Partner admits he sleeps with other woman.
I have been with my partner now for 10 years we have 3 children and recently suffered a miscarriage of our very wanted 4th child. My partner unlike me had never been in a long term relationship before me and in his early years suffered from impotence and had limited sexual experience in his younger years. When we met he was travelling around the world having fun and sleeping around as much as possible. I knew this I wasn't stupid but we started our relationship fell in love and then I fell pregnant (accidently)
He wanted me to have an abortion but I couldn't so we had our daughter. Sometime after that in an argument he admitted he was going to finish with me before I told him I was pregnant and he felt I had trapped him by keeping the child and he could never forgive me for it. I was shocked but he said he loved me and wanted us to be together, be a family. Years passed we had another 2 children and were trying for another but we lost it. Last night we had an argument over something I can't even remember now and he announced to me that he has over our entire relationship slept with other women, he says because I trapped him and with him being impotent for years he feels he has missed out on his young sleeping around phase before settling down and even though he knows its wrong and he isn't proud of it if the opportunity presents itself he takes it. He also said sometimes he thinks he would like to leave me and have a chance to meet someone and have a "proper" relationship i.e. meet, date etc.. due to his travelling we never went down the traditional dating route he says that although he does love me and loves our family he has this resentment on what he thinks I have cheated him out of and doesn't know how to get past the past.
I don't know what I am now meant to do with this information he hasn't said he will never do it again all he has said is that he really loves me and loves our beautiful family and wants to be with me and now the ball is in my court. My head is all over the place. There is a part of me that thinks walk away but then there is the other part that thinks I love this man with all my heart we have 3 children had been planning another plus there are our children who absolutely adore their dad and the thought of breaking that up breaks my heart I don't think I can bring myself to break our family but don't know how to cope with what I have been told.
May I ask your ages?
be strong for your kids,dont deprive them a chance of growing with a father.
Hes 34 im 42
I am of the opinion that kids need happy parents - whether that is in a marriage, or if each parent has their own home after a divorce. So don't stay married just because of the kids . . . although counseling is in order when so many lives are going to be impacted. They must be considered, but not be the driving force for two people to stay together
It sounds like your husband is overwhelmed. At age 42, he is mid-way in his retirement building years, probably working lots of hours, bills, kids, wife, community and family obligations. Sometimes guys of this age long for their carefree, single years. He may be having a mid-life crisis right now. You have your hands full, too. Sometimes marriage partners don't pay enough attention to their fellow adults in the family. Counseling would find that out.
My condolences on the miscarriage . . .
But now you may not like what I am going to bring up next: With all the turmoil going on in your marriage, why the pregnancies? Some women think (or hope) that children will keep their man at home (and vice versa) But, as you have found out, he is expressing his unhappiness at the very time you say you are "planning" another. You said this next pregnancy is very much wanted, but by whom?
Time to get you both into counseling and see what's up with the marriage.
Adding to the family can wait until things get settled down.
He's 34 it's me that's 42 as for the pregnancies it after our first child he announced his resentment to my "trapping" him after that things calmed down and were I thought fine and normal so didn't see my having children as being a band-aid to our relationship. I didn't know that he had been sleeping with other women all these years, with breastfeeding and then additional pregnancies and also its hard finding a sitter to look after them I don't go out much. Maybe stupidly I was fine with him going out with his mates he does work long hours and does get stressed with work so I didn't mind him going out it is not every week just ever now and then.
As for the baby we were planning it has been all him since the birth of our last child 3 years ago he has gone on about having another I have been hesitant just due to my age and also that we have 3 kids already but then after many chats I decided to go for it and we started trying. Now I don't know we had agreed to give ourselves time to grieve and let my body recover from the miscarriage before thinking about trying again.