (job I nevergot round to doiing anything about).
I was stupid.
I feel so inadequate, useless sometimes, much of the time as my old brain doesn't work as it should, my hands are week now, four fingers have little feeling at the ends and handling tools or gripping is not easy. C offers and helps a lot but that bugs me but trying to overcome that by being grateful to her. For instance we have a slight electrical prob and we spent a long time trying to repair it last night before bed. The failing sense of balance up on a step ladder I used to have, the finger/hand stuff limited me and now it seems that thing has to bereplaced too.
Life is crap at present.
Oh, a go-kart buggy! I used to have a go-kart. And a pair of homemade stilts. And roller-skates. Same for you, I imagine? And bicycles WITH NO SILLY ALIEN-HEAD-SHAPED HELMETS and elbow- and shin-pads (or silly lycra). Falling off gooood taught us not to fall off ever again, isn't that right. (We ran with scissors, climbed tall trees, and *didn't* stand well back after lighting fuse, doncha know.) God, do you remember Klackers? I was ace at them, could have killed a man at two paces on a good day ("It's martial arts, Jim, but not as we know it!"). Now the poor wee uggers aren't even allowed to play Conkers.
...don't get me started.
You've never heard of The Sixteen? https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mh6s71MicgY
Turn the knob up to 11 (- sounds rude - isn't.) This piece moves me to tears, each and every time without fail. I'm talking uncontrollable swelling up like an intake of breath and out of the throat and eyes into 0-60 full-on blubbing (which is SO NOT ME). Don't ask me why, I haven't worked it out yet. Probably why I haven't booked tickets, though...Can you imagine? - in between the pauses and everyone hears this: "Ah-HAAAAAAH!.....AAAAAAAAAH-HAAH-HAAAAA! [snort]"? We'd be chucked out faster than you could say, 'Anyone got a Kleenex?'.
This is the piece I want played at my funeral. That or Shuddupa You Face by Joe Dolce. Both, probably. But not simultaneously (oh no - I'm spiritual with a SOH, not nutty as a lorry-load of fruit cake).
Re WH, that was a very canny move. Additionally, if you want to learn about how women tick, one of the ways is to watch a wide variety of so-called chick flicks (but to have the astuteness to know where to add a pinch of salt). Same for women who want to understand men better. And, of course, paying attention to song lyrics written by women. Half of them might be blind idiots but, hey, some women and men are; no good knowing only how the non-idiots see things, is it.
Hooray for that local plod (fate doing you a wee favour, look).
No further comment needed, dad, and yes, normally I do, but when we got there it was overcast, meaning we left the beach brolly in the boot, and as we hadn't seen each other for ages, what with each having voluntary jobs atop of day jobs, etc., etc., etc., got too sucked into the conversation. We're just both too fascinating, what can I say? LOL But OW, it still hurts (mate's too). I think that was our punishment for having for too long daily shaken our fists as the sky (- "You want hot, I'll give you hot!").
I don't mind being lectured, either, when deserved. Ah takes me punishment on the chin, Ah duz...Ah'm a good gew, Ah iz! (- don't get excited, that last bit's a quote from My Fair Lady). Pain leads to gain, innit. But you'd have to beat me to it, I'm exceedingly hard and harsh on myself and have already called myself a stupid bloody cow about a zillion times since Mundee with each clocking of my Lobster-like reflection. I wonder how many new future wrinkles I've just earned myself? Ho-hum...that's the way the face crumbles.
Neighbour: could be worse, I suppose... he could have Builder's Bum as well and THEN you'd know all about it. Particularly if he whistled out of it. But - what's this-what's THIS?...
"but it's also my response through the adjoining wall and the garden to the sounds of tools every day, buggy or not, inside or out, non stop bloody activity!"
Ah-hah-HAAH - they're doing the place up to sell or rent it out! I bloody knew it - am I a genius or am I a genius!
I KNEW you had to be due another, bigger payment...and there it is! ("Theereidiiiiiz....Thereidiiz-wot took [them] soo...lo-o-oooong, ooh, to finnd [an-agent], bayyy-beh") (name the 70s/80s group, your starter for 10 and no conferring!)
Broke the innards? What - of the loo? :-o
Yeah, I can imagine how frustrating that decline in dexterity is for you. But then, you have taken over some of the cooking so this'll be Fate's way of preventing C from feeling slightly redundant. Balance has to be restored and maintained somehow. Plus, anyway, you're SUPPOSED to be a team.
Life is not crap. Life has seasons and weather patterns. It's a cycle..within a bigger cycle within a bigger cycle (ad nauseum), ...albeit these days, yes, sometimes with being made to wear silly alien-head-shaped helmets. But those are man-made so, they'll fall back out of fashion soon enough.
If that bit about the neighbour gearing up to move is right then I imagine life is suddenly wonderful again, right? (Pay my suckertary on your way out, LOL.)
Cheers for the banter, Santa.
Never had a go kart and these were more jalopies but very very clever and intricate. Booler wheels yes and clay engines. Played with fire very young as all the kids did, travelled across town and back to junoir school on the buses, played out in the park till too dark to see the ball, now you're started.
Can't remember actually listening to lyrics -ever, it was always the beat, tune, riffs, changes and guitar stuff that grabbed me even now.
Local plod no real favours just a bit quicker I s'pose, when we arrive. Biggest worry right now and why life is crap is C's issues with our good friends over there and how we get round it. I may have to come clean with them totally as they don't know. I think they are the types to be able to understand and let live.He was my regualr drinking buddy and was on the cusp of telling him a year ago and bottled out. Will have to discuss with C. I don't want any elaborate excuses to give them. Genuine worries though and eating me up, first time we have handled it, if we do.
No doubtful next door will be selling it, kids established in local school and she very much in the brownies, village fetes and stuff. They had a loft extension nearly 2 yrs back and needed new fireproof doors and stairs etc and doing it in the cheap, he has a handy pal down the road who has done most, then trades cames in and out and he does some more, ongoing fiddling etc still ongoing.
Thanks for your continued support.
Jalopies? Boolers? Clay engines? (Can *I* have a puff?)
Oh, yes - making little camp-fires around our self-made tree houses or Bracken caves and warrens and lighting the one Silk Cut to share around that someone had nicked from their mum's handbag, LOL. And, god yes!...too dark to see the ball. That was when Britain had consistently summery summers, before the ozone problem (or weather cycle - whichever) kicked in. But, my - didn't parents have an easy time of it back then?... 9am - "Bye, mum, going to the woods with thingy and thingumyjig, see you supper-time!" ...And policemen on the beat everywhere! ...And Flapjacks and Fruit Salads, four for a ha'penny!...Mars Bars for 3-and-a-half D. And Fun Bags!!! Remember those? And remember getting a Sixpenny bit for pocket-money?
Here, what happened to Texan Bars - I used to love them?
Plod: Well, 'bit quicker' is a favour, isn't it?
Oh, right - THAT guy. But, come clean over WHAT? One, you're a portrait artist and, two, they weren't even pornographic! You just got caught up in the peak of the nationwide hysterical witch-hunt at the time.
Here's the decider, I think: Do they need, that's NEED, to know? Will it benefit them in any way if they do or detriment them if they don't? And do you tell them ALL your most personal business? I mean - why stop there, why not give them a diagram of yours and C's past sexual positions?
Listen, I think if you're looking for test subjects then you should choose ones that are EXPENDABLE.
Or are you worried someone else might tell them, and not in a sensitive or whole-picture way?
But anyway, see what C thinks. Make sure you don't push it, though. You don't want her to worry that you might start turning every social get-together into a confessional. If she says no, then no it is. (You have been told, LOL.)
Re the neighbours: Their moving doesn't necessarily mean out of the area, does it?
(De nada, como siempre
Not camp fires, or bracken it was the harsh ee it's cold up there, no cigs, and never had a fag in me life if you get wot I say. Do you know what a booler is?
Plenty of passive smokes as dad was like a chimney and then younger sis took it up later too. Both died young from cancer.
Plod will be subject of chat later today with C and daughter. I warned C I need to talk to them but not the subject as darling GD is with them. They gone out for day and coming back for a meal and I got a pressy for littl'un to distract her. Not plod, just how I am going to explain what will be an obvious absence for ½ hr while being guests of very keen to entertain us friends. Just say I need to see the police about something? Can't see that working. Apart from explaining reason can't see way out of it and buddy knows about our sexuality by the way, that's the sort of thing we have joked about in men's stuff for years.
They might find out about my crime from others in the big gang which they now remote from for 2 yrs but still in contact and taking guests like us to stay with them. I think unlikely now as it's been some time.
C woun't have to worry about me discussing it with all and sundry.
Neighbours aren't moving as far as we know.
Got go ahead from caravan crowd to organise a small rally later in the year so something to do and also now on committee of an arty crowd. Not wanted but offered assistance - whoops
Painting to Brownie Mcghee and Sonny Terry in a minute.
No cigs for you, then, yikes. Interesting, though, because it's 99% of all the NON-smokers in my family who've died of cancer. Shows to go ya, you've either got the internal switch (predisposition) for the external finger (ciggies, carbon monoxide, whatever) to click on or you haven't.
Nope, I haven't the faintest what a booler is. Go on, then, you're obviously dying to tell me? LOL.
Half an hour isn't long, is it? Can't you say you need painkillers or a top-up prescription for something or other from the late-night chemist's or pretend you're running low on booze and are popping to the shop? Course you could. You're making excuses, so you obviously WANT to tell them. Why do you?
By expendable, I meant test-drive telling a friend/acquaintance you DON'T mind losing or perturbing (if that would or might be the result).
If this couple have been out of the big-gang loop for over 2 years then those members GOSSIPING about something that sensitive is wholly unlikely; whether during any brief keeping-contact exercise or reunion, they'd have to stick to small talk thanks to the natural alienation that will have taken place. And they'd be too busy playing mutual catch-up. And then, afterwards, if lack of contact remained for another long period (which it would), the small talk and swapping of all that closer-to-home news would have to be repeated all over again to reflect the latest 'long time, no see-ing'.
Surely, anyway, like you indicate - if they were going to find out from that gang they'd have been told ALREADY? Maybe they already do know and have done for ages but had enough nous to see through it and what BS it was, hence, no point in addressing it and waiting sensitively for you to raise the topic (but couldn't care either way if you don't)?
I guess you could see how the land lies by asking them if they've heard any gossip about you and if they say not and ask what, you could then say, 'Oh, it's nothing, forget it'?
Why don't you trawl all the local estate agents sales and rental websites or (what's it called?) - Zoopla(?) to see if you can find whether their address flags up? Try it - just humour me.
Arty crowd committee that does what?
Me, I are mowsly now eatin' moy suppurr, after a day sunning on the deck and in the paddly pool with Mr S. I'm as brown as a berry (tan bloomin' fast, I do - t'is the Spanish genes) but my forehead is peeling. I'm talking great big sheets. (Might make a lampshade out of it or re-upholster an armchair, LOL.)
That should put you nicely off your supper, LOL.
No cigs for you, then, yikes. Interesting, though, because it's 99% of all the NON-smokers in my family who've died of cancer. Shows to go ya, you've either got the internal switch (predisposition) for the external finger (ciggies, carbon monoxide, whatever) to click on or you haven't.
Nope, I haven't the faintest what a booler is. Go on, then, you're obviously dying to tell me? LOL.
