Ex boyfriend still involved with my family
My ex boyfriend feels is still involved with my family. We broke up nearly 4 years ago after dating for one and a half years. It was a long distance relationship in that time as he lived overseas. I felt after the one and a half years that it wasn't going anywhere and had no choice but to end the relationship. He was devastated and cried for hours in my house begging me to take him back.
Since the break up he has decided to keep in contacted with my sister and brother in law even though they only meet him a handful of times and my brother in law spent 3 days doing a landscaping job for him lasting just 3 days at him house. That was the history of his relationship with my family but yet 4 years on he comes over and spends time with them over the Christmas period every year since we broke up and comes over a few times during the year also. Even when my dad died 3 years ago he booked a ticket over to see my family even though it was only 2 months after my Dad died which I thought was very inappropriate.
He had a bit of an unhealthy obsession with me whilst we were going out and to be honest I wanted complete closure with the relationship when we finished and I think it would have been healthier for him too. My sister doesn't understand why I feel so angry and upset over it. This year he is coming over my his girlfriend. It is the day before my 40th birthday and they are staying 2 nights. This will be the second time she has been over. I feel every Christmas that I have to work around his dates as to when I can go and see my family. I know he still carries a torch for me even 4 years on and by keeping in with my family it means he still has a connection with me. I am beginning to resent the fact I have to work around my ex boyfriends plans as to when I can see my family at Christmas time. I am going out with someone else now for 2 and a half years, I feel as though my family have disrespected my feelings, it is not as though they knew him for years and he was part of the family, I would certainly have more understanding if that was the case. But I feel he is just clinging to hope on us perhaps someday getting back together if he stays in with my family. He even admitted that he would have me back in the morning if I wanted to.
Do you think I am being unreasonable??
"I feel he is just clinging to hope on us perhaps someday getting back together if he stays in with my family."
Is he doing ANYTHING else besides visiting your family? Calling you? Sending you gifts? Asking to meet you?
It's probably your family's responsibility to let this relationship THEY have with him fade - IF they really want to. I know lots of people who still socialize with exes, but there is a limit on the time and place.
Does your family know how uncomfortable it makes you feel that he is around on holidays? His visits - if they are genuine - can be arranged to happen at other times than at holidays and with the specific person he comes to see.
Let your family know how you feel. They can decline his visits or make other arrangements. No explanation needed, either.
Thanks for you reply! Yes I do feel that he is clinging on hope that we may get back together if he has links with my family. No he stopped calling me ages ago and I do not have any contact with him anymore but he hounded me for a few months after I finished the relationship sending me texts etc. When I used to visit him in the UK he used to bring me around to his ex wifes parents house and would get off on the idea that it would piss his ex wife off if it got back to her that I was there in her parents house sitting round having coffee and a chat. He is now playing the same card with me. I found our break up very difficult but it was amicable at the time but I wanted closure for his sake to as I know he was besotted and it would have been healthier for him to have closure too. I do empathize with him as I know what it is like to have your heart broken and move on and you only get that when you meet somebody else that you are mad about. My sister even said that 'D will never get over you' her very words but yet they are feeding the situation. I feel sorry for his new girlfriend too, she had cancer last year and is still not out of the woods yet and need ongoing treatment, he admitted to my brother in law that he was in an awkward situation if he wanted to finish the relationship. That says it all really!
I live on my own and live 200 miles away from my sister, I feel he should not be making dates to visit my family every Christmas as every year I seem to have to work around his visits. I do understand that family often has ties with exes especially when there are kids involved etc but to for my brother in law to keep in contact with someone he spent 3days with and a few visits with me whilst we were dating, to me that doesn't warrant a lifetime companionship as the cost of his sister in laws feelings. also my ex is extremely well off and is a top banker, my sister even said to me once 'he is a good person to know' (if you know what I mean!!) I let them know I felt for day one but it fell on deaf ears! Thanks again!