Only attract married men
I am a 40 year woman old and i'm told very good lucking. I appear to have everything although I do struggle financially - everything was bought during the good times. When I was 20 I started a relationship with a man 10 years older than me. He was in a relationship. We are no longer together but are best friends for life although sometimes I think he has an expectation of me which I pass off fleetingly.
The problem is that I can only attract men that are in relationships or married. I'm a lonely creature and don't have friends. I work a lot. Also my female friendships fell apart during my relationship with the older man. I crave attention but not intentionally with married men. The one I hoped would work out - transpires he is engaged now - I didn't know he was in a relationship. I suffer from anxiety and stress and I don't have the capacity to say no to these men. I really do try. I have never had a relationship with men who have children. I currently am having relations with 2 men (the one I didn't know was engaged) and another man who is married. To be honest - I don't think either of these give a dot about me. One can't resist me apparently and the engaged one just can't leave it alone. I have tried to not encourage him but it's such a small place where we live and through our work we can bump into each other. The other married man was working with me and I received really bad news that my father was dying when I was with him. Again through work and he was very kind to me. I know what I am doing is wrong and I would die if I thought someone was doing it on me or my sister - but I just do not have the capacity to end these relationships. I'm quite a high profiles business woman and I would be mortified if anyone found out about these. I have been approached by other married men as well and to be honest Im just really sick of it. And lonely, and why am I not good enough for someone to want me for me - I'm well liked and have a good heart. I dont mean to come across as self centred if i have - I just want to stop this vicious circle and don't know how to. I don't feel used by these men though I have no doubt that I am.
You said: "I just do not have the capacity to end these relationships."
Oh, yes you do! You say you are a high profile businesswoman. Anyone woman who has gotten that far is organized, CAN make decisions, set goals AND limits.
It seems you just don't WANT to end these relationships.
So - WHY do you stay in them? What do YOU get out of them? I'd like to suggest it's because they fit YOUR needs. No REAL commitment, no REAL financial or family ties. You can always curl up in your jammies with a good book and not be disturbed by a demanding child or needy husband. Sex and goodbye. Hit and run. You are in the role of the "other woman" and don't seem to mind being there.
Many 40-year-old plus women like you end up with their own homes, a high profile career, money in the bank. They tend to be good aunts to nieces and nephews and go home alone after the holidays. Many are happy living that way. They get dogs or cats to fill emotional needs. They travel a lot with female friends. Spend a lot of money on botox and brand name clothes and perfumes. Not a bad life, IF that's how you want it to be for the long term.
You don't say you LONG for the husband and kids. So, there's no advice here.
Are the men using YOU? No, I'd say you are using them. But it's only for a little while.
If anything, try to have some compassion for the wife and other gal who is engaged to this creep. (But somehow, I don't think you REALLY care.) The fact that you are messing with TWO unavailable me tells me that you have no brakes on your choice of men.
I'm worried about you and how it will all end up.