She found her twin flame, but still calls me
I met this girl in August of 2011. She was 19, I 20. Summer, seashore hometown, perfect. The first date we had was something out of this world. We talked the whole day straight, there were stars around us literally after some hours of talking. We were the happiest people on earth, and at the end of that day, I kissed her and she was the one. Afterwards we did a lot of beautiful things, 3 weeks later had our first sexual encounter, etc. We have been together pretty much every single day. In October 2011 we had to go to College and it seemed like hell to us because we could see eachother only for the weekends and the first weekend I saw her we falled into tears (2 months after we find ourselves)
The biggest problem is that I didn't really study but just wander around town and my room these 5 days and this probably made me frustrated and because of that we fought somewhat after December, mostly because of my idiotic behaviour, I was bad on her. Jelaous and like a dictator at times. And she always cried and came back. Always.
In January 2012 I found a job that I lost after 1 month, and then I moved to her College town and was just illegaly in her room for half of the week and the other half in my parents home. Still doing nothing important. And still being awful at her sometimes (your hair smells, your boots are ugly, I want to date other girls) etc. but she still cried everytime we fought and came back. She really did love me, I can assure you that. I didn't do anything important in my life but she still loved me and I had feelings for her aswell, his was my whole world, my life, job, friends, everything. And I treated her badly, because I could. Thats my biggest mistake. I eventually got a job at my hometown (1h15min from her) in 09/2012 which lasted until 07/2013 but I was pretty much hopeless at this job and was fired eventually. Her father worked at the company, we were collegues. He still didn't say anything bad about me, he was a very kind man. I broke up with her a couple of times during that summer, than got back again because I had no friends, no job I did nothing and she was my rescue. We spent hours and hours together and I thought that that fullfilled me totally. In 09/2013 we decided to live together in her College town (I mean legally, not sleeping in her room half of the week and hide in front of roomates) and this time should have been perfect. There was a job offer for italian-speaking telemarketers which would fit me well but I decided to not take it because I felt it was degrading for me to do it. (I saved all my money while working the 7 months in the company before). That time was hell. I left here a couple more times and not talked to her for a week, and she always came back in tears because she loved me a lot. She is pretty, very. She is smart. Studies civil engineering with great grades and I like her. But somehow my life frustration killed the whole thing slowly.
The time passed and in 03/2014 we didn't live together anymore but returned to our hometowns (she lives 15mins from my town and has a beautiful seashore villa as well - her parents inherited it, they arent vastly rich. In 04/2014 I was chosen to take part in a Talent Campus just because I wrote a really nice CV about me... there I found a girl with whom I cheated my GF twice. She never found out. After that my GF went to Amsterdam and Germany and was invited to go with her but she was just - MEH to me. Like, a good replacement for life but nothing more. But in 08/2014 I worked 1 month as a dish cleaner because I needed the money even though I was still planning to dump her finally in October, move to the capital city (of my country - Croatia), find new friends, a job, maybe finish some College I actually like. But, in 09/2014 we moved in in the villa (her parents are divorced and her father was living with another woman elsewhere at that time) and in this villa we didn't do anything important really, we just ate, watch TV, i played video games, went out... but this was like a flick of a switch for me. I decided to be very good with her. I started to love her (not because of the villa! i slept a lot of times in it for the past 3 years) but I really wanted to make our relationship something bigger, something worthwile. I decided to not be an idiot anymore and to solve my life completely. In 10/2014 she moved back to her college town and moved in with a couple of whom the girl is her all time friend and there was a room left. I thought of getting inside and trying to start my life over with a good basis, find friends, live life, work, finish college (I actually made a quite good plan, but would be too long to write here) and all in all this apartment is always filled with good music, with art sculptures (because the couple are very spiritual and artsy) and it's just a perfect place to be. But, I decided to move to the capital city because it would give me better chances of having friends, work (in my fathers company but from home), do some hobbies and see her for the weekends (it's just a 2h drive). I decided not to take the room and move in the capital. The new roomate is 2 years younger then her, a very happy person, works and studies, has friends and kind. Kind fullstop. To her, to anyone. Today is 2.12, 5 days ago she told me that she and this roomate had huge feelings for eachother and that they didn't do much besides a kiss because she has still a boyfriend. She said it is lasting for a good month and that she just feels very different when it's just close to him. She tells me that when they hug it's like the universe is melting. It's magic. And he feels the same way to. They didn't had sex and they just talk, but there is this huge attraction that they have and I saw it. She said he is her twin flame. Both of them think it that way. Now, 2.12 I'm still in my parents home, didn't move out to the capital city, didn't start to work with my father, living of my parents money and something I saved, have no friends (never had them really, she was my only everything) and + she is not my GF anymore. I'm a total wreck. I didn't ate for 5 days, my stomach acid is working all the time and all I wanted is her. I cheated on her this saturday (29.11) but was AWFUL, I hated every moment of being wrapped around another womans body. I mean REALLY uncomfortable. Strange experience. I drove to her yesterday to solve matters in person and I just cried in front of her for hours. She said that this is how she felt whe I broke up with her. That night eventually we kissed in the lips and hugged and I sleeped at her place (we didnt had sex, I was a wreck and she wouldnt) we talked about it all and discussed that this is the moment to give myself a life. The problem is that I'm shaking now as I write. All i want is her. She said she cant live without me but in a friend-zone way, she said she needs my talking and we contact eachother, but I feel her friend-iness/coldness. I'm seriously thinking about suicide because to make matters worse my mother with whom I'm living is a mentally depressed, not crazy, just different, not nice to be around with. And this small hometown I live is dead, 3000 people, nothing to do, no friends, no nothing. I need her like nothing in this world. The only thing that gives me hope is my good father and his company. Now it's the fifth day I don't eat and swim in physical pain in my stomach and heart. What should i do? I want a life, work with my father and have HER. I need her, she is my soulmate, I want to be with her for the rest of my life.
