My husband and I have been married for 21 years. We have two beautiful sons 19 and 17. I have always been the main earner in our family and have taken care of the mortgage etc mainly on my own. My husband has had many jobs over the years but none of them ever lasted longer than 5 years or so. Recently, last year he found a job that he loves which involves him poisoning pests in the bush. He's away from home every week from Monday to Friday, home for the weekend before heading off again. He has been earning more than me and for once we are living comfortably. My problem lies in that he just bought himself a brand new truck, a new rifle and some other things that are for him and I resent the fact that he has these. The truck I can understand because he has to get to work which can be up to 5 hours away sometimes. He also said he was going to give up things because the truck was expensive but this hasn't happened. When I discussed this with him he called me a martyr. That hurt. I suppose it does look like I have been a martyr but in my defence, the only reason why I didn't buy anything for myself was because I knew we couldn't afford it and paying the bills and food would have been really difficult! What do I do? It's really eating me up.
So what would YOU like at this time when there is no financial pressure?
Perhaps you have not been as vocal as you should have been.
Sit down and look at the NEW budget. Room should be made for your wishes, now.
Be firm on this and don't let him label you as a "martyr."
OK so, heres what im seeing, your married with two sons. 17 and 19, not divorce (presumably) that in itself is a feat rarely heard nowadays. Your fine over him getting a brand new truck despite the fact he could have gotten himself a used one. I have to salute you in the fact that you haven't killed him already with your bare hands in his sleep or something. You recognize his challenges that he has never been able to hold a job for over 5 years and yet you still have remained loyal. This shows you have an incredible sense of love for him as well as a unique patience that's becoming alien to this world.
Now it appears to me that this is simply a challenge that you both need to group up and get over. Not you or him, both of you. You said he called you a martyr. Now please pardon me, i don't fully comprehend where the insult lies with the exception that it was intended negatively. However I am beyond impressed that you both seem classy enough that he hasn't called you a cuss word or a word really intended to cause you emotional harm. The word martyr has been turned into a negative thing nowadays in Western and even European culture. But in reality a martyr is someone who is an individual who is so dedicated to what they believe in, that they are willing to risk laying down their lives for the cause. In american society we call them the National Guard, Army Men, Marines and so on. My is intended as insult or not, I would take that as a compliment as that word alone has told everyone who reads that, that your that kind of mother and wife. Which is also obvious from the 21 years of life service. Last but not least, so long as he continues to remain your partner in the manner of which you both agreed prior to marriage and he doesnt...
become a abusive physically and emotionally.
still keeps to his duties as a father and husband for the most part.
Then is it possible to overlook this nearsighted action he took? If this becomes a common occurrence then having a discussion about it would become necessary. But also look at it from his viewpoint in this manner, to an extent he is correct. You also need to think about yourself at times. Don't go crazy, don't let him go crazy but also don't be crazy about being so dead set on one mindset or life can be miserable.