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I can't let him go.

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Relationship advice Ok, so long story short, I met this guy who was absolutely lovely and ticked every single box. He was kind, sensitive, considerate, caring, SO good looking and we had loads in common. Both die-hard musicians and singers. He was in a relationship when we started talking but he said it was as good as dead and told me how unhappy he was. Anyway, he ended that, we started seeing each other about a month later, got together, had an amazing few months and I was the happiest I'd ever been.
He went away for a few days and when he came back, it was great, we spent all night cuddling and the sex was incredible. Except later that week, he calls me, and dumps me because he still loves his ex. Of course, my world totally fell apart.
Now here's my problem. I have to work with him. We work for the same company, except he is established and I'm in training - and he's the guy allocated to train me. It's so hard having to go to work and see him. It's been over a month since he dumped me and he is absolutely fine, happy with his girlfriend. On the face of things, I get on with him, and I'm fine. When actually, I'm a wreck. I cry to myself for hours most nights, I can't sleep, my appetite is all over the place, I've just been diagnosed with depression and referred to a counsellor. Every hour of every day I feel numb, empty, tired, and everything reminds me of him. I'm totally in love with him but he never gave me the chance to tell him. No matter how hard I try, I cannot get rid of these feelings. Seeing him doesn't help either because it just brings it all back up. I don't want to leave my job because I've just started out and it's building my career. Also my job is pretty hard to find elsewhere.
I just don't know what to do. I'm an absolute wreck every hour of every day and I am so tired of fighting. I can't stop thinking about him, about us and wishing we could go back to that, and it's driving me mad. Somebody help me, please.

I can't let him go.

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Not 'was' absolutely lovely and ticked every box, etc. SEEMED AT THAT EARLY STAGE to be.

Also, SAID (blah-blah) that the relationship was as good as dead, but you only had his word for that. You also only had his word that she even WAS his ex. I'm betting she wasn't. I'm betting he didn't 'go' ANYWHERE those few days, and that he was simply a cheating basst'd! Alternatively, he probably had told his gf he was 'confuuused' or what-not and 'needed space' so that he could create a distance whereby she couldn't chart his suddenly iffy movements.

Why? Because it's a too-common ruse. Player Alert!

And what can YOU do about it? You rely on keeping in his good books so's not to get FIRED or at the very least have to put up with a permanently horrid work atmosphere.

Oh, he picked his target well, didn't he? I should cocoa!

Unbeknownst to you, he did nothing but intentionally duped and used then discarded you like a dirty tissue. How much would he have had to pay you by now if you'd been a high-class prostitute with an hourly rate? HE'S not stupid, then, is he. Nasty and underhanded, yes. Stupid, no. But what goes around definitely comes around (he'll get his).

I'm sorry you didn't know any better than to fall for it, and that you're finding it so painful to deal with at this early juncture. My advice would be to grit your teeth and await the medicine to properly kick in because you're obviously mentally coming to terms with your crushing disappointment VERY above-average speedily, hence why it hurts so keenly, but this means your grief will be much shorter-lived than you imagine. I wouldn't, therefore, bother chucking in your job in order to avoid what's already on its way out (the pain and giving a damn, I mean). Also, what with my having enlightened you over what a NASTY, EXPLOITATIVE, CONNING PIG he is, hopefully you might well find it even speedier from here on in.

His poor girlfriend - ugh, can you IMAGINE! If somehow you'd become his next girlfriend, that could be YOU getting cheated on in a year from now! Or right from the off for all we know!

Don't feel stupid, though. He's the stupid one. For having so damn little respect for other people's welfare and feelings, particularly women. So what does THAT tell you about what kind of time his girlfriend's always having when 'hitched' to a beep like that? Also, with a warped attitude like his standing in his way, it's highly unlikely he'll ever be able to bond sufficiently to where a relationship starts to feel life-enhacing and self-validating. You, on the other hand, WITH A MALE COUNTERPART WHO LIKEWISE IS SO NICE HE ASSUMES SO IS EVERYONE ELSE, will know that joy one day soon.

For now, however, it was, Right Qualities (yours), (oh-so) WRONG RECIPIENT.

For future reference, if having sex with them makes you unleash your heart so instantly and unbridledly, I would suggest you next time wait until you've got to know the bloke and what his TRUE situation and intentions are before giving him the ultimate goods 95% un-paid for.

Give it a couple more weeks. And meantime keep your eyes peeled so as to be reminded of how many more gorgeous blokes are out there - NICE ones! - one of whom - if you keep yourself susceptible to eyes meeting - could well be your next big relationship and the reason WHY Fate wanted to wise you up a bit as well as increase your desire and willingness with this 'teething ring' on legs. That's usually how it works. It force-feeds you shite so that you'll recognise sugar the second you see it and be HUNGRY for it.

I can't let him go.

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Maybe you can change "trainers."

Surely, this guy will understand (or does he?)

He sounds like he has no idea what happened between you two - since he has been able to disregard your feelings so quickly.

This thread has expired - why not start your own?