first, you can't HAVE someone like a piece of cake. i don't mean to be rude, but the only reason you want her back is, she found someone else and you are jealous. you don't have the luxury of her coming back to you after everything you did now. that scares you.
but i think there is nothing left for you in this relationship(if i call this a relationship).
she has moved on, you should you. don't be the cause of holding each other back.
and by the way,that honesty is really praiseworthy.
How should I behave to her now? She is calling be, sending me messages on FB, 3 days ago we met when she told me everything and I cried for hours literally in front of her and we kissed that night and I even slept at her place (no sex)... it really gets me confused. Like she still not totally over me. I don't know what to do. To break all contact?
both of you are in the same position. you both see each other as "back-up".
she obviously doesn't see you as a lover. she made it clear. and you "cheated" on her too.
you have mixed feelings for her and both of you are afraid to move on.
Worrying and starving yourself cannot solve any problem, so you better stop starving and start taking care of yourself.
how many times did you broken and patched things up? is it the same routine- getting back, hurting each other, spliiting and again getting back? if yes, your relationship is going nowhere.
but trust me, as confused as you are, stopping contact with each other should make you realize your true feelings. it did for me. and when you make the decision after a couple of weeks' contemplating, there is a very small chance that you will regret your decision ever. tell her this and wait it out.
you both have unresolved issues and just hiding themselves and prematurely patching things up will cause a major bursting out. buy her and you some time. that's all. i know it's hard, but the earlier you do it, the less pain you will feel and the less regret you will have.
and.... your life cannot just be revolved around that one person. think about the other people too. try to build a strong friend circle around you so that you don't feel lonely just after breaking up with a single person over and over again. yes, it is easier said than done, but little baby steps like socializing, partying or going out with your colleagues takes just a little bit of push. maybe your depressed mom needs you, what do u know?
you can try meditating for stabilizing your mind. also, a good amount of sleep helps.
i hope my advice helps and please do tell us what happens.
Everyone has been very tolerant of your selfish, self-serving behaviors. You should be thankful for that.
Now, for the FIRST time in your life, you are being told "No."
This girl is moving on. She is no longer going to accept your behavior and probably feels sorry for you (with your crying and falling apart), in spite of the many times you let her down. She has talked with you and together you decide that this "is the moment to give myself a life." That's her loving way of letting you go.
Pull yourself together. See if you can learn anything from all this.
It's now 18 days after the break up and I feel as bad as the first days even though I did:
- volounteering work
- had no contact with her
- worked on my goals
- contacted all friends and got drunk with them
- been to events/concerts
I realised that I really want her back. I love her to death. I want to nurture her, to carress her hair. It's a very big platonic bond, but she doesn't even reply to my messages and I saw her together a couple of times. She is as happy as ever. They really are insepperable.
2 days ago me and my ex went to have coffee and she was a totally different person. I craved for her, but she replied like she was talking to a stranger. Very cold. Totally different. And also was all the time on the phone texting with him.
As well, seeing her cute little pink socks on the floor of her roomates(lovers) room was a sight that got me to emergency psychiatrics that day. I'm thinking very intensly about suicide.
I haven't had my penis erect from that hateful November 28 and no girl is attractive to me at all. I'm a total wreck. Please, I think I need to be hospitalised.
Sorry, wrong nick. That's still me! Same problem!
I miss her talking, her voice, her body, her life, her friends, her house, her father, her mother, her brother, her rooomates, everything. Life seems to have no taste now.
I realised I've been with her 3.5 years for a reason. She was really my love and something very special but my shitty character ruined it all. We could be happy and together now probably!
she has clearly moved on. well you can't force her put of her current relationship. crying over spilled milk won't help your current condition.
seeing her routinely like you are doing would be a very bad idea. that triggered your hysteric episode.
you are thinking of suicide?
looks like you are turning to obsessive disorder with depression.
suicidal thought is really alarming. you need to seek psychiatric help immediately.