Half an hour isn't long, is it? Can't you say you need painkillers or a top-up prescription for something or other from the late-night chemist's or pretend you're running low on booze and are popping to the shop? Course you could. You're making excuses, so you obviously WANT to tell them. Why do you?
By expendable, I meant test-drive telling a friend/acquaintance you DON'T mind losing or perturbing (if that would or might be the result).
If this couple have been out of the big-gang loop for over 2 years then those members GOSSIPING about something that sensitive is wholly unlikely; whether during any brief keeping-contact exercise or reunion, they'd have to stick to small talk thanks to the natural alienation that will have taken place. And they'd be too busy playing mutual catch-up. And then, afterwards, if lack of contact remained for another long period (which it would), the small talk and swapping of all that closer-to-home news would have to be repeated all over again to reflect the latest 'long time, no see-ing'.
Surely, anyway, like you indicate - if they were going to find out from that gang they'd have been told ALREADY? Maybe they already do know and have done for ages but had enough nous to see through it and what BS it was, hence, no point in addressing it and waiting sensitively for you to raise the topic (but couldn't care either way if you don't)?
I guess you could see how the land lies by asking them if they've heard any gossip about you and if they say not and ask what, you could then say, 'Oh, it's nothing, forget it'?
Why don't you trawl all the local estate agents sales and rental websites or (what's it called?) - Zoopla(?) to see if you can find whether their address flags up? Try it - just humour me.
Arty crowd committee that does what?
Me, I are mowsly now eatin' moy suppurr, after a day sunning on the deck and in the paddly pool with Mr S. I'm as brown as a berry (tan bloomin' fast, I do - t'is the Spanish genes) but my forehead is peeling. I'm talking great big sheets. (Might make a lampshade out of it or re-upholster an armchair, LOL.)
That should put you nicely off your supper, LOL.
Your last post loaded twice. I read them both to detect any diffs.
I never fancied cigs and neither did pals and all of us still alive and don't,
When I was bachelor status for 6 yrs in MidEast I had lots of chances to sleep around and didn't. Thinking what I did before going out there - what happened to me? Oh yes, brains started to work, we very nearly divorced. That switch you're on about.
A booler was a bike wheel with or without spokes and we bowled it along with a stick making engine sounds. A clay engine although you didn't query but dying to know LOL is a shape made out of wet clay and moulded into a cab, engine box and chimney, about 15cms long and wide filled with
lit charcoal and wood shaves that makes steam if you run with it, going choo choo.
Clever inventive little buggers were we.
Chatted with family on Sat and more or less sorted a strategy. Me telling pals abroad an old business colleague is coming to the airport after I contacted him so C and the others can go on ahead and he will get me to their place, maybe half an hour.
They have only just gone, so 2 yrs ahead of them. C and daughter think they know anyway and are not bothered.
The test drive thing could be worth it. Maybe.
Family think a lot of the gang “know” and many have beem discreet and not gossiped. If that is so my faith in them is in awe and extremely grateful. True friends.
Trawl estate agents etc. For what and who? Ah! next door busy busy bloke you mean. Can't be bothered. Just annoying and of course blanks me but again not bothered as time goes on. The other couple four down are exceedingly comical just by going past with studied not looking after the deliberate and sometimes dodgy road crossing, his nose glued to pavement and hers so high and haughty and always about 5 steps between them. I suppose they do know each other.
Committee runs the whole club and plans/books stuff. Off to framers this week with some new work as a try out at next exhibition - if it gets selected.
My scalp has already created a dust storm and is several shades of gr....pinkish red. I have striped feet,arms and thighs but like them. You, Sophia, Linda and a mix of Espana....wow! Hot......
Oh, yes, so it did! Not sure why, but it seems to be a one-off glitch so...
Sorry for the massive delay. Usual reason.
Good deducing on the 'switch' front! Yes, oats wanting to be sowed will not be ig-NOOORED, Dan?!
I had no idea that was called booling! You live and learn!
Yes, we were clever and inventive. Today's kids don't have to do ANY imagining. And look at the results. *sigh*
Excellent strategy, and what's more - the fact it was a whole-team effort!
Yup - true friends is as true friends do.
Can't be bothered, LOL. Then stop whinging. ;-p
Fingers crossed for the 'audition'.
Couldn't understand a word of what you said in that last sentance. Doubt I would if you repeated it, either. Think I'm just too pure and innocent.
I am still here if you thought I buggered off and left you mid summer. Maybe you would like me to do so having sorted me out.
Been away in the caravan for a gloriously hot week in Kent. No computer. Catching up emails, art work, caravan jobs etc.
Did lots of visiting well known houses and gardens, good eating – restaurants, pubs and invan.
Crap roads over there and made crapper by the M/way stacking because of immigrant problems in Chunnel and Calais.
Quite a few sketches done while C looked round the old houses and gardens, not to my interest.
Referring to your forehead and sunburn, my scalp and tanning stripes match your looks but not your exotica image of lovely ladies.
Big mistake this morning. I said mornin' to her at number 4 just being neighbourly as she unloaded her car right outside our place. She whirled round and shouted “piss off horrible little man and will aim to do things”. Not long later I got the expected phone call from MAPPA the usual bloke. He understood but told me off nicely.
She could have parked outside her own place, loads of room but I know about women parallel parking. Should I report her for abuse in the street? Nah. MAPPA said no leave it and don't do it again. Wonder what would have happened if I went next to her and helped with the unloading. I know, shouldn't have said a word but that's big gob me trying.
Audition or viewing as we arty farties call it is in Sept, but thanks.
"Maybe you would like me to do so having sorted me out."
Are you missing our now-traditional game of "You" / "No, you"? LOL
Don't get me started about Calais! But do get me started about her at No. 4:
SHE SAID WHAT?!?!! That! is! unbelievable! How can anyone behave that incredibly offensively to a perfectly benign and courteous, standard expression of greeting (or this case, acknowledgement) and look themselves in the mirror every morning?!
Well, then, I rest my case about how their ignoring you is them doing you a favour/you dodging a bullet. Talk about showing her true colours?! It takes a LOT to shock me but - ye gods!! And are you saying she reported you to MAPPA? And does that mean you've been under court order not to say one word to them - ever again?
No, even if you had, I get why you wanted to test the situation out. I think I would have, as well. Particularly with the less than subtle snubbing coming from their side. In fact, being realistic, I think anyone would have at this point, particularly it having been preying on the mind. But that does NOT justify that obnoxious reply of hers, NO WAY!
Additionally, is that car-parking space, as you put it, actually yours, i.e. actually within your property boundary on your deeds?
PS: what did she mean 'and will aim to do things'?
PPS: Do you like the new "jump to top/bottom of page" feature that our lovely host has just designed and implemented?
Me, I'm having GREAT fun with it: CLICK - "Wheyhey!"...CLICK - "Wheyhey!" (etc.) But I imagine the novelty of that will wear off in a couple of years, LOL.
(I'm easily pleased, me, LOL
Really low down all yesterday and this morning after my mess of yesterday. Here I am saying “Can't be bothered” and I do that. I realise empathy is not easy to learn and is not an overnight fix. She screeched those words from her front door.
Yes she reported me to MAPPA on that reason, nothing more and there are no restrictions about talking.
Her aim was to report me, I could tell that as she slammed the door. The parking space is on the road so no not ours, she has to take pot luck where the space is, not like us who have a drive.
Was at the surgery for a blood test on Monday and read a new info/news/advert system on the wall and realised I had all the 6 classic symptoms of depression and that was before the neighbour cockup. It will take some time to get over them but I am trying to steel myself to resolve them, hopefully without any further medication and therapy.
Haven't found that addition to the web page yet and will do. I have tried to intrude on one or two PPs in here.
Thanks for sticking with me, I do enjoy banter and the occasional slapped wrists
Have found it now thanks
What. WHAT did you do! Said a cursory good morning to a neighbour when you have absolutely no reason not to, least of all legal, as makes it your perfect human right like anybody else's?
You can tell Mappa I said to eff off. And you? Will you stop letting yourself be so easily victimised! If you have the legal right, still, to acknowledge or talk to neighbours, whether it be because it's the done thing in this country for centuries and/or because you wish to directly test the waters for yourself to prove yourself not paranoid or persecution-complexed (- result: not!), then - YOU BLOODY DO IT and if Mappa have the gall to phone you specifically to tick you off like they think they own you and can dictate your every waking movement down to which finger you pick your ruddy nose with, tell them very firmly next time to go remind themselves of your perfect rights and not outright pander at your expense to small-minded, vindictive BULLIES who purposefully and knowingly abuse the judicial system for their own nasty little agendas, and then bothering YOU about it! What do Mappa think they are - Feminax?!
That Mappa did bother you with it just proves that they'd rather take the lazier route of making YOU, Mr Pliable, have to bend over backwards than enter into rightful confrontation with members of the public who might try such nonsense on.
You should get your solicitor to write and remind Mappa of their limits and responsibilities (I know I would), with a c.c. to this neighbour.
In it, your solicitor should point out that if this spiteful, (ref own drive) JEALOUS little woman (whose face I'd now like to slap to the back of her head) is so damn allergic to you and could just as easily or MORE easily have parked in front of her own damn house AND, by this event, supposedly had demonstrable reason to do so, then why park right outside yours to begin with? Anyone would expect by her violent reaction that she'd take every available opportunity to give you and your house a deliberately wide berth, wouldn't you? I should bloody cocoa! So I smell deliberate (albeit opportunistic) provocation. You said hello, she saw what she saw as her chance and WHAMMO!
You are NOT public property for having a go at any time it takes anyone's fancy! Mappa should have put her straight!
I bloody knew it, though. They LOVE living next door to you because it gives them a conveniently-to-hand cat to kick should the urge ever take them. Hence the prior snubbing incidents (which obviously weren't enough victimising for their liking).
What an evil, spiteful, MISERABLE little woman. If you're not going to phone your solicitor to lodge a formal complaint then at least make a concerted, OVERTLY VISIBLE effort to from now on blank her and all who sail in her, Moody!
DON'T LET THE IDIOTS GET YOU DOWN. But you endeavouring to strike rightfully back using the legal means afforded you would go a long way to releasing this locked-in anger that's eating away at you. Heed my words on this.
As for the non-judicial side of things, she'll get hers, and this jobsworth Mappa chap his, don't you worry. Fate will see to it - when they least expect it or need it.
If you want proof of that, here you go: That equally nasty woman next-door to me? The trunk of the overly tall fir tree (which we hated) that used to sit in the municipal grassy verge in front of our garage and to the side of her house, got reversed into by what can only have been a very large and heavy lorry trying to do a 3-point turn 2 weeks back. Nobody saw it happen (very early morning), just the result, but it was knocked from its (as it now turns out, dangerously shallow) roots and fell sideways onto our dividing fence (without damaging it), its tip narrowly missing one of her windows. But what it DIDN'T miss was her overhead BT cable. Brought down, snapped clean in two, it was! For 48 hours she was without a landline and would have had to have gone to the significant inconvenience and expense of ordering a replacement by BT Outreach.
Only DAYS before, a tree surgeon friend of my husband had commented that he wasn't sure but suspected the tree looked as if it were starting to list, compared to the last time he'd seen it, and that we should talk to the council about getting it taken down before it possibly fell atop our detached garage (which was closer to it and would have been badly damaged).
