My ex loves to hurt me
Its been 6 months into a mutual breakup based on long distance problems, our relationship only lasted a year. We're both babies, only 17 when we met, 19 now. The breakup was hard, but no doubt in my mind that there is love for one another. But he became cold and rude and I became needy and annoying. I tried to get us back together for months until I eventualy gave up, both admitting that we wouldn't work out. I begged for him to leave me alone, just a chance for me to get over him, while he begged for a friendship. This has been going on for half a year now. He called me a few months back to tell me he wanted to get serious with someone else, (which was a complete rebound), I began ignoring him believing that he's moved on and so would I. But he continued to call me, the longest he went without conacting me was 10 days. I finally caved after three-four weeks of ignoring him and answered his calls, he poured to me that he realized no girl would ever be like me, his mother and father continuously tell him he made a mistake, his friends tell him that even they miss me, but not a word of getting back together. I told him I think only exes can be friends if they never really loved one another or they still do, when I said he never loved me, he said it was quite the opposite. He pleaded to be friends and finally I agreed, thinking that after 6 months I was over him, we began speaking kind of frequently and I was still very much putting up a wall, one night I asked him why he kept calling and that I didn't care if we speak all the time or never again, he became angry and when I asked why he reacted like that, he hastily said it hurt to hear "the woman he loves" say she doesn't care if we never speak. Both of us were caught off guard by that and chose to ignore it. One night he didn't call me back and I became angry, I told him not to play me because I don't have time for mind games anymore and will ignore him like I did before, he told me he just fell asleep and that it wasn't a big deal. Both realizing that I'm very afraid of having my heart broken again. I called him 3 times between two days and realized he was ignoring my calls, I haven't called back and neither has he. It's the 10th day now and I hate waking up wondering if he is going to call me again. I'm not over him, and I still very much want him. Although I told him all those months ago that I didn't want a relationship, I find myelf often picturing us together. I am a very stubborn girl and hate seeming weak so I do what I can to prove to him that I'm not bothered, when in actuality, I am. I don't know what's going on in his head and why it is so important for him to keep contact with me, but he's been stringing me on. I haven't seen him since August and he told me he was going to come to my city on the 19th and now I have no clue if he's going to pop up. Deep down I feel like he still loves me, but I dont know if he's testing me to see if I'd actually be okay never talking to him again, or if he is really just playing mind games. He's immature and he gives tests rather than communicating. I guess we're both young and not sure of what is really in front of us. I'm just tired of having my feeling hurt.
Hey there Felicity!
It sounds like you two are right back where you were when you broke up: you calling and worrying, and him playing games an ignoring you. My advice? Break up again.
Now let me put it in a nicer way. My name's Megan by the way, and I'm a "baby" as well, 19 like you. From having been in a year-long long-distance relationship, I can understand how it feels. Some days you're putting your sweetheart on a pedestal, making them out to be the most amazing person, totally worth waiting for. Other days, when you're lonely, it feels like they're the weight dragging your entire life into the dumps. Being physically present with a person is reassuring, which is why long-distance is so challenging.
This guy, he called you non-stop for months, trying in a sense to win you back. Once he did win you back, once it was obvious to him that you cared too, it changed things. It may have exposed his true motives for trying to win you back in the first place. He may have realized it was more about obtaining you, the prize, than actually finding happiness for himself.
Or he's just a jerk. There's always that too.
Anyways, you sound like a smart girl, and the kind of girl who won't take crap from anyone either. That's a winning combination in my book. And you're a writer too (I can tell from your near impeccable grammar and style), which means that you have a way of seeing the world differently. Sometimes, that vision lets you see deeper into people than most. I believe it is Ender Wiggin who says that it is inevitable to love somebody once you understand them.
I have no doubt in my mind that you love this guy, and it just may be that he loves you too. Either way though, it doesn't change the fact that he's just not good for you. It's a rough lesson to learn: love doesn't lead to great relationships. Sure, good relationships have love. But not all relationships with love are good.
You sound like a smart girl, the kind of girl who won't take crap from anybody and writes well too. And this guy sounds like the kind of person who can hurt you. He didn't listen to you when you told him you needed space: he was selfish. He ignored you when you wanted to talk, whether he was playing games or being complacent --he was being selfish again.
We're 19 my friend. We've got all the time in the world to do exactly what you told this guy you wanted to do from the start: move on. It may hurt at first, and I'm sure he'll call again, but if you're strong and hold out, you'll get some much-needed me-time to have fun and figure this whole life thing out.
I wish you all the best!