Hi I im 36 years old. My girlfriend of 14 months broke up with me one month ago. Things were going well, I thought, she told me every day how much she loved me and was never happier. She had always been very loving and adored me. however within the space of a few days she starting becoming cold and didn't reply to texts etc. when she eventually answered my call she said things were annoying her and she needed space. I immediately seen the warning signs and said it was a break up. A couple of days later we talked and I became angry, it was obvious it was over. We have since talked on a couple of occasions (we work together) and texted a few times. From her body language it is obvious she no longer loves me. She said she doesn't want a long term relationship (she is 44). She has kids and wants to concentrate on them so she says. I have been unable to keep it bottled up and confronted her at work, looking for answers. She says it's over, she can't give me the time for a relationship and maybe in a few years it might be different. I have been heartbroken, sleep is very poor and finding it hard to cope generally. She seems to be happier already when I see her, laughing with colleagues and she has socialising with friends and family. I'm struggling to move on, any advice as to what to do.?
Hi there i do read your story and i know how hurt it is since ive been hurt broken last couple if months ago although we different story. At this very moment i am still so lonely and sad i don't know if it help i wanna try, just keep yourself busy and talk or share it to your friends i know this is not the best advice but honestly i felt for you. Godblesd and sorry for my bad english sincerely yours aileeb
i my self as a girl when i say that i mean give me a year but some people are different i wouldn't get your hopes up but then again stay a friend maybe in a year she will want what you want , also children are important to a mother and its best to respect what she want to do for them
If it were me, I'd feel hurt and angry that my emotions had been played with and that my time and effort had been wasted. As a mother, I feel like we should know what we want before we become involved with a person, especially because kids are a factor. With that being said, she should know whether or not she is ready to be involved in a long term relationship. The fact that it took her over a year to figure out that she didn't have time for a relationship is fishy. I think she used the ol' "I needs to focus on my kids card" as an excuse to end the relationship. She may have other reasons why she came to the conclusion that a break up was in order. I don't know.
It's hard to move on, especially since you work together. But if I were you I'd ignore her as much as possible. Being buddy buddy with her isn't going to help you get your emotions back in order. You can't wait around for a year or two until she figures out when she'll have time for a relationship. Focus on whatever you have in your life that's positive. Talk to other people, platonic or not. Just don't let the break up consume you. I know it's easier said than done, but you will get by and it will hurt a little less with time. Best wishes.
ARIESCHICK420 I really appreciate your comments. Everyone tells me I should ignore her, but it's easier said than done. She was always a kind and loving person, but she wants nothing to do with me anymore for whatever reason, i guess she is trying to let me down gently. Thanks.
She said "things were annoying her and she needed space."
Do you have any idea WHAT "things" annoyed her? Apparently, they had to do with you. Otherwise, she might have asked for help, if they were about the kids or the house.
She was stressed at work and at home, life in general not having enough hours in the day. The way I was texting her and she didn't have time to respond, she found this annoying like I was controlling her. Then practically overnight she decided she had enough and no longer had time for the relationship..
Did you ever ask her if she needed help or what she needed with?
Or were you like a needy child demanding attention?
I'm sure she is a great person but I think it's always best to be honest and upfront with people, even if the truth hurts. I think it's worse to dance around the truth and leave a person to wonder what they did wrong if that's even the case.
I remember you saying that when it happened you were sad but then you became angry. Can I ask what set you off? Like were you provoked by something she said or did you feel she wasn't listening to you side?
I became angry with her because I felt inadequate as a human being, if I had made her truly happy in the relationship she really would of held on to me for support and love to get her through the bad period she is in right now. I wasn't thinking straight, I guess deep down I resent the fact she just doesn't want me anymore and lashed out by calling her names. This was out of order and I regret it. I did ask if I could help obviously, she said she needs to get through it on her own and focus on her family. She always listens and is a very rational person. She feels the only option at present is to ditch the relationship. Unfortunately at the expense of my happiness but I have to suck it up and move on...
I see. Well, things like that happen when we are hurt. I know I've been guilty of the same thing at one time or another. I hope everything works out for you. Maybe at some point you will both be ready to be good friends. At least then it won't feel like nothing was gained and that can be better than losing a person entirely, especially a really good person who's company you enjoy. Good luck.
MNick - Ahhhh - Good job on explaining the situation! Sounds like you know what happened.
Step back. Hold your head up high. Don't let her see you depressed or needy.
Let her know that you'd like to begin the relationship all over, with you a wiser man - when she is ready.
Maybe some "thinking of you" flowers?
PS - you don't say how old the kids are. She can be overwhelmed with them, a job and trying to have a relationship. (That may be why she said "in a few years" she might resume something.) Try to study up on some parenting tips.
I spoke with my ex last night on phone for over an hour. We got on very well. Then today at work I felt she was ignoring me...I then called her after work and she got really annoyed. I was pestering her, i find it so hard to give her space