All hubby had to do when he got home was chainsaw it into smaller logs, which took him only 30 minutes ("he's a lumberjack and he's okay"), and offer them to the elderly couple two doors the other side of her, that our other neighbour advised owned a log-burning stove thus were always on the look out for logs. Indeed, they took very grateful and appreciative receipt of the lot of them (brownie points for us).
What goes around, COMES around.
As for your blues, you might want to check with your doctor about taking St John's Wort (if it wouldn't clash with any other medication you might be taking?). A lot of people swear by it. I've never tried it but have tried and swear by award-winning, pure Omega 3 fish oils containing EPA and DHA. I used to get mine over the net or by phone through Healthspan (1000mg/day) but healthfood stores sell them too. They kick depression as well as a plethora of other conditions like ADHD and loss of joint mobility, *very* quickly to the kerb (talking mere weeks) and don't clash with anything.
You do your bit and Fate will do the rest. Trust me on that. I've been watching 'it' since I was a nipper and nowadays laugh in the face of anyone who tries to claim it's just my imagination. I have had actual, indisputable, concrete evidence, you see (9 years ago) - TWO counts, not just one. Evidence which nobody who's tried (which includes police forensic detectives, barristers and judges) can work out an explanation for or make the remotest sense of in any rational, *earthly* way. I 'saw its face, now I'm a believer' (to paraphrase The Monkees). So take a tip.
Wow thanks! Won't get to answer this all in one, due to darling GD with us for the day before she goes off to Spain tomorrow Friday with parents. Will draft some and hopefully complete tomorrow.
Equally you are very busy with other PPs in here, so thanks for your input.
I think I did tell you I sais hello to her old man a few weeks past when he was passing to the pub and he snarled “don't talk to me”. I bet she rules that roost. She is a practice nurse at a local surgery
She said before the Piss off retort that I had been told not to talk to them. Them – Him – Her?? I suppose I was in the wrong, meaning no mischief, as you say probably testing the waters. I was outside at our car and he was 2' away, it's just me.
Spiteful, MISERABLE, small-minded, vindictive BULLIES - yes she sems to be. Never seen them in a happy smiling married togetherness situation.
I did once scrounge, as friendly neighbours do, an old fence section from them to help build my compost and can remember chatting to her shortly after they moved in and she was ferociously up in arms about her next door neighbours, a young family with 2 very boisterous nippas and she had told them she wasn't happy with them. The family were there first.
To tell MAPPA to eff off? Hmm? Obviously I can't refer to you , so it doesn't mean much apart from to me. I might email, them strongly though.
The whole thing of my crime and the repercussions lays heavily on me at all times and will for a very long time. I am not allowed to be alone with the GD but today as she and I were having a typical rough house on the sofa as her mum and C chatted, all of us in the front room and they walked past, I willed them to look in and see us happy, legs waving in the air, smiles laughs giggles but of course they stalked past, him two paces ahead of her.
Your points about her parking are quite valid, but was I winding her up? His Beemer and her Mazda were right outside our house all yesterday afternoon and last night. Speaking to her I didn't see it as stirring but I should have kept my big mouth shut. I guess the fact that she initally ignored me and stalked off towards her place and I added “don't speak then” got her fired up hence the screeched Piss off.
Solicitor? I am very unsure, but my efforts to blank them will be heightened. Damn I even cut their front municipal lawn yesterday, we all asked the council not to years back preferring to tidy our own way. All the six terrace occupants do it whenever it's needed and both their cars were there. Must admit when mowing their strip of grass I did wonder what reaction I would have got or situation created if I had purposely missed the patch. If the other neighbours had spotted it and queried with me or them?
Your advice ref the doc and my blues will take place as I have fixed an appointment with him and will quiz him about the Omega stuff.
Your knowledge of my depression condition reminds me of Julie Burchill last weekend writing about her son's suicide.
I was dead chuffed to have an unedited letter published in a last Sunday broadsheet, and may get some good comment back next w/end.
Got a commission to get on with, client visited Wednesday and we agreed one or two things but it's down to me and a challenge for my skills.
Here is a draft of my email to MAPPA. Any thoughts and edits would be helpful when you have time.
I am not sure of MAPPA's jurisdiction but I must admit I was uncomfortable with your telephone chastisement the other day and also Jane's complaint.
As far as I understand there are no rules, restrictions or bans on me talking to people.
I do wonder on how the law would actually look on such a situation, human rights and all that, considering that I have done no wrong, she has screamed a mild obscenity in public without knowing who was around. Nearby are two families with young children. I know she has had issues with one family with, of all things noisy kids.
Equally I would imagine you have more important issues than to act on a minot civil complaint with no justifiable legal strength. I am no danger to her or to the other neighbours. Maybe I should complain to the local PC that she and her husband continually park their two cars right outside our house. In fact on the day of the most recent complaint she has made, there was ample room outside her own place to unload, but maybe it's in her mind to annoy me as much as possible.
The case that he and her do not like me because of my crime is the issue you spell out to me and I can understand that, but I am only trying to build bridges, managing reasonably well to put my crime, which as it happens has no consequences for them, well behind me.
I observe the laws and rules of my sentence. You have no rule over me to dictate my speech, I have rights and it looks like you are over acting to a busy body obviously vindictive person.
I do feel that I should contact my solicitor to question your rights and actions with a c.c to Jane.
I say this with affection, but, will you please *cease* being so grateful all the time. I'm here because I want to be, because I have an innate, non-issue-based thus incurable compulsion to be an active part of the positive 'mexican wave' as is the only counter measure to the negative 'mexican wave' so that I don't have to join the helpless masses who sit around on their arses, constantly whinging on and on about the state of the world (i.e. the mess and trouble people who act-out make) whilst forever waiting for a hero that never comes, and that is that is THAT. I don't need thanks, I don't need appreciation, I don't need admiration, I am NOT INTERESTED, meaning, if or when I seem to graciously accept any complimenting then what you're actually witnessing is my being impressed with conscientiousness and good manners, doing the right thing, i.e. a form of mental exertion, berbom.
Hopefully that's that out of the way for good.
No, don't email MAPPA, it'll just make things worse. It has to be your solicitor.
I bet she rules the roost, too. As in, what grade eggs they have for breakfast (oh, the power!). Because - LOOK:
"Never seen them in a happy smiling married togetherness situation."
"a young family with 2 very boisterous nippas and she had told them she wasn't happy with them. The family were there first. "
"him two paces ahead of her."
She's the whinger. If you're the one getting your way over someone else's, are you the one with cause to whinge?
Remember when you were first in-love with your then-girlfriend? Life was wonderful, people were wonderful, EVERYTHING was wonderful. You saw trees of green, red roses too, etc. and looked like you slept with a coat-hanger in your mouth. That's happiness cranked up to extremis, where the feeling and how it manifests is memorable thus undeniable, an extreme, easy to relate to concept for the purposes of my point about what it does to your whole psyche and outlook. Happy is as happy *does*. Same for even mere, on-the-whole contentedness. What you are seeing is Miserable as is Miserable does, it is nothing more complicated than that. They are angry, resentful, disappointed, frustrated, etc., with life, and taking it out on other people. From him to her, from her to.... this case, you. Any soft and easy target that'll take it but not punish them for it. (You are *not* that woman's only pass-it-on target, better believe it!) Because they don't want to deal with any consequences. Consequences is WORK. They don't want to deal with ANYTHING. They want everything on a plate and can't even work out that it's this very attitude which is the root cause of their very misery. SO unhappy that they can't even keep it contained to themselves, can't even keep it under wraps of their own closed doors. LONG-term unhappy. Emotional flashers. Which misery goes only to prove what a mentally lazy basstud they are, forever waiting for a hero or lackey like it's their right, anyone other than their lazy selves, and because said lackey must be more capable and/or lucky than them considering their affairs don't get THEM down, AND THAT'S NOT FAIR, MEW-MEW, so the lackey *deserves* it anyway. Inferiority Complex as leads to self-obsession as creates envy and resentment as manifests as Victim-Bully and Emotional Vampire. Cries for help of the cowardly, hinty-hinty variety.
"There's a HOLE in my bucket, dear Liza, dear Liza,
a hole in my bucket, dear Liza, a hole.
Then FIX it, dear Henry, dear Henry, dear Henry,
then FIX it, dear Henry, dear Henry, fix it.
With WHAT shall I fix it, dear Liza, dear Liza,
with WHAT shall I fix it, dear Liza, with what?"
Are you an effing RETARD, dear Henry, dear Henry, dear Henry,
are you an effing RETARD, dear Henry, dear Henry, whaddami, your personal fecking servant; what, I have to constantly do YOUR thinking and mending as well as my own workload, without you even at least showing me the respect of asking nicely and politely instead of believing you're entitled to appropriate by force mine and everyone else's energy bank as well as your own!
(That's the 12-inch version.
For every physical entity there is a psychological equivalent. There is more than one way, the purely physical, of being wheelchair-bound. Some people get in one to avoid having to walk anywhere and to cheat when it comes to getting special dispensations and concessions. That woman ran over your toes in her wheelchair. Basically. Because you can walk - even peppered with skips and jumps - even when hobbled and she doesn't like the glaring contrast for what it unflatteringly says about her, worse than even *she* had thought. You have drive in more ways than one, Moody. 'God' must like you better, that's not fair. BERBOM.
What are you doing is attempting to stick up for yourself. Complaining to Mappa didn't quite do it for them, victory-lap wise, so they are pushing a giant reminder of themselves in your face, deliberately vindictively, via their parked cars, so you are pushing a giant reminder back in the form of cutting "their" grass (like could *possibly* - to the negative thinker - mean you think you own it, yet equally possibly *not*). The two of you are still having a conversation. And now you are saying, 'Let's see if anyone takes you seriously when you try to complain about what any HEALTHY person would see as my having done you a giant FAVOUR, let's see how low you're willing to go with the spiteful tittle-tattling about nothing, about LESS than nothing this time! Let's see how gobsmackingly petty and vindictive you wish to confess AGAIN publicly that you actually are!'. You have moved your resistance campaign to RIGHT under the table to where it loses all clarity and all ability to be articulated verbally, this case for purposes of complaint. You are now bullying them back. But more cleverly, more cunningly than them.
That IS very clever - to piss someone off by doing something apparently really sweet and nice for them, or, rather, to know that something sweet and nice will get taken as 'Reasons to be Miserable, One, Two, Three' (ref The Blockheads). Particularly as you could all-too credibly claim it was a silent olive branch.
I'm not going to criticise you whatsoever for that because you CANNOT nor should just lie there and take it, just because you attempted to be neighbourly and show amicability out of no longer being capable of tolerating that almost daily, horrid atmosphere as was rendering your ONE, SAFE PLACE in the world uncomfortable to be in. Well, of course you bloody couldn't - who could! And who reasonable amongst us would expect you to?
But, now, go back to ignoring. You've won the entire match with that clever little 'gesture', so leave it at that or you'll give your side-agenda away via the overkill. Starting now, take ownership of that blanking. They don't like attention from you? They've gottit! And they damn well ordered it in ink. Officially! So now they can live with that consequence, can't they.
