I dont know what to do.
so I was in a relationship for 4 years off and on, (mostly on) and then he developed a drug problem. I had told him a few times when we were still together if he does not stop im going to leave. he didn't stop, so after a year from when I noticed it started I left him. after I left he told me that he was wrong and hes sorry and all that. but also that he made me feel like biggest piece of shit for asking what he was doing and trying to help him. Everyone says im better off with out him but I cant help but love and miss him after what hes done to me. before the drugs everything was perfect. he moved out of the house he was at that had it and he says hes clean but im already with someone else. But im afraid that I don't love the one im with as much as I should because I still miss kind of love my ex... so should I leave the one im with and go back??? or stay with him???
What was the "love" you had with the first guy? HIS first love was his drugs, so he let you go so he could continue to be an addict - emotionally for sure, not sure if he's not using, even today. Like an addict, he blamed you for his unhappiness - like a child who gets mad when he's found out.
Your life would have been a living hell with the first guy.
I wonder what it is that you really "miss" since he wasn't there for you at all.
Every love is different. Don't compare one with the other.
I miss what it was, what we were, all the dreams, hopes, ideas we had together. He was there for me for 3 years, before he got into drugs. I miss what we were. I still think of him everyday hoping he's ok. he knows so much about me. I don't like hurting people so I feel kind of bad for leaving and being with someone else. he wont talk to me anymore and I kind of want to talk to him, if anything just to settle what was wrong and still be close friends but I think I hurt him to much to do that. The day I found out he's been lying for a year, its like my heart just shut down if that makes any sense. today I was even thinking of breaking up with who im with because im afraid I guess. kind of feels like I don't know what love, trust, or truth is anymore
The emotional "baggage" from this addict is preventing you from being able to have a relationship TODAY. Plus, you are hanging on to a lot of fantasies from younger years.
Talking to a woman counselor might benefit. Find one who deals with families of addicts to help you sort all this out.
Regret is a bad feeling and drags us down. Until you can feel no regret for getting out of that relationship, you are going to be "stuck" in making the past seem better than what it really was.
Be very careful. If you pass up on this new guy, you may regret pushing something nice to the side.