I'm in love with my best friend and I hate it.
( We are both in our twenties )
I met this guy while at work. We were friends at first and all went well we became really close. We saw movies together, listened to music together, he helped with homework and we always had awesome adventures. He quickly became my best friend. He understands me in a way no one else does and he just makes me so happy. I liked him and I wasn't afraid to let it be known. The issue is that he isn't a relationship kind of guy. He says he doesn't ever want kids or marriage and he enjoys being free. I understood and never pushed myself on him. He said he likes me and he's attracted to me but he didn't want to disillusion me. We just kept things as they were we still hung out we were still us. Until one night we had come from hanging out and I came back up to his place. We had such a great time and I asked him if he would please kiss me and he said yes and he did and one thing led to another and we had sex. And it was amazing we both had agreed that we shared an intense connection both as friends and as lovers. It's all there the chemistry is really something I've never felt before. We dated for a total of 1 week and then we got into this strange argument over something silly. I think I wanted him to come to my birthday celebration and he didn't have the money to go anywhere considering we live in NY and everything is pretty expensive. I wasn't upset though I told him I understood and then after that day things never went back to normal. We stopped hanging out as much but we still spoke. Then he moved to North Carolina and still we talk via email everyday. We text we send each other funny gifts and I love this man with so much of me he just doesn't want to be in a relationship. It bugs me that he's so far and I miss him so much. We flirt and we Sext on the phone and stuff but he still says he doesn't want a relationship ever he told me he hopes I can move on and meet someone else and that really sucked to hear from him. I need to get over him but I don't know how to create space between us. YES he's in North Carolina and I'm in NYC but we talk all the time and I don't want to stop talking to him he's still my best friend. But the more time passes the more I feel like I'll be stuck on him forever.
Please some advice.
Well, I am of the opinion that guys in their 20s are not capable of making the kinds of commitment you may be seeking. They just are not that mature (hence,the run and hide about the birthday party because he had no $ to participate instead of being able to talk to you about an alternative celebration) Clearly, you have something special between you two, but the long distance relationship makes it difficult to DEVELOP this relationship into any kind of commitment.
You don't mention why he is in N. Carolina. Going to school? Working? Finding a career?
What are you doing in NYC?
He's there because his he's paying off school loans and living in N. Carolina is cheaper. I'm in NYC working and in School. He had family in N.C and I have family here in NYC. He's coming in a few months and says he plans to make more effort to come to the city because he misses me and his other friends. He also made it clear that he wants to sleep with me when he gets here. Which is what confuses me. You want to keep screwing me but you have no intention of dating me? At first he told me he didn't want a relationship then he dated me. Then we stopped dating but and now it's like we're dating long distance without the title. What gives? I'm not normally so blind but it's like with this guy nothing is cleat to me.