I feel like i'm in a dead end relationship at the moment & it's causing me a lot of anxiety, anger & depression.
I am a 37 year old female in a relationship with a 42 year old man. I am childless, he has 2 kids from a previous relationship. We have been dating for 3 years now & I moved into his home after a year & a half of dating.
Prior to moving in, our relationship was fantastic but once I moved in, our relationship deteriorated quickly.
I was miserable living there for various reasons & I moved out after 5 months. He didn't really seem to care that I did, to be honest with you.
He is not pro-marriage & said he was not really interested in getting married but he would not rule it out entirely. He claimed that if he ever did get married it would be years from now (remember, he's already 42) & there would be a pre-nup involved (he is not wealthy by any stretch of the imagination). He never married the mother of his children by the way.
I would like to get married day but I don't see that happening with him. Even if i were to let go of the marriage thing, we are not even able to live together as a couple since we are very incompatible in many ways.
I love him with all my heart & he is a good man (I wouldn't have stuck around this long if i didn't love him, believe me) but I am so very unhappy with our relationship at the moment & the future looks bleak.
I want to build a life, a future with my partner but I don't see this happening at all with him. I want someone who will be there for me (and not just on a part-time basis), I want someone who will take care of me (not financially-speaking, like in a "manly" way).
He seems fine with the way our relationship is & just tells me that we will most likely live together once his kids move out of the house but that won't be for years from now (they are 9 & 15).
Any input would be much appreciated.
While you remain with him, you will continue to feel anxiety, anger and depression. Your goals in life and your needs are completely different to his going by your post.
Why would you bother getting married if you state that you couldn't live together? What would be the sense? It's plainly obvious that you guys are not on the same page and never will be. He comes across as if he's emotionally shutdown in some ways and if he doesn't believe in marriage, then where does that leave you?
While you list his good points, you can't change him and you either accept him totally with all your heart or you don't. You well know that you can't remain with him AND be happy and if you attempt to, given the current circumstances, you will eventually walk away a very tired soul.
The various reasons of not being able to live together should give you all the motivation you need to move on from him for you to able to find your TRUE happiness with someone else...someone else who shares your values and standards.
You said: "we are not even able to live together as a couple since we are very incompatible in many ways. "
What do you think MARRIAGE is all about?
This guy has already told you that you have at least a 10 year wait (until the kids are gone) - so can you accept that?
Yes, you may "love" him, but he's not marriage material.