Dating my ex.....
Firstly may I say hello and I joined the site to get some honest and thoughful opinions/answers.
I dont know where to start but to start with total honesty
I met a wonderful lady about 8 months ago, on a dating site and it just seemed we clicked from day one. When I first met her it was as though for the first time in my life my heart actually skipped a beat and that moment i just knew she was special.
I had suffered so many bad things from an early childhood, and I became this angry man inside, in fact, I chose to bury the thoughts of good things as that was my escape from the past. I wasnt in the right frame of mind for wanting a relationship 8 months ago, but I guess I was lonely and didnt wish to be a bed hopper or use women for sex....its not my make up and never has been.
Things developed quickly but during this time our dating revolved around mainly going out with her friends, her daughter and not really having time to get to know each other between just the two of us.
I was depressed and I knew i was even when i met her, but I hid this from everyone, and put on this front so i didnt help things myself. We ended up going on holiday 3 months after we met and it was good in places and not so good with dramas between her daughter and her daughters boyfriend coming to light. I obviously knew she had to deal with the dramas but I guess i felt as though I was constantly on the back burner.
I used to get angry, and yes jealous of how much time she spent with her friends as opposed to us actually spending quality time together, which was rare.
She had an ex friends with benefit whom would always text her when he had been drinking offering her sex, which she never took up, but i guess that made me insecure that she would even contact him
Anyway, 7 weeks ago, I hit rock bottom in my life and had a complete melt down at a party we all attended. I will honestly say I lost control and said evil and nasty things which I regretted as soon as they came out of my mouth, and haunt me now. What I said was not me at all.....it was years of frustration, bitterness and anger inside me that just eruppted.
We ended up splitting up that night and quite rightly it was correct and my fault.
I spoke with her a few days later and explained that I had been under so much stress, not her fault but mine for not accepting I was depressed.
4 weeks ago, she had been out with her friend and she text me at 1.00am to say that she loved me and wanted a cuddle.......I drove straight round to hers and we cuddled and i left the next morning.
She told me she felt guilty afterwards and I understand why.
Three weeks ago she came to talk to me at my house and we decided that we should work out if we should try again. Because I had actually snapped out of my self induced depression.
That night when she left, she went straight to her ex friends with benefits ans they had sex
I caught her there and i was destroyed. She eventually admitted to me a day later that she never meant it to happen and that it was just a physical act that happened
Anyway, two weeks ago she said that she and I should date, and that there were conditions that we do it away from her friends and my friends, so that we could try.
It ended up the first date at mine, i cooked for her and yes, the inevitable happened in the bedroom. Then last week she felt guilty and said it shouldnt have happened. But yet again last weekend i went to hers and it happened again
I do love her, and she texts me that she loves me and misses me. She tells me she is sad about what happened when we split up, but she also says that most of the time she wants us to work this out. I know she is not dating anyone else, she has also said that while we are "dating" that she has no intention of seeing anyone else. An I believe her and know its true.
I wonder if she is dating me just to have final closure on us, or if she truly wishes to see the actual and real me, nice, loving and considerate. I never let her into my life before as i was so messed up and never let her meet my family.
I asked her if she would like to meet them last week, and she has said yes she does want to.....
Am I being strung along, am I looking too much into it.....or any advice or comments would be hugely appreciated
You have been 8 months on a roller coaster with this gal. Neither of you seem really prepared to go into an exclusive relationship.
Why not keep it casual for a while? No use in introducing her to parents, yet. She hasn't "earned" that right of being exclusive and special to you yet, and showing that to your parents.
It's only been 2 weeks since she has changed her mind. Let time be the great reveal-er and see if she can be true and you can be emotionally stable to sustain a long term relationship.