Bet they won't like that, either. But neither would they like a newborn kitten. Because Liking is a *product*. A product of internal contentedness, looking for something tangible and pinpointable in the material world to 'blame' it on. They have to Like in order to blame something for it. These people have only DIS-like.
You're only human. And if the other humans, humans whom have simply managed to appropriate false superiority/hierarchy for themselves, have tied you to the stocks unfairly and unjustly, despite you've 'done the time', as itself was never fair to begin with, then valuing your self-esteem and showing it via taking protection of it into your own hands you MUST, as is what they gave you no other option to do.
If Mappa hadn't adjudicated unfairly and irresponsibly over the 'Good Morning' incident, if they'd told this woman that you hadn't broken any law nor probational condition ergo they had no means for recourse with you ergo she should please be politely advised simply to take her *sensible* grown-up right not to register or answer you next time - which is what they SHOULD have done - then you would not now have just mown 'their' lawn. Mappa cannot dump on you and make YOU responsible for something whenever the urge not to be a*sed takes them any more than your neighbour can. Existential law says so!
If you vitally have to do something for the sake of your psychological health and wellbeing but a bigger kid has tied your hands, then you use your feet, because that is you obeying the first human law of whatever higher power rules this universe, and that IS a genuine authority figure, a GENUINELY, CONSISTENTLY benign and fair one that DOES deserve through all its incredible hard work to be respected, obeyed and cooperated with.
That Fate *let* you mow that lawn rather than pulled in a power-cut or rain or whatever, that Fate has provided you with or not blocked (same thing) a wholly plausible reliance on your being able to claim it was your way of saying sorry to this neighbour, is good enough proof for me. As is the fact of a broadsheet having published you *unedited*, and that new commission (- ACTIONS!). If Fate ain't going to try to edit your actions or downright admonish you via deprivation then neither am I.
You're not depressed, you're chronically sick and tired but even THEN are still doing everything and anything you can despite tied hands to put paid to it. That makes you a survivor, a winner. And that's why your next-door-neighbours can't stand you. You're an obvious yardstick. More clever, more talented, more resourceful, more vital. Happier than them, with a nicer marriage than them, despite you should be the opposite (their perception). Against which they fall shorter than short. So that's why I say, don't let them get you *DOWN*. To their level.
You didn't. You had two choices:  ignore.  get into their long grass and operate more skilfully than them in it.
They just can't win against you. (Is that YOUR fault? No, it's theirs.)
Imagine being as malcontent as them? That you're not and can't be no matter what? Someone up there must like you. By which I mean, you must like someone up there, in which case that someone likes you back. Because that's how the world works: baby acts, parent reacts... genuine authority figure, genuine superior says, 'No, please - after *you*!
'. It's just logical, Captain.
There is nothing wrong with you.
Don't you feel sorry for those two now?
Considering your opening statement I can only say thanks.
I won't email MAPPA but as for the legal involvement I am still unsure of it.
C doesn't know of this most recent current wrangle therefore getting my brief on it may upset her and I want to avoid that as we are really good at present and have been for a while.
The mowing lawn was a good ploy however unintended, never thought of that. He does it very occasionally but it's most often me, next door (actionman) or one of the others. I will carry on and do it, the fact that I am limping following the injuries and surgery may hit them with a dbl whammy. Yes I feel sorry for them now you put it that way.
Their cars are out there again.
I will expect the usual irregular visit from MAPPA as they do now and then and will say some of the above to them then.
Thanks. Thosthe are thosthe vehiclthes the army drivesth aroundth in, aren'th they?
Yep, C & You is more important so, yes, fine, let it go. You already didn't let it go, anyway, you sent it back (the mowing). And yes, you did think about it. You just didn't register it consciously. Probably because, if you had you'd have bottled out. However, given the new chore-share info, the message alters to, Business as normal accompanied by a merry whistling / You can't touch me. So actually, that counts as ignoring.
Ref the cars, I expect a load of birds will drop their loads as they fly overhead.
"I will expect the usual irregular visit from MAPPA as they do now and then and will say some of the above to them then."
That's a much better idea. But if you're going to use your draft letter as your basis then I suggest you steer clear of statements like this one: "You have no rule over me to dictate my speech, I have rights and it looks like you are over acting to a busy body obviously vindictive person." Make every statement a respectful question, using your tone. So that's, "So as I say, in presuming you have no rule over me to dictate my speech, and being aware of my rights, I'm afraid it did feel like you were over-reacting to an obviously vindictive busy-body? Can you appreciate why I feel this way?"
He/she might come back with how they were just advising you in a hats-off way to give these neighbours a wide berth BECAUSE they're obviously mealy-minded types. But that doesn't matter. What matters is that you are seen to stick up for yourself in a reasonable, rational, polite, tentative YET FIRM, open-minded way. All you're doing is informing them of where precisely your boundaries are situated so that they in future think twice before treading on them and no longer think of you as such a push-over.
No those are Tanks, silly you.
Tanks again, good idea as always with MAPPA's visit whenever.
Have a good remains of the w/end, weather crap again.
No, no - tanks is Irish for thanks (, so it is).
Weather crap and, according to all forecasts, continuing crappily during the whole of August - average 19/20 degrees C (= Crap) - aside from a rare few warm to slightly hot days (20-23)...WHICH WILL MAINLY ALL BE CLOUDY. So in other words - no Summer this year for us pasty-Whites.
They say us Brits are obsessed with the weather. Well, can they BLAME us?!
I now no longer believe the gumph about natural decade-long cycles as dictated a 10-year run of good Summers from 2013... which leaves only the Green Party and co's explanation of melting polar caps, etc. (or is it, some bloke in China flapping his wings?).
I'm going to get a spray-tan. I'd rather be Orange than White. Doesn't help satisfy my addiction to beaches, though.
GOD, I hate this stinking piss-hole of a giant, green-tufted puddle! How the hell are we supposed to make it through to next Summer?! We'll all die from bloody Rickets before then!
"Aaargh!". Just 'aaargh!'.
Peaceful week so far.
No sighting apart from his back briefly.
Weather improving, you can't be white you were a glorious shade of pink not long agao, surely it's browned you off? Yes we must chat about the Brit standard issue for talking.
Hate?? you can't hate this delightful little island where every Libyan, Ethiopian, Syrian, Afghan ie rest of world wants to live.
Also the Test match seems to be going OK and will wait till tonight to see how we doing.
C and I deep into our committee roles. More effin' paperwork, me busy booking people to demo and talk to our club. 3 done and about 9 to sort out.
Doing a gallery visit tomorrow, then supper before a concert, all day with usual friends.
Nice lunch with another couple yesterday, they can both talk and bore for UK, he is an excellent knowall pedant but she is C' best oldest frend so can't do anything to upset them/her.
Doc on Sat about my pills as we discussed a few weeks back and also a headache which is an odd one.
Must go, missing you already, time to put the bins out.
Well, yes, I'm brown at the moment but, unless I avoid washing from now on, how long's THAT going to last? I'm already distinctly paler this week than last.
Yes, our forecasts do pull in the rest of the world, you're right: "Today in Scotland, there will be Carers Allowance with a sprinkling of Housing benefits, whereas for the rest of the British Isles it'll be mainly Income Support".
I've just had to put socks on. In July/Aug. SOCKS!
Still, shouldn't grumble, I'm sure Fate is actually doing me a backhanded favour somehow (along with all the other hoards of weather-dependent types who need either incentivising or punishing), considering Mr Soulmate and I have been planning all along to emigrate in just a couple of years from now. Probably Spain, some coastal region (excluding "Blackpool" del Sol). Probably the Alicante-Valenciana coast at the Costa Blanca end (near our fave beach in Javea where we met) or further up around Costa Azahar between Oliva and Gandia. Failing that, Italy or France. Failing that, maybe even the Caribbean. Doesn't matter where we go, really - as long as it has better weather or at least hot, sunny Summers - because we intend to rent out this house, meaning, we'll try it out for 6 months and if we don't like it, just come back for 6 months and then try somewhere else. The mini-me will be at university by then, most likely somewhere in the States, first choice Texas, he reckons. So, anyway, I guess on that score it makes sense for me to be detaching via all this constant, CRUSHING(!!!) disappointment.
Talking about weather made me look at the online forecast for next week. Temperatures okay (21-25) but cloud, cloud and more cloud. Shouldn't have done that.
It's a bit like checking up on an errant lover on social media: know you shouldn't; do anyway; wish you hadn't.
Test match. Is that cricket? Dunlike cricket. But what's the concert?
Some people say I'm a know-it-all pedant...but, really, I think what they mean is, encyclopaedic knowledge plus fussy (ha-ha).
Did missing me trigger thoughts of the bins or did bins trigger the thought of missing me? ...and is either order preferable, I wonder? LOL
But anyhoo, "fingers crossed" your headaches are purely medication-related!
Love your weather forecasts. Socks???????????????? Live in shorts and T-shirts all day.
Emigrate???Please don't leave.You are my res font of all knowledge pedant
Mini-me, you old enough?
We beat those crowing Aussies even if you didn't notice.
We were all yesterday at a gallery full of Sickert's work. Then a concert by the best Symphony Orchestra in the world. Fireworks, lasers, bangs and strobe lights all indoors at a bit of a special show by them. We go to all their high faluttin concert through the winter, this was just an addon. Good day out with supper at a good creekside pub.
When we got home at 10.30 C went to bed and I watched recording of the cricket, didn't you?
Must admit legs felt all that standing and walking. Got the boot on today before the 2 male anklebiters arrive to raise havoc as usual.
Cockup at docs today. They didn't have me in the appointment list. Glad it wasn't urgent. Needed to discuss balance, current pills and these odd headaches. You explain – if I look long time to my left, listening to someone chatting I get a headache, it goes when I straighten. If I lie on left side in bed I get it, soon as I turn over, it's gone. Onl.y mild but nagging.
Not sure if the cockup was my fault. So bad these days at listing, listening, writing, remembering.
C said not necessarily my fault.
Enjoy remainder of w/end
Am I old enough - LOL!!! Don't let the sometime playful nature fool you. Mentally, I'm probably old enough to be your mother. Or your mother's mother, even. Aged TWO I was trying to sort everyone out, LOL. "Born middle-aged", everyone said.
Wow, the concert sounds amazing! And the cricket "UUUUUURRRRRRRRH!"... boring. Shame the two can't be combined, eh. THEN I'd watch it.
You sound like you have either a pinched nerve or a cyst putting pressure on a nerve. Or it could be inflammation from one of those injuries you don't notice happening? Whichever, that could explain not only why it starts when you put your own pressure on it by turning your head/twisting your neck (compressing it) but then stops the minute the pressure's removed again (- good sign!). Are you a cysty person normally? They do tend to start popping up as you age, even if not. Try that Ibuleve gel whilst you're waiting for your re-appointment ("Yes, mum").
No, the mix-up was probably the NHS and their amazing organisational and interdepartmental communication skills (don't get me started!).
Anyhoo - STOP PRESS! Sometimes it pays to have a whinge: today's 24 and mainly sunny, 'somebody' up there was listening - I'M OFF TO SUNBATHE AND SPLASH AROUND ON THE DECK, WOOHOO! So, yes, thank-you, I WILL now. (Mr Soulmate isn't being so lucky, unfortunately for him. He's on custody visit in France and almost as soon as he arrived, the former heatwave uggered off. It must be him, LOL.)
