Trust in marriage
Hi all...im new...just wondering im married. Do my spouse have to tell me where he goes every time he goes out?
That's the kind of courteous behaviour you'd EXPECT from a husband, yes.
Why? Is he not? Has he never tended to? Or is this a NEW development?
Its not new.. He just says he going out with a friend...he would give a name but sometimes he wouldn't say where he is going unless I ask. Was just wondering cuz i dont want to b controlling if that's OK.
Then how long has he been behaving this unilaterally? Since before you married? Right from when you and he became steadies? When did you first notice it?
PS: Don't worry if I don't reply immediately to your next response. I'm not leaving you in the lurch, but I'm a Brit and it's (gasp!) 4:57am here and I'm getting very sleepyzzzzzzzzz.... LOL
That's OK...its 1:00 am here..Lol
By d way its before we got married
Honestly, I've been raised with a very disrespectful father but fortunately had two wonderful brothers learned how not to treat people and passed it on to me.. Whether he is doing anything wrong it's just disrespectful. What if you had an emergency? Or he? You NEVER know what's going to happen if he isn't doing anything wrong what is the problem saying hey honey, (Joe) and I are going to "so n so" for a while... My couple question are does he ever invite you? Take you out? Why wouldn't he just want you to be comforted in knowing he's ok and where he is planning on going.. Not that he has to check in every hour or if the place changes but, I don't think it hurts for them to be a little considerate. They don't understand it's really just the conversation we want. We tell them everything so we don't understand if there is nothing going on.. Why not just say.. I don't know I may be wrong but I've had that feeling before and that's what I discussed with my BF and after making him understand I don't need him to check in I just wanted to be included in the after laughs if that makes sense to anyone.. You know like we always have those omg moments that we tell them.. Good Luck
Yup, good point about the emergency type scenarios, "HAHTGU" (- lol, if you think I'm typing that full alias out every time, you've got another thought coming!).
Not sure about the 'doing anything wrong' bit but I'd be lying if him being up to something hadn't occurred to me too. However, sometimes one symptom, such as this not-informing-her one can be a product of the fact that a man's partner demonstrates her own emotional-distance-maintaining behaviours. So it depends on what one is used to, whether what you're used to helped co-create a lack of greater bondedness and demonstrations of such between the two of you, and whether earlier on in the relationship this was considered okay/close enough but now suddenly isn't (just because *you're* finally readier for something closer but they haven't caught up yet or never actually signed up for any eventual increase/progress)...that sort of thing.
I must admit, though, STARFIRE: based on the fact my husband and I (whom are exceptionally close) tell each other even when we're off to the loo(!) - and the fact not even my emotionally stunted ex-husband would fail to inform me where he was going, and same for any steady exes - I do find this failure to inform highly suspect and not just a little unhealthy in terms of intimacy level befitting an actual marriage. But I'll reserve judgement until you've answered HAHTGU's questions.
What I also find interesting, is the fact you're 'suddenly' bothered about it enough to seek a comparisons check on here despite according to you he's *always* been like that, even when you were just bf/gf. You say you were just wondering and are loath to come across as controlling. Do you realise that's tantamount to you saying you rarely give your husband a hug aside from once per week because you don't want to come over as needy and clingy?
Have you by any chance been in hiding or in grieving all these past recent years and only just now 'woken up'?
What *other* things leave you cold or confused, or is it just this?
Hi...just to clear up something he would only somtimes not tell me where he is going. Its not all d time this happen. to answer d questions above...he do take me out. I guess I was just wondering if this is normal behaviour. From the comments above I think I got my answer. Lol. Thanks
Okay, then. But you know where we are if you need us.
Good guidance and advice above, I should know, but I had a very active varied and interesting job travelling a lot and always told my wife afterwards. That gradually stopped because I was cheating and then I started to resent her questions " where have you been today" etc. I told her stop assking,but she would say I had a much more intersating day compared to hers.I was on a huge ego trip really and have meneded my ways completely. We are still married after 50 yrs and I have been through the mill with problems, so Hard Times and Soulmate up there has a good point.
Sometimes guys don't know where they are going when they have a "hangout" time.
He is having fun with his friends. Do you tell him everything when you take off with a friend?
If he uses text, then you can contact him. He can also text you, however, like: "We are at Joe's bar to play pool."
Sounds like this is really not the issue, IMHO.
Hi all...its interesting to read all d views. I think susiedqqq has it right though. Men do get carried away with friends. I do thank you all for the advice. Many thanks
A husband and I should tell each other where they are going when leaving the house. If one of you goes for a Starbucks at lunch during work, I don't think so. Just if you're at home together and suddenly you leave, yes. Why wouldn't he?
I agree with you, SUNSHINE - why *wouldn't* he. And I'm not satisfied with that answer, either (- I mean, those must be some pretty damn exciting friends he's got there for him to forget such a worldwide marital courtesy come habit all those times he exits their front door). But STARFIRE obviously doesn't want to actually go into anything aside from getting that one, brief 'reality'-check so we'll just have to sit here forevermore with our own theories ("meh").