Trying to get help on relationship issue
Hello, I need some advice, my fiancée or (ex I should say) and I have had issues in how he conducts himself with his “female friends”. Since we have been engaged he has been in his shop alone with a female that was not his customer even hid her in the bathroom when I came to the shop and lied about the bathroom being broke because I asked to use it. He has to drive about 90 miles from where we live to see his specialist, one of those times he has taken a female with him. I found out because his phone dialed me and I heard him talking. Now he is under investigation at our church (he is a minister) because a female church member says she pregnant by him. Now I was the one that told our first lady about the issue. He said he did not touch her, but he has picked her up 3 times from different places and taken her home, when she called him and they were talking quite regularly on the phone (by the looks of the phone records.). The only reason why he told me was because she flipped out and threated to kill herself and her family had to take her to the behavioral center and she told her family what was going on. Of course, her family goes to the church as well. I do believe that they had something going on because he never told me that they were communicating and he has had the opportunity to tell me. I have talked to both of them and I have decided to forgive both of them regardless of what actually went on. Now I just want to heal and move forward. For me moving forward could be with him or without him. It’s seems that he don’t understand that the way he has conducted himself doesn’t reflect a man that is engaged and it does not reflect that he loves me like he say he do. He is asking me how he should conduct when it comes to women, so we can move forward and I will not be suspicious. He thinks that there is nothing wrong with having daily or every other day conversation with females on the phone throughout the day, he feels that since I do not know for sure what conversation he is having with them, then I cannot tell him that he cannot talk to females. Am I wrong? I feel like when a woman or a man decides to be engage certain things should not be happening. I believe that once engage the way you conduct yourself with the opposite sex should change. He says am asking him to change his personality. Nevertheless, I am basing how I feel from what has transpired with in the past 8 months. Yes, these three instances with females have happen within the past 8 months. I have told him that we need time to think if being together or not is the best for us, so at this point am praying and seeking God. Not sure, what he is doing, but I can only worry about myself.
Am sorry, am not that great in English, but I hope you can understand what I am writing.
Thank you in advice that you can give me,
This man is not conducting himself as a boyfriend or fiance, and most of all, a man of God.
Here is a partial quote about what kind of man he is:
"A sociopath is often well liked because of their charm and high charisma, but they do not usually care about other people. They think mainly of themselves and often blame others for the things that they do. They have a complete disregard for rules and lie constantly. They seldom feel guilt or learn from punishments."
You must get away from this person ASAP. He is not good for you. His behavior is atrocious!!
God doesn't raise dummies! Use your head, be discerning!! This man is not worthy of your love.
I agree with Suzie, thank God you have seen the red flags BEFORE you married him! Imagine having the stress of this kind of situation for years of your life, imagine having children to worry about if you wanted to leave him. He clearly doesnt see what he is doing is wrong and because of this, he wont change his behaviour. Set the bar higher hunni! Wait for a man who loves God, loves you and sees other women as less important than you, you will be so glad you did.