You too. Get the garden sprinkler out for the kiddiewinks. All three of you, heh-heh-heh.
My Mum wasn't the wisest but she loved and cared for us, just like you would.
Luvverly cricket starts again tomorrow.
Not a cyst ish personna no. Will wait till I see doc on Monday now thanks.
Lovely and very understandable story in the Sundays about a lady who took the Basle answer to getting old and useless. I must admit I am tempted and will look into it.
So down, uninterested, lack of confidence, not wanting to mix, the bloody neighbours, my fault, medically falling apart, dementia, losing balance, loss of strength, can't feel or do many things with hands, eyes failing, ears doing the same, can't concentrate
Need to discuss with C of course. Not going to be easy.
Sorry to moan on but it's getting worse.
At least the weather is settling down for half a day. So be careful out there as they used to say in that great US NY cop serial.
("AOHW, wooooooooden bat be luver-leeeee!" :-p) (- name the musical!)
The Basle answer? What's that when it's at home?
Don't worry about grumbling - this is a grumble zone. Let us know what the doc says?
PS: Heatwave's back!
Half a Sixpence?
Basle, Dignitas etc.
Lovely day at beach hut yesterday with old friends, their great neice and the darling M who happen to be exactly the same age 8. BBQ locally in evening then bus home at midnight.
Trent Bridge must be buzzing right now.
My Fair Lady - "Wouldn't it be lovely", the 'it' substituted to 'that/bat' courtesy of creative license (and sheer, comedy desperation, LOL).
Oh, assisted suicide. Right. Well, no harm in mentally exploring all your options. Doesn't mean you're going to end up taking them. Probably won't. Just useful to have options identified in your mind, because having options is what stops people from feeling so trapped and powerless in the first place. I call it, The Trap D'Or. (Get it?)
I want to die on a beach, if possible (and knowing me, it will be, because whomever's in charge will do as they're bloody well told, LOL). Mr Soulmate wants us to die at the exact same moment so his idea is that whichever of us is still healthy is the one to pop the cyanide pill at the pertinent moment when the doctors and nurses aren't looking. I don't fancy the idea of cyanide much (- think about it, I wouldn't be able to talk!) so I'm rather hoping I'm the one on the deathbed. But I'd take it rather than end up like poor Cilla, now that we're told by her best friend she was just marking time and willing herself to die so that she'd get to be with Bobby again.
Cor - bit heavy, convo-wise, for a Tuesdee mornin', in't it?! :-o
Trent WHAT? Any chance your leader is around and you could take me to him? LOL
Anyway, I'm grieving this week. "Meh!" So's Mr Soulmate. We don't do just missing each other, we actually go into a state of bereavement. Normally, it takes a good two weeks for that incredible extent to set in whenever he's away on "the big custody visit", prior to which I tend to quite enjoy being on my tod bar kiddo. This time, however, it took BLOODY *ONE DAY*! Still, that's the price we pay for getting closer than close, I suppose, *and* for my having this un-siftable/shiftable moral belief that says it would not be at all acceptable or healthy, no-no-NO!, for me to appropriate even one week of his little daughter's rare and precious Daddy Time. But - "whaaaah (sniff)!". Still, the plan is hopefully that he and I can have a romantic week's holiday somewhere hot and beachy in September.
I see the heatwave's ucked off again. Any idea what the long-range prediction is for the rest of Aug and Sept?
Ta for the grammatical. I don't do musicals.
I keep the newspaper article on my desk and hope that C will look and comment. If not I will bring the subject up. I know she will not want to discuss it. We have never had a conversation on dying, but I don't want to be a burden on the family, care homes etc and frankly feel I have no real purpose in life, just existing is not my scene. Do you mind explaing what is a big custody visit is please?
I can understand the jetlag affect of being apart will have but I never had it.
I now have double dose of Prozac type after seeing the doc on Monday. Follow up in 3 weeks.
Can't tell if working yet. Got lots to do in the meantime which may help.
We won! It's a tiny urn ern.
Tea ern? Good laff from M &W, like fourcandles.
Cyprus seems good and the Canary Islands apparently always good for your beach slobbing around.
Going swimmng now, then cinema tonight. A bad language fillum with that Thompson woman innit.
What if, come the day, you 'just existing' were what was keeping C alive and motivated (not to mention the other residents), meaning, it was your last 'duty' on this earth, like a necessary final-gauntlet-run?
'Big custody: Sorry, thought I'd told you. Mr S, being French, has a child who lives there with her mother. His coming to live here meant him securing court permission for his total annual custody visit time to be lumped into bigger stretches, meaning, instead of alternate weekends, he flies out for end-of-term and half-term holidays. Ten days straight is the norm except for the month-long one in Summer (which alternates each year between July and Aug).... when we have to undergo missing each other beyond the point of just 'missing'. It's become an endurance test, like a return to being Long Distance (*not* for the feint-hearted!).
He thinks the solution is for me to go out there with him, like I've done at other times, like Xmas or NY, but my mind won't let me do that to a little girl's most precious 'me and daddy' time. Last visit (Xmas), I could already see she'd reached the age where she'd cottoned onto the fact that I pose as a serious competitor for his affections (even with me deliberately taking a back seat) because she suddenly got all high maintenance with him. As I say, this visit's the 'star' visit of each year - for her - not least due to the weather making everything more fun and interesting.
I could go out for just a long weekend instead - sure. But it's a lot of expense and hassle at this time of year just for a piddly, "blink and you miss it" weekend that wouldn't be enough to salve our senses of bereavement anyway.
...Don't get me started on airlines deliberately exploiting families in July and particularly August by hoiking up their prices! Or the fact that what should in reality be a 3-hr journey becomes more like nine so that you have to non-stop shop or die of boredom waiting in the departures lounge for your flight! If you ask me - THIS is the real reason why they confiscate perfumes, make-up and other expensive gels and liquids at passport control/access into Departures... because then you have to BUY REPLACEMENTS inside the departure lounge. Oh, they know what they're doing, alright (grrrr!). It's them cashing in on the aftermath paranoia of 9/11. How disgustingly exploitative is that!
The good news is, in a few more years' time she'll be old enough to fly over here for her summer holiday. But, in the meantime, for us both, it's really hard going on our poor hearts.
Fork 'andles - I love that sketch! It's not exactly in Abbot 'n Costello's league, but it is pretty amusingly similar to mine and Mr Soulmate's conversations sometimes, what with his strange pronunciation and the fact he still hasn't got a handle on tenses, meaning, he'll say 'I go to Homebase', I'll say 'In that case, can you pick us up some X?', he replies 'No - I go *yesterday*'. So I'll correct him - 'I *went* to Homebase', to which he'll reply 'You go yesterday as well? When? I not see you there?!'. (Gaaaah! LOL)
A 'fillum' wit Emma Thompson t' be sure? Ah haven't a clue which fillum ye mean, so I don't.
The fillum was “The legend of Barney Thompson” See it, coincidence in title/main character and leading lady . I nearly gave up after 10 mins with the extremely strong and natural Glasge chat, you've got the wrong accents there, but it grew on me and it was funny, quite different and odd in a way although somewhat mildly macabre. Emma is unrecogniseable and very very good in character.
Low profile release and only about 15 people in cinema. On at art house cinemas only.
Good point about.....you always come up with good ones, about another thought on my going to Basle. I am not totally committed and it may/might not happen, got to be feeling more desperate than I am and maybe the pills will help, we'll see. If you're interested see the ST on 2nd Aug, online I should think, article about 75yr old healthy nurse.
Thanks for explaining about the French issue in your life. I fully understand both points of view and common sense must rule in that situation. Must be hard on all parties of course. He has similar bureucratic issues about the travelling as I have, but mine are relevant to UK also. Still waiting for the next MAPPA visit. Have to advise them next week of our travels west for a happy event.
If they had seen me yesterday at the swimming pool when I was asked by a young mum to keep an eye on her toddlers while she peed. I had the darling GD with me while C got drinks in, so me with 3 kids, wow! Dynamite in their eyes.
Depends where you are, but being close to ports we can think seriously about driving over when we can afford to and taking the caravan if for a decent time, alleviating flying and the hassle. Flying in Mid Sept to Chan Isle, so will have to go through various mills to get there.
Glasgee? Then hway did ye doo an Ire-resh acc'nt? Ef et's Glasgee then the wurrr'd ez pro-noonced 'FELM' (ya dafft sassanach), not 'fillum'! Get et REET.
Well, anyway, I'll keep an eye out for when it hits Sky Premier or Sky Arts, whichever.
Re the hol: nah, we'll go back to the beach in Spain where we first met ("ahhhh"). It's still 'fry an egg on't patio' hot in Sept, usually. My late Ma and Pa used to take great pleasure in ringing me as late as October or November - sometimes even December - to say, 'WHOOOOF, only just got back from the beach, it's SOOOO HOT, STILL!' (- yeah, cheers for that, luvs, but I didn't quite catch ya cos of these SNOWBALLS LODGED IN MY EARS! :-p).
Yes, we're close to ports as well but unfortunately the end destination isn't, meaning, what we'd gain in channel-crossing time we'd lose from there. Rock and hard place.
But ANYWAY - what did the doctor have to say on Monday? What pills did he prescribe? Are they anti-depressants?
Jobsworth Dynamite, yes, but you can't argue with a mother's necessarily very sensitive, long-reach radar. So that's a huge vote of confidence, I think.
Sorry mind going bonkers again.
I do like Nerja, had 3 hols there, one in a mate's apartment, the next at a couple's villa and the last one in an apartment with Daughter and partner, before the darling GD came along. It's relatively unspoilt in the old town. Good Parador nearby too which will suit your expensive tastes.
Jobsworth would have a fit today too, looking after her and doing loads of paintings and stuff while C gets on with chores etc.
Doctor (she - as my usual is on hols) gave me a double dose of the Fluoxetine I have been taking for nearly 3 years which is like Prozac and come back in 3 weeks to see him, back for hols.
Only one siting of them, they were walking past our front yesterday, actually side by side and when they neared ours, she dodged to the outside of him. How daft and paranoid is that? Did think of asking C round to the pub but she was busy cooking. Something I haven't done for some time.
Got little Gd for 3 days now,maybe Mappa will pop in. Then we away from Thur to Thur in the caravan in Summerzet.
Have a good week with your beloved back.
?Nerja en el Costa del Sol? ?Hablas Espanol? "Nuestra playa" es en Javea, Costa Blanca (pero no en el "Arunel", al final del puerto en el parte antigua de la ciudad).
Anyway, the "bushy pugger" that is Mr S (in combo with all the cloud and rain we've had week-long) managed to persuade me to try to go out to join him last week of August or, failing that, we'll do said Spanish haunt in early part of September. But I said only on the condition that he sit kid down and tell her I'd told him to ask for her permission having given her all the info about what it would entail, and that if she didn't like the idea she should feel free to just say so, etc. Spoke to her on the phone tonight (he ain't stupid, is he, eh?) and she was exceedingly into the idea, meaning, she must be finding my fella a wet-weekend what with all the pining, LOL. Don't kids sound extra cute speaking a foreign language!
My vote's the latter (and I'll share some of their hol next Summer), especially since then we'll have a whole fortnight rather than the one week. Or both! But whichever, there is NO WAY I'm ready to go back into Winter from last Winter via what was a brief and fairly hot SPRING ("call Advertising Standards!").
