Wife had sex with old boyfriend
My wife came home one night with giant hickeys on her neck and other smaller ones all over her body. She told me a story that she had met a beautiful woman at the gym and they had wild sex. I didn't believe her but she insisted it was true. Later when I would question her she would say it never happened and I was making it all up. I loved her so much I put up with it for 37 years. When I asked her about it last year she finally admitted it was her ex boyfriend(her first sexual partner who was 8 years her senior). It is driving me crazy and she refuses to tell all so I can try to put it all behind me. She stayed out one night until 3:26 am four years later and six weeks later found out she was six weeks pregnant. She insists I was the father and that she didn't remember staying out that night. I don't know what to do since the child may not even be mine. Should I continue to press for answers or let it all go? She is deathly afraid I may leave her. Should I?
Listen, if your wife is having an affair, it's going to put a serious dent in your relationship. But before anyone can truly answer your question, you have to know if it is your child or not. I suggest DNA tests. Maybe even wait until the child is born and then do a test, so you don't need her to come along. And it really depends on you. Do you love her enough to put this past you, or do you need to be with a more faithful partner. I recommend couples therapy.
Susie's covered the most pressing part of the issue so...
She obviously *wanted* you to notice what she'd been up to (hence the advertisement in the form of visible love-bites), only, didn't want you knowing the real truth... just as long as you got the firm message: someone else wants me.
Had you been neglectful or was she trying to cow you to guarantee she'd get her way more easily from then on? I'd say the fact she doesn't WANT you to be capable of putting it behind you, points very firmly to the latter.
Why does she want herself to be Master and you Servant? Had she felt you'd always been the Master and for two long? Or is she a spoiled baby not used to relationships getting run on an equal footing and trying to shoehorn the power dynamic more to her liking (despite not actually wanting the relationship to end)? Or does she only want the relationship not to end because now she feels she HAS that Master/Servant-in-her-favour set-up?
Regarding the details: it doesn't matter to her that she knows (and knows you know) she's basically denying the sky is Blue. Her aim is purely refusing to tell you in order that, as I say (and you correctly realise), you lack the means to move on from it. This is her keeping your wound fresh so that you never, ever forget it. It's to ensure you never get 'ideas above your station' and re-try for a greater power share.
That is not how we treat and behave towards people we love, is it, ESPECIALLY not after having done the dirtiest dirty there is (cheated on you *and* seemingly without even having used any protection).
But how on earth are you to believe her new claim that it was her ex-boyfriend? Which are the lies and which are truth? "I asked the liar if she was lying and she said No".
This woman is basically mind-f**king you. What a lovely person she is. Are you SURE-sure-sure you've loved her for 37 years? Are you in the habit of loving people who mistreat you so badly for so long? Or is what you're actually saying, you USED to love her and can't somehow turn the tap off? Or is this baby making you want to stay in the game?
Let's see, shall we: if I said I were your Fairy Godmother who could, with one wave of my wand, render you in an instant completely devoid of any feelings for her - putting you back to 100% neutral whereby you saw her as nothing more than some woman you'd pass on the street - would you want me to?