To divorce or not
I am debating on divorcing my husband.We have been married almost two years,together for four.Six months into our marriage I found out he had been cheating and contracted an STD.He told me he cheated because I lied to him about things relating to relationships in my past 7+ years prior to meeting him and that had no effect on him or our relationship. I held responsibility for my actions and tried to forgive him.Since then,he has been caught talking/ texting woman,e-mailing his ex wife,telling her he stil loved her and numerous infractions, I started talking to a man that I knew from high school about my relationship and what was going on,wrong on my part. I stopped talking to him over a year ago,what bothers me most is my husband talks bad about me to anyone that will listen,the woman he chests with and even family members.He paints himself to be this innocent victim,who I have done wrong. I'm constantly being accused of things I don't do and humiliated in getting ron friends and family.He accused me of talking to a man in front of him and when I proved to him who it was he stated it was my fault because of our past.I have tried to move on be a better person and wife,but he forgets the things he has done to me and continues to dig at everything,I just would like some input before I file for divorce.Thank you
Damn right they had no effect, and what do you MEAN responsiblity for your actions? If those unearthed facts suddenly meant so much, why the hell did he go ahead and tie the knot or (if he found out after that) just annul the marriage? This guy's an emotional and moral idiot, and if THAT'S all he can think of with which to try to justify his crime then clearly you're squeaky clean in terms of executing your own duties in the marriage, meaning, he had no good reason other than 'wanted to' and thought he could get away with it (married *and* still single, cake and eat it). He didn't even have the decency to wear a condom!
And this a mere six months into your official life together? And he went and REPEATED the crime even after being caught the first time? Pff, forget it. Dump the dud and move on before things get more involved and you find it far, far more difficult to extricate yourself and your life. Read all the other posts on here re cheating and you'll see what I mean.
He paints you black to anyone who'll listen because he doesn't want 'his public' knowing what a slimeball he is underneath his Nice Guy facade.
Dump him, and his family along with him. They can all enjoy remaining so-called squeaky clean *together* and towards *each other*, can't they (and good luck with THAT one!). After all, there's no arguing with actions and what they say: Watch me rejecting you forever-Amen and work out WHY.
Dear GOD, woman! Sorry, but you sound too sane and rational to have saddled yourself with such a spoiled, stunted, lying, cheating little child from such a rotten tree full of blinkered, self-lying apples! How on earth DID you? Were you practically out cold on Rohipnol at the time you said 'I do', and what you *thought* you were saying was, 'I need the loo'? Jeez.
When I say responsibility,I meant for lying,even though it had nothing to do with him.And responsibility for bringing another man into my relationship.But I have worked on and fixed myself.And before I left,as I am in the process of doing,I just wanted some input,because sometimes we don't see ourselves as others do,and to him,everything that's wrong in this relationship is my fault.He still brings up things I've done but NEVER talks about the numerous things he's done or for that matter how I feel about them.I know he's a fraud, I could out him but I feel that's childish.I allow trash to remain in the garbage.
Time to dump him and his family - who will listen, tolerate his lies, and back him no matter what. There's no sanity check coming from them, so get out of it and stop caring what they think.
You are never going to win the "blame game" with him. And your most recent indiscretion puts the final nail in the coffin that he has built for you.
Yup, this marriage has been dead for a long time.
I am in a very similar situation. My husband lies, belittles me and tells his side to anyone who will listen. He paints himself to be this wonderful loving husband in public but then behind close doors he is constantly screaming at me and the kids. I am in the process of either filing for a divorce or separating. My counselor has told me he has behavior issues and that I should leave. I feel your pain.
Bella65-Exactly my situation,he has even tried to talk about me to my family.The thing was I never told my side because I believe what goes on in a marriage,stays in a marriage,he would even talk about me to my children.My children witnessed first hand how he is and came back and apologized to me.I have actually asked him numerous times not to argue in front of my children..He has accused me of having a man in our home because I found an email he wrote meeting up with another woman while he was supposed to be working.I'm tired and I'm fed up..
You two, don't worry so much about these idiots trying to paint you black even to your own family and friends. They know better because they know *you* better. Plus, people are *not* thick, their minds know the truth when they hear it and likewise the opposite. The latter, if even fleetingly accepted, sits there in the mind itching and nagging away. It's called a conscience. So that means, anyone who shouldn't believe it but does and *doesn't* soon enough after come round to the truth doesn't have a working conscience and is thereby proving they're not worth your time anyway (win/win).
However, humiliation is and always has been the greatest punishment known to man. So my advice if you want to help Fate out with that or/and speed that inevitable retribution up, is to record them 'showing their arse' (as Beyonce would say), using your mobile phones or whatever device.
Yes, what goes on in a marriage *should ideally* stay within the marriage but if the gloves are off because he's FORCED the situation to be so, you then have carte blanche to do the same. Two wrongs don't make a right? Er, actually, *sometimes* they do.
"Sometimes" is far more realistic a life rule and tool than "never" and "always" (which both are but ideals). And as a human, you're duty-bound by life/nature/fate/god, whatever you wish to call it, to meet it halfway by standing up for yourself whenever you can. If you cannot do that for yourselves, how can you do it for other little people who rely on you as their protector?
Saying all of that, being seen to file for divorce unequivocally achieves this and says it all, all in one fell swoop.
And that's where these idiots are letting themselves and their silly smear stories down: If you're the b**ches, WHY AREN'T THEY LEAVING AND DIVORCING YOU? What - they're victim-doormats? How strange, then, that they're behaving like the opposite. Curiouser and curiouser, said Alice.
Life's too short to have to put up with this kind of sh*t. And any kind of success in romantic relationships hinges directly on team spirit, something they're demonstrating the very opposite of.
Dump the duds.