Do you let GD have a bash on her own little easel and brushes, etc., beside you?
How's the Fluox feeling, kicking in yet? I'm thinking I'll take this - "[she dodged to the outside of him.] How daft and paranoid is that?" and this - "[Did think of asking C round to the pub but she was busy cooking.] Something I haven't done for some time" as a Yes.
You have a good week too! Bring us all back some cheese?
(Ee-Damn, I shouldn't have said that. Now I'll have to go to the fridge and get some, Gromit.)
Don't give me all that forrin stuff monsewer, haven't a clue what you're on about but I love people talking in those languages whatever they are and how old they are. Sounds a likely bright girl his daughter and good fun and game for things to happen. You'll be alright.
Had to look twice to see Bushy or busty, I am into large whatsits and hirsuteness but not male varieties.
And winter hasn't started yet by a long way, it is still summer and this is the northern hemisphere.
I did let Gd have a go on my easel and paints and she did good as I knew she would. Took snaps and saved them. Her mum's put the brillant effort on her FB page.
Fluox could have started as you spotted and it was good time to grin yesterday. We went out to get in the car at 6ish and I was curious about some shapes in the side of his beemer parked right outside ours. C was still locking the door, So I went into the road to check if the shapes were both sides, which they were, styling rubbish but on returning back to the pavement there he was with the dog on his way back from the common. Obviously very curious about what I had been staring at, but extremely careful to avoid me so he made a big detour round behind me, into the road as I strolled back to get in our car. I giggled to myself.
BTW I mowed their front grass again today.
Had some lovely ripe camembert cheese for lunch today, stank the kitchen out but now all gone. No doubt have more soon to stink the caravan.
Might take the laptop and dongle, so may be on, but maybe not.
It ain't forrin cuz it features on this planet. Innit. Klingon is foreign. Sa go google translate and yu'll see warriwas on abaat.
(Pushy B*gger. Self-spensorship via coonerism.) Yes, we both have exceedingly bright kids. Definite upgrades-in-progress. Yeah, I'll be alright, just wanted to make sure she would so that en el futura we all would. I've promised him next year, guaranteed, but as a test-drive.
Still Summer, my bottom, it's pouring down as I speak.
"I did let Gd have a go on my easel and paints and she did good as I knew she would. Took snaps and saved them. Her mum's put the brillant effort on her FB page."
"I giggled to myself."
"so he made a big detour round behind me"
Wish *I* had an invisible force-field like yours, it'd come handy in airports! (I cannot STANNNNNND airports!)
"BTW I mowed their front grass again today."
Am now gaffaw-ing my face off! Evil in an extremely kind way - love it! (Here - tell me your fave joke!)
Damn, you said 'Camembert'!....
No signal down there in Zummerzet. Great wedding and fun. Both pissed but taxis worked well.
Did lots of sightseeing, old houses etc which C likes, I sat outside and found a spot to sketch.
Still summer, it's a bit warmer now. But horrendous downpours this week, just a clearing up shower as dear old mum would say.
Don't have a fave joke and rarely remember them. But here's one emailed to me last week.
Copied and pasted, clever eh?
A young man wished to purchase a gift for his new sweetheart's birthday, and as they had not been dating very long he decided, after careful consideration, that a pair of gloves would strike the right note. Romantic, but not too personal.
Accompanied by his sweetheart's younger sister, he went to the department store and bought a pair of white gloves. The younger sister purchased a pair of panties for herself.
During the wrapping, the clerk mixed up the items and the sister got the gloves and the sweetheart got the panties. Without checking the contents first, he sealed the package and mailed it to his sweetheart along with this note:
I chose these because I noticed that you are not in the habit of wearing any when we go out in the evening.
If it had not been for your sister, I would have chosen the long ones with buttons, but she wears short ones that are easy to remove.
These are a delicate shade, but the lady I bought them from showed me the pair she had been wearing for the past three weeks and they were hardly soiled. I had her try yours on for me and she looked really smart.
I wish I were there to put them on you for the first time as no doubt other hands will come in contact with them before I have a chance to see you again.
When you take them off, remember to blow in them before putting them away as they will naturally be a little damp from wearing.
Just think how many times I will kiss them during the coming year. I hope you will wear them for me on Friday night.
All my love,
P.S. The latest style is to wear them folded down with a little fur showing.
How about Brie? Instead of camerabert.
Things not too bad except for usual domestics, I guess everybody has. I manage to get over them. I could raise a storm with each of her comments, but probably unfounded but they do hurt. We are seeing and putting up with more of each other as my mates have gradually dropped off or gone into their shells. Never one for close friends anyway. C has her life and I rely on my painting which is not everyday.
Some car probs at moment, plus my overbearing feeling of inadequency, frustration and uselessness.
Doc again next Friday following the increase in the Prozacalike stuff. Will ask him more questions about memory etc. I can't remember the names of those pills, for example.
Seeing the ortho guy before that for follow up on fractures and I could be asking for the further surgery to remove the broken plate and a bongraft which was the intended work to set me right. I did try to avoid it and he agreed, but not too sure about the leg so might have to endure the recovery process all over again. Gives me some hassle in terms of sensations rather than actual pain even when fully rested in middle of night.
Trying to get my head round my cover story when we go sort of abroad in 2 weeks, concerning not letting our hosts know about MAPPA which I must report in when arriving there. More or less decided in coming clean with them and explaining the whole story next weekend when we are all camping together for 2 nights. They coming over here for that, totally unconnected then we go to them for 5 days. Fessing up, whatever that mean, will erase all the prevarication when we arrive on their island, just hoping it won't ruin our friendship, which will mean cancelling our trip to them.
Lots of arty activities this week as many people showing off their work in their studios. Must get painting again
Thanks for the joke. Only wish it could compensate for non-stop bloody rain. Poor Mr S, having to come home to something more reminiscent of November. I imagine that's got a lot to do with why your mates aren't coming out to play? And why you're feeling down again? I think everyone is; we simply haven't had a summer, have we. Plus, just to compound matters, I expect you and C need some space after having been squished together for so long, and your leg twinges will undoubtedly be interfering with your sleep, even if you're unaware at the time.
The trick to avoiding depression, if you wake up gloomy, is to try not to worry that it's going to be some permanent state of affairs and just say to yourself, well I'm miz today but no doubt I'll feel better again in a day or two. You'd be surprised how powerful self-talk is.
I think you'd do well to check with C re your impending fess-up, just in case she objects mightily?
Yes it's not too good a summer now, but I never have felt that bad about it, we live in the northern hemisphere and can't do anything about it apart from move to Sudan or somewhere really hot.
Your plan about avoiding depression does work for me many times. I don't want to get up most mornings, my sentence hangs over me at all waking time and I wonder what I will face, but then I try to forget it all and say I have this or that to do or to paint and hopefully see the delight that is little M, as today. Our son and his two boys picked us up and we all went to a local park on a river and just mucked around, had a picnic and the kids were great, the cousins don't get a lot of time to play together, but it worked a treat today. I got us all an ice cream and then back at our place we oldies sat in the SUNSHINE with cups of tea while they carried on playing.
Going out to a pub for a meal later with our oldest friends. She has just been told today she has breast cancer and must have the dreaded surgery. She still wants to go out with her dear friends and relax, good for her, but I don't think it will be easy. She told us the other day she was going to hospital today to have an autopsy and we all had a laugh, but she is a dizwoz. She used to give C a lift to work each day past me on her scooter and I saw legs, stocking tops and smiles. Hence a meeting based on me being cheeky wot like I used to be. Nearly 51 years ago – blimey!
Did quite a decent painting yesterday and got lots of kudos from the websites I post them on. Also on mine of course but I don't comment on there as I think I would be somewhat biased.
C actually suggested I fess up on the basis she would find it difficult to carry the tall tale successfully. I have yet to decide but probably will. His son was the wedding we went to in Somerset and as my car is extremely dodgy on the brakes, fix tomorrow, he - the son, has picked C and I up twice Sun and Mon to transport us to a mutually enjoyable and regular event. They having their honeymoon at the next half term being teachers.
Hope Mr S is cheering up, you will help I am sure and remember the panties.
Bit of a quiet giggle last evening before we went out.
I sat in my usual chair reading the Sundays and next to the grass frontage (the one I often mow for the whole row) were two of my least fave ladies in the terrace, 'er at No 4 and 'er next door.
They were outside our place for a good 30mins nattering, quite unusual for them as not particularly pally, just wimmin!
No4 the troublesome one with strange hubby and habits, must have seen me turning large pages etc, but didn't move except for that constant shuffle wimmin do when nattering.
I was tempted togo out and just mess about with our troubled car but decided against it.
Just ready to roll for a weekend in the caravan. Not going far and lots of buddies there.
Will probably fess up if my mate and I can have a moment of peace and quiet not easy on these weekends.
Cleared for another leg check from ortho chap till 6 months with XRay so that's lightened me and the doc says you're getting old and shit happens, he's great like that, so my memory, balance, fumbling, blank mind are all usual symptoms and keep taking the tablets.
So bad am I deteriorating that I didn't complete the digital check in at surgery and sat waiting for an hour before I checked with reception and it was my fault.
Signing off. Be back Sunday evening hopefully.
You have a good weekend too
(Cheers, we've had a lovely weekend!
Well, if C thinks honesty is the best policy then that's a good sign on her part, in terms both of her being willing to go out on that limb and her surely having sound reason to suspect the confidence will be well received.
'You're getting old and sh*t happens'? LOL. He's right, though, isn't he. Still, like anything, there are benefits as well. Also, as any good neurologist will tell you: forgetting stuff isn't what counts as any worrying indicator of any form of dementia or memory impairment if you're AWARE you've forgotten. It's when you're NOT that it's a problem (diff/all the diff).
How revealing that neither of those troublesome neighbours felt any urge to make any hostile comments or gestures the minute they had a witness in one another. Yup - typical cowardly, snake-in-the-grass bullies. Still, at least that shows you they don't ever gossip about you together behind your back. So that's reassuring.
Glad you're feeling more chirpy again. "This too shall pass". Make that your new mantra because, as you see, it always does.
Good to hear and we had a smashing weekend too, ruined by a caravan problem on arriving home, but it's sorted.
Did more walking than in the last 3 years as surgeon said do it. 2Miles on Sat and 3 on Sund accompanied by a daughter Jess of a female trick cyclist Hel who has developed into a good friend and contact. Jess only early 20s but great company and gradually emerging from major depression, plus all the meds including Fluoexetine. Quiet, serious, well read and informed girl who seems to enjoy this old git's company.
Told my mate all about my MAPPA siutation and fine, just as I thought he would be and has offered required help when with him from Thursday this week. Both our minds at rest now + our daughter's. All he has to do is run me to police station and I report in, maybe 15 mins then back and get on with enjoying the island.
During the above caravan hiatus the couple from No 4 crossed the road to avoid us and the stranded van then crossed again to reach their front door. I chuckled to myself.
Little GD a guiding light all over the weekend
Thanks for that mantra, good one.
Going for a swim in a minute, got to keep the exercuse routine in shape.
Sounds like you've gone and got yourself an adopted daughter there.
EXCELLENT news about your (obviously genuine) friend! I expect that's cheered you up majorly, yes? And I agree with your doctor: for many, there's nothing like fresh air and exercise to keep ones spirits up.
