Recently I have become very uncomfortable in my relationship. My partner is constantly yelling at me; for sharing opinions and anything else he happens to find unsavory at the time. Today after getting yelled at for trying to voice my opinion on what was on the news. I felt really there was some huge gap in our communication, I have also begun to hate him these last few months, I feel belittled and like he was trying to make me feel stupid. Something occured to me in my behaviors and feelings and things he has said and done in the past, I looked up different types of abuse in relationship; the denying of opinion was on the list along with a few other things I hadnt noticed but he is outright doing such as withholding my bank cards and money, touching me inappropriately (I found out thats against the law, even if your in a relationship), threating suicide or worse when I try to leave and blaming me for everything that has gone wrong since we started the relationship. I shouldnt have to be scared of him, but I am, ive tried explaining yelling scares me- my family are abusive, probably why ive failed to noticed these or ignoring them intentionally, but if this is abuse he isnt gonna listen. I also am very mentally unstable and physically sick so I rely on him for care, which I think he may be intentionally stuffing up to make me sicker because he has been pressuring me to get on the pension since we have lived together and may be keeping me from getting some help (like another psychologist) to stop people figuring out. I dont know if im overreacting, people tell me I do that a lot, my boyfriend comes from a troubled background and had to be put in foster care, he has a lot of issues from it and im the only person in his life, he doesnt have a family or anyone except for me, but I feel worse about this relationship and the only way out is to run in front of some hoon at the traffic lights. He got an arrest warrant in the mail today for unpaid fines and im actually looking forward to the time he gets picked up, though it will probably be very short lived because he may have a person to bail him. Am I being really stupid and selfish for feeling this way?
No, you're right - he's behaving very abusively towards you, emotionally and financially, and you're completely normal to be feeling distinctly uncomfortable and on-edge all the time given this (so much for thinking you're unstable, then.)
He's either taking nasty advantage of the fact you seem to feel you rely completely and utterly on him and/or maybe even expressing, abusively, his inability to shoulder that weight when he'd rather be the one leaning on *you*. Alternatively, since you said 'recently', he could possibly have met someone else and started an affair, is suffering guilt and shame, you then making a peep reminds him of his guilt, ergo he snaps at you, yet at the same time is trying to render you too un-confident to leave him (if in case you found out). Whatever/whichever - he should just do the decent thing in leaving you rather than sit there bullying you.
Have you noticed any other changes in him lately, e.g. taking more care over his appearance, listening to different music, wearing cologne, new clothes, trying to get fitter/leaner, leaving the room to make phonecalls, having to 'pop to the shops'...?
What do you mean "the only way out" is to kill yourself? WHY is it. Are you just trying to convince yourself he's literally the only person in the world who'd bother with you so as to get to avoid having to confront of leave him?
You are seeing a psychologist and the person didn't point out you are being emotionally abused? Then you do need to change the psychologist.
Why should you kill yourself? There is always a solution to any problem. Its our failure to see it that leads us to such thoughts.
For a first try to speak to him sternly and let him know how you feel when he belittles you. Tell him, if he really loved you he would be more careful not to hurt you and respect your opinions and wishes. Demand respect.
If it doesn't still work, let him know you have to leave. Don't give in to the suicide threat and stuff. Take the help of the psychologist if necessary.