Talking of exercise: Maybe next time your van demands the neighbours from Hell do a detour you could show generous enough forethought in chalking up a little Hopscotch grid for them? Or maybe even leave a few marbles spread around for them to 'stumble' across? I expect they'd enjoy that at their ages. Or perhaps they share the same doctor as you and that was simply their idea of extra mileage? LOL
Have a good swim!
PS: Mr Soulmate brought better weather back with him, look!
And Thursday's (allegedly) going to be a hot one!
Adopted, I don't think so. She is a nice lass, but even her mum says she has had her probs and whilst less now (in my limited knowledge of them). Talked openly about depression etc. Talented family however.
I think her long distance BF in London is Jewish and they going to synagogue wedding soon.
Nice idea for N from Hell exercise. Twice today they have come out their front door same time as I got round our frontage and they dived back in.
We aim to swim once a week at least and it certainly feels good afterwards and I am convinced I am doing better on my legs.
C now urgently looking at weather for our flights tomorrow, but I couldn't care less as you probably have gathered. We get what we get. It's a result of where we live but I am grateful for his eminence for his help, you are allowed to thank him.
Daughter taking us to airport tomorrow a/noon, flt at 3.30. C now panicking on our hand baggage, nothing going in hold. Pals doing towels shampoos etc. Maybe pack or wear a warm coat as we going to outdoor concert on a pier.
Had teeth cleaned by hygenist earlier feels nice but lots of cash.
The MAPPA reporting tomorrow is a nuisance but has to be done and the local chap seems pleasant and understanding on the phone. It's the only real physical reminder of my crime there is now.
(You'll obviously have to read this when you get back, now.)
"Twice today they have come out their front door same time as I got round our frontage and they dived back in."
You could have real fun with that.
Oh, sure, the swimming will definitely strengthen your legs.
'His eminence'? Ha-ha, what would that make me, then?
Don't - "MPWOH!" - talk to me - "SHEEH!" - about stained teeth! Mine need doing - PHOOOOOOO...! - too. Can't think why.
Back yesterday and loads of catching up to do.
Must admit thought about that dodging in and out of the door. Nice to be away from all that for 5 days. MAPPA chap was great over there, Glasgow originally and now enjoys a cushy but busy life , charm itself and extremey helpful. Was like everyone and I mean everyone we met. Friendly, stopped chatted and laughed probably the slower pace of life.I talk a lot and talked to all sorts for a painter/decorator full of tats, nose jewels the like to a senator (their Gov).
Did fish and chips at sunset on the beach, proms on the pier, several – no, many pubs, beer fest on another island, smashing restaurant (we paid), mucho walking (tested me, legs OK just tired) lots of laughs and reminiscing.
Ladies went sea swimming, we watched from bar. Quite a lots of snaps and will email to them today. Lovely family at concert who will send snaps to me, she runs the port.
Pre-eminence I guess ladies first, ladies? Who said ladies?
Just biannual teeth hygenist., no stains as such and no Phoooo thanks fully.
Wet and dingy here and yes summer has flown but we had smashing weather until arriving at their aiport.
Swimmng later today then lots of shopping and then try to get cistern, washing machine and maybe cooker fixed – I am not kidding.
You sound like you had a lovely time. And re the Glasweigen MAPPA chappa: Shows to go ya - any organisation is only as good as the people working for it.
Not too wet and dingy any more. Mr S and I had a lovely day on Friday (day off). Lunch in a pretty pub garden followed by a beautiful woodland/lakeside walk in the sunshine all afternoon and into the early evening. And today's very warm as well. A friend reckons they heard it's going to be predominantly sunny until Xmas. I guess that makes up for the sh*t Summer.
Haven't drained the paddly pool yet, though, and am still running the pump and adding chlorine. Don't ask me why. Either I must sense something in me bones or it's pure wishful thinking? Time will tell...
PS: "Bloody non-smokers...". ;-p
PPS: This is now more a blog than a thread, LOL. I wonder if you have any followers?
Yes we did and no upsets or cross words.
I imagined your pool tucked away in the loft by now, you're so weather downbeat generally, so good on yer.
Your friend is a wisher supreme, till Xmas? she/he must be joking anyway, who can predict that; Michael Fish?
Blog? wot's that? joking - understand, but can't be bothered myself although it has been suggesetd it could spread my art around more.
If you're happy for these little missives across the ether then so am I, BUT please let me know.
Sadly Mr S and I admitted defeat yesterday and drained and packed the pool away for next year, mainly because even if we do get any more hot-ish Autumn days, the ambient air temperature the rest of the time means the water is too freezing to use to cool down while sunning ourselves. So now we're toying with the idea of his putting in a permanent, plunge pool with proper heating. He's going to install one of those carbon-fibre jobbies under the existing decking, whereby the section of decking above it acts like a roll-on/roll-off lid, meaning no loss of sunbathing space. Don't ask me HOW, that's his construction genius biz.
Now, then, what SHAPE should we make the decking cut-out/surround? I was thinking "a middle finger" so that the Google Map planes can spot it as they fly overhead?
Nah, only joking. we're thinking, a heart shape ("Ahhhh").
Said friend is actually a pretty good, amateur meteorologist. Had to be. When she lived in Aus she was married to a professional, deep-ocean fisherman whose safety need it was to know. She's certainly more spot-on than Mr Fish. However, this is a tiny island with weather notoriously difficult to predict, what with so many weather fronts constantly battling it out above our heads so...
Can't be bothered? Fairenoughski. Maybe that's something to bear in mind for the future.
Yes, yes, nag, nag, I'll let you know "if", LOL.
No cross words, you say? What, not even The Times'? (Ha-ha).
Funny enough plunge pools came into our conversation over the weekend when we tried to remember our few sauna experiences, not a lot and in one I passed out with hype vent. This was on a company Xmas do, very lavish in everyway, hotel in the midlands all found. Doctor revived me and I enjoyed a full on night. Hadn't eaten or drunk anything since brekkers, silly me.
Heart ?? I don't feel well. But he sounds handy and useful. Send him to us when done with his DIY skills please.
Weather very much in focus at moments, going in the van on Thurs for 4/5 days as I have oganised the whole do.
It has just stopped raining and we going running tonight so that will be fun, although I run into the pub and C runs. Can't run anymore but walking is fine and improving all the time.
Times was a good handleable paper on the plane, don't do their puzzles.
Sold a picture at a new show and two more available. Aiming to split the proceeds equally between three grand kids. Haven't been to see the exhibition yet and aim to this week. Again blogs came into the chat on Saturday as fellow artists use them quite a lot. Still not sure.
C and I very OK at moment and sense she is really trying and I haven't raised any sore pointsfor a while. Whole family do yesterday, nearly whole as Nephew's 2 kids 18 and 16 couldn't be bothered, but they're always like that. The 3 anklebiters were fine except for the youngest lad, big problems, sadly for his parents to deal with and us of course. Lovely meal.
Two people there not happy with me because of crime but we all seem to tolerate one another.
Going off today for a few days in the van as weather seems set for a few days..haha. But we will make the best of it.
Havn't seen No 4 for a while, she has a new car I know. Watching Breakfast on the beeb today the north eastern presenter Steph has changed her hair style dramatically and now looks very much like 'er at No 4. Bad news as we watch it most mornings.
Have a good w/end.
A smashing trip which was blessed with our fave topic – the weather. Brilliant all through 7 days.
Good craic and laughs at a rally, then few extra days on our own in diff place.
The day we left I got a call from local MAPPA after I had advised by email of our trip. He said I needed to check in at the station, much to my dismay and then realised he had got it wrong and I didn't. Pheww!
No bad words at any time between C and I!
Drank a lot, slightly pissed but in control, just my legs and balance probs, not the booze thank you.
When we were back and unloading, 'er from No 4 arrived back and wanted to unload her car, but she obviously felt she couldn't be out there that long while I was, so she shuffled off inside. I saw her back out in about 30 mins hurriedly, in fact trotting in and out emptying her boot of shopping.
Saunas. Ugh. I'm with you on the passing-out bit, whether or not I've recently eaten. I can't take high humidity. Happily no una problemo in Espana, aside, sometimes, from August. But that's okay because WE'LL HAVE A STONKING GREAT POOOOOOL!!!
I'm all excited, as you can probably tell. We've been non-stop watching A Place In The Sun - looking at what our money will fetch us, property wise. "WHOO-HOO", is the short answer to that one! Oh and btw, to respond to your earlier comment about my no longer being able come on here come that time: yeah, it's called the interweb, luv... surprisingly portable (rofl!). Can't say the same for Mr S's DIY skills, though, not unless you'd foot the return fare, bed and board, materials AND cost of crate-shipping all his heavy tools there and back? Probably slightly cheaper to go local, eh.
"Doctor revived me and I enjoyed a full on night."
That sounded rude...particularly if you read it as meaning, with the doctor. (Umm, I'm telling.)
Re the jogging-not-jogging: what you want is to modify a supermarket trolley, attach Mrs Moody to it by a harness, give her a pair of rollerskates and - Bob's yer father's brother!...... or just bomb into the pub and fiddle furiously with a load of beer coasters, maybe make her an origami figurine or something, to show you missed her.
Don't do cryptics? Well, apparently you should because they stave off dementia. Not that I'm any testament, looking again at that last paragraph.
Soooo... are your three grandkids going to be buying Porches any time soon or are we talking a more modest sum? Bloody well done you, though. And that benefaction will get you good karma, if not a 'get out of jail free' card when it comes to moody, apathetic teens and prepubescents marring family restaurant get-togethers (it's their job at that age).
Talking of marring: you sure that Steph presenter (whoever she is) and her at no. 4 aren't secretly one and the same? That might explain the new car? Might also explain her permanent foul mood (and shuffling) as well, what with brekkie presenters apparently having to be up daily at 3am or so... meaning the hairstyle you see at home and now, newly, on't telly is the real one and it's simply that she can no longer be a*sed to style it differently due to said fatigue? You could write daily letters to Points Of View to complain about her and her fake Northern accent until she gets demoted. (Do they still have POV or is it all done via Twitter these days?) Dunno... Why don't you, next time, call out, 'Alright, Steph, chuck!' and see whether she turns and waves?
Yes, we are having a lovely Autumn. Mustn't grumble/should count the blessings, and all that..
Methinks that MAPPA chap just missed you and needed an excuse to say hi. Probably that doctor recommended you.
(Haaaaah - "banter!"...)
Whoops I've lost the thread and and the gist of your words, mainly as I am not in here as frequently which must be good.
We're going good so far C and I and I am sure she is making a concerted effort to do so.
On Saturday celebrated our 51st anni and we dragged two good friends, (she has breast cancer)(big op tomorrow) round the city's music venues then a smashing meal in a favourite Italian, bussed all the way, bottle of shampoo on me.
Pub with running and craic yesterday in a lovely spot, bit of gardening, some rugby catchup.
Never been a crossword fan, bit of scrabble now and then.
TV Steph is genuine north eastern dialect same as mine – so there.
Having fun with those at No 4 seems to be the lightest thing round here at present, what with them ducking and diving to avoid the nasty man.
I went across the common earlier this morning to catch a bus and there he was coming towards me, but hurriedly turned at right angle and shuffled off dragging the dog which was reacting “hey this is our usual walkies”.
Just got back in and his beemer is right outside our window.
Rained all day so far but being picked up for an arty farty function tonight so will stay dry, hope you do too.
Good? It's more fantastic than you realise, your personal progress-wise, mush!
C's making a concerted effort because the constantly-revolving, interactional loop that got started by you into its now-upwards, positive direction feels too good (and too unequivocally 'here to stay') to risk losing/weighing down again. So she happily adds "sugar and spice and all things nice", wherever allowing. That's how it works: blokie constructs and repairs it, woman cleans, decorates and maintains it. Result: des res (nest).
Oh! HAPPY ANNIVERSARY!!! (But commiserations over the good friend's state of health.)
Bottle of champers? VERY nice! Was that possible thanks to your commission money?
WHATby catchup? Never heard of it! LOL
Scrabble, ah-hah. You'd be a natural at the cryptics then. Try The Telegraph (less pretentious or reliant on A Level British History than The Times).
Cuh, you're OBSESSED with this TV Steph, ain't ya! (aren't thee?) LOL
Here, "Nasty Northern Man" - since that has a ring to it, why don't you get yourself a cape and tights (and a public phonebox installed right outdoors) to complete the look? You could have the shirt emblazoned with the words, 'I like to fiddle with...', jump out of said phonebox at them, flinging out your arms as if to say "Ta-daaa!", then immediately spin around to display the back of the shirt reading '...paintbrushes'. (mwa-ha!)
But actually, on a more sincere and serious note: I don't think they genuinely DO feel nervous or awkward. It's just for negative show, this sudden but wholly contrived detouring of theirs...meant deliberately to upset you by making you THINK they find you/you "are" that repulsive by anyone's standards. So here's a suggestion: next time you clock one of them, YOU react in said same 'ugh' fashion before beating either one of them to it with the about-turning and skidaddling. And why WOULDN'T you when you consider how they're a pair of nasty, downright EVIL uckers, passive-aggressive to-boot? Think about it: he and she react like they supposedly want to give you a wide berth AND YET go and park their car right outside your house in plain view, i.e. in your face/you in its? ERROR - DOES NOT COMPUTE! NOT.....ONE.....IOTA! If innocent, legitimate avoidance were their aim, the car would get given a wide berth too (THINK ABOUT IT). So the jury is now *in* and the verdict final as far as I'm concerned: Never MIND "nasty man". Not even within TWO lifetimes could you be as outright, OBJECTIVELY/ACTUALLY nasty and cowardly-malicious as that. OR drag it out that long.
They are the nasty ones (and want to passive-aggressively make you want to move house), without a shadow of doubt. Now start reacting to suit and taking that 'weapon' that they so regularly try to beat you with off of them. I'll say it again: You are not a victim, least of all of a right couple of uckwits with nothing better to do or worry about!
Or just keep ignoring them until they tire of it. But if you're going to ignore their very childish behaviour, it has to be GENUINE water off a duck's back, i.e. you truly feel NOTHING. If not, it's you doing the sudden turning-off at right angles.
PS: Yeah... brilliant Autumn's gone for a Burton all of a sudden. Hopefully it'll do an Arnie before the week is out.
Thanks for the good wishes. Our friend is home – so quick and feeling Ok but a little emotional as can be expected and unbalanced. C says she has a big bust and that's why she will feel unbalanced and I can quite appreciate that. Her hub hasn't seen it yet and that will not be easy, I think some tears are due.
C will pop over and see her tomorrow.
My new small funds go to the anklebiters, I just paid for the bottle out my pocket.
Must admit thinking about your idea ref No4 when I saw him on the common. Try dodging away or turning my back next time. The parking can't be avoided, we get all sorts including different neighbours, people who park to go to the allotments etc.
The Tee-shirt was a good laugh.
Moving away is out of the question and would be giving in. Ignoring them is getting easier, just that they pass by so often and it all comes back...............like Arnie's weather.
Just booked 3 nights in a plush hotel in Nov to visit distant but in touch rellies and friends (not BBC Steph) oop north, no caravan this time, that was C's decision but I am happy with that.
Might have been on in here with the words "back to square one". I slept on it and then said eff it, not worth getting baggies in a twist about, get on with life.
Words last night, nothing to do with old issues or life in general - the garden actually. C was well trollied as is usual with our usual imbibes, when she does get fiesty and mouthy about any subject. I still find it hard to believe, although she is making efforts like in my last post, she is completely unaware of some physical difficulties I have these days regarding strength and balance, but we manage and today has been fine.
Gawd! when I read some of the problems people are facing in here, I have to kick myself. Unfortunately in many cases I am lost for words but I will help them if I can. Please keep up your excellent and generous work.
Then get onto one of those DIY T-shirt self-designing sites and DO IT - TAKE THE PISS! If moving isn't possible (plus, quite right - why should you!?), this is the only method of dealing with types like them in such a way as to 'forcibly' convert them from personal Black cloud to a non-stop supply of smiles and giggles *and* a raised self-esteem from knowing you're making lemonade out of those lemons. You've TRIED reasoning with them and that proved not an option solely due to *their* having consistently, deliberately blocked it, so... Their unfair and unwarranted bullying attitude then boomerangs full-circle, MISSING your head, and back to them, full in the face - WHACK! - where it actually belonged all along. That the very best way of stopping someone in their nasty tracks because NOBODY likes knowing they've made themselves a source of fun and mockery. Or you could combine it with the "ugh" about-turning... particularly as that would facilitate you turning your back on them in your new t-shirt.
And THEN what, quote, 'all comes back' in a Pavlovian stylee is nothing but how you cleverly and self-entertainingly turned the tables (in a rising above it but with panache way) on psychological bullies. Yet again.
If you've got a sniper in your midst, you get completely out of their crosshairs or, if possible, bung or tie a knot in their gun. They typically then either turn their sights to whomever's next out of the 'conveniently to-hand' bracket (their case, each other), meaning, consequences that can't so easily be ignored/brushed under the rug/side-stepped, or blowing their own faces off. Whichever, the issue or set of issues ends up back with THEM where they can neither keep avoiding once-and-for-all dealing with and/or trying to keep it to a manageable size by shedding little bits off of it and onto anyone/everyone else as they go (this case, you).
From caravan to plush hotel, eh? So missus has promoted your relationship in her mind and a caravan just doesn't suit the acknowledgement party?
Bet your neighbours don't have such a strong, healthy, self-affirming marriage, eh.
Bickering about the garden and other life minutae is perfectly healthy, par for the marital course. In terms of expectations based on your psychological enhancements, perhaps it's just that her mind has yet to draw a distinction between psychological promotion and Steve Austin/The Bionic Man? LOL ("Gentlemen, we do *not* have the technology").
Basically, the problems you have are the exact same as everyone else's on here (with differing degrees): People forcing other people to own and manage their exclusive issues (rather than asking nicely and humbly for their help/input) and the 'recipients' letting them or not letting them and the antagonist neither liking that nor refraining, or wanting to know how not to own other people's problems not of their own making/involvement when said other party refuses to include in that foisting THE TOOLS FOR FIXING THEM (and/or deliberately withholding them). It's basically, 'I can't be arsed to fix my toilet or buy a new one or visit the public ones so - here!.. you!... hold my sh*t or put it in your pockets or something so that my public can keep believing I poo roses!'.
We all have our OWN sh*t to deal with, don't need everyone else's on top, eh. Different if you offer or they ask nicely, but these types never do/will. Because that would mean admitting they're only human like the rest of us.
But WHY is C completely aware? Aren't you the traffic light? If she drives through your intersection because you failed to light up altogether or showed Green when the truth was Red or Amber, and you don't like that, then ...aren't you trying to force a pellet of poo in HER pocket?
You gotta be squeaky-clean before you can yell, Ya doity b*gger, at someone else. There's no critical quantum whereby it suddenly becomes poo as opposed to not. Poo is poo. Right?
(Tsk! The 'un' from my 'aware' somehow dropped off.)
No where near the need to visit here thankfully and thank you.
Them at No 4 have been out of sight for about a week now which does me good.
Yesterday bout 5ish I saw him drive back from golf and he had to park way down the road. Minutes later he walked past with dog to pub and yelling back over his shoulder “ One hour” “yes an hour” I guess she was bitching as she had been a widow all day and now he's on his way to pub. Yes the dog needs a walkie but timing Hmm!?
The tee shirt and swift turnaround sounds good but I rarely come face the face long enough to hit them.
Fixed some firm ideas/days up north round what want to do, who to vist and looking forward to it.
You're right - again, and that's why I abandoned the idea of words with C about the garden, Did loads this week out there, including mowing the terrace's front bits, cleaning and covering the van for the winter, fair buggered. She does give me credit for doing those jobs and helps me well. While out the copper from 2 doors the other way chatted about the van cover and I felt human rather than the criminal as No 4 think.
Start of symphony concert season last night and unfortunately our friend with the Big C didn't feel happy enough to sit through 2 hours of sublime orchestra when she is restless with her successful surgery and dressing. He came. Tomorrow is their wedding anni and my b/day so we all going out for chinky after champers at theirs. C driving and I will have had a few pints at lunch time with the usual gang.
All the kids doing things tomorrow so all round here this afternoon to see me
People's problems - unbelievable some times. All ages, many the same and some very horrible.
Keep up the good work (knowing you don't like me praising you but it's meant)
Hope your w/end is panning out OK.
Needed to have a neighbourly talk with M next door – action man busy busy as we have done over 10 years about hedges and whatever. He will deign to speak, not chat, but Mi his missus shuns us completely. He did answer my query but in a curt and hurried way and disappeared, which I thought OK it's your issue. Only a slight annoying roblem in my and C's eys but unsolved and now I must ask No3 about the same thing, but they are friendly.
Now that's what I don't call justice. I am not denigrating my crime and punishment in the broad spectre of things but........
…..........A great friend of C's had a son in his early 40s who was fatally ill with kidney problems and a brain tumour. He was discharged in favour of full time 24 hr live- in care, knowing he would die. He was a pal of our son's and we all knew him.
The nurse was previously suspended by the NHS for various serious nursing misdeamnours, yet she took part time moonlighting employment with an agency, how she slipped through the check net we don't know, and became his carer. His Mum was retired and widowed (lost her husband from the same problem).
He died and there was an inquest in which she was proved and admitted turning off his dialisys machine without someones go ahead. The case was heard in court in London, fair bit of local publicity and the outcome was – because of her admitting guilt with total remorse, the fact she returned all her illegally earned money, she got 3 months suspended sentence.
OK, I made a stupid mistake, didn't kill anyone, didn't harm any kids (tell that to probation), not a single person has been victimised ( ditto). Remorse? Of course.
I got the publicity, 6 months weekly probation, 5 years MAPPA supervision, can't visit or take in my grandchildren alone and a worried divided family.
Soulmate has asked me to post a brief message here informing you that they are no longer able to access this thread - presumably due to the length of the web page (simply won't load in their browser).
They wondered whether it might be possible for you to create a new thread to enable the discussion to continue, and duplicating the last couple of posts in the new thread for continuity.
If you need any help, please let me know (contact details in site support menu). We could add a hyperlink allowing people to jump back to this page in the opening part of the new thread, which I'm happy to incorporate / edit as and when required.
Thanks very